Naked or Dead

by Murphy, A. E.

  When he sees me staring at her, he hooks his arm around my neck and kisses my hair.

  “Jealous?” I mouth at her and she looks away with a trembling jaw.

  Stupid bitch.

  She’s lucky we haven’t handed her in to the cops, but then something tells me Nokosi doesn’t have a good relationship with them. And what kind of hypocrite would that make me anyway after all I’ve done?

  People stare as we walk in together, intrigued by our relationship. Not that we care.

  His best school buddies Ethan and Payne meet us on the way.

  “So you’re a thing now?” Payne asks, pushing his trimmed hair back with a dark hand.

  Nokosi nods. “Yep.”

  “Well… welcome to the pack, Lilith.” Ethan grabs me from Nok and holds me tight to his side, I know it’s to wind Nok up but I don’t like it so I dig him in the ribs with my elbow and stomp on his foot.

  He cries out and staggers as I return to the crook of Nok’s arm.

  “Don’t touch her, she doesn’t like it,” Loki comments as he passes and flashes me a grin. “Sup, Lil, lunch later?”

  “She has plans,” Nokosi growls aggressively and I realize that we’re likely a match made in psycho heaven, also known as hell.

  I tip back to look at him and accept his kiss. I really enjoy kissing him. It might be my new favorite thing to do.

  “Sorry,” I say to Loki but I’m not sorry in the slightest. I don’t care about him or his feelings. Not that he’s upset. He only hangs with me for the gossip.

  “Not sorry,” Payne adds, shouldering past him and sticking his tongue out.

  I wonder if Payne is an asshole but swiftly push that thought from my head. I have to convince my sister to let us stay. Mom won’t care. She can sleep in the office wherever she goes and leave us here, she can just send the money or something until I get a job that provides well enough. The main issue is my sister, not just her illness but also her other needs. I can’t just deny her those and I doubt I’ll be able to convince her otherwise anyway.

  My phone rings in my pocket, withheld again. I ignore it as always and stuff it back in my bag.

  “What’s wrong?” Nokosi asks.

  “Absolutely nothing,” I lie and reach for my locker. “I’m happier than I’ve been in forever.”

  “Want to skip and fuck?”

  I laugh and move my head to the side when he kisses my neck. “Don’t tempt me.”

  The party is heaving. It’s insane but it’s mostly outside so it’s not so bad.

  I watch somebody snort cocaine off the porch railing, and somebody else do a handstand on a keg and drink until beer spills into their eyes.

  Nokosi and I stick together, hand in hand as we make our way around back to where the people he knows are waiting. I’m surprised to see Vienna here with Bobby and a couple of the other res kids. They all wave, all but Vienna who glares at me with dark eyes and pursed, thick lips.

  I’d love to punch her in the face purely because that face has been kissed by the man I feel so entirely obsessed with. I hope this feeling never dies.

  Nokosi grabs us both a beer from the cooler by the steps.

  “Try not to pass out on me tonight, huh?” he says, smiling in the dark.

  “Planning on sneaking me into your room?”

  “Dad’s not home, no sneaking required.”

  I wet my lips and grin. “And Nash is picking us up.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Well then, let’s get toasted.”

  “I love toast!” somebody drunkenly shouts, and the house starts cheering.

  The fuck?

  “People are weird,” I murmur.

  “Yup.” We reach his group of friends and I’m introduced to each of them, all but Vienna who won’t look at either of us. She’s really pissed off.

  You snooze you lose and all that.

  I’ll admit it. I’m smug.

  “How long were you two dating?” I ask Nokosi quietly when we sit across from her on wicker furniture.

  “Two years,” he replies, and I almost spray my beer everywhere. “On and off. We weren’t dating, we were fooling around.”

  I gape at him. “Two fucking years?”

  “On and off,” he repeats, grinning at me. I shake my head, but he turns my face back to him. “Two years on and off and I didn’t feel a fraction of how I feel when I’m with you.”

  “You mean horny?”

  “Well, there is that.” He grins, sliding his hand up my jean-clad thigh. “But I’m talking more about the passion and excitement. Whenever I’m with you, I feel like I never know what’s going to happen.” He winks at me and his smile broadens to one of mischief. “Such as, are we gonna murder someone today? Or maybe rob a bank? Or maybe you’ll push me off a cliff? Who knows?”

  I snigger into his shoulder and then rest my healing temple against it.

  “I’m not that bad.” Oh, but I really am. This past year isn’t full of good deeds in the slightest. In fact, I can’t think of a single thing I’ve done that’s good. Does saving Nok and Joseph from those assholes at the gas station count? Or did I fuck up my good karma when I robbed them? I drain my beer and listen to the conversation. I’ve never been one to join in in conversations, I like to listen.

  They go back and forth, bantering and chatting about things that don’t interest me, until they finally find a subject I can’t ignore.

  “Aren’t you a twin, Lilith?” Payne asks and I wonder how he knows that, but then figure Nok probably told them yesterday when I was off school looking after her.

  I nod. “Yep. Why?”

  “Do you have like a psychic link to her?” a girl beside Vienna asks. I think her name is Marla.

  “Psychotic link maybe,” Bobby puts in playfully. I throw my empty bottle at him which he catches with ease and a pleasant laugh, and I catch the new one he tosses back.

  My hand aches as I try to twist the cap off. “We do sometimes, like I can usually tell when she’s sad or hurt, even when she’s not around. Not always… but when we were six, she broke her leg when playing at a friend’s and I was at home and I started screaming. I just had this horrific pain in my leg. They had to x-ray both of us despite the fact only she was injured. I was fine but there was no denying the pain we were both in.”

  “That’s so weird,” Vienna mutters, rolling her eyes.

  “Are you the same in most ways?” the girl beside her asks, seeming to be quite intrigued by us. Some people are. They love the idea of having somebody identical in their life. It’s not always what it’s cracked up to be.

  “No, we’re so different.”

  “How?”

  God, she asks so many questions and I still can’t get this fucking cap off the bottle. “Willow was always the bolder one of us both, super flirtatious. Sexy. Funny. I was always more withdrawn, sarcastic, less likely to join in at parties.” That last part was a massive clue to get them to leave me alone.

  “I’m sorry she’s sick,” Ethan says earnestly, leaning over Payne to pat my arm.

  “Open this,” I demand of Nok and thrust the bottle into his hands. He gives it one easy twist and it pops open, but it fizzes over from all the shaking.

  I suck his thumb clean, making him growl and bring my lips to his.

  We make out for a while, giggling and laughing together when the others tell us to separate. We don’t separate. We don’t ever separate. I never want to separate from him again.

  Something changed between Nokosi and me. I don’t know when. I don’t know how. But it changed and here we are. I’ve never felt so happy and out of control.

  “Why are we at this stupid party when your house is empty?” I whisper in his ear.

  He tries to think of a reason but relents with a lusting smile touching his lips. “Let’s go?”

  “Let’s go,” I confirm, excited at the prospect of spending the entire night in bed with him.

  “Nokosi, wait,” Vienna calls when we stand. She gl
ances at me and her lips turn up with a sneer. “Can I have a word?”

  Nok glances at me as though seeing if I’m okay with it.

  I don’t care. So long as she doesn’t touch him.

  “Remember what I said about your truck,” I whisper in his ear and he chuckles under his breath before following Vienna across the yard.

  I watch her fold her arms, unfold them, fold them, unfold them, and then start waving them around. She shifts from hip to hip as she yammers on, face expressive and annoyed.

  Not to be petty or whatever but she’s said more than a word.

  “Nok,” I call impatiently, and she really glares at me now. I smirk back. Silly bitch wants to play, I’ll play.

  Nok holds up his finger and touches Vienna’s elbow to get her attention. Oh hell no. I’m on the edge. He’s touching her. Fuck. I’m so mad.

  What is wrong with me?

  But then when I think about it, it’s always there. This rage at life, this anger that I keep suppressed the best I can.

  Whatever he says to her has her looking at the floor with a sad expression on her face.

  I move to him, figuring they’re done and Nok takes my hand. “See you later, Vienna.”

  “Fuck you, Nok,” she replies, and he hooks an arm around my waist to stop me from ripping her shit-looking hair out.

  “Behave,” he whispers against my ear and turns me back the way we entered.

  “What did she want?”

  He beams at me, smug satisfaction all over his face. “She wanted me to leave you and be with her.”

  I almost laugh. “Did you tell her that’s not an option?”

  “I offered her a three-way.”

  I smack his chest and bite his lip, squealing when he bends and puts his shoulder into my stomach and lifts me from the ground.

  We enter his house attached at the lips, much to the annoyance of Nash who declares, “Guess I’ll put my headphones in.”

  “Run,” Nok whispers and I squeal as he chases me up the stairs and into the bedroom.

  He pins me on the bed, holding my hands above my head as he devours my mouth and then my neck. I moan loudly, I can’t help it. It tingles so fucking bad. I can’t decide if I want to laugh, cry, or come.

  My arms ache when he releases them to tug down my jeans.

  He wastes no time. He doesn’t eat me this time, doesn’t do much foreplay at all. It’s as if he can’t wait to be inside of me and fuck it if I don’t find that so hot.

  After slotting himself between my thighs, he pushes inside and leans up only to help me remove my T-shirt and bra, freeing my breasts to his gaze for the first time.

  He bites my nipple as his hand massages my other breast and his hips start thrusting in and out, faster and harder with each passing second.

  It aches but in a really good way.

  I wasn’t lying when I told him that I’m tight down there.

  I reach between us to find my clit and he helps me by pulling out and flipping me over, so my ass is in the air. I continue to tweak myself as he pins me by my shoulders to the bed.

  My moans are muffled by the pillow, but they are still loud and so are his. This is amazing. My entire body is on fire, as though he just dropped a spark onto a puddle of gasoline. I’m lit. Well and truly.

  “Don’t stop,” I beg, rolling my fingers around the sensitive bundle of nerves between my thighs. I can feel his cock pushing in and out, faster and faster as I stop breathing.

  And then he sticks a wet thumb in my ass.

  I squeak and try to lurch away but I can’t move. “Dude, no, that’s an exit not an entrance.”

  “Shut up,” he responds harshly, his breathing ragged. “Shut up and fucking take what I give you.”

  Why does his command make my pussy clench?

  “You’re a dick.”

  “My dick is in you, baby, feel that?”

  I laugh and then groan when he slowly starts to turn his thumb. Oh wow. That feels insane. If I thought I was tingly before I was so fucking wrong. I squeeze him with both holes, holding him tight as my orgasm powers through me.

  I scream into my pillow, his name, a string of curse words… I’m fucked. Well and truly.

  He hammers into me harder and harder, grunting when I find his balls between my thighs and roll them with a tender touch.

  As I’m spiraling back from my climax, he’s building up to his.

  “I want to put it in your ass,” he says, pulling out suddenly and pressing it against the wrong fucking hole.

  “Dude, you’re a lot bigger than your thumb,” I complain, glancing at his excited face over my shoulder. “That’s gonna hurt.”

  “You can handle a bit of pain,” he whispers, spitting on his cock and smearing it there.

  “Oh God,” I whisper and hug the pillow to my face. “Have you ever done this before?”

  “Nope. Have you?”

  I shake my head, no.

  “Fuck yes. I get to deflower both your holes.” He presses on and the ache is immediate. It hurts a bit. No… a lot. “More lube?”

  “Are you kidding me right now? This isn’t fun.”

  “It will be.”

  “How do you know? You’ve never done this before.”

  His eyes cloud over and his lips twist with a look I can’t decipher, anger perhaps, reminiscence?

  “Whoa,” I say softly, turning and stopping our “fun.” “What was that look all about?”

  “Nothing,” he replies bitterly, “just get back on your knees.”

  “No,” I answer, grasping his cock with my hand. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” he snaps, angry now.

  “That means there is something,” I mumble and roll my thumb over the head of his cock. He trembles and slots himself between my thighs. “You can trust me with it. I’m the least likely to talk about your shit.”

  “Stop talking,” he whispers, sucking on my ear as he sinks back inside my pussy. “You really are so fucking tight.”

  Yep.

  I wrap my legs around his ass and whimper when he sinks all the way in. I circle my hips to meet him but we take it slower this time. It feels good again, so good, so tender and tingly.

  I feel him come, his body shakes with it, his thighs tense with it, his hips buck with it and his face contorts with so much pleasure.

  When he collapses on top of me, I push him to the side and catch my breath.

  He rests his head on his hand and he stares at the ceiling.

  “Are you going to tell me what happened to you? I know that look. It’s the same look my sister gets in her eyes every time she…” I stop myself, letting my words drift off. I hardly know this guy and I’m ready to tell him our business? No. That’s dangerous. He can’t know about us and what we’ve been through. He might ask questions. Questions I can’t answer.

  “Every time she what?”

  I kiss the space above his nipple. “If your secrets are yours, mine are mine.”

  “Fair deal.” He sighs heavily, as though there’s a weight on his body so strong. “I like you, Lilith.”

  My body tenses with glee as I search his eyes for any sign of a lie. “I’m not a likable person.”

  “I know, it’s not an easy thing to do on my part,” he jests, kissing the end of my nose.

  “Fuck you,” I hiss playfully and twist his nipple.

  He rolls me onto my back and narrows his eyes. “I say something nice and you cause me pain. How’s that fair?”

  “Sorry, boo, did I hurt you? Let me kiss it better.”

  “Such a bitch,” he growls and goes for my neck again. I kick and laugh and try to buck him off. I can hardly breathe.

  “Stop,” I beg, wriggling under him.

  “You guys want pizza?” Nash yells up the stairs.

  “Fuck yeah,” Nok calls back, becoming distracted for long enough. I take the opportunity to wriggle my hips until his recently hardened cock is at my sex. He tenses
and looks at me. “Again?”

  “You can’t handle it?”

  “Oh I fucking can.” He thrusts inside.

  “Pepperoni?” Nash yells as Nok grinds against me.

  “Ham and pineapple,” I reply, trying not to moan because whatever Nok is doing with his hips is incredible.

  “Ew,” Nok says at the exact same time as Nash calls it. He looks down at me, disgusted. “Pineapple doesn’t go on pizza.”

  “And dicks don’t go up asses but who am I to judge?”

  He laughs into my neck and his entire body shakes with it. Including his penis.

  “Pepperoni is great, Nash,” I say loud enough for him to hear. “I love a bit of sausage.”

  Nok laughs even harder and I smile triumphantly. When I’m with him, it feels different to when I’m at home. I feel different. I feel like I can be myself no matter what and he’ll accept me for it all.

  Well, maybe not for all of it. But most of it.

  There are some things better left in secrecy.

  Willow

  My sister is living my life and on one hand it feels really unfair, but on the other, I don’t think I can be what she is now. I’ve seen too much, experienced too much. I hold so much anger inside that it’s better for me to stay hidden. That and I’m so weak, so dizzy, so frail in comparison to what I used to be.

  I’ve been watching her, all loved up, stealing kisses and holding hands with that… man, boy, whatever should he be named. It’s disgusting. Apart from Saturday I’ve hardly seen her at all. She comes home to bathe and change and head to school so happy and I should be happy for her. She hasn’t been so joyous in over a year since… the event that destroyed our lives.

  Well, the sickness had already taken hold, and it was my eagerness to have us both live life to the fullest that put us in the path of those monsters who showed me how painful life truly is. Dying a slow and painful death is nothing in comparison to being trapped in a slow and painful life.

  Five days have passed since my sister first stayed out all night and I can tell she has fallen too deep already. She can’t see it and we fight over it. He’s going to hurt her, and I can’t bear it. My time is limited now. We were supposed to do one more before the end and she is taking that from me.