“Gavin.” I followed him, my heart racing. “This isn’t fair. You can’t marry someone for the wrong reasons. It won’t work. You’re supposed to be in love, not just afraid they’re going to die or marry someone else someday.”
He yanked the door open, but paused and looked back at me over his shoulder. “I am in love with you.”
Those words stunned me into silence, and before I could take a breath to answer, he walked out and slammed the door behind him.
37
Gavin
The first rule of bridge jumping was don’t look down. Same went for bungee jumping or skydiving, or any time you were about to throw yourself off a stable surface into the air. Instructors would tell you to look at the scenery, keep your eyes on the horizon, look up at the sky. Anywhere but down.
I climbed over the bridge railing and kept my eyes forward. I knew what the water looked like below me. It was deep and wide—too deep to make out much at the bottom of the dark water. This was going to be cold as fuck, but I was a strong swimmer. I’d get back to the bank.
And I’d worn a helmet. I was crazy, but I wasn’t stupid.
My brothers had asked me a thousand times why I had a death wish. I told them, every single time, that I didn’t want to die. Quite the opposite, actually. I wanted to live.
And I’d spent the last twenty-four hours fucking living.
No, I wasn’t out here hoping I might not make it out alive. I was out here to show this fucking bridge who was boss.
It wasn’t the bridge that had almost taken Skylar. I couldn’t jump from that one, even if it hadn’t been smashed by a giant tree. This was a bridge I’d been wanting to tackle for a long time. Not many guys had jumped it, even my friends who were into this shit.
I sucked in a couple of breaths and hit my chest a few times. Then I said fuck it all, and looked down.
The wave of disorientation hit me hard, but I was ready for it. I held on to the railing behind me and waited until my brain got its bearings. My heart beat furiously, but that was why I was here.
Once again, I was the shark. I had to keep moving.
After leaving Skylar’s house yesterday, I’d been too amped up—crawling out of my own skin. I’d gone straight for Evan’s place to take my dirt bike out on the trails. After a hard ride, I’d been physically tired, but mentally I hadn’t been able to stop. I’d wound up at the Mountain Goat Tavern playing blackjack with a bunch of guys from the sheriff’s department.
They’d cleaned me out, so I’d gone home to crash for a few hours. Sleep hadn’t helped. I’d woken up with a bunch of energy, and the feeling of my chest being crushed hadn’t gone anywhere.
So I’d gone rock climbing. And when that didn’t help, I’d decided I needed to tackle this fucking bridge.
It was symbolic. I hadn’t been myself since Skylar and Caroline’s accident. If I came out here and jumped off this bridge—alone, in the cold—it had to make me feel better. I was going to fucking conquer this, right here and now.
The water flowed below me, little eddies and whirls on the surface. Everything seemed to get quiet and still, and for a second, my heartbeat slowed.
I loosened my grip on the railing.
“Gavin!” Logan’s panicked voice rang out from my right. He ran toward the bridge with Levi right next to him. They were followed by Evan and Asher.
Damn it.
“Gavin, don’t fucking jump!”
Gritting my teeth, I almost let go. It wasn’t like I was trying to kill myself. I’d be fine.
Physically, at least. I wasn’t fine, and I knew it. But I had no idea what to do about that.
But something in Logan’s voice made me hesitate. And I didn’t jump.
And something about that made me mad.
Anger was a feeling I could understand. So I grabbed onto it.
They hit the bridge deck and I swung one leg over the railing and hoisted myself over. Logan reached me first. He grabbed my shirt and jerked me away from the edge.
“What the fuck?” I yelled, shoving him off me.
My brothers circled around me, like they were worried I’d make a run for it and throw myself off the edge. Asher crossed his arms and Evan locked me in a dangerous stare.
“What the hell are you doing?” Logan asked.
Levi ran his hands through his hair. “Jesus, Gav, you scared the shit out of us.”
“You guys are right on time. I didn’t need an audience, but why the fuck not?”
“Are you insane?” Logan asked.
“I can make the jump,” I said. “The water’s deep enough.”
“It’s like forty fucking degrees out here,” Asher said.
I scoffed. “Whatever. I’d make it to the bank.”
“Like hell you would,” Levi said. “You’d fucking drown out there.”
“You can’t bridge jump alone, especially this time of year,” Asher said.
“You guys realize I’m an adult, right? I don’t need your asses babysitting me all the time.”
“We just chased you down when you were on the brink of throwing yourself off a goddamn bridge,” Levi said. “And this is after you almost wrecked your bike, lost who the fuck knows how much money playing blackjack, and went rock climbing alone on a day when it might have rained. And that’s just the stuff we know about.”
“It didn’t rain.” I shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal.
Levi lunged at me, but Evan stepped in and put a hand on his chest.
“Not here,” Evan said, his low voice rumbling. “We take him to the Arena.”
My whole body lit up at the suggestion. The Arena was where my brothers and I settled our differences, Bailey brothers style. It had started when we were kids. Gram had given us boxing gloves and made us duke it out when we had a problem. When we’d gotten older, we’d taken it up a notch, and created the Arena. Sure, it was a little barbaric—a sort of gladiatorial test of will between brothers. But it worked.
And right now, getting a chance at one of my brothers in the Arena sounded fucking great.
“You coming, or do we have to hog tie you first?” Levi asked.
I undid the latch on my helmet and took it off. “No, I’m in. Let’s fucking do this.”
Logan shoved me in his truck instead of letting me drive my own, but I’d deal with that little grievance later. If he wouldn’t get in the ring with me, I’d find a way to get in a shot at him.
I was buzzing on adrenaline, ready to take them all on at once. They’d interrupted my bridge jump for no good reason, but I wanted to fight even more than I wanted to jump.
What we called the Arena was a clearing down a dirt road near Lake Tilikum. Stakes marked off the four corners of the ring and grass and weeds provided the only padding. The ground could do as much damage as an opponent out here.
We parked and I flew out of the truck, my hands clenched into fists. I stalked over to the ring and paced back and forth, waiting for them.
I didn’t want to think about the last time I’d been in the Arena. I’d gone up against Asher when he’d been in the middle of his post-prison meltdown. I’d been amped that day too, but it had been different. I’d been in control. Today I wasn’t, and I knew it.
But I didn’t fucking care.
Levi tossed me a pair of padded gloves. I would have bare-knuckled it, but gloves were always one of the rules. Gloves, no nut shots, and no knockouts. Even when we were out here because we were pissed as fuck, we weren’t trying to injure each other.
I’d always viewed the Arena like an ancient system of justice—trial by combat. The guy who was in the right would win. A voice in the back of my head tried to tell me that probably meant I was about to lose, but I brushed it off. What the fuck did it know, anyway.
I shoved on my gloves while my brothers stood along the side of the makeshift ring. I gave them a quick sweep, wondering who was getting in here with me. I expected Asher—he was the oldest. Seemed like an Asher thing to do. And maybe he wante
d a rematch, since I’d beat him last time.
But Evan was putting a pair of gloves on his big hands.
Well, fuck.
Asher was dangerous as hell. He was a coach now, and still actively trained. But so did Evan. He didn’t compete, but he’d never stopped going to the gym. And I knew from experience how strong he was.
Fuck it. I’d taken him on before. I’d beat his ass now.
Evan stepped into the ring. “You need to calm the fuck down.”
That was all the warning I got. He lunged for me, going for a takedown, but I side-stepped just enough. Immediately going on the offensive, I surged in and locked up with him. He pulled down on the back of my neck, but I wasn’t giving him anything that easily. We pushed and pulled, testing each other’s strength and balance.
Moving fast, I dipped low and shot in, wrapping my arms around his waist. We hit the dirt with a thud. That was going to hurt later, but for now, all I felt was the adrenaline flowing through my veins. He grunted and spun, almost getting the reversal on me, but I managed to maintain control.
I hooked his arm and leg for a submission hold, but he was too fast. And my technique was shitty, but I wasn’t going to admit it. Normally, I rode the line between crazed and clear. Amped and calm. I could see things clearly, predict what I needed to do next.
Today I was just fucking flailing. I couldn’t focus.
My heart beat too fast. Evan flipped me onto my back and the air rushed from my lungs. I fought as hard as I could, but I was out of control. Any semblance of skill went right out the window. Two moves later, he had me twisted like a goddamn pretzel and I couldn’t breathe.
I held on, refusing to give up. Refusing to tap out. My chest burned from the lack of air and my vision started to go dark.
Fuck.
Growling in pain, I hit the ground with my free hand, tapping out.
Evan got off me, and I laid on my back with bent knees, staring up at the cloudy sky. Took a few shaky breaths. My brothers didn’t say anything. Evan didn’t gloat. He didn’t trash-talk or rub my face in the loss. He just waited, giving me a second to get my shit together.
After all, that was why they’d brought me out here in the first place.
I didn’t know what it was about getting my ass beat by my brother, but it did calm me down. My heart rate slowed and the frenzied storm in my head finally broke. It left me feeling hollow—my chest oddly empty. But I could finally slow down.
Evan reached out a hand. I took it and he helped me to my feet. Then he wrapped me in a hug.
I hugged him back, feeling a deep surge of emotion tighten my chest. I wasn’t going to cry, but I was pretty fucking close.
Evan stepped back and ruffled my hair like I was a little kid again. “Are you ready to tell us what’s really going on?”
I ripped the Velcro off one of my gloves. “I asked Skylar to marry me.”
Logan laughed and I shot him a glare. “Wait, you’re not kidding?”
“No, I’m not kidding.”
Levi eyed me. “You said you aren’t dating her.”
“I wasn’t dating her.”
“Then why did you propose?”
I took the other glove off and let them drop to the ground. “I pulled her out of that car and it made me realize I don’t want to lose her. Ever. I felt something right here.” I put my hand on my chest. “I don’t know what it was, but I had to make it stop. And the only thing I could think to do is make sure I can keep her.”
“Brosaster, you can’t just randomly propose to your fuck buddy.”
A flare of anger shot through me. “She’s not my—” I stopped, because he was right. “Okay, fine, she was basically my fuck buddy, but don’t talk about her like that.”
Logan put up his hands. “No disrespect.”
“I’m fucking in love with her, you guys. And she turned me down.”
“Holy shit,” Asher said, shaking his head slightly.
“What?”
“Something actually scared Gavin Bailey.”
“What? No it didn’t.”
“Of course it did,” Evan said. “Skylar’s accident scared the shit out of you.”
“No wonder you’ve been acting like a psycho,” Levi said.
I took a few steps backward. Deep down, I knew they were right. I was scared as hell. I’d never been scared of anything in my life, but the thought of losing her forever scared the fuck out of me.
“Gav, it’s normal to be scared,” Asher said. “But maybe proposing to her wasn’t the best way to cope with your fear.”
“Maybe I screwed this up a little bit.” I raked my hands through my hair. “I sort of forgot to lead with the fact that I’m in love with her.”
Logan winced. “So you just said hey, I think we should get married?”
“Basically.”
He whistled. “Not your finest performance, my brother.”
“She fucking called it, too,” I said. “She told me I was scared. And then like a fucking idiot, I threw it back in her face. I turned this into a flaming pile of burning garbage.”
“Yeah, you did,” Logan said.
I scowled at him. “Thanks.”
“Doesn’t mean you can’t fix it.”
Asher’s phone rang and he pulled it out of his pocket to answer. “Hi, Gram.”
She was calling about me. She had to be.
“Yep. No, he’s fine… I will… Okay, love you too.” He ended the call and met my eyes. “She wants you to come over.”
“Now?”
He nodded.
Rubbing the back of my neck, I groaned. I felt like I’d been caught doing something wrong and I had to face a scolding. “Fine. Can someone give me a ride back to my truck?”
“Only if you promise you’re not going to do anything stupid,” Logan said.
One corner of my mouth hooked in a grin. “How long are we talking? Like for the rest of the day, or…”
He punched me in the arm.
I followed him to his truck, feeling calm, but still shitty. I didn’t know what I was going to do about Skylar. Had I fucked things up forever?
Or worse, did she not want me at all?
Maybe I’d been nothing but a diversion. Great for the orgasms, but not for anything serious. And the truth was, I couldn’t even blame her for that. It wasn’t like I’d ever given her a reason to get serious with me. I’d never given her a chance.
I’d never given us a chance. And maybe that had been my biggest mistake of all.
38
Skylar
I stared miserably into my mug, only dimly aware that it was empty. It had been a long twenty-four hours. Ever since Gavin had walked out yesterday, I’d been in a daze.
What the hell had happened?
Had he really come in here and randomly suggested we get married because the accident on the bridge had made him realize he didn’t want to lose me?
And had he seriously waited until he was walking out the door to mention being in love with me?
What the fuck was that about?
My words to Ginny came back to haunt me. It’s not messy now, and I’m certainly not going to let it get messy today. Gavin and I are fine.
So much for that. I didn’t know how it could get any messier.
Cupping my chin in my hand, I leaned my elbow on the table. I’d spent most of the last day in my room, trying to wrap my head around what had happened. Was it my fault that it had gone so badly? What else could I have done? We couldn’t get married. He was crazy.
Wasn’t he?
“Hi there, sweetheart.” Mom lacked her usual breeziness when she came into the kitchen. “How are you feeling?”
“A little sore, but I’m okay. How are you?”
The airbag had deployed, but fortunately it hadn’t hurt her too badly. She just had a little bruising on her chin.
“Still sore, but better than yesterday.” She poured herself some hot water and dunked a tea bag in her mug, then came over to the
table to sit with me. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”
I sighed. “Not really, but it’s not because of the bridge. Gavin came over yesterday and…”
“What happened?”
“He said we should get married.”
Mom’s lips parted and she hesitated for a second before replying. “He proposed?”
“He didn’t propose so much as say he thought we should get married because the accident made him realize he doesn’t want to lose me.”
“Wow. I didn’t know you two were so serious.”
“No, that’s the thing, we aren’t. We’re friends, but that’s all.”
She blew on her tea. “Well, that’s not all, honey.”
I hesitated for a moment. “There was… another dimension to our relationship.”
With a smile, she tucked my hair behind my ear. “We’re both adults, you don’t have to beat around the bush with me.”
“Fine, we’ve been sleeping together. But we were supposed to just be friends. And now he’s mad at me because I didn’t die of happiness at his non-proposal?”
“If he’s mad, it’s because you wounded his pride and he wasn’t ready for it.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt him. But what was I supposed to say? It’s totally understandable that the accident freaked him out, and if he’d come in here and said it made him realize he wants more with me, I would have been ecstatic. I want more with him, too.”
Tears pricked my eyes. Oh my god, it was true. I really did want more with Gavin. And I might have ruined it.
She put her hand on my arm. “Give him a little time. He’ll calm down and you two can figure out where you ought to be.”
“Thanks, Mom. By the way, where’s Dad?”
“I don’t know.” She glanced away.
“You slept in your own bed last night, didn’t you?”
She nodded. “I did, and I probably should have been all along.”
It was my turn to put a comforting hand on her arm. “Mom, what happened?”
“The accident didn’t exactly bring out the best in either of us. I should have known better. We’ve been down this road before and it didn’t end well.”
Rushing In: A Small Town Family Romance Page 30