by Tijan
Our eyes stay trained on each other’s as we make love. It’s the most open I’ve ever allowed myself to be. There are no walls around us right now as we share ourselves. My every emotion is his to have and he shares the same gift.
I tip my hips back, drawing him deeper inside me than seems possible. Eli’s jaw clenches as he picks up the pace. “Baby,” he grunts. “Fuck. I can’t hold back.”
There’s no way this can be happening, but it is, I build again. “Don’t stop,” I request as my body pulsates with pleasure.
Eli’s hips slam into mine, driving himself harder. The sweat drips down his face, and his finger finds my clit. I close my eyes as I shatter apart, calling out his name as his release rocks though him at the same time. “Heather!” Eli yells and then collapses on top of me.
Moments pass, and I can’t bring myself to open my eyes as I feel him slip from the bed. He isn’t gone long, and when he comes back, he gathers me into his arms. Our legs are tangled together, my head rests on his chest as his fingers make patterns on my back. Neither of us say anything, we lie here, lost in all that just was.
In all my thirty-eight years, I have never experienced sex like that. It was truly two people coming together as one. We were one heartbeat, one breath, one moment in time where there was nothing other than us.
“You okay?” Eli asks.
“I’m more than okay. What about you?”
Eli makes a humming noise of contentment. I twist my head to look at his face. “That good, huh?”
His eyes open and he winks. “I’m pretty sure you’ve ruined me.”
I laugh. “You ruined me right back.”
It’s completely true. I’ll never recover from this night.
“Are you hungry?” I ask as his stomach growls.
“I’m not moving right now,” he informs me.
Works for me.
I rub my hand on his shoulder and sigh. “I like this.”
“Cuddling?”
“Cuddling with you.”
He chuckles. “You could’ve had this the first night, but you ran out.”
My cheeks burn, remembering the frantic way I threw my clothes on and rushed off the bus. “Because I had sex with you!”
“We had sex just now,” Eli reminds me as if I could possibly forget.
“So not the same.”
“We can’t go backward this time.”
I brush my thumb across his lower lip. “Please don’t make me care about you if you’re going to leave me.”
That is the bottom line to all my issues. When I care about someone, they’re gone. If I fall in love with him and lose him, I don’t know if I’ll endure.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Good.”
“So, was tonight better than the first time? Or do I need to go again to be sure?” His brow raises, and I smack his chest.
“Yes, Eli, your performance was stellar.”
“Medal worthy?”
I push onto my elbow, but he pulls me back down. “You’re such a guy.”
“I damn well better be. I’m pretty confident I just proved it as well. How many orgasms was that? Two?”
Three, but I’m not telling him that. His ego is already inflated. “You should know if you were gifting them out.”
“I’m like fucking Santa Claus, only I come every night with your presents.”
I burst out laughing and roll off his chest. He shifts so he’s braced over me and gives me a brilliant smile.
“You’re really lucky you’re so hot. If you keep saying shit like that, no woman is going to stick around.”
Eli’s emerald eyes pierce mine. “There’s only one woman I’m worried about right now.”
I smile, wrap my arms around his neck, and pull him in for a kiss. “Good answer.”
His stomach growls even louder than the first time. He pulls back with a different need in his eyes. “On second thought . . . what kind of food do you have?”
“How do you feel about junk food?” I ask.
I throw on Eli’s T-shirt and hop out of bed. I’m a closet junk food freak. There’s something about cookies that I can’t quit no matter how many hours I have to spend at the gym to burn off the calories. We make our way into the kitchen, grab a few things, and plop on the couch.
“No judging.” I point at him. “I like food.”
His hands rise. “None here.”
I take the first Double Stuffed Oreo out and twist the cookie apart. The obvious thing would be to lick the icing before eating the cookie part, however, that isn’t how I roll. Instead, I grab one of the Chips Ahoy cookies and place it between the two halves, making an Oreo and Chips Ahoy cookie sandwich. I like chocolate chip cookies, and I love the icing from Oreos—so, this is my perfect cookie.
Eli watches as I take a bite, a moan filling the silence. Heaven in my mouth.
“Did you just orgasm?” he asks with a throaty chuckle.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
I scarf down two more cookies that way without feeling self-conscious at all. Eli doesn’t make me feel guilty or as if I shouldn’t be eating these things. Matt would always remind me that I wasn’t in college anymore and my figure wouldn’t remain. Just another vast difference in them.
“Your sister looked good,” Eli says before he pops a chip in his mouth.
I nod. “Today was a good day, yesterday wasn’t.”
“Does she have more good than bad?”
I sigh and drop the Frankensteined Oreo I’m making. I wish I could tell him that she did, but the last few months have definitely been weighted toward bad. “Huntington’s doesn’t usually get better. It gets progressively worse. Because Steph was so young when she presented, we were told the decline would most likely be like falling off a cliff.”
Eli takes my hand in his, probably hearing the pain in my voice. “What does that mean?”
“That once she starts to go downhill, it’ll be very hard and fast. There won’t be weeks and months of her suffering, though. That’s the one thing she says is her silver lining. I don’t know if it’s better or worse that way. I’ve had a few years with her symptoms being pretty mild, but I can’t say watching her struggle isn’t the worst part. I don’t know how I’ve survived so far. When my parents died, we didn’t have a warning. There was no time to worry. With Stephanie it’s the opposite, I’m literally watching her life slip away. I’ve been doing it with no one to help me keep it together.”
His fingers go limp and he pulls his hand up, rubbing it with the other. “I wish I could say something to make this easier for you.”
I shrug even though nothing we’re talking about feels casual. “Tell me you’re not going to leave me, Eli. Because I can’t let myself keep falling for you if this is only going to end with you walking out the door.”
“Come here,” he says as he opens his arms. I don’t waver, I move into his embrace, allowing him to hold me firm. “I’m not going to leave you.”
Being vulnerable is a scary thing. It’s hard to give anyone, let alone Eli, unfettered access to my biggest fear. I’ve been alone for a long time, and I’ve learned to handle it. This, though? I have no idea how to handle. Having a taste of Eli’s affection is enough to make me an addict. The more time we spend together, the more I crave him.
“You’re leaving soon.”
It’s the elephant in the room. We can pretend all we want that Eli isn’t who he is, but there is a reality we need to face. He has to go back to New York in less than two weeks. Our time is fading before my eyes as well. I know it’s his job, I would never ask him to stay, but I’ll be without him. Three weeks ago, I could’ve said goodbye and walked away, but when my heart entangled with his, it complicated things. Why can’t I fall for a normal guy? Why do I pick the one man who literally lives every single one of my insecurities? Because I’m dumb, that’s why.
Eli’s arm tightens. “That part sucks, but it won’t be that long. We take breaks during filming
, I can come here or you can come spend time in New York. I meant what I said, Heather, we’ll make this work.”
“I have work, too. And Steph.”
“I know, I’m not asking you to give up anything, just make room for me.”
When he says it like that, it seems so simple.
Chapter 17
Eli
“Nicole, Kristin, and Denise?” I ask, trying to get the names right. Heather’s best friends are her family, and I’d like not to look like a total douche in front of them.
“Danielle, or Danni for short. That’s whose house this is.” She corrects as she parks in front of a house in West Chase. It’s a modest two-story house on a cul-de-sac, complete with a picket fence and all.
I’m adaptable, but my life hasn’t ever been normal. I’m not sure what the hell I was thinking agreeing to this.
Heather watches me, and then I remember why—her. She wanted me here to meet her friends, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. “Are you okay?” she asks.
“It’s going to be great, baby. Do they know I’m coming?”
I should’ve asked this earlier.
“Umm, well, I kind of didn’t say anything.”
I’m not sure if this is because she didn’t think we’d make it to the weekend or because she didn’t want her friends to freak. Well, here goes nothing.
I take her small hand in mine and smile. “Let’s go surprise them.”
Her one friend, I remember. Nothing specific, but she was who came back stage and urged Heather to come with me, I make a mental note to thank her.
There are a few guys standing over by the front of the yard, pointing at something on the ground, and the smell of food cooking on a grill fills the air. I’m in suburbia and completely out of my element.
We exit the car and the two guys who were shooting the shit stop and look. “Heather,” guy number one calls her name.
“Hi, Peter.” She smiles and waves.
They both head over and Peter extends his hand. “Hi, I’m Peter Bergen.”
“Eli Walsh,” I say, shaking his hand.
I watch as recognition sinks in. “Right, of course.” He looks at the other guy. “Eli, this is Scott McGee.”
We shake, and Scott stares me down. What the fuck is wrong with him? “Nice to meet you both.” I try to keep my instant dislike to myself.
I wrap my arm around Heather, pulling her into my side. I don’t like these guys, well, the one at least.
“Same here. The girls are around back,” Peter says to her.
“Thanks.” She smiles, but it isn’t a real one. It seems I’m not the only one who doesn’t care for these dickheads.
“What’s their issue?” I ask once we’re out of earshot.
She laughs. “Nicole and I hate them. Scott is the worst, but Kristin just makes excuses for him. Peter isn’t that bad, he’s just a sheep and follows what the first idiot says.”
We make our way around the back of the house, and I take it all in. Kids run around in all directions, spraying each other with water guns. The women all have their backs to us, laughing and arranging the food table. It’s exactly like the parties my mom threw when Randy and I were kids.
“Heather!” one of her friends yells and then drops the bowl she was holding. “Holy fuck!”
Heather steps forward, pulling me with her. “Danni, this is Eli, I hope it’s okay that I brought a date?”
I flash one of my million dollar smiles and move toward her. Her eyes haven’t moved from my face, and I’m pretty sure she’s shaking. “Thanks for having me. Heather said you have the best party of the summer.”
“I-I-I,” she stammers. “You’re . . . you . . . in my . . . Eli.”
Heather laughs and nudges Danielle. “I wanted you guys to meet him officially.”
The girl I remember comes walking straight up to me. “I’m Nicole, we met briefly, you may not remember because you were kind of busy trying to get in my best friend’s pants, which you did. Good job on that.”
“Thanks.” I laugh. “And I remember you from climbing the fence.”
She huffs and gives Heather a dirty look. “Yeah, she’s an asshole for that, but it seems you found your way over it as well. Don’t fuck it up, and I won’t have to blow your nuts off.”
“Nicole!” Heather screams and turns to me. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve warned you about her. We think she has a mental disorder that affects her ability to think before she speaks.”
I burst out laughing. “I like her.”
“Oh, God.” Heather covers her face. “Don’t feed the animals, Eli, they bite.”
I say hello to her other friend, who I assume is Kristin since she stands there like a statue without saying a word. Her gaze moves from Heather to me and then back again. I’ve never understood the awe of famous people. We’re normal and have the same issues that everyone else does. The only difference is that I travel, have no friends, and I deal with other famous assholes. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
Heather and two of the girls head inside to get some food together and probably talk about me. Nicole laughs when they ask if she’s going to help, and instead, sits beside me with a beer in each hand. “You’re going to need this.” She hands me one of the bottles.
“Thanks.”
“I want you to know that Heather is special.”
I guess since there’s no father or brother in the picture, I’m going to get the speech from her best friend.
“I agree.”
She takes a swig and nods. “I think you’re good for her. I’ve known her my whole life, and there’s something different about her since you came around.”
“Aren’t you breaking some kind of girl code?” I ask.
I’m not sure how these things work with chicks, but if I’m basing it off my experience with Savannah, they’re all deranged. She and her friends talk in some alternate language that Randy and I tried to decode once. In the end, we gave up and decided being on the inside wasn’t worth it. However, I know she’s talked about never breaking the code. Whatever the fuck that means.
“She knows me too well. I don’t have a code.”
“Good to know.” I laugh as I take a pull from my beer.
“I heard about what you did for her sister.”
I know this is a test. What I say now will determine if Nicole helps or hurts me. So far, I think she’s been pro-Eli, but that can change. I’m not a fool.
“What’s important to Heather should be important to who she dates, don’t you think?”
She smiles and then catches herself. “Not all men feel that way. Some think they should be most important. I’m sure in your world it’s that way a lot?”
There are days when I wish people could see the shit I go through. It may look all wonderful on the outside, but it isn’t when you live it. I get hounded by the press, followed by the paparazzi, and forget having any kind of privacy. The only reason I have an ounce of it with Heather is because I’m here. Tampa is where I can be low key. But if Heather and I went to dinner in public, you can bet your ass I’ll have photos taken, which will bring the headlines, questions, assumptions, and everything else. I don’t think that was her point, though. I have a feeling it’s about the loser she married before me.
I weigh my words carefully. “It can be, but not where the people I care about are concerned. Sure, the people who want something from me treat me differently, but if you met my brother or his wife, you’d know that’s not the case. I’m fully aware of Heather’s situation and only a selfish piece of shit would put her in a position to choose.”
Nicole looks off at the kids running around and then back to me. “I’m protective of her.”
“I’m glad.”
“I won’t let you hurt her,” she warns.
“I don’t ever want to hurt her.”
Quite the contrary, actually. I want to be her protector, her sense of comfort, and the one who she can rely on. It’s a primal desire t
o take care of her. I just don’t know if she’ll let me.
“Wanting and doing are two different things and people tend to protect themselves over another.”
Her words strike me deep in my heart. Is that what I’m doing? Knowingly keeping things from her to protect myself? To be able to have whatever I can have with her at her expense? I hate myself in this very moment.
Chapter 18
Heather
“There you are,” I smile when I find Eli still sitting with Nicole in the backyard. His eyes are filled with sorrow when they meet mine. “Eli?”
With a blink, the sadness is gone. “Hey.”
“What’s wrong?” I ask quickly and glare at Nicole. I’ll kill her if she said something stupid.
“Don’t look at me.” She waves her hand. “I was warning Eli of all the ways I’ll make his life miserable if he hurts you.”
Seriously, I wonder if I can have her committed. I know she’s being a friend, but Jesus, she’s a pain in the ass. “Could you not scare him off so soon?” I ask.
Eli pulls me to his side. “I’m good. It takes a lot to scare me off. Besides, I’m pretty sure Nicole would like to meet a certain member of the band, right?” He kisses my shoulder, and I chuckle.
In one of our recent conversations, I told him the stories of Kristin’s tickets, Danielle licking the poster, and Nicole’s obsession with his brother. He called his publicist right away and got something special for each of the girls. I laughed hysterically when he told me they took a photo of Shaun licking his own poster for Danielle. I’m sure her dumbass husband is going to be thrilled.
“Shut up!” Nicole yells. “I can’t believe you told him!”
I shrug.
She turns her gaze back to Eli and huffs. “I know he’s married and all, but seriously, your brother has always been my favorite.”
Eli and Nicole are sitting on the table portion of the picnic table, and he pulls me so I’m sitting between his legs. I rest my hand on his thigh as they talk about how his sister-in-law would laugh so hard she’d pee herself hearing people talk about Randy. He tried to tell Nicole that he isn’t all that special, but she’s a dog with a bone, and there’s no changing her mind.