Raj held his breath while he waited for a reply but, from the look on Brent’s face, he wasn’t going to get the answer he wanted.
Brent sighed. “I don’t think that would be a good idea, Raj. I’m sure you’re aware of my attraction to you. If I were to stay here…”
“Please?” Raj whispered.
He didn’t want to beg but he would if he had to. He needed Brent around.
The man’s presence soothed him.
“Nothing has to happen between us if you don’t want it to—although, you know I’d like that. But it would put my mind at ease to have you here.”
“How would it look if I was staying here full-time? People would notice—your staff, the press that often camp outside the gates. We’d never get away with it and I don’t have to tell you what that could do to your career.”
“I don’t care how it looks. Besides, nobody would know you were here all the time. I have no visitors at night so there’d be no one around to see you and the press usually give up by then and go home.
“Anyone who did see you around would think you were just another of my bodyguards.”
Damn it.
Why the hell did he have to say that?
Raj had a feeling he’d gone too far, said too much.
To his surprise, Brent’s pupils dilated and his nostrils flared, his eyes filled with lust.
“Aren’t I?”
His gaze fell upon Raj’s mouth and his tongue snaked out to moisten his lips.
Raj had no control over the soft moan that escaped him as he leant forward, his nipples hardening to firm peaks under his soft cotton top.
He inched closer, all the while staring at Brent’s full pink lips.
Brent’s face flushed as he, too, moved forward until they were nose to nose. Raj’s could feel Brent’s warm breath caressing his mouth. He wanted another taste of the man, couldn’t resist. He closed the short distance between them and pressed their lips together.
The kiss started tenderly, the lightest of touches that made Raj tingle and crave more contact. His fear dissipated and warmth flooded his body when Brent’s tongue teased at his lips then slid inside his mouth.
He opened eagerly, accepting what Brent offered.
Raj put everything into the kiss and more and all too soon it became frenzied. Their mouths crashed together bruisingly and Raj clutched at Brent, pulling him closer. To his relief, Brent was equally enthusiastic. His hands gripped Raj’s side as he ravished his mouth with an animalistic aggression that Raj could not get enough of.
He never wanted this to end.
When Brent pulled back from the kiss, it was only to lavish kisses down Raj’s neck, and to nibble delicately on his ear.
It was the sweetest kind of torture. Raj’s head fell back and, when Brent’s hand covered his erection and squeezed, he cried out from both surprise and delight.
“Fuck!”
Raj was so absorbed in the sensations rushing through his body that he wasn’t sure if it was him who had spoken or Brent.
It didn’t matter.
Brent’s mouth found his once more and, before Raj could process what was happening, he was lying flat on his back with Brent on top of him, their hard cocks grinding together roughly and without finesse. The sensation was deliciously erotic but Raj needed skin on skin. He wanted to feel Brent’s erection sliding against his without the barrier of clothes dulling the sensation.
Without breaking the kiss, he reached down and fought with the button on Brent’s pants. He was desperate to feel Brent’s cock in his hand, desperate to stroke it, to make Brent out of his mind with want.
Their hands met and tangled, as they tussled with each other’s clothes. Finally, Brent grabbed the front of Raj’s pajamas and tugged on them until they were both mercifully free of their constraints. Raj hissed as their bare erections came into contact and they slid together with just the right amount of friction.
Raj was breathing heavily by the time Brent broke away from the kiss and looked down, grinding his hips against Raj’s.
“Jesus, that’s pretty,” he groaned.
Raj looked down to where their bodies touched—it was an incredible sight.
He thrust his hips up, lost in the pleasure of the moment.
“It is. We look good together.”
Their mouths crashed together as they continued to writhe and grind against one another. Raj could feel his orgasm build, feel the buzz of it as it travelled through his body. Every nerve-ending seeming to lead directly to his groin. The closer he got to his release, the harder he thrust—an unknown driving force compelling him, taking him ever closer to the finish line.
The only sounds were their breathing, their moans and the occasional creak of the springs in the mattress beneath them. Suddenly Brent tore his mouth away, threw his head back and roared, the sound more animal than human. Raj felt every pulse of Brent’s cock as it convulsed against him, spewing out its seed over Raj’s own cock, and all over his stomach.
The look of ecstasy on Brent’s face, his harsh cry, the feel and the salty sweet smell of his semen—all coalesced to send Raj over the edge. He grabbed hold of Brent’s hips to hold him in place and thrust against him once more. Then he was coming too, stronger and harder than he could have imagined. He let out a strangled moan as the force of his orgasm ripped through him. He shuddered and jerked through his release, his cock shooting out its seed between them, coating Brent’s dick and adding to the pool on his stomach.
When he finally stopped shaking, Brent collapsed on top of him, his breathing as heavy and labored as Raj’s own. He slid his hands around Brent’s back and held him close while they fought to gain control, to come down from the euphoria of their release.
After a few moments Brent lifted his head. His eyes were filled with emotion but, to Raj’s relief, there was no visible regret.
“We shouldn’t have done that.” The smile on Brent’s lips and the crinkle around his eyes took the sting out of his words.
Raj grinned. “Probably not, but now that we have, I want to do it again and again.”
Brent chuckled. “You say the nicest things, Mr. Khan.”
“Will you reconsider my question?”
“I…”
“Rajkumar!”
“Bhenchod!”
Shock froze Raj in place as his mother’s voice carried up the stairs.
Chapter Fourteen
“Who’s that?” Brent asked, noting the look of horror on Raj’s face.
“My mother,” Raj whispered. “Quick, she can’t find you here.”
Brent slid off Raj’s body and grabbed a handful of tissues from a box on the nightstand. He handed a couple to Raj and used the rest to clean himself. Raj called out to his mother in Hindi and quickly wiped the cooling puddle of cum off his stomach.
Brent frowned. “What’s the big deal? You’re a grown man. It’s not inconceivable that you might be, uh…dating?”
Okay, maybe that had been the wrong choice of word.
They weren’t dating, exactly, but Brent hoped that was where this was heading. He was tired of denying Raj, tired of denying what he wanted. Maybe this could work and if Brent came to feel their relationship was hindering his ability to do his job properly then he would have to stop guarding Raj and get one of their other bodyguards to take over his shifts.
Raj paused in his clean-up and caught Brent’s eye.
The guilty look on his face was enough to tell Brent all he needed to know.
“My God. She doesn’t know you’re gay, does she?”
Raj lowered his eyes. He shook his head and quickly pulled up his pajama bottoms. “No, she doesn’t.”
“Did you ever plan on telling her?”
“Raj?” Her voice sounded closer.
“Shit. Please. You’ve got to hide. Um, here, in the dressing room. We can discuss this later.”
Brent stared at the open door to the walk-in closet, his mouth hanging open in surprise. “You’ve got
to be kidding me.”
Raj pleaded with his eyes. “Please?”
Brent shook his head as he strode into the large dressing room. Raj closed the door behind him and seconds later Brent heard the woman’s voice in the bedroom. They spoke for a little while before the voices trailed off. Brent assumed Raj had taken his mother downstairs.
Staring around the neatly organized closet, Brent put his head in his hands and sighed.
He couldn’t believe the irony.
What the hell had he just done?
There were already too many reasons why he and Raj shouldn’t get involved and now this? Raj seemed in no way ready for a serious, adult relationship. Okay, a relationship might not be exactly what Brent needed in his life right now either, but that didn’t mean he wanted to be hidden away like some dirty little secret.
If he were being honest with himself, at thirty-five he wanted more than just a casual hook-up. He’d had plenty of those over the past seventeen years or so, and he was tired of them. And he’d wasted too many years sneaking around with men who weren’t out. He was sick of spending time with men who were ashamed to be seen in public with him. For the first time in his life, Brent was starting to believe he deserved better than that.
When he had given in to his desire for Raj, part of him had hoped Raj would be different. He’d stupidly assumed that if they became more seriously involved they would only have to hide their relationship for a few short months. Brent had believed Raj when he had told him he was only going to hide his sexuality until the IIFAs were over and the films had finished their run in the cinemas.
He’d had no reason to distrust Raj.
Sadly, the look on Raj’s face when he’d heard his mother calling spoke volumes. He wasn’t sure Raj had any intention of coming out…ever. Some men went through their entire lives hiding who they really were, but, if that was the case with Raj, where would that leave Brent?
He couldn’t live like that. Didn’t want to and didn’t have to.
It was a good thing Brent hadn’t agreed to move in with Raj until the stalker had been caught. That had disaster written all over it. Brent had never had trouble with willpower before, but the actor had managed to get under his skin. He would never be able to keep his hands off Raj if he lived under the same roof as him and where would that lead?
Nowhere good.
One look into those soulful, brown eyes and Brent was putty in the man’s hands.
Weak.
And in his profession that was a very dangerous position to be in.
This was undoubtedly the wake-up call he needed.
Chapter Fifteen
“Maa? What are you doing here? I thought we were meeting tomorrow for lunch?”
Raj ushered his mother back out the door and led her down stairs, mentally cursing his stupidity for giving her a spare key so she could come and go as she pleased.
That had been too damn close.
He should have told her a long time ago that he was gay but he had never found the courage. He had planned to tell her, though, especially now that he was quitting the acting profession and his relationship with Brent was progressing, but he didn’t want her to find out the way she almost had. He needed to sit her down and have the conversation with her properly—she deserved that much at least—and he had decided their lunch date tomorrow was the perfect opportunity.
“What, I can’t visit my son when I want? Now that you’re a big Bollywood star you don’t have time for your mother, is that it?”
Raj rolled his eyes. They had this same conversation or some version of it every time they spoke. “Of course I have time for you, Maatajee, but you know how busy I am. A phone call in advance would be nice.”
The glare that he received stopped him in his tracks. How did she always make him feel as if he were ten years old again? They entered the day room and took a seat on the oversized sofa.
“Busy doing nothing,” she accused. “Why don’t you just admit what you were really doing?”
Raj’s stomach became suddenly as heavy as lead.
He wiped his sweaty palm against his pajama bottoms and squirmed under her watchful gaze.
“What?”
“You were asleep, weren’t you? Since when did you sleep in the middle of the day?”
Filled with relief, Raj let out a shaky laugh. It wasn’t possible that she knew about his relationship with Brent or his liking for men but he’d been worried for a minute there.
“I’ve had a stressful day,” he said, neither confirming nor denying her accusation.
“Stressful? You don’t know the meaning of the word. What stress could you possibly have in your life?”
If only you knew.
“So, to what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?” Raj thought it best to change the subject. There would be time for admissions and explanations later.
“I came to tell you I can’t make it to lunch tomorrow—something has come up.”
“Oh, something important?”
His mother averted her gaze and chewed on her bottom lip.
She looked…embarrassed, which wasn’t an expression she normally wore.
“I have a date,” she said at last.
Raj scrunched his eyebrows together. “With a man?”
The glare returned and Raj sank a little lower in his seat. “Of course with a man!”
Well, that came as a surprise. His mother had shown no interest in men since his father had passed away several years ago.
“Really? Wow, that’s, uh…great? Where did you meet him?”
“His name is Peter Lewis. He teaches English at the school I attend.”
“British?”
His mother nodded and Raj’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline and stayed there. It seemed that the penchant for British men ran in the family.
Raj grinned. “So, that’s why you always want me to talk to you in English?”
“Yes. He’s been living here for ten years. His wife died a few years ago, so we have that in common. I’ve been attending his classes for several months now. He’s…nice. A good man, I think.”
“I’m happy for you,” Raj said sincerely. “I hope it goes well. Keep me updated?”
“Of course.”
His mother leant forward and gave him a peck on the cheek. “Thank you for being so understanding.”
Raj grinned and pulled her into a hug. She resisted at first then sank into the embrace, patting him on the back.
“Your father would be so proud of you, Rajkumar.”
Raj felt a lump form in his throat and tried to swallow it down. He’d like to think so. Raj’s acting career had been just taking off when his father had passed away. He knew his father would be proud of what he’d achieved in Bollywood, but what would he have to say about having a gay son?
He suspected his father would have taken the news better than his mother would.
Damn it, he had to tell her. How long could he keep putting it off?
“Maa? There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
His mother rose from the sofa and patted his shoulder briskly. “Can it wait, darling? I have a hair appointment in thirty minutes and I don’t want to be late.”
He nodded his agreement, but the knot of tension in his stomach increased in size.
“Yes, it can wait. Of course it can wait.”
“Good,” she said with a nod. “We’ll talk soon.”
Raj walked her out then stood at the door and watched her pull out of the drive, his heart heavy. What the hell was he going to do now? Why did his life have to be so damn complicated?
Some days he really wished he wasn’t famous.
He was tired of living a lie, tired of pretending to be something he wasn’t, even to his own family. He’d been so close to telling his mother, and she would have stayed and listened if he’d told her how important it had been, but her urgency to get to the salon had given him the out he’d needed.
Why did he have to be such a d
amned coward?
Brent’s heavy footsteps on the stairs pulled him out of his morose thoughts.
“Hey, I’m sorry about that.”
Brent ignored Raj’s apology and strode past until he was out of the open door.
“Brent, please…”
Brent hesitated then stopped on the porch. He stood still for a moment with his hands on his hips then turned to meet Raj’s gaze.
“I hate to have to say this, but what just happened between us was a mistake. It cannot happen again. I’m here to do a job and from now on that’s all I’m going to do.”
Raj sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “You’re being unreasonable.”
Brent shrugged. “Call it what you like. The fact of the matter is I’m too damn old to be hiding from someone’s mother in a damn closet.” Brent’s voice got higher with every word.
“I said I was sorry for that. I planned to tell my mother—many times, in fact, but… Indian mothers can be… Well…you’ve got to understand how difficult it is for me.
“Please try to put yourself in my position.”
“I don’t doubt that’s difficult for you. But it’s difficult for a lot of men, not only you. Do you think you’re the first man that’s ever had to admit to being gay? The first actor even?
“It makes no difference. I’m here to do a job. To be able to do that job I need to be focused, not thinking about how sexy you look in a pair of goddamn silk pajamas.”
Raj shot him a devilish smile. “You think I look sexy in these?”
Brent frowned. “Jesus, Raj. Did you hear a word I just said?”
“Yes, and you have a valid point, but there’s something here—something between us that we need to explore. I think you should give us a chance, see what develops.”
Brent shook his head. “I’m sorry. My job should be reason enough why we can’t get involved. What happened today only confirmed that this,”—Brent waved a hand between them—“whatever this is, is not going to work out.”
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