He laughs again as though I’m hilarious when I was being serious.
“An animal could cut itself on the fragments, or a mouse could get stuck inside. Don’t be an ass.”
He stops laughing. “You’re serious?”
“Deadly.”
“You care about mice?”
“All life is precious,” I murmur, feeling petulant and stupid all of a sudden.
Nok stands and jumps out of the truck bed, landing with grace and ease. I bet he does free running; he has the body for it.
Shit. I think I pissed him off. “Dude, I didn’t mean to—”
He grabs the bottle and dumps it by the crate of beer in the truck bed.
Nash’s jaw hits his chest, he looks as dumbfounded by Nok’s act as I feel.
When he climbs back under the covers and presses his arm against mine, I wonder if I’ve been entirely wrong about this guy the whole time. That makes me feel even more dread than ever.
No. Just because he did one nice thing doesn’t mean he’s suddenly a nice guy. There are so many horror stories floating around about him. He’s violent, full of hatred, treats women like objects… the list goes on. In fact, I’ve never heard anybody say a single positive thing about him.
But then, I could say the same about myself. Who am I to be judge and juror?
“You really think all life is precious?” Nash asks softly, his voice a whisper in the cool air.
“Yeah. I do.”
The movie starts off strong, with some good zombie-eating-human-face action. I don’t enjoy gore, but zombie gore is awesome.
We’re fifteen minutes in when a woman shoots a soldier zombie in the face.
Nok leans in and whispers, “Where’d you learn how to shoot?” I love how I came to his mind in this moment.
Licking my lips, I pop a kernel between them and then grin in the darkness. “The Walking Dead TV show.”
He chuckles, a whispered sound that comes with the most handsome smile I have ever seen from anyone.
I drop my leg that’s closest to him and mutter an apology when it lands on his hand. His hand that’s under the covers for some reason.
I tense when he places the popcorn on my lap between the crook of my other thigh and my stomach. His hand goes back under the covers and grasps my skirt. I shiver and my breathing stops as he pulls it away from my hip.
His eyes stay on the screen, so do mine. His hand however… it starts to trail a light path, using the tips of his fingers over the soft skin of the outside of my thigh.
When I look at him, he brings his other finger to his lips, telling me to shush.
I do as I’m told for the first time in my life. Too invested in the tingles that are coiling from my thigh to my core. I stuff more popcorn into my mouth, trying to act natural.
He grips my thigh with his entire hand, massaging up and down, careful to not manipulate the blanket so Nash doesn’t see. Poor Nash… but I’m too wired to feel bad.
I hold my breath when he drags his hand up until he’s covering my sex. I almost jump out of the fucking truck bed.
Dear Satan… fuck.
But then he goes back to my thigh again, digging his fingers in as I shift my other leg to make a hollow space over his hand with the blanket so nobody can see his movements.
He does it over and over, going up and over my panties and then back down my thigh, teasing every inch of flesh that he can reach while barely whispering the tips of his fingers over my heated sex.
I spread my leg outward, giving him permission. I no longer know what’s going on with the movie. I don’t care. This feels amazing. I’ve never been touched like this. I’ve never felt like this.
My clit is throbbing, my core pulsing, I’m soaked between my thighs. He’s not going there though. He just keeps breezing over it, rubbing my leg softly and that’s it… nothing more.
I want to cry. I’m writhing inside with need.
I feel Nash shift to my right and Nok stills until he’s satisfied Nash isn’t paying attention.
“Hold still,” Nok whispers in my ear and flicks his tongue at my lobe which is a mini fucking orgasm in itself. His fingers pull my panties to the side and his head thuds back against the truck when he slides one into the wetness. I hear him mutter something in his own language and wish I could repeat it because it sounded perfect for the moment.
He rolls my clit, rubs it with two fingers. Burning starts to rage through me. An inferno that’s making it near impossible to sit still consumes me.
I whimper and shift in my seat but immediately stop when Nash looks at me and asks a quiet, “You okay?”
I nod but dare not speak.
Nok touches my ear again with his tongue. My eyes roll into the back of my head.
His fingers keep rolling, getting a little bit quicker, just enough to give me a nudge closer to the edge. It is getting so hard to sit still. Impossible even. Yet I manage it, until he pushes a slick finger into me. His head thuds again when I clench down on his finger, squeezing him as tightly as I said I would when we were under the tree.
I unravel. My orgasm crashes through my body. My sex pulses and grips his middle finger in waves. I stop breathing which only seems to make it more intense.
I don’t know how I manage to stay silent, but my head feels like it’s about to explode. I grip his wrist under the blanket, holding him still as my orgasm slips away and I finally inhale sharply and then swallow.
Nash must think it’s because of whatever is going on in the movie I’m not watching because he just grins at me.
Nok places his hand on my thigh but stays silent. His fingers are wet. I’m wet. I’d be surprised if the mattress beneath my ass wasn’t wet.
I should return the favor, but when I reach for the button of his jeans, he gently guides my hand away and holds it for a moment between us. When he releases me, his hand goes back to my thigh for a while. I don’t push it. Why would I? He said no.
We continue watching the movie like nothing happened while I sit uncomfortably in sodden panties.
Ugh.
After twenty minutes I have to get up to use the bathroom. I can’t take it anymore. It’s too uncomfortable.
“I’ll be right back,” I say quietly and look for which side to climb from. Either way I’ve got to climb over a guy if neither of them move.
Nok moves his legs and I feel his eyes on me as I grip the side of the truck bed and hop out. Landing well enough but with nowhere near as much grace as Nok had when he did it.
I make my way to the food truck and head to the bathrooms around back to do my business. I clean myself up, wash my hands and look at my reflection in the mirror. Jade green eyes stare back at me shadowed by black lashes, coated with mascara. My makeup is usually always minimal. I don’t typically wear foundations and such because it rubs off on the inside of my bike helmet.
“What are you doing?” I hiss at myself in the mirror. This wasn’t part of the plan. I’m not supposed to enjoy his touch. I tap my cheek and shake my head. “Focus. Don’t get attached. It hurts to get attached.”
Fuck.
I exit the bathroom and the light from within spills across the gravel and the trees in the distance.
“Good evening, little lady,” comes an unfamiliar male voice from my right.
I look at the sheriff in his beige uniform, a flashlight in hand pointed at my legs, likely so it doesn’t blind me. “Evening, officer.”
My heart is racing.
“You’re new in town.”
“Just moved here with my mom and sister, sir.”
“Like your manners, you were raised correct. Bet your mom is proud.” He takes a step closer to me and instinctively I take one back. My skin crawls. I don’t like cops as it is but this one… he feels dangerous to me. There’s something about him. His pale eyes and the sallowness of his white skin. His eyebrows look like two skunks across his forehead, thick and bushy, start black and end white. I wonder if his hair is the same.
I nod but don’t speak or offer up my own name.
“Well, you run along now and enjoy your movie,” he shines his flashlight towards the path that leads back to the cars. “Stay safe out there, little mud shark.”
Mud shark?
His light gets higher suddenly and his smile fades. “Nokosi.”
Nok glares at the man, his hands balled into fists by his sides and both are trembling, with fury or fear I can’t be sure. They have history. I immediately want to know what.
“How’s school?”
“Have a great night, officer,” I say, placing my hand on Nok’s shoulder to try and guide him away. No good will come from whatever Nokosi desperately wants to say to this man.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” Nok growls at me, shrugging my hand off him.
I let it drop to my side and watch him stalk away, back to his car, every step showing how angry he is.
“Be careful with that one,” Officer Deacon warns, his brows pulled together. “He’s got anger issues. He’s done some nasty things in his time.”
“Thanks for the heads-up,” I mutter and skulk back to the truck where Nok is nowhere to be found.
I climb into the truck bed, using the wheel as a boost, and snuggle back under the covers leaving a gap between Nash and me.
“Where’s Nok?” he asks quietly.
“Haven’t seen him,” I lie and take some of the cola that he offers.
When he moves closer and tries to snake an arm around my shoulders, I shake my head and move further away. He looks dejected and I should feel bad, but I don’t owe him anything.
“Is it because I don’t smell as good as my younger brother?” he jests but I can hear the animosity there.
I shake my head again. “You’re too good for me, Nash. I’d only drag you down.”
“The scary part about that is, you actually believe that.”
“Because I’m honest and it’s true.” I look into his warm eyes. “You don’t know me. You don’t know the shit I’ve done.”
“I don’t care about your past. I want to get to know you.”
“I leave in a few weeks, what’s the point?”
He grins playfully. “Maybe I can convince you to stay?”
“I have to leave; I don’t have the luxury of choice…”
“You’re eighteen. You don’t have to do anything.”
“I can’t leave my sister,” I admit sadly. “She won’t make it without me.”
“Right.” He places his hand over mine. “I forgot about your sister, I’m sorry, I’m being insensitive.”
I wave him off and look at the screen. “I am flattered though. You know?”
“You are?”
“A hot, smart, college-age guy wants to kiss me. Of course, I’m flattered. Maybe if things were different. Maybe if I were a different person—”
“This movie is shit,” Nok declares and yanks open the door to the truck with us still in the bed. “Let’s go.”
“Nokosi,” Nash snaps but Nokosi is already turning on the engine. We pull away from our spot, lights full, both Nash and I rolling around in the back as we go over the bumpy gravel lot. “Stop! What is wrong with you?”
I move to the side and hold on tight as we careen around a corner and over a speed bump.
“What’s wrong with him?” Nash asks me.
“How should I know?” I yell back over the sound of the wind and the engine battling for decibel supremacy. I don’t like this. I hit my head on the truck side as we go over a bump at a ridiculously high speed. Burning pain pops along my temple and cheekbone.
My mind starts to conjure images, irrational fears of events that never happened but suddenly feel so real. I feel dizzy, like when a car flips over and rolls down a steep hill, hitting trees and shit along the way. I can’t breathe.
My head hurts. I want to vomit.
The faces of the people I love hold lifeless glassy eyes. My limbs won’t move. I’m broken.
I’m having a panic attack.
My head really fucking hurts right now.
Nash slams his hand against the window that overlooks the cab of the truck. “NOK!”
We hit a smoother terrain and stop at a junction leading to the main road that takes us back into Westoria.
I take this moment to dive over the side of the truck. I land on my hands and knees and gasp for air. I feel something warm hit my hand and at first I think it’s a tear but then I realize that it’s too dark to be a tear. It’s blood from my nose.
My head is throbbing.
“Lilith, loca, are you okay?” Nash asks, skidding to a stop beside me.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” I shout, wiping my bloody nose on my bare wrist. Dark red smears up my arm. It reminds me that I’m alive. I’m okay. I can breathe… it’s okay.
He hands me a rag of some sort, I take it and hold it against my face, pinching my nostrils closed through the material.
“Is he insane?” I yell at Nash but Nok finally climbs out of the vehicle. When he opens his mouth to speak I repeat my question but change the direction, “Are you fucking insane?”
“Let me see,” he insists, stepping closer to me but I hold up my blood-stained hand.
“You could have killed us. You could have killed your brother. Does he mean nothing to you?”
“You’re being really dramatic.”
Even Nash blinks at him for that one.
I show him the bloodied rag and let my nose leak more of my life fluid. “Dramatic? This is dramatic?” When he doesn’t react, my rage fills my eyes with a red blur. I reach into my bag and pull out my switchblade, then press the little silver button and let the sharpened end flip free. “I’ll show you fucking dramatic.”
“Whoa, okay, let’s calm down,” Nash tries, raising his hands and taking a step backwards. “I know he scared you and hurt you but…”
Nok stares me down, his eyes flick to the blade. “You won’t stab me.”
“Are you so sure about that?” I ask, taking a step towards him, feeling angry and powerful. My head is throbbing, my nose has stopped leaking blood, so I wipe away the excess with the rag and throw it on the floor. “You’re an arrogant prick.”
“You’re right, he so is. He’s not worth going to jail for.”
“Shut up, Nash,” Nok and I say at the exact same time.
“What do you want from me?” Nok snaps, glaring me down, just a meter between us. “An apology?”
“Don’t,” Nash warns, looking at his brother.
“Just get back in the truck, I’ll take you home, and you can sleep off this tantrum you’re having.”
“Tantrum?” I hiss. “You fucking threw me around in the bed of your truck!”
When he rolls his eyes, completely disregarding my feelings and how he hurt me I walk over to the passenger door.
“Good girl,” he murmurs, that smug lilt in his voice.
I raise the knife and bring it down, jabbing it straight through his tire. The tire makes a pleasant hissing sound and Nok… well, he doesn’t make a great sound at all.
“WHAT THE FUUUUCKKK?” he screams and charges towards me but I’m already at his back tire. I manage to stick it through the stiff rubber just as he reaches me, grabs me by the throat, and pins me against the side of the vehicle, bending my top half over the truck bed slightly. The knife drops from my hand and I smile up at him, feeling much better now. “You psychotic bitch!” Oh he’s furious. “This is why I hate white bitches. You’re all fucking… AAARRGHHH! HOW THE FUCK ARE WE GOING TO GET HOME NOW, HUH?”
“NOK!” Nash pulls his brother from me and my hand instinctively goes to my throat to rub away the ache. He didn’t squeeze so hard that I couldn’t breathe but I could see how badly he wanted to.
“You stupid, crazy fucking whore!” he yells, struggling against his brother’s hold. “You’ll pay for this.”
I
pick up my switchblade, close it, and put it back in my bag. Then I flip him the bird over my shoulder and start the long walk home.
I don’t mind walking, but I didn’t think this through. I don’t know where the fuck I am and my head is pounding something fierce.
Trees line the road and metal railings stop cars from crashing into them. There are no signs, just stars in the sky. So many stars.
“Lilith!” Nash calls and his footsteps follow me. “What the hell happened back there? You know that’s not my brother’s truck, right? He only has it because of his job. You think we can afford a truck like that?”
“Didn’t know, don’t care.”
“Lil—”
“Leave me be, Nash. I told you I’m not a good person.”
He hesitates but stops and I stroll on ahead of him. “I can see that now.”
“Lucky you,” I reply and pick up the pace. The straps of my sandals are cutting into my feet already.
That’s what he gets. That’s what they will all get.
“Stop feeling bad, he deserved it,” Willow snaps, prancing around the kitchen as I slump over the counter, tired and achy. It took me two hours to walk home last night. “Look at your face.”
I prod the side of my temple where the swelling begins and stops under my cheekbone.
“I still think you should get it checked out,” she murmurs, and I might actually agree with her.
I don’t feel great.
“What if you’ve fractured your skull or something?”
It’s a possibility, my nose bled again on the way home and I woke up with a pillow covered in it this morning.
“I’ll be fine.” Then I smile up at her, feeling relief despite the pain in my head. “You look great.”
“I feel great. Today is a good day.”
“Good, then maybe you can do breakfast.” I fall to my knees when I try to stand.
“Right,” she snaps. “I’m calling an ambulance. You’re seriously fucking hurt.”
“No!” I blurt. “I just… I’ll call a friend. No ambulances.”
She raises a brow. “You have friends?”
“I’ll call…” I think about it and the only person who comes to mind is Loki. He drives… I think.
My sister helps me to my feet, and I pick up my phone. I don’t have his number, so I find him on Twitter, logging in to my old account. I send him a message asking him to call me, then I sit on the floor again and rest my head back against the wall.
Naked or Dead Page 8