by S. A. Ravel
They’ll do that to Haj. They’ll do worse. And there’s nothing you can do to stop it.
Audrey sank to her knees. Tears fell from her eyes, but she didn’t have the strength to wipe them away. She would have gladly taken the pain of a gunshot to the shoulder instead of whatever they shot her with.
There was another side to the pain, even if it was death. There was no other side to this darkness. Ujiwan wouldn’t let Audrey die. Not until he had Haj’erel.
“Tell him to run,” she screamed.
12
Haj’erel
With no chir to revitalize him, Haj’erel couldn’t shift to his quadruped form. There was a mountain behind Hidren Thule’s property that, when he was a cub, Haj’erel swore stretched all the way to the sky. In the spring, dew gathered on flowers at the base of the mountain, brewing itself into a concoction they called the Joyful Mother’s tears. He and Dash loved to drink the sweet nectar.
If matters were different, Haj’erel would have liked to bring Audrey to the mountain. He walked toward it, though his pace was slow. It gave him time to consider the state of his life, something he’d had far too little of in his life yet far too much over the last few nights.
When Audrey had eaten and rested, her disappointment would ease. It wasn’t the loss of a mate she never wanted that upset her. There had been too much change for her and all of it too quickly. When she could return to a routine, when the days of her life returned to a steady rhythm, she would forget about him.
Two nights in her arms was all Haj’erel would have to remember his aijan. It was not enough, but no amount of time with her ever would be. At least he had the consolation that his life would not continue long past their separation.
Haj’erel did not wish to die. For the first time in his miserable life, he had someone to live for. He merely had no wish to continue with an existence that did not include her.
He’d always known he was forbidden to claim Audrey, but he did not expect to find her so irresistible. Now, for both their sakes, Haj’erel wished he had.
The wind carried Audrey’s screams to Haj’erel, but he was too far away to make out her still unfamiliar language. There was panic in her voice. He could feel it even across the grove. His aijan needed him.
Mother’s mercy! He did not have the strength to fight, but what did that matter. He had saved Audrey so many times. Surely, the Joyful Mother would smile on them one last time.
Haj turned back toward the cabin, stomping through the snow with as much speed as he could summon. He was faster on four legs, but the shift would take all of his energy to maintain. There would be nothing left to protect Audrey.
Her screams continued. Haj’erel followed them, his gut wrenching every time a new cry of anguish reached his ears. Das’hel ran up the path toward him, tearing through the snow on four legs.
She skidded to a halt in front of him, panting gently. “Ujiwan knows. Did you not claim her when I left you?”
Another scream. This time, Haj understood the words perfectly. “Don’t call him. Don’t call Haj’erel!”
Ujiwan’s voice rose over Audrey’s, crying out in their mother tongue. “Haj’erel of Thule must answer for his crimes!”
And so I must. He turned toward the shouts, a growl rumbling in the back of his throat. “She wants to go home. I could not tie her to a dead man on another planet.”
“So you doomed her, you fool! She begged me to tell you run!” Dash butted Haj hard in the stomach. When he crumbled to one knee, she rolled her eyes. “You did not feed?!”
Haj’erel pushed to his feet and continued on. He loved Dash, but he could not stop to argue with her. He loved his aijan more, though he had no skill in it.
Joyful Mother, let us live through the next few minutes and I will learn.
Dash followed on his heels. “You’re in no condition to fight. Your aijan is right, you must flee.”
“I will not leave without my aijan.” Audrey’s screams quieted to soft cries. She begged those around her not to summon him.
“You cannot protect her. You don’t have the strength!”
Haj paused and took Dash’s long fur-covered face between his hands. “I only came back to make sure you were safe, but you are so much more. You are compassionate, clever, and wise beyond your years. Our Hidren is fortunate to have you as their future leader, as I am fortunate to have you for a sister.”
He would not stay on Tarandus, not matter what the next few moments brought. There was nothing but pain for him on Tarandus. There was only one place he wanted to be.
A handful of Haj’s blood-kind stood in the village center. Ujiwan stood before them, sneering down at Audrey. She lay curled on her side in the snow, her trembling fingers grasping the fleshy part of her arms.
“Don’t call him.” Audrey curled up tighter and whimpered. “Please, don’t.”
“I’m here, Ujiwan.” Haj walked up the path, heart racing. “What have you done to my aijan?”
“The deception has failed, Haj’erel. You have no claim on this human.” Ujiwan bent down and caught Audrey’s collar. He plucked her from the ground like a fruit from a tree, oblivious to her cry of fear.
“Do not touch her!” Haj continued forward. “You wanted me, I am here.”
“Logic and foresight were never your strengths. Guard, if he comes closer, fire on him.”
The soldier’s eyes said he would follow Ujiwan’s orders.
The words rolled over Haj like water. “Let her go.”
“He’ll kill you, Haj.” Audrey’s tear-streaked face lolled toward the ground as if the weight of her head was too much for her to carry.
“Death is no better than he deserves,” Ujiwan spat. “But we have laws, human. He will be judged first when the Hidren returns.”
“You fired…on a human?” Haj clenched his fists. He could smell his Audrey. He could feel her fear, her confusion.
Ujiwan snorted. “She tried to run.”
“You could have killed her!” Haj’erel stepped forward, pressing against the line of guards.
The one nearest to Haj’erel fired at his chest at close range. A potent round of bitter chir flooded Haj’erel’s bloodstream. His knees shook and then gave way.
“Haj, no!”
Somewhere in the distance, his Audrey called for him, but Haj’erel could not call back. The cold spread through him, followed closely by searing pain. He fell forward on his hands, gritting his teeth to hold a scream at bay.
“Let…her go…” Haj’erel put one hand in front of the other, crawling on his hands and knees toward his aijan’s boots. Such behavior was unbefitting a warrior. Haj’erel did not care. His strength was failing. The vision is his remaining eye dimmed. He wanted to be beside her. He needed to feel her touch.
“Fire!” Ujiwan cried.
Another round sank into Haj’erel’s back. The village, and Audrey, disappeared. He was on Earth in his youth on the night of his first failure. A seasoned wajirae looked at him and smiled, offering him encouragement. A weapon fired in the distance. The light in the wajirae’s eyes dimmed as she slumped forward.
His heart thundered in his chest. Haj’erel struggled to catch his breath. With each cycle of breath, everything slowed.
“Let me go!” Audrey screamed. Ujiwan complied and she fell forward on her hands and knees. “Something’s wrong!”
“He has not fed!” Dash shouted. “Let me through.”
Das’hel could not save him. Their time apart had stretched their bond. Stronger, deeper ties had taken its place for both of them. The black chir was too potent. Only chir of a mate could make Haj’erel whole.
Each time his heart slowed, his breath slowed to meet it. Someone rolled Haj’erel onto his back. A gentle hand cupped his cheek. The scent of Terran soil and meadow flowers filled his senses.
“Audrey….” The word sounded so weak to Haj’erel’s ears, he could not be certain she heard him. He reached for her. “My Audrey.”
She crawl
ed to him and caught his grasping fingers and brought them to her cheek. “If you get back up. You promised to take me home, remember?”
“I promised you would have many more Christmases.” Haj’erel turned his face toward her, burying his nose in her breast. What did he care if the others saw him enjoy the comfort of her touch? “And I promised…to get you back…for them.”
Let them all see and let them know: for one shining moment, Haj’erel of Thule had an aijan, and he gave everything he had for her.
“Haj? Stay with me!” Audrey shook him.
He wanted to comfort her, but Haj’erel didn’t have the strength.
Audrey
The chill spreading around Audrey’s heart had nothing to do with the guards’ bullets.
Keep him talking. Keep him conscious.
“Haj? Where did you go?” Audrey wrapped her fingers around Haj’erel’s. His hung limp in hers.
“Take Haj’erel of Thule into custody.” Ujiwan straightened the lapel of his robe. “We will treat him in at the House of Healing.”
“He will not survive the trip,” Das’hel said.
Ujiwan and his guards moved aside. Fancy Robes had the decency to look stunned by the turn of events, but in no way did he look sorry.
The color drained from Haj’erel’s skin. Tufts of hair emerged. First over his jaw and chin. Then across his chest. The sprouting hair moved in a path down Haj’s body. His face lengthened into a snout. Slowly, the human form he adopted at the cabin disintegrated before Audrey’s eyes, leaving a humanoid reindeer Haj behind.
“What’s happening?” She looked at Fancy Robes for an answer first. When he didn’t give one, Audrey turned to Dash.
“These forms are natural to us.” The Tarandian female kneeled across from Audrey and placed a hand on her brother’s shoulder. “He does not have the strength to hold the other one.”
Audrey shook her head. That wasn’t happening. Haj had not survived getting shot on Earth, losing his eye, and a plunge into an icy lake just to die here. He had come too far. They had come too far.
“This isn’t what I wanted,” she whispered. “This isn’t how I wanted to go back.”
Haj didn’t respond. Nobody moved to help them. Hidren Thule didn’t care, for all Audrey knew. But Dash wouldn’t stand by if she could do something. They were going to lose him. She was going to lose him.
At least he won’t be alone.
“If you can still hear me, Haj, I’m not going anywhere.” She rubbed her thumb over his lips. In this form, they were darker, but just as soft and inviting.
Audrey leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Haj’s cold lips. The unnatural chill on his lips disappeared, warmed away by Audrey’s body heat. She moved her fingers up to his cheek, stroking it gently. Everyone and everything else fell away. For one moment, it was just her and Haj’erel locked in a kiss.
It all started with a kiss.
Beneath her hand, Haj’s heartbeat seemed to speed up again. Audrey wrapped her arms around him, clinging tight. “You’re not alone, Haj. I’m here.”
Slowly, Haj’s hand moved to Audrey’s hair. Shaking fingers threaded through her locks, gently combining away the tangles left by Ujiwan.
“No, not…alone,” he gasped.
Audrey froze. She pulled back an inch, cracking her eyelid to peek with all the excitement of a child ducking around the living room arch on Christmas morning.
Haj’erel gazed up at her with wonder in his eyes. “We are not alone, my Audrey.”
Her mouth fell open in shock. “But you…I thought you were…” She couldn’t make herself say the word. If she said it, something awful might happen. Time might rewind itself. Fancy Robes might order his goons to fire again. She might wake up on Earth and discover she’d dreamt the whole thing.
Haj pushed himself to a sitting position, turning his body to face her. His fingers grazed the damp tracks on her face. They were almost scorching hot.
“What happened?”
“The chir of a mate is the most potent substance in existence.” Haj cast a pointed glare in Ujiwan’s direction. “It is restorative and regenerative.”
“And its effects cannot be faked.” A wide smile spread across Das’hel’s lips. “Ujiwan, you and your guard are trespassing on my Hidren’s property. Leave. Now.”
The Hidren gathered around Ujiwan and the guards, hiding Haj and Audrey from their sight. The Tarandians reverted to their language, which meant Audrey couldn’t understand what was happening anymore.
13
Audrey
In Audrey’s dream, it was Christmas Day. She was in Aunt Ruth’s house and the smell of something delicious wafted to her from the kitchen. Outside the living room window, the grounds of Colton Hills were in perfect condition, but there were no houses. A sense of heavy warmth settled on Audrey from no noticeable place.
A century-old rendition of a holiday classic hummed on the radio. Audrey followed the scent and found the petite woman standing at the stove stirring a pot of her famous gravy. Her hair was still thick and black, bound in a braid that spilled over her back.
“There had better be enough leftovers in the fridge for a sandwich,” Audrey said. Sure, Aunt Ruth had been gone for years, but they talked in Audrey’s dreams all the time.
The knowing gaze Aunt Ruth threw Audrey over her shoulder, however, was new.
“There’s always plenty, baby, you know that.” Aunt Ruth flashed a smile and turned back to the pot. “You just have to help yourself.”
Audrey furrowed her brow. “I always do?”
Aunt Ruth snorted. “You can fool yourself but you can’t fool me. I’ve been watching you, baby, and your plate is always empty.”
“I don’t want to fight on Christmas, Aunt Ruth.” Audrey sighed, letting her shoulders slump. “It’s bad for the digestion.”
“So don’t fight. At least, not with me.” The black-haired woman set her whisk on the counter. She turned to Audrey, bracing one hand on the warm stove and the other on her jutted hip. “Start doing something about it.”
“I think I missed my chance. It’s too late.”
“It’s Christmas, Audrey Marie Pope. There’s no such thing as too late on Christmas. Miracles are the whole point of the season.”
“Right, the sit and sip. Shit.” In all the terror and pain, Audrey had forgotten all about it. “I screwed that up, too. Broke every rule you have.”
Aunt Ruth furrowed her brow. “There’s only two rules, baby: grab a cup and sit with who you’re with.”
Audrey laughed at the simple outrageousness of Aunt Ruth’s logic. “I’ve missed you.”
“My Audrey?” Haj’erel’s voice came at Audrey from everywhere and nowhere. “Are you awake?”
His Audrey. I could get used to that.
Aunt Ruth winked and gave Audrey a pat on the arm. “See? Never too late.”
Audrey opened her eyes in the waking world. She was back on Tarandus. She’d never left. While she slept, someone brought her back to the tiny cabin in the grove and put her in bed. The warm sensation Audrey felt in her dream came from a heavy fur blanket they had stretched over her. The food smells were from the real world, too. Audrey’s stomach growled as they hit her nose again.
Haj’erel hovered over her in his reindeer-man form. He pressed a warm hand to her forehead, frowning slightly. “Are you well? You were speaking in your sleep.”
He looked worried, but no worse for Ujiwan’s goons having fired on him.
“You’re okay…” Audrey sat up. The blanket fell, revealing they had also changed her out of the black jumpsuit and into a simple linen nightgown.
Haj sat down beside her. His hand went to her waist, cupping it gently. “The chir of a true mate is potent. You saved us both.”
“Me?” Audrey pointed to her chest. “I didn’t do anything.”
“You tried to sacrifice yourself to Ujiwan to save me.” He reached up and stroked Audrey’s cheek. “That act of love was the final link in the bo
nd that’s been forming since the night we met.”
His fingers moved down her cheek and over her chin, grazing the sensitive flesh of her neck. Audrey leaned into his touch without the slightest hint of shame.
“Is it still Christmas?” she asked.
Haj’erel hesitated. “For a few more hours.”
Audrey nodded. There were only a few more hours and no way to get her back before time was up. Haj’erel wouldn’t say it, but Audrey knew.
Sit with the one you’re with.
“So we’re…you know…mated?” Using the word brought a flush of heat to Audrey’s cheeks. It was such a heavy word and yet not large enough to capture what Haj meant to her.
Haj leaned forward, claiming her lips. The heat of the kiss burned the question out of Audrey’s mind. Waves of electricity danced over her skin, making her thighs quiver.
“Not yet, my aijan. There is still one thing more,” he whispered breathlessly. “I must taste you.”
“You…are you serious?” One look in Haj’erel’s hungry eyes told Audrey he was deathly serious.
“I’ve been dreaming about your smell since the night we met.”
Haj'erel's desperate voice left no room for argument. He slipped his hands beneath the blanket and sure fingers danced across her thighs, making them tremble in response. His tongue caressed her lips until hers parted, letting him glide his tongue over hers.
"You can't have been for that long," Audrey purred as his finger dipped into her pussy.
When he cocked his finger, stroking her most sensitive spot, all protest dropped out of Audrey's mind. She spread her thighs wide, moaning softly and Haj'erel's thick knuckle grazed her clit.
"From the very moment." Haj bent down, resting his cheek against Audrey's thigh and inhaling deeply and shuddering. "And every time I smelled that sweet scent, it reminded me I could not have you.”
His breath came in deep gusts that blew over Audrey. She shivered, writhing lightly, already at the edge. She hoped he never lost the ability to bring her there so quickly.