“Out of the five of you, you’re the most like your father. So I think whatever your instincts tell you to do is probably exactly what he would have done.”
I grinned at her, feeling better than I had in days. “Awesome.”
“Before you go, don’t forget your cookie.”
“I didn’t think you made any.”
She got up and retrieved her cookie jar from the counter, then brought it to the table and opened the lid.
“Sneaky.” I reached in to grab one. “I couldn’t even smell them.”
“I had to make you sweat it a little bit.”
I stood and gave her a gentle hug. “Well played.”
“No more reckless stunts for at least a day or so, you hear me?”
“I hear you.”
“Good.” She patted my arm. “Then go get your Sparrow.”
“Thanks.” I turned to go but glanced back over my shoulder. “Gram, what was Dad’s spirit animal?”
“You don’t know?” she asked, sounding genuinely surprised.
“No.”
“He was Otter, too. Playful, mischievous, and a bit of a trickster. And he loved water every bit as much as you do.”
I smiled and suddenly, I was glad she’d never listened to me and changed my nickname. Otter was perfect.
“What about Mom?”
“She was Blue Jay—a beautiful songbird known for its high intelligence and tight family bonds.”
“Air and water.”
“A good combination,” she said with a nod.
“How do you always know?”
She smiled and held out the cookie jar. “Why don’t you take another for the road.”
Since she obviously wasn’t going to answer my question, I took another cookie and said my goodbyes.
It was getting late, and I had to go on duty first thing tomorrow morning. For once in my life, I wanted to take my time and think things through. So as much as I wanted to go see Skylar right this second—make sure that I didn’t screw things up with her forever—I decided to wait. Flying by the seat of my pants hadn’t worked very well, and I wasn’t a total dumbass, I could learn from my mistakes. I’d use my shift tomorrow to make a plan. One that was foolproof.
40
Skylar
I stared at my laptop screen with a mix of disbelief and satisfaction. I’d actually done it. I’d finished the book.
It still needed revisions, and an editor would help me polish it. But it was all there, beginning, middle, and end. An entire story from start to finish.
I let out a long, relieved breath. A part of me had been afraid I’d lost it. That I’d never finish a book again.
But here it was, in all its messy, unedited glory.
I’d thought a lot about why I’d gotten blocked in the first place. What had happened to me all those months ago? I’d written twelve novels and then suddenly I could hardly write a word.
Looking back, I didn’t think it was one single incident. It was a hundred little fears always swirling beneath the surface that had finally broken through. The fear of failure after success. The fear that it had been a fluke and my career would be over. That this would be the book that exposed all my weaknesses. That I wasn’t really a good writer, I’d just somehow gotten lucky. The fear that I’d already used up every good idea I’d ever have. That I’d be exposed and everyone would learn the truth. That I had no idea what I was doing.
Somehow, Gavin had soothed those fears. He calmed my mind. Made all those worries disappear. When I was with him, I felt my focus and confidence return.
I hadn’t written the entire book with him sitting on my bed behind me. But those writing sessions had gotten me started. They’d allowed me to break through my block.
There was something ironic about Gavin Bailey calming my fears. Because he scared me. Or at least, he had at first.
Now? I wasn’t afraid. He’d pushed me out of my comfort zone in so many ways. He hadn’t set out to show me I was brave, but he had. Because that was the thing, when I was with him, I did feel brave. It was like he sucked all the fear out of the room and made it disappear.
I missed him so much.
For the millionth time, I thought about texting him. Or even calling. Why was I hesitating? Because I didn’t know what I wanted to say?
Or was it because I did know what I wanted to say?
I was so confused.
Confused or not, I decided to celebrate my little victory with some coffee at the Steaming Mug, so I saved and backed up my manuscript—again, just to be safe. I brushed out my hair, dabbed on a little makeup, and changed into a burgundy sweater and jeans. I slipped my feet into a cute pair of leopard print flats—because why not—and went downstairs.
Dad was on duty today, and Mom was out. A sense of peace had settled over the house since Dad had asked her to stay. I glanced around at the furniture—at Mom’s things from her old house that had somehow fit perfectly in the empty spaces here.
It was very poetic. They filled the empty places in each other’s lives.
They’d decided to see a couple’s therapist to help them navigate this new phase in their relationship. There were still old wounds from the past that needed healing. And for two people who’d been single for twenty years, learning to share their lives again was going to take some work. But I’d never seen either of them as happy as they were now.
I slipped on my coat, grabbed my purse, and opened the front door. I jumped backward with a shriek, startling at the sight of the man on the step.
Cullen’s hand slowly lowered—it looked like he’d been about to knock. “Sorry, Skylar. It’s just me.”
I gaped at him. “What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Why? Because your life imploded on national television?”
He blinked in surprise. “You saw that?”
“Yeah, I saw it.” I decided not to mention that my friend Cara had somehow tipped off the interviewer about his affair with Pepper.
“Okay, well, can I come in?”
I crossed my arms. “No.”
“Really? Come on, Skylar, I just want to talk.”
“I can’t even fathom what you think you have to say to me.”
He took a deep breath, as if coming to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to invite him in. “Have you been writing?”
My lips twitched in a smile. I didn’t have to tell him this—or anything—but I was feeling pretty great about it, so why not? “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes. I finished my next novel.”
“That’s great. Have you found someone to represent you?”
“Why, are you here to try to win me back?”
“Yes.”
I stared at him in disbelief. He could not be serious. “Wait, what? I thought you got fired.”
“I did, but I’ll find another agency.”
“Especially if you bring a client with you,” I said wryly.
“No, that’s not why I’m here. It’s not about my job. I care about your career because I care about you. I want you back, Skylar.”
I laughed, because honestly, what else could I do? “It’s too late for that, Cullen. Way too late. If you cared about me, you shouldn’t have cheated on me.”
“I know I made a huge mistake. I regret it all, Skylar. I’m so sorry.”
I hesitated, my eyes flicking up and down. He looked awful. His clothes were disheveled, his normally well-groomed hair needed a trim, and his skin was pale.
Cara karma indeed.
“Thank you for saying sorry. I forgive you.”
His eyes lit up, but I raised a hand before he could reply.
“I’m not finished,” I said. “I’m not forgiving you for you, I’m forgiving you for me. What you did to me was awful. It was a total deal breaker. Even if you were the only hope I had of resurrecting my career, I still wouldn’t sign with you again. And as for anything else, you burned that bridge. Thoroughly.”
/> “Skylar, please.”
I shook my head. “I told you that one day you were going to realize what you lost. I’m sure that feeling sucks, but you have to live with what you did.”
He opened his mouth to say something, but I was finished with this conversation. I stepped out, then shut and locked the door.
“I was just leaving. Goodbye, Cullen.”
“Skylar—”
I didn’t answer. Didn’t even look at him again. Just walked to my car. I was done with him.
The last time Cullen had shown up on my doorstep unexpectedly, I’d been left feeling miserable. This time, I felt free. If there had been any doubt in my mind that I was over him—that I’d totally moved on—there certainly wasn’t any now.
I walked into the Steaming Mug, once again filled with a conflicting mix of emotions. I was proud of myself for how I’d handled Cullen’s surprise visit. But everything with Gavin felt so wrong, and I still wasn’t sure what I was going to do about that.
Cara waved to me from a table near the back. “Hi sweet sunflower.”
I went to her table and took a seat, so glad she was here. “You’re not going to believe what just happened.”
“Sounds juicy. Tell me everything.”
“Cullen just showed up at my house. He actually thought I might take him back.”
“What?” she asked, her voice flat. “Is he still there? Do you need me to take care of him for you?”
“No, I’m sure he’s gone by now.”
“Are you sure? It would just take a few calls.”
I laughed, although I wasn’t quite sure what she meant by take care of him. Maybe I didn’t want to know. “Really, it’s fine. I’m glad it happened. It gave me a chance to reject him to his face. That was so satisfying.”
She grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Look at my baby, standing up for herself like the badass she is. I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks, Cara. Thanks for everything.”
She brushed her hair back from her shoulder. “It’s my pleasure.”
Grace came over to the table with a mug of tea and sat down.
“There you are, boo,” Cara said. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m feeling great. Really energized today.”
“You look amazing,” I said, and she really did. Grace was the epitome of the glowing pregnant woman.
“Thank you,” she said with a smile. “Have you heard from Gavin today?”
Just hearing his name made my breath catch. “No. Why?”
“I think something was going on. Asher left yesterday and said there was a brother emergency. He was gone for a while. When he came home, he said everything was fine, but he wouldn’t tell me any details.”
“Such a guy,” Cara said.
“Right? I was just wondering if something happened to Gavin, since everyone’s been talking about him.”
“Who’s been talking about him?” I asked.
“I’m sure it’s exaggerated, but people were saying he was having some kind of meltdown.”
“Poor Gav,” Cara said.
“Oh no,” I said. “If he’s having a meltdown, it’s my fault.”
“What happened?” Grace asked.
“The day after the accident on the bridge, he came over and kind of said we should get married.”
Cara laughed. “Oh god, that’s such a Gavin thing to do.”
Grace nudged Cara with her elbow. “Be nice.”
“I’m not wrong.”
“It just caught me completely off guard,” I said. “I thought he’d say he wanted to date me, not get married.”
“And he’s so adorably clueless, he thought you’d be ready to run off to Vegas with him right then and there,” Cara said.
“Something like that. He got mad and left and I haven’t talked to him since.”
“Don’t worry,” Grace said. “He’s not the only Bailey who can be ridiculous when it comes to love. It probably runs in the family.”
Cara nodded. “Isn’t that the truth.”
“That’s the thing, I didn’t even know he loved me. He left that part out until the end when he was upset.”
“Oh, Gavin,” Cara said, shaking her head.
“Tell me this,” Grace said. “Do you love him?”
“Yes,” I said, the admission coming easily. “I do.”
“Then I’m sure you two will figure it out,” she said.
“Why don’t you just marry him?” Cara asked.
Grace laughed, as if Cara must be joking. “That’s kind of abrupt, don’t you think?”
“Why?”
“You know, for being anti-marriage, you’re very happy to get the people around you engaged.”
Cara scoffed, like she was offended. “I’m not anti-marriage.”
“Yes, you are.”
“No, I’m just realistic. I know I’m not wife material, but that has nothing to do with other people. Besides, don’t we always want the best for our children? I want Skylar to be happy.”
“And marrying Gavin will make her happy?” Grace asked. “Okay, I see your point. Gavin is amazing.”
He really was. He was so amazing. “But he couldn’t have been serious.”
“I think he was,” Cara said. “He wouldn’t have said it otherwise.”
“Gavin loves to joke around, but if he said he wants to marry you, he meant it,” Grace said. “Trust me, I know him. I know he’s crazy sometimes, but the Baileys are the most loyal men you’ll ever meet. They’re men of their word, every single one of them.”
Cara rolled her eyes, but didn’t argue with her.
“Wait a second,” I said. “You two are basically normal, rational women.”
“She is,” Cara said, gesturing to Grace.
“And you’re both telling me that not only was Gavin serious when he said he wanted to marry me, but it wouldn’t be insane if I admitted that maybe I kind of want to marry him too?”
“Of course it’s insane,” Cara said. “But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”
Grace laughed. “It’s not insane. I knew I was going to marry Asher before our first date.”
“There’s no rule book that says a relationship has to start at step one and proceed to steps two, three, and four,” Cara said. “And if there is, fuck the rule book. Be true to yourself, kitten whiskers. If you aren’t ready, tell him to slow the fuck down and date you like a good boy. But if Gavin’s ring on your finger feels like the right thing for you, then don’t be afraid to take the plunge.”
I stood suddenly. “I’m sorry but I have to go.”
“Just promise me I can plan your bridal shower,” Cara called as I rushed out the door.
Suddenly, the need to see Gavin was overwhelming. It felt like every second that ticked by pulled us further apart. I had to see him, and tell him in person how I felt.
I had to go for what I wanted.
I drove to his house and didn’t see his truck out front. But I stopped anyway, just to be sure. Levi was in the front window building some sort of structure—it looked like a big cat tree. He saw me coming and opened the door.
Logan blinked sleepy eyes at me from his spot on the couch. He had Princess Squeaker curled up on his chest. “Hey, Skylar.”
“Is Gavin home?” I asked, not even bothering to hide the desperation in my voice.
“He’s on duty until tomorrow,” Levi said.
“You can go see him at the—”
I was already running back to my car.
A crazy sense of urgency filled me, like if I didn’t talk to Gavin right now, I might never get the chance.
41
Gavin
I didn’t exactly have a plan yet, but to be fair, my shift had been busy. Only one call out, but the engine needed washing, gear needed to be checked, and a preschool class came in for a tour. I drew field trip duty, but I didn’t mind. Hanging out with a bunch of four-year-olds for an hour was awesome.
That probably said something abo
ut my maturity level, but I decided not to worry about it.
After the kids left with their red plastic fire hats, I had a little time to think, and I realized what was really holding me back. I needed to talk to Chief.
It wasn’t because I needed his permission to be with Skylar. She was a grown woman and could make her own decisions. But Chief was family—hers, of course, but mine in a way too. I needed to make things right with him before I could move forward with Skylar.
Assuming she wanted to move forward with me. I hated the cloud of doubt that hung over me, but the truth was, I didn’t know for sure what she wanted. And if she didn’t want me, I was going to have to figure out how to live with that.
For now, I was going to stick with blind optimism and talk to her dad.
I went to his office and took a fortifying breath as I knocked on the open door. “Hey, Chief. Can I have a minute?”
“Sure, Gav,” he said without looking up. “Come on in.”
There was that feeling again. Like something was crawling through my stomach and leaving tiny footprints behind. Was this fear?
I didn’t like it, but maybe I just needed more practice managing it.
It made me think about Skylar. She felt like this all the time, and she did shit anyway? Holy fuck, she was amazing. I loved her so much.
Chief raised his eyes. He looked good—younger, somehow. He sat up straight and his hair was neatly trimmed. “What’s up?”
Uh-oh. I hadn’t really thought this through, but before I could think better of it, I started talking. “I stole a cookie from your cookie jar. More than once. I know I said I wouldn’t and you could trust me not to. I think I even said I know how to bake my own cookies, and I did that too, but it wasn’t the same. No, that’s not what I’m trying to say.”
Fuck. This wasn’t going well. Chief looked at me with a mildly bewildered—or maybe it was horrified—expression on his face.
“Let me try this again.” I pressed my lips together for a second and took a deep breath. “I’m in love with your daughter.”
Rushing In: A Small Town Family Romance Page 32