by Kassie Cox
I imagine I’d always possess this violent nature, no matter what I can and cannot feel. The random thought that there is a part of me that would stay no matter the circumstances brings me a little bit of pleasure.
“I believe we need to make a change in this world and coexisting with the wolves is better than being at constant war with them. Due to what happened with your mother, I have never been a fan of those mutts, but I understand they aren’t all like your father and his mate.” Mirela looks away from me at the mention of this, as if she doesn’t want to talk about what happened to her friend all those years ago. She doesn’t want to relive the death of my mother again and I cannot blame her. “My friend would love to see this Kingdom be the first to accept them into our community. To open our arms and embrace the ones who aren’t all that different from us.”
“I’m not a peace maker, Your Highness.” She lets out an airy laugh, and if I didn’t know the woman, I’d say she sounded younger in this moment.
“We don’t need you to promise peace.” Her words are so strong that she almost has me believing in her plan. Fierce in her determination to get things done. “The Kingdom needs someone to fight for them, to take what they want and give back what is owed. You’re the best fighter I know.”
If I’ve ever felt something in my life, it would be this moment. The hair on arms stands up, my skin ablaze as her powerful words move through me. I’d never expected us to get to this point. I never thought I would be standing in front the Queen who’d once sent me to a Guild to die and have her encouraging me to run a Kingdom. I would be the hands to help her get the place back, but the thought of being a royal was disgusting to me. I’d almost gaged the first time I’d heard Valor mention that.
“Have you spoken without anyone else about these plans?” I’m almost fearful to ask, as the more people who know about the Queen’s involvement, the harder it is to hide her intentions. If Valor finds out his mother is plotting against him, he’d lose it. I’d be forced to kill her, make her a martyr in front of every citizen. Then there would be no uprising. No one would step out of line.
I’d like to think that I would. That when Valor tells me to put an end to his mother, I would put my foot down, tell the King that he is insane. That there are so many better ways to go about this. I don’t want to take over his spot, I just want the man I’d grown up with to be better. But sometimes we don’t get what we want, and at this point I’d say the man in better off dead. Valor will never give up his throne, not if he knew the plan was to bring the wolves in and have them apart of things.
“There are many groups that have been planning a rebellion since my husband died. People who saw something in my son way before I did, and we are lucky to have those rebels on our side. If we can get your pack behind us as well, and perhaps a good bit of the Guard to turn on-“
“You cannot expect me to agree to this, fooling around with rebels when I am the Head of the Kingdoms Guard? He’d hang me at the front gates. Valor would kill every single one of us.” My voice becomes louder as I try to express the insanity behind her expectations.
“There are dead bodies on this land that no one has discovered, souls sent whichever way by your hand. If you can get away with murder, I figure you should have no trouble helping spark a rebellion.”
She’s amused, tone low as she gives me a strange smile before walking over to the window once more. Her finger motions me to follow and without hesitation I do. My eyes scans the scene in front of us, recognizing every curve as I’d memorized it hundreds of times. As a child I thought I was the luckiest kid on earth, getting to see the view of an entire world below me. Growing up, after kill specifically, I stopped caring for the piece of art that didn’t sit still in front of me.
Seeing the people in the smaller cities around us roam around, laughing and enjoying themselves made me frustrated. When I came back from the Guild, I had closed my curtains and never opened them again. I had no reason to watch as others continued with their lives. Yes, they worked hard and didn’t get very much for it. Their homes weren’t enforced with stone walls and Guards, tables not brimming with delicious foods. They had happiness, a light at the end of their tunnels showing them that although work sucks and some days are almost unbearable, they get to go home and feel loved. Sit with families and friends, enjoy every day in a way I could not. It’s selfish to be jealous of such a fake luxury. But we all want what we can’t have, and I’d switch with one of those citizens any day.
“They hate me. Your people want me to be thrown into the wilderness, my life to be ended in front of their eyes for the ones I have taken. My hands have wreaked havoc on the people Mirela wants me to fraternize with, and I don’t think these things will go as smoothly as she expects them to.
“Our people have been shown the monster that can be made of you, not the savior you will become. We need to get you back to those wolves and begin making connections so that we have a shot at taking over.” More ideas spew from her mouth. Plans that are easily written or spoke but carrying them out are almost impossible.
“Valor went crazy the last time I left; what do you think he’ll do now?” My voice is in a full yell now. I’m no longer staring out the at the busy streets and going over all the things I’ve missed out upon. I’m focusing on the thigs I don’t want to lose, and the people who don’t deserve to be put in danger for a fight that isn’t their own. “I won’t endanger the members of my pack for this Kingdom, and nothing you say will change that.”
She looks at me as though I’ve grown an extra head. My minds reels at her sudden change in position as her eyes look over me with a newfound appreciation, while she stares, I try to calm myself down. The thought of putting Elias in harm’s way brought bile into my throat, my body on high alert as I imagined my mate having to fight off a Guard that I had practically sent to him.
“You speak as though you are a part of the pack, Little Guard.” The woman turns away from me, back to the window.
The almost amused expression drops as she gazes downwards, her face draining of color as she covers her mouth. I rush to her, staring down to see what has her in such a state. I’m out the door of her room before she can try to grab me and hold me back. My feet carrying me down the hallway faster than ever as I dodge maids, and Guards. They know what’s happening, the look of pity held in their gaze.
I’m shaking, not moving fast enough as I burst through the doors of the castle that will bring me outside. The scene unfolds before me. A bloodied man on his knees, Valor standing before him with busted knuckles and a familiar dagger in his hand. A dagger I’d been given for my first kill, the one I’d had hidden in my room for safe keeping. Now he grips it as he spews words to the crowd of unimpressed citizens. Women who have their bodies turned away from the sight they know is to come, men who shield their children’s eyes as they stare forward.
My feet are slow to carry me towards the scene, as any sudden movements on my part may end with a dagger in this man’s neck. The male that I know far too well. Valor doesn’t stop speaking when his eyes land one, if anything he becomes more vocal. His words seeming to come out stronger. The man is trying to make a point, but I don’t want to hear his words or understand his views. The King’s opinions mean very little when his hands are on the verge on committing murder.
“—rely on the men and women who has sworn to protect this Kingdom. The people who can live in a big castle with the promise of a hot meal if they put their lives on the line for every single one of you, and here we have someone who uses my kindness.” Valor’s foot kicks at the kneeling man’s stomach, a hard cough and groan leaving the victims mouth. Blood is spit from the Guards mouth as he puts most of his weight onto his hands.
Draven looks up at me and I feel my knees weaken, my breaths coming out in pants as I think of ways to take control of the situation. How did we end up here? How did one of my men end up on his hands and knees before crazed King, rambling about treason and justice?
“Wha
t is this?” I question, keeping my voice as steady as I can. Trying to seem as though this scene doesn’t affect me in any manner. Betraying my King is harder than I thought, as he stares as me with a strange interest behind his burning eyes. I’m only a few feet away from him, unsure of what to do as the situation could escalate within moments.
“This Guard has been speaking to the wolves. Giving inside knowledge and helping them prepare for a battle.” My fists clench at my sides as I try to hide my frustrations.
“Draven? You know he would never do that.” I can see that Valor distrusts my words, and I don’t like the idea of him questioning me. “I’d never allow someone in the Guard if they weren’t completely loyal.”
I can see Draven trying to stand and I make my way to him hurriedly, my boot meeting his back to keep him down. Something inside of me hurts, a burning of fury as I make an innocent man practically bow before us. The people surrounding us do not seem surprised by my action, and neither does Draven. The man doesn’t know that I’ve been consorting with the Queen, making plans to overtake this Kingdom and turn it into a city full of humans and beasts.
“This Kingdom will burn under his rule.” Blood is spit at the King’s feet, and on instinct I backhand the man I’d wanted to protect. The loud sound draws all attention to us, and I’m sure the Queen is looking down at me upon her pedestal.
Elias would be ashamed of me in this moment, to see his mate picking on the weaker man. To watch as the King’s little lap dog followed orders again, bringing paint to a man who’d promised to protect me. If I’ve ever felt anything without the help of projection it would be the ache in my chest right now. The shame. It’s eating me from the inside out, and I’m shellshocked as it goes through my body.
I want to rid myself of this emotion. No longer do I wish to feel the toll these things can take on me, not when it feels so raw. So overwhelmingly painful. The thought of allowing the King to kill one of my Guards makes me sick and fucking pissed. This is not his place. He has no right to kill one of my men, a person who would give his life for any other, A good man. Too good of a man for this Kingdom.
It would be easy if Elias and the pack were here. We could overpower them and force this dictator to his knees. Declare this our home and allow the caged to be set free. That’s what everyone wants, isn’t it? Freedom? A government that doesn’t give you food but only with the promise of noose around your neck. A ruler that cares more about putting food on your plate, than piling theirs high.
No one has a chance to reply to the man whose life is so close to coming to an end, instead our attention is on the group of citizens in the back of the crowd. They’ve begun pushing forward, chanting word that have the hair on my arms standing. Their weapons are raised high and I watch as the Guards I’ve trained lose all control of a situation they’d never dealt with. Today is the beginning of a rebellion. My eyes go to the window where Mirela stands, her eyes meet mine from the distance and I see her give me a smile. I don’t return the favor, instead I act.
The mob of men and women move forward, easily pushing the Guards out of the way as they make their way to the King. To the man they seek revenge upon, and the woman who has caused just as much pain.
“Let’s get in the castle, they’ll tear him apart trying to get inside.” Valor’s hand wraps around my arm and I am quick to pull away.
My foot meets the King’s kneecap, making his body cripple to the ground with a surprised yelp. Even with the roar of the crowd heading our way I can hear gasps, no one had suspected the King’s lapdog to turn on him. Another pained noise comes when my fist meets his jaw. He’s keeping his head down now, his fists are clenched and the dagger in his hand calls for me to grab it, but I do not. My main concern is not the reward I got for my first kill; it is my friend.
“Get up.” I pull at Draven, forcing him to his feet as he looks at me with swollen eyes and his busted lips stay open in shock. Had he expected me to allow the King to kill him? So much for having a little faith in someone. “We need to get through this without being torn apart. Do you think you’ll be able to make it?”
I turn to take a glance at where I’d left the King to see one of my men trying to lead him away, gripping his shirt as Valor refuses to follow the man into the protective fortress of his home. The man who’d wanted me to rule beside him now sees me as his enemy, and deep down I hope he understands just how far I’ll go to destroy him.
I may never understand the emotions that push one to seek vengeance, but I’ll do everything I can to help the people of this Kingdom get back what they deserve. To get rid of a tyrant who dared to lay his hands-on innocents but is to cowardly to get his own hands dirty.
As we look at one another years of recognition seem to wash away. Betrayal and hatred are left, and that bothers me none.
“The pack should be at the border line if we can get that far.” Draven grunts at me, spitting another wad of blood from his broken lips. I feel as he puts some his weight against me, and I try to figure out what part of him is hurt.
I don’t have time to ask, the dependent male is rushing me along. After my show it appears the crowd is no longer after me, their focus on the King who hasn’t made it inside. I can hear Valor shouting at me, threats mixed with promises and none of them matter to me. Not as I get hit by one body after another, all of them wanting to get their hands on their stubborn dictator.
Was Draven caught reaching out to the pack? Had the man that I trained personally really been that dumb, allowing himself to be found out by the Guard. I’d taught our men and women a lot of things, in every area and had put stealth above anything else. You are fine, as long as you don’t get caught.
Another body hits me, almost causing me to make impact with the ground as the amount of people seems to double. This is planned, the riot that they hope will lead to a change. The citizens want a better life, just as I do.
The only difference is they’re doing something about it, they stepped up to the plate to make it happen and I was giving up. The thought lights a fire under my ass and I’m pulling Draven now, rushing us through the mass of human beings. Valor’s voice has been lost and I don’t bother looking back to see if he’s finally been dragged to safety.
Not too long ago it would’ve been me making sure my King was safe, drawing my weapons and hurting any being that dare get in the way of protecting the man. A man I should’ve killed when I had the chance, but would I be able to? I’d ended so many lives and now I am questioning if I could put an end to Valor’s, the one person I surely would’ve given my life for. It feels like a loss, to know the place I’d grown up and what shaped me into who I am will no longer be with me. But as we break free of the crowd, some how getting through without anyone harming me, I feel a little free.
We sprint towards safety, to far away to see where I hope my mate is standing. Id run into his arms, beg him for forgiveness and promise Elias the forever that he deserves. I want him, more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I can live without the constant love, if I know it is there.
“They’ll be getting the archers ready; we need to get through the tree before they have a chance.” Draven and I wove our way around small homes, trying to lose anyone who may be following us. The male is weak however, slowing down steadily as we come closer. I can almost smell the freedom.
“Keep going, I trained you to push through these things.” I growl to the man limping behind me. My hand doesn’t let go of his, pulling him with every ounce of strength I have.
Finally, I see it, the tree line where wolves are settled. Waiting for the traitors of the Kingdom to arrive, hopefully to take us back with them. I had thought they’d be waiting at the line, but I’m sure they are as aware as we are of the arrows that will soon be pouring down upon this land.
We can make this. Just a little bit further. We pass the borderline, giving us a chance at freedom. A light at the end of the tunnel. I meet eyes with the black wolf that sets my body on fire and I can’t hide my smile. I
t almost knocks the breath from me to have him so close. His wolf is grinning at me, all of the beasts howling into the sky as they announce of presence.
Then they stop, their howls of excitement turn to growls and Elias takes off towards us. A desperate run that has me turning to see what has spooked them.
Valor had never been taught fighting of any kind, weapons certainly not his strong suit. Knives were the only thing I’d ever shown him to use, and only in a competitive manner.
When we were younger, we would see who could hit the middle of the target the most times, and it had never been easy to beat him.
Draven isn’t turning around, still running as we near the tree line that for some reason we see as our safety.
When Valor releases my gifted dagger, I shove Draven away, insuring he won’t be the bullseye for this game. The King’s expression faulters at my act, as my legs slow and I start to fall at an awkward angle.
I’d never come to a complete stop, and it’s made me stumble while trying to gather myself.
Trying to ignore the protruding knife in my chest and I listen to the howls of pain raining down from behind me.
I don’t stop staring at Valor as my body meets the ground, or when my mate hovers over me with his naked frame growling and begging and everything in between.
The last thing I see is the man I’d grown up with staring at me with a crowd of Guards lining up behind him, preparing for the battle that is about to occur.
Wolves fly past us, not one of them knocking the King from his horse. My mate would take care of this.
He’d have the revenge I could never get.
Alive
Chapter 29
I won’t say I never thought I’d die, but when you think of the end of your existence it’s more of something you want to see coming. You want to plan the last few words you say and know what your last actions will be. There’s an unspoken expectation that often is never met because no one wants to admit that death can take hold of you at any moment.