by J. Nathan
“But she hasn’t.”
“Yeah. He’s having a tough time convincing her, but maybe now that she thinks he’s on his deathbed, she’ll be more receptive to his requests.”
Holy. Crap. I felt so stupid. How had I not realized he’d never get back with Cora? I was so hurt—and so sure everything between us had been a sham—that I couldn’t see the truth. Did he really still care about me?
“He finally started putting other people first like I told him to do. And, while he should’ve told you what he was doing so he didn’t look like the asshole you clearly thought he was, he’s trying.”
I sat there speechless, surprised, and confused all at the same time.
“I’m gonna head to the hospital,” Thayer said. “You wanna come with me?”
“What about Cora? Will she be there?”
He shrugged. “If she is, I’ll distract her and give you some time alone with him.”
I considered what he was offering. Could I just forget what caused me to need space?
Something inside me tugged at my heart. He’d been spending time with someone who was a terrible human being just so he could convince her not to destroy my life. He was making sure I was okay. That my name remained untarnished. That my future remained untouched.
“Okay,” I said.
Thayer nodded, then turned toward the door.
“Thayer?”
He glanced back at me.
“Thank you.”
He smiled. “No problem.”
CHAPTER 38
Shay
My legs trembled beneath me as Thayer and I made our way down the dim hospital hallway. Even though it was after hours and the lights weren’t as bright, my pink boots still stood out against the stark white floor. Even though I hadn’t been wearing them recently, I knew I needed to wear them to see him.
Too many emotions filled my body as we neared Kason’s room. Fear of running into Cora. Fear of what to say to Kason. Fear of what I might do when I saw him knowing what he’d been doing for me.
“I’ll go in first to make sure she’s not around,” Thayer said as we came upon his room.
“Okay.”
He nodded before continuing to the last room on the right. He peeked inside before looking back to me and ticking his head.
I pulled in a deep breath and walked toward the room, each of my steps steeped in invisible quicksand. When I finally reached the room, I stopped in the doorway. Kason lay asleep in the only bed in the room. A bandage covered the right side of his forehead and the hospital gown he wore created a stark contrast to his sleeve of tattoos wrapped around his arm. All the balloons and flowers everywhere made it look like a party was about to begin. However, the monitors attached to his body beeping in a monotonous pattern made it clear that an accident had brought him in and not a celebration.
Mrs. McCloud sat in a chair at his side. Her face lit up when she saw me standing there. She jumped to her feet and hurried over. “Hi, honey,” she whispered as she wrapped me in a hug.
That familiar feeling of belonging to the McCloud family flooded me, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. “How is he?”
She pulled back and released me. “He’ll be okay. He’s on a lot of pain meds right now for the fractured wrist, so he’s been fading in and out.”
“Is Cora here?” Thayer asked from behind me.
“No. Thankfully, she left.” Mrs. McCloud rolled her eyes. “Why was she even here?”
Thayer and I both shrugged even though we knew the answer to her question.
“Well, he’ll be glad to know you two are here,” she said. “Will you be here for a while? Because I was just going to head home, but I really didn’t want to leave him alone.”
I glanced to Thayer who nodded. “Sure. We’ll hang around and keep him company.”
She moved to her chair and grabbed her handbag. “I’ll be back in the morning so I’m here before he goes into surgery.” She hugged Thayer, then me. “Goodnight you two.”
“Night,” I said as she moved to the door.
“I’ll walk you out,” Thayer told her before they disappeared in the hallway.
I appreciated him giving me time alone with Kason. I walked over to the chair Mrs. McCloud had vacated and sat down. Nerves consumed me as I sat there. Kason and I hadn’t been good in what felt like forever. Now, there I sat, wanting nothing more than for him to be okay.
“Shay?” Kason whispered.
I leaned forward, trying to meet his eyes that were only partially open. “Hi.”
“Am I in heaven?”
I rolled my eyes, knowing he was aware that he was not. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I landed on my head and broke my wrist. It’s a good thing I can still snowboard with a bum wrist.”
Neither of us said anything for a while. I wondered if he’d even remember our conversation in the morning. Was it worth telling him what I was thinking? How I was feeling?
“Shay?” he whispered, his eyes now closed.
“Yeah?”
“Can I kiss you?”
Unexpected laughter burst out of me. “I feel like we’ve had this conversation before.”
“I know you’re not happy with me. So, thanks for coming to see me.”
“Yeah, well, Thayer told me what you’ve been doing for me,” I said.
“For someone so smart you’re really dumb.”
“What?”
“Was it that hard to believe I’d fight for you?”
I didn’t respond because he was right. I hadn’t believed he’d fight for me—especially after I’d blamed him for what I’d done and then told him to stay away from me.
“I hope you believe it now,” he said.
Though he couldn’t see me with his eyes closed, I nodded subtly. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet. I’m still working on her.”
“That better be all you’re doing with her,” I said.
His head fell toward me and his eyes cracked open. “Someone jealous?”
“Maybe.”
“I’ll take maybe.” He closed his eyes again and it gave me a moment to just look at him. The guy who I now realized would fight for me.
Thayer tapped on the door as he entered the room. “Is he awake?”
I nodded.
Thayer stepped up beside me, looking down at Kason whose eyes were closed.
“Stop looking at me like I’m dead,” Kason said.
Thayer and I laughed.
“Good to see you’re still your charming self,” Thayer said.
“Always,” Kason said.
Thayer buried his hands in his pockets and teetered on his feet uncomfortably.
“Thanks for bringing my girl,” Kason said to him.
I swallowed around the knot that shot to my throat. His girl? Was that how he still saw me? Was it only me who’d thought we were over before we ever really began?
Thayer glanced to me. “I knew she’d want to see you.”
“That’s debatable. But I’m still glad she’s here,” Kason said. “You too, bro.”
“Rest,” Thayer said, patting Kason’s leg over the blanket. “You’ve got a big day tomorrow.”
“Yeah, the sooner I get my wrist fixed, the sooner I can hit the mountains.”
Thayer glanced at me, his eyes filled with worry. “Right.”
“Do you need anything?” I asked Kason.
“Just you in that chair,” he said.
I looked to Thayer, unsure what I was supposed to do.
“I can come get you in the morning,” Thayer offered.
I nodded, relieved that I’d get more time with Kason.
Thayer shot me a small smile before looking back at Kason. “I’ll be here tomorrow to wish you luck, bro.”
“Who needs luck?” Kason asked.
Thayer chuckled as he walked out of the room.
Now that Kason and I were alone, the room didn’t seem big enough for the two of us.
“Shay?” he whispered.
“I’m here.”
“Come lay with me.”
Between the small hospital bed and his size, there was no way I could fit.
“I’ll make room,” he said, reading my thoughts.
“I might hurt your hand.”
“It’s the other one,” he assured me.
Oh, hell. I untied my boots and slipped them off. I moved to the side of his bed and sat down slowly, making sure I wasn’t pulling on any wires or tubes that were connected to him. He stayed on his back but scooted over a tiny bit, giving me no more than an extra inch. I turned onto my side and fit myself up against him.
“I miss this,” he said, his eyes on the ceiling. “Everything sucked without you.”
Until that moment, I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear those word from him. I lay there breathing in his cool arctic scent, realizing how much I missed being with him.
“And, I couldn’t tell you what I was doing with Cora, but I hoped like hell you could figure it out on your own. But you didn’t. You really thought I’d want to be with her after what she did to you?”
“I told you to stay away from me.”
“Yeah, and I was giving you space. While trying to help you.”
“I didn’t know that.”
His head fell my way leaving our faces inches from one another. “I’m yours, Shay.”
My belly dipped and bees seemed to swarm inside me.
“I know you blame me for a lot of things—with good reason. But, I want to prove I’m good for you. Because you’ve been so damn good for me.”
I lifted my hand and cupped his cheek, my fingertips trailing over the hard lines of his jaw.
“It would’ve sucked if I’d died without being able to tell you that.”
I chuckled at his over-exaggeration. “You weren’t going to die.”
“You never know. My head could’ve exploded.”
“We both know that’s never going to happen to you.”
The corners of his lips twitched. “Do you think we can get back to where we were before?” he asked.
“I’m trying,” I said.
“I can see that.”
“How? Your eyes are practically closed,” I said.
“Smartass. I just need to wake up and you’ve forgotten everything except the good stuff.”
“Like library picnics?”
He forced a smile.
“And redo nights?”
“Exactly.”
I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his cheek. “Go to sleep, Kason. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
CHAPTER 39
Shay
My legs bounced beneath the table as I waited in the hospital cafeteria with Giselle and Thayer. I appreciated them waiting with me since I’m sure they would’ve rather been in the waiting room so they’d be there as soon as Kason came out of surgery. But, Cora waited up there with Mr. and Mrs. McCloud. We’d narrowly escaped her finding me in Kason’s bed when she’d shown up this morning. And, as much as I loathed the idea, Kason and I both agreed he should keep up the charade until we were sure she wouldn’t be pressing charges against me. I obviously wasn’t comfortable with him spending time with her. But, he assured me nothing would happen between the two of them. And, knowing that he had a concussion and would soon be in a cast, I hoped that would stop her from trying anything with him. Fingers crossed.
“So, the two of you worked things out?” Thayer asked as he scrolled through the newsfeed on his phone.
“Baby steps,” I said.
“He may not be the easiest guy to deal with, but my brother definitely has it bad for you,” Giselle said as she scrolled the newsfeed on her phone.
Her words brought me comfort, seeing as though she knew him better than most people.
“Yeah, well, sometimes having feelings for someone isn’t enough,” Thayer chimed in.
Giselle and I both looked to him, wondering if he knew he wasn’t exactly being supportive.
“You know,” he continued, looking strangely at Giselle who swiftly returned to looking at her phone. “Circumstances can sometimes get in the way.”
Our phones all pinged at the same time.
He’s out.
We jumped to our feet and hurried to the elevator. None of us said a word as it took us to Kason’s floor. When we stepped out, Thayer and Giselle hurried down the hallway to his room. I stopped halfway, knowing I couldn’t go in if Cora was in there. They disappeared inside and I stood there, feeling completely and utterly helpless.
After last night, I’d had a lot of time to think. Time to consider what Kason had done for me and how I felt about it. No one had ever gone to such great lengths for me before. No one had put me before their own happiness. I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I didn’t want to hold on to the pain anymore. I didn’t want to stay angry at Kason. I wanted to love him.
Thayer came out of his room. “She’s in there.”
My shoulders fell slack and I nodded, knowing that would likely be the case. “How is he?”
“He’s pretty groggy. Why don’t you go hang down in the cafeteria and I’ll text you when she leaves.”
“Okay.”
He shot me a sad smile before returning to Kason’s room.
My heart sank. I was the one who should’ve been there supporting him. Not her.
Kason
I was so damn tired and in pain. In a lot of fucking pain. A nurse had just come in and added more pain medication to my drip.
Everyone around me spoke, but I couldn’t really make out what any of them were saying, so I just closed my eyes, letting them know I wasn’t in any shape to talk. But I hadn’t missed that Shay wasn’t there. Fucking Cora was, and I hated that. I needed Shay there. She just somehow made everything better.
“Do you want us to go?” Giselle’s voice resonated.
I cracked my eyes open. “Yeah. I’m good.”
“I’m not leaving,” Cora said.
Fuck me.
I was too weak to argue. Too weak to do much of anything because the pain meds kicked in again and warmth and drowsiness washed over my body until I could no longer hold on.
***
I awoke to total darkness. My hand throbbed and I needed more pain meds. I reached for the call button with my good hand and was distracted by the small figure tucked into a tiny ball on the chair beside my bed. And, despite the pain in my wrist, I almost smiled.
“Shay?” My voice didn’t come out. “Shay?” I tried again.
She stirred in the chair, her head twisting toward me. Noticing I was awake, she tried to sit up but her feet were twisted beneath her and she nearly tumbled onto the floor. She burst out laughing and the sound burrowed its way right into my heart. “Hi,” she said, sliding the chair up to the side of my bed.
“Hi,” I whispered because it’s all that would come out.
“How are you feeling?”
“Like I’ve been hit by a bus.”
She cupped my cheek and gazed into my eyes. “I’m sorry.”
I lay there, lost in her pretty green eyes knowing if she ever forgave me, I’d never do anything to lose her again.
“The doctor said the surgery went well,” she said.
Surgery not going well had never been an option in my mind.
“Do you need anything?” she asked.
“Just you.” It might’ve sounded cheesy but waking up to Cora in my room earlier that day solidified the fact that there was only one girl I wanted. And, there was no point not letting her know that.
“I’m serious,” she said, thinking my words were just a line.
“So am I,” I said, my voice growing stronger.
&nb
sp; Her eyes flashed down, never one to accept the truth when it made her uncomfortable.
“I told you I wanted to wake up and you’d have forgiven me.”
Her eyes lifted to mine. They were unreadable.
“I want you, Shay. Only you,” I admitted. “Do you want me?” I asked, feeling more vulnerable than I’d ever felt. Because, never until that moment, had I not known the answer I’d receive.
“Which you?” she asked.
My lips twisted in contemplation. “I guess all of them.”
She stared at me, a million thoughts running through her mind.
“I’d like to say I can be the one you want all the time, and believe me, I’ll try. But, I’m bound to screw up. I’ve done a lot of that over the years. So, I’ll need you to be patient and take all of them for now.”
Still, she said nothing.
I’d been honest with her. I wouldn’t make her false promises. But, like I’d told her before, I liked the one who came alive when I was with her. So, that’s who I aimed to be. “What do you say, Shay? Can we put everything behind us once and for all?”
She stood from the chair and slid it back against the wall.
Had I pushed her too hard? Was my pleading exhausting her?
But instead of leaving my room, she moved to my bed and climbed up beside me, nestling in so we were face to face.
I was scared to say anything, knowing I didn’t want to push her too far.
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Yes?” I asked.
“Yes, we can put everything behind us.”
Worried I’d say something to make her retract her words, I leaned forward and kissed her. And, nothing in life had ever felt as right as Shay beside me right where she belonged.
CHAPTER 40
Kason
“I think you’ll be good to go home tonight,” my doctor said as he stood at the foot of my hospital bed the next day.
“That’s awesome,” Cora said from the chair beside my bed where she’d planted her ass all fucking day. She’d missed Shay by a matter of minutes.
“How long will I be in this cast?” I asked, raising my arm to show the cast that stopped before my elbow and wrapped around my thumb, leaving my fingers moveable.
“The pins need to stay in for four to six weeks, so we’ll take it off then to assess your recovery.”