by J. W. Elliot
“You mean we knew each other before TAP harvested us?” That would explain the one memory he had of her.
Willow nodded. “A bit.”
“I only have a vague memory of seeing you that one time, and every time I think of it, I’m filled with this rage. Why?”
“Oakley told me that you were a protester like him,” Willow said. “Maybe that’s why you were there.”
“Your lab was working on cloning?”
“No, I only worked on Cognitive Redesign, but by then, TAP was already experimenting with it because they stole my research and used it to perfect their system. Then, when my memory files were uploaded thirteen years later, I found the program fully developed and advanced beyond what I had discovered.”
Kaiden bowed his head in shame. “I really am sorry.”
Willow raised her hand to stroke his cheek. “I know you would never hurt me on purpose. And I’m sorry for not telling you about Oakley. I was just so afraid that if you knew, I would lose you, and we would all be killed and composted, and TAP would just go on doing what they’re doing.”
“Is there anything else you haven’t told me?” he said.
Willow lowered her hand and shifted. An evasive look slipped across her face, and she averted her gaze. Then she pinched her lips tight and faced him.
“I don’t think we can trust Oakley,” she said. “He’s different from when he was a boy. And I think he’s hiding something about Iris and about this mission into TAP.”
“All right,” he said. “I’ll make contingency plans.”
Willow lifted his hand and drew it to her lips and kissed it. “Thank you,” she said. “For not hating me.”
Kaiden didn’t say anything. He couldn’t tell her that even now, he was struggling with the terrible hatred. It was irrational and frightening, like he was two people in the same body.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The Lost Kiss
Two days later, Willow peered down at Iris’s corpse, trying to understand why she had died. She yanked the T-shirt over her nose to cloak the stench of Iris’s decomposing body. Iris’s wound had been serious, but with immediate medical attention and the INCR, she should have recovered. Oakley said they had done everything they could for her, but something wasn’t right.
Oakley and Kaiden had called a meeting to plan their next move. But Willow needed some answers before she could agree to any further action—especially since she now thought she understood why Noah hadn’t killed Kaiden. While she was recovering, she spent some time working through Quill’s files and doing research of her own. She had long suspected something like this, and Kaiden was not going to like what she found.
She glanced around to make sure she was alone before clicking on her computer. She hacked into the medical computer and started searching. Iris’s vital signs had been dangerously low, then they had stabilized, and several hours later, she was dead. Willow kept searching, but there was nothing else. She chewed on the edge of her lip and scowled. If Flint had deactivated the switches, then TAP couldn’t have killed her. Since the INCR had been working and she had stabilized, there was no reason she should have died. That would leave only one other option. Oakley had ordered her execution. But why? What did Iris have to hide?
Willow paused. Had Oakley captured Iris or Greyson—or both—before all this happened? Had they been working for Oakley all along, like Raven? What else was Oakley hiding from her?
She slipped out the door into the hallway. She encountered a few terrorists who glared at her, but by now, everyone knew she was Oakley’s sister, so they left her alone. This suited her fine. Right now, she needed to be alone. When she came around the corner near her room, she found Kaiden waiting for her. She stopped. He leaned against the wall, his arms folded, and he didn’t smile.
“Hey,” Willow said.
“Now, who’s ignoring people?” Kaiden asked as he pushed himself off the wall.
Willow stepped up to him. “I’m not ignoring anyone,” she said. “I’ve been busy.”
Kaiden glanced at the computer in her hands. “Where’ve you been? I’ve been looking for you for hours.”
Willow pulled the computer closer. She couldn’t tell him that she had been digging into his past and trying to figure out who he actually was and why Iris had betrayed them. He already had a hard time trusting her now that she had restored his memories. Should she tell him that she suspected that her brother had made sure that Iris never woke up?
“Trying to find out everything I can about Noah and these terrorists,” she said.
“That’s what I want to talk to you about.” Kaiden poked a thumb toward the door to her room.
Willow let him in and sat at the tiny plastic table that would only seat two people. Willow watched him, afraid he was going to question her about Iris. She didn’t want to go there. Not yet. She needed more time to figure out what Oakley might be planning.
“Do you remember your other cloned lives?” Kaiden asked.
“Yes,” Willow said.
“How come I don’t remember any of my cloned lives?” He poked a finger at his head. “Shouldn’t I have them running around in here somewhere?”
Willow tapped her computer with a slender finger. “I didn’t have time to find them. Besides, I thought you only wanted your original memories.”
“Yeah,” Kaiden said. “I suppose so.” Then he narrowed his eyes at her. “I think you’re right about Oakley,” he said. “I don’t trust him.”
“You shouldn’t,” Willow said. “I already told you that.”
Kaiden picked at a spot on the table. “You have any idea what he might be doing?”
Willow shook her head. “I don’t. I barely know him anymore.” She hadn’t been able to admit this to herself, and she’d never said it out loud. But the more she interacted with Oakley, the more he reminded her of their father.
Oakley seemed secretly pleased at the power he had over the terrorists. It was just the kind of thing their father would have enjoyed. Power was the only thing he admired and respected. Even his pursuit of wealth had been aimed at exercising power over others. That’s what made her uneasy around Oakley. She had never trusted power, especially when it was exercised by those who craved it.
Kaiden stared at her. “Did he plant any weird stuff in my head?”
Now Willow understood. Kaiden was worried that Oakley would do to him what he had done to Raven. Kaiden would rather die than betray his friends. That was another one of the reasons why she’d picked him to help her in the first place.
“I personally oversaw the uploads,” Willow said. “I took the files from my computer that has never left my possession since we got here.”
“Are you sure?” Kaiden’s lips pinched tight, and he stared at her as if trying to bore a hole through her.
“I’m positive,” Willow said.
“If I turn into a Raven,” Kaiden said, “I want you to promise to shoot me quickly.”
Willow frowned. Raven was the only person she had killed in any of her lives. She didn’t think she could shoot Kaiden. She got up and poured two cups of water.
“You won’t become a twisted fanatic,” she said as she sat back down and slid one over to Kaiden. “All those memories making you so miserable are your own.”
“How can you know that?” Kaiden said. “What if I’m being manipulated again? What if I never had a real family?”
Willow reached over and took his hand. She squeezed reassuringly. “You’ll just have to trust me.”
Kaiden sipped at the water, but he studied her from over the rim of the cup. “You promise you’re not secretly in league with Oakley to do something horrible?”
“Why would you think that of me?” Willow demanded. “I already told you I don’t trust him either, but I did what had to be done. If I hadn’t contacted him, we would all be dead by now. And we
need his help to get back into TAP.” She waved a hand. “After that, we can go our own ways.”
“Okay,” he said. “But if you find out what Oakley is up to, I want you to tell me immediately.”
Willow nodded her agreement. “Tomorrow, he’s going to try to get us to play his game,” she said. “And we’re not going to play along.”
Jade haunted the corridor outside Kaiden’s room. They had barely spoken in the days after she kissed him. They had all been recovering from the surgery, and Kaiden’s new memories troubled him far more than she might have expected. The self-loathing was apparent, and it disturbed her. What did he think of her if he thought clones were freaks?
Kaiden finally arrived, looking careworn and exhausted. He smiled when he saw her. At least he wasn’t angry about the kiss.
“How are you?” he asked.
She shrugged non-committedly. “I’m all right. Feels strange to know the leash TAP has had on me all my life is gone.”
He opened the door and gestured for her to enter. She did, and he followed her in. She stuffed her hands into the pockets of her jeans and glanced at the floor. How did she say what she wanted to say without sounding like a jealous schoolgirl?
“Do you think you can trust Willow and Oakley?” she asked.
Kaiden nodded as if he had had similar thoughts. “I think Willow’s okay, but Oakley I definitely do not trust.”
“He’s going to try something,” Jade said. “We can’t let him inside TAP.”
“I know.”
“I think you need to be careful with Willow, too.”
“Do you know something?”
“No,” she shook her head. “But something’s off with her.”
Kaiden studied Jade, and she guessed he was trying to decide if this was simple jealousy on her part.
“She knows too much and not enough at the same time,” Jade said.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“If she has forty years of knowledge about TAP, shouldn’t she have known about the tattoos and tracking devices?”
“She didn’t work in that department.”
“Maybe,” Jade said. “Anyway, I just think you should be on your guard.”
“Okay,” he said.
Jade stared at him, shuffled her feet, and then turned toward the door. Kaiden grabbed her hand and pulled her back.
“You don’t have to go,” he said.
Jade turned to him. Did he really want her to stay? “Have you decided if you’re human yet?”
Kaiden sank into a chair. “Depends on how you define humanity.”
“That’s a question that’s been debated for thousands of years,” Jade said as she sank into the chair opposite him. “The problem is we keep insisting there is something special about us that makes us unique—more important—than other species.”
“We are the most powerful species.”
“In some ways,” Jade said. “But all species are equally important to a thriving ecosystem. It’s our success that has created massive imbalances and placed the earth in jeopardy.”
“Sure,” Kaiden said. “I know all that.”
“Some philosophers say we’re unique because we’re self-aware,” Jade continued. “Isn’t that what René Descartes meant when he said, Cogito, ergo sum? ‘I think. Therefore I am.’”
“I didn’t know you knew Latin,” Kaiden said.
“Neither did I,” Jade said. “I’m starting to think I worked in the humanities before I was cloned—though why TAP would need me, I don’t know. I’m not really useful. I think I was selected just to add genetic diversity.”
“No,” Kaiden said. “You were selected because you were the best and the brightest.”
“Anyway,” Jade pressed on despite the warmth rising in her chest. Kaiden thought she belonged—that she had value. “Maybe humanity should really be defined by our values or emotions and our relationships more than by mere biology.”
“So, you really don’t think it matters if we were born naturally into a family like Oakley said?”
“That might be the ideal,” Jade said, “but it doesn’t account for the scope and variation of human experience. I think it’s about being connected to each other, to our ancestors, to our friends. If we don’t have a biological family, we can still create fictive ties of kinship and be happy.”
“That makes a lot of sense,” Kaiden said. “But I have this horrible gnawing hatred of clones.”
Jade flinched. “Even me?” The thought of him despising her for something over which she had no control pained her.
“No,” Kaiden said and took her hand. “I know I’m being stupid. It isn’t about you. It’s about me. These competing memories and the knowledge of what TAP did to me have so warped my self-identity that I don’t know who I am anymore.”
Jade rose and knelt before him. She took his face in her hands. “You are a man,” she said. “A good man.” She raised her face to his hoping he would kiss her again. Wanting him to accept her. To choose her.
Kaiden leaned forward and then paused. He drew back. “Thank you,” he said. “That means a lot to me.”
The pain of rejection stabbed into her chest, and a knot formed in her throat. She let her hands fall from his face and rose to her feet.
“Well,” she said, “Think about it. The sooner you wrestle through these feelings, the better off we all will be.”
Then she strode through the door before he could see her cry.
Kaiden watched her go, sick at heart. He’d never intended to hurt her. But that look on her face was so full of pain and sorrow. He rose, thinking he should go after her. But what could he say? He did like her—a lot. In fact, he felt more relaxed with her than he did with anyone else. But right now, his mind was in turmoil. He hadn’t even decided on his own identity. How could he form an attachment now when they needed to stay focused on their mission?
Besides, he couldn’t use her like that. She didn’t deserve it. If he kissed her again, she would think he was getting serious about her. The truth was he was afraid of her and Willow—at least in that way. They stirred feelings and ideas in him he’d never experienced, and deep down, he knew he should only be attracted to one of them. He would have to sort this out after they destroyed TAP and defeated Noah. Maybe by then, he would have worked through the confusing feelings the jumble of memories caused. Maybe things would be clearer.
Jade retreated to her bedroom and crouched in the corner without the lights—alone in the comforting embrace of the darkness. She was always alone. Perhaps that was her destiny. She wiped at the bitter tears and tried not to think of the expression on Kaiden’s face as he pulled away from her. She thought he was interested in her. He had kissed her back when she kissed him, and she was sure he enjoyed it. She also noticed the way he looked at her. There was a longing there, a desire to be close to her. She was sure of it.
People had told her frequently that she was beautiful, but maybe that wasn’t enough for him. Maybe he needed something else. Maybe he wanted a scientist, not someone who spouted off information about culture and philosophy.
The silence weighed down upon her like a suffocating shroud. What options were left to her? She couldn’t request a transfer this time.
“Grandfather,” she whispered, “what should I do?”
The memory of her grandfather’s grizzled hair that he wore in two braids came back to her. These were the memories she cherished amid the jumble of confusion TAP had given her. He handed her a burning sage bundle, and she drank in the sacred smoke. It was so rich and cleansing, a rare gift in a desiccating world.
His hands had been rough and wrinkled from years of grinding labor in the factories of Denver, and his voice had a low, comforting ring to it.
“You must survive,” he had told her.
His words filled her with
a bitter sadness followed by a sudden determination. She would survive, and she would make sure that Kaiden survived no matter the risk. Willow might be his first choice, but Jade would be his guardian. She would find meaning and belonging in protecting the one man who had earned her respect and love.
“I am strong,” she said. “I will survive.”
“We can’t just stroll into TAP and expect a warm welcome,” Birch said. She clicked her pistol’s safety on and off absentmindedly.
Kaiden had gathered Birch, Jade, Flint, and Willow together in a circular room that acted as a briefing center for the terrorists. Oakley leaned against the wall in a posture of casual disdain. Like the rest of the compound, the room was in ill-repair. The furniture was worn and tattered. Kaiden found himself thinking about the news report of the last attack by the Sons of God and the charred bodies on the stretchers.
“Obviously,” Kaiden said.
He glared at Birch. For some reason, everything anyone said set his teeth on edge. He wanted to lash out, to get even. Now that Iris was dead, he would never know why she and Greyson had attacked his team. And if Iris hadn’t killed Quill, who did? In a moment of clarity, Kaiden understood.
The sniper had tried to kill him, as well. The only reason he was alive was because he had jumped to save the little boy. But if Noah had meant to kill him, why hadn’t he just finished the job later? Kaiden shook his head and clenched his jaw. Everything always came back to Noah.
“Don’t be such a pea-brain,” Birch snapped. “Somebody had to say it.”
“I can get you in,” Oakley said.
Kaiden didn’t like the smug expression on Oakley’s face.
“Then, what do you need us for?”
“Because getting in into TAP isn’t the hard part,” Oakley continued. “Destroying their entire computer network and erasing their files is more complicated. You all know the system, and you have the necessary clearances or hacking capabilities to get me into the computer network.”