“I had a pretty good time tonight,” she said.
“Me too. I don't want to sound lame,” he began.
“Sound lame, please,” she said.
“I think it might have been the best night of my life.”
She grinned like a total idiot.
“I'll call you tomorrow,” he said.
She nodded and as they kissed again, she could already feel the stubble on his chin starting to come through.
He slid his shoes back on and began to walk away. As he did, he looked back to see her still looking at him.
She blew him a kiss and he caught it with his hand and put it in his pocket.
Forty-Three
The News
“Peggy.” Janet’s wavering voice woke her from her love-drunken slumber.
Peggy groaned.
“You need to wake up.” An urgent hand was on her shoulder, nails digging in, shaking her.
She tried to open her eyes, but they were stuck together with last night's mascara.
“Peggy.” The voice was insistent, and too loud for her this kind of morning. She needed a water. Or a coffee. Or to just be allowed to sleep longer.
She opened her eyes slowly and frowned at Janet who had blue mascara tears running down her face. Peggy frowned and lifted herself up on her elbow. “What is it?”
“It's Sammy.” Janet sat down on the edge of the bed and took Peggy’s hand in hers.
“Sammy? No,” Peggy rubbed her eyes some more. “Sammy’s fine. We walked home.”
“Peggy, no. He didn't.”
Peggy shook her head, sitting up. “He promised he wouldn't drive, he walked me home.”
“I'm so sorry Peggy.” Fresh tears ran down Janet’s face as she gripped Peggy’s hand in hers.
“Janet,” she said, rolling up the sleeves on her polka dot pajamas. “Sammy didn’t drive, he promised me he wouldn’t drive.”
Janet took a breath. “Then why did they find his car this morning wrapped around a tree just off the highway?”
“Janet, stop this isn’t funny. I know he's OK, he's at home, I... he walked me...”
“And then where did he go?” Janet asked. “Where did he go after he walked you home? How did he get home?”
“Home. He walked, I guess.”
It hit her like a wrecking ball. His voice saying the word later to the Firebird. He had gone back, later that night. He thought she was stupid, and her dream was stupid, and her talk of time travel was ridiculous, and he went and got the car anyway.
“No, it can't be, how do you know?”
Janet walked over to the boom box on Peggy’s desk, tuning into Valley FM. She sat in silence as she heard the last few bars of their song dance fuzzily across the room and into her ears. The song that had been playing on that first car ride together. The song they had danced to at prom. Peggy froze, the memories flashing before her eyes with so many others of him. The yearbook, the first day of class, the afternoon at the lookout, the fried chicken, the dinner at his house, the night of the Prom, him catching her kiss and walking away...
“We’re getting a lot of calls this morning about the tragic incident that was called in early this morning,” said the DJ over the fade out of their song. “Everyone seems to be grieving in the Valley area today…” Peggy dug her fingers into her own arms as she listened. “Even those who didn't know the boy have been affected by the news of the eighteen-year-old being killed when his car, which was a classic blue Firebird, nice ride by the way, hit a tree at speed and he was tragically pronounced dead at the scene...”
Peggy's heart stopped. But it was OK, because she no longer needed it.
“We’ve been unable to get in contact with the family, but everyone in town sends out their prayers…”
Janet came closer again crying, arms out to hold her but Peggy pushed her away.
“No,” she said, feeling for the key on the chain around her neck. “No,” she said again as she stood up, throwing the polka dot covers off her.
“Peggy, I'm so sorry. But we’ll be OK. We can get through this. Together.”
“Get through this?” she asked numbly. “Get through this?” She clutched at the key. “Why did you even give me this key?” Her body was trembling, something was taking over. Grief, fear, anger, love, it was everything. “Damn you Janet!” she yelled, and the tears began to fall. Hot tears of rage.
“OK,” Janet said trying to calm her. “I didn't give you the key, OK? I won't give you the key in the future if that's what you want,” Janet said.
“How can you not give me the key? I have the key right here!” She held it out, hand shaking. “You gave me the key!”
“I don't know why I did Peggy, but you were obviously meant to come here.”
“Come here for what Janet? Come here to find the love of my life and have him ripped away from me in a matter of months? What could possibly be the purpose of that? Why would that be my destiny?” she yelled through sobs. “Even as horrible as my life was in the present, I never had to deal with anything like this. It was endless suburban monotony, bullying and loneliness, but it was never anything like this pain I feel right now.” Peggy thumped her center, the place where the knot had been all this time, it now held a pain so strong she thought she might die from it.
“I don't know Peggy,” Janet said, wiping her tears onto the back of her hands. “I don't know why anybody has any destiny, I don't have the answers, but some things are just meant to happen. I don't know why, but I do know that you can't know joy without tragedy.”
“God, you’re always talking crap like this. Tragedy walks hand in hand with joy? What kind of bullshit is that Janet? It's just what people who have tragedy in their lives tell themselves to make it seem OK. Well it's not OK, the Universe has given me very little joy in my life and I’m sick of trying to find reasons for why bad things keep happening to me.” Peggy jumped up and began throwing things into her bag.
“Peggy, please.”
“No. No Janet, I'm not going to stay here without him.”
“What about your other friends? What about Lacey and Ben?”
“They'll be fine without me.”
“What about me?” Janet looked at her, pleading. It was the first time Peggy had seen her look vulnerable.
She couldn’t think about it. Peggy would miss Janet more than any of them. Janet was the mother she'd never had, the big sister that she never knew she wanted, she was family.
“I'll see you when I get home,” she finally said.
“Home?”
Peggy slipped on her white canvas shoes.
“At least get changed,” Janet said.
Peggy shook her head. “I just want to go home.” Tears burst from her eyes all over again as she rushed down the stairs, Janet following on her heels.
Peggy put her hand on the doorknob before Janet stopped her. “This is your home.”
“I can't,” Peggy said.
“At least let me drive you,” Janet said grabbing her keys. “And take this,” she took one of the keys off her keyring. “It's the key to the school, it opens the back door near the book room.”
* * *
Peggy slammed the door to the book room behind her, locking herself inside and closing her eyes from the flashing lights as she travelled back to her present. She dropped to the floor and sobbed until she could sob no longer. Her pajama sleeves were soggy from tears. She didn't want to leave but how could she stay without Sammy? She wished for a moment she had gone to see his dad, to see Lacey, Ben, Tricia even Nick. To tell them she was going. To see if they were OK. But how could they be OK? Sammy Ruthven was dead. She wondered how anyone could ever be OK again.
When the tears had slowed and she was able to catch her breath again, she stood up. She opened the door, walked out and locked the door behind her. She placed the key back around her neck, but this time it felt like a noose.
She walked slowly down the corridor. She had lost track of the days and had forgotten th
ey correlated differently. It was a school day.
She didn’t care. She walked without thinking, she had no destination. Nowhere to go now. She walked to the door of Mrs. Willis' English class and opened it, not caring that she was dressed in pajamas, or that her hair and face were a mess.
Old Janet looked up from her desk, her eyes widening in shock at the sight before her. Laughter rose from the class, but she couldn't hear it, she could only see their mouths gaping open like ugly fairground clowns. She began to cry again, she didn't even know she was crying until the tears felt hot and salty against her cheeks, as she gasped for air.
Old Janet stood up in what looked like slow motion and ran to her, pulling her into the corridor and wrapping her arms around her. They cried together, Janet cried the same way as she did when she was younger, softly, shaking. Peggy cried as if her chest had been cracked open, her internal organs taken out by some sick invisible surgeon.
They stood there until the bell rang, sending the clowns into the hallway to gawk.
* * *
“So, I heard you turned up at school today in your pajamas,” Jack said, taking a seat next to her on the couch.
Peggy was still in her pajamas, she hadn't even made it upstairs. She had collapsed on to the couch and done nothing expect cry, think, agonize over her faults and guilt in the situation, Google Sammy, and Google how to fix a broken heart, how to change the past and time travel.
“Nice pants,” he said.
“They're Janet's,” she said, feeling a little regret for leaving Janet like that earlier this morning. It felt about thirty-three years ago already. But what was she supposed to do? She could not bear to live life in a 1983 version of Santolsa that did not contain Sammy Ruthven. She could not bear to live life in any version of Santolsa, and even the thought of not living at all had crossed her mind for a few very brief moments.
“Can I feed you?” Jack asked, kicking off his Vans and then kicking them towards the door.
She shook her head.
“When did you last eat?”
“Before Prom.”
“You need food. I'll make you something, what do you feel like?”
“Sammy died Jack, he's dead. He is no longer living. I'll never see him again. How can you talk about food?” she began to cry again, but even though her body made the motion, no tears came, just a bit of noise and an inability to breathe.
Jack knelt next to the couch and put his hands to her face, wiping her tears. He kissed her on the forehead. “That's just as friends,” he said.
Peggy looked at him and, in that moment, felt so much regret for the way she had treated him these last few months. She was glad he'd come over when she'd texted him.
Before she knew it, her lips were on his and the taste of his beeswax lip balm was in her mouth. He kissed her gently, not passionately and hard like Sammy did, softer, he was gentle. If Sammy kissed like a Firebird, then Jack kissed like a bicycle. She stopped herself, pushing him back hard.
“I don't know why I did that.” She rubbed her eyes and picked at the mascara still attached to her lashes, she rubbed it between her thumb and finger, analyzing it, thinking of the moment she put it on, the anticipation of prom. Sammy standing downstairs with the corsage, and how very, very different that moment was from the present one.
“It's OK. You don't have to explain anything. I can't even begin to understand Magz.”
“Peggy,” she said.
“Peg,” he said. Sammy had always called her Peg. She flinched at the sound of it.
“Peggy,” she said again.
“OK, Peggy. Now I'm going to make you dinner, whether you like it or not. Folks expected home?”
“I have no idea.”
“Doesn’t matter,” he said. “I'll go see what there is, why don't you go take a shower?”
Peggy shook her head.
“A bath?” he suggested.
She thought about it, but nothing she thought about sounded good, or like anything she wanted to do. She didn't want anything, she didn't want to do anything.
“I'll run it,” he said, “and if you want to go in you can.” And then he busied himself with cooking dinner and simultaneously keeping an eye on the bath upstairs.
Peggy took one look at the bath full of bubbles, turned around and got straight into bed without even getting changed.
Jack brought up a small plate of pasta and placed it next to her bed and he hoed into his own dinner while sitting at the edge of her bed, trying to eat quietly, but failing.
“Come to bed,” she mumbled sleepily.
He felt like complete crap getting into bed with a girl when she was crying over some other dead guy, but you had to take what you could when you could. Jack wondered if he'd ever have another chance, so he took his t-shirt and jeans off and got in between her crispy clean smelling sheets and tried not to think about Jayne and how he was supposed to be meeting her at the bar tonight.
He nuzzled up to her, not too much, but enough for her to know he was there.
She reached for his arm and pulled it over her. She began to cry again, and he held her until she had cried herself to sleep.
Forty-Four
Burger Barn
“Are you coming to school?” Jack asked as he replaced her untouched bowl of cold pasta with a fresh mug of coffee.
She made a groaning sound.
“It's the last day.”
She opened her eyes and looked blankly at the sliver of light coming in between the curtains.
“And prom.” He thought of Jayne and felt a nagging feeling in his chest. He wanted to go to prom with Jayne, he really did. But if he got to choose… “Do you want to come to prom with me?” he asked, folding his arms in front of him.
“My boyfriend died at the last prom I went to, so no. Thanks.” Her voice was hard.
“I might still go, if that’s OK with you.” Jack shrugged.
“Do whatever you want.”
“I brought coffee.”
She looked at the mug. “Sorry.”
“It's OK.”
She closed her eyes again.
“Should I come over after prom?”
She shrugged, but it sounded like a yes to Jack.
* * *
A few days later, still dressed in the polka dot pajamas Peggy made it back downstairs again. She flicked through channels until she found something that didn't remind her of him. The Breakfast Club, no. Classic MTV? No way. Food Network, yes. Food Network had nothing to do with anything. As she watched some pretty blonde woman sautéing a bunch of prawns, she began to feel hungry for the first time in nearly a week.
“Hi honey! I'm home!” Jack called from the front door. The sound of his sneakers banging against the door frame almost making her feel something.
“I'm hungry,” she said, her blurry red eyes still on the screen.
“Thank God. I thought you might fade away Magz. Peg... Peggy. I was worried.”
“I'm OK, and I was carrying a few extra pounds anyway.”
“Don't be stupid. You were perfect, you still are perfect, you just need to eat a burger.”
“A burger?” Peggy’s stomach rumbled like a volcano about to erupt.
“Great idea, we can run down to the Burger Barn. Burgers, fries, slaw, corn. I haven't been to Burger Barn in years.”
“We went there a couple of weeks ago, Jack.”
“I'll ride over and grab something.”
“Take the car,” said Peggy, finally looking up at him.
“The car?”
“Yeah, that thing with the wheels on it out there,” she said.
“Peg,” he said, and she gave him a look. “Peggy, I can’t drive.”
“You have a license.”
“Yeah, but I haven't driven since, like the day I got it.”
“Take Mom's car, it's easier to drive. The keys are hanging by the door.”
“You sure about this?” Jack looked excited, but not very confident.
“What's the worst that could happen?” she asked.
* * *
When her phone rang ten minutes later, she wished she hadn't asked.
“Hey, it's me,” he said.
“What's up?” she asked, hoping he was just calling to ask if she wanted mayo or hot sauce, but he should have known she wanted both.
“I had an accident.”
Peggy felt panic rise in her chest. The accident. The flames, the Firebird. “No,” she said.
“No, no, I'm OK, everyone is OK, but the car is just slightly dented. It's just a little scratch really. OK, it's more than a little scratch, what do I do?”
“OK, calm down, don't get hysterical.”
“I'm not getting hysterical,” he said, sounding hysterical.
“Where are you?”
“Still in the parking lot next to Burger Barn.”
“You didn't make it out of the lot?”
“Not exactly, but I got the burgers!” he said.
Peggy sighed. “I’ll come get you.”
The last thing she wanted to do was get in a car, but Jack needed her, and so did her Mom’s car so she threw on a cardigan and some shoes and left the house.
* * *
“What the hell happened?” she asked, looking the car over. One taillight had been smashed in and there was a very large dent in the back of the car.
“I have burgers!” He held up a paper bag and slurped a drink with his other hand.
“Just get in and eat,” she said, pointing to the back seat of the car. He handed her a 7UP and a burger and fries. She bit into the burger and remembered for the first time in a week that she was alive. Chicken, hot sauce and mayo. She inhaled it and then stuffed in the fries, her fries and then most of his as she listened to what happened.
“So, I just tried to back out and I didn't see there was a pole there. I was turning like this,” he used his burger to show how he was turning. “And because I turned just a little too much, I went into the pole instead of past the pole.”
Class of 1983: A Young Adult Time Travel Romance Page 28