by Marni Mann
His fingers curled around my thigh. “I know. I can see it on your face.”
I couldn’t pull my eyes away from the view. A vineyard was a site that certainly wouldn’t entertain everyone. Caleb craved the ocean, Emily needed high-rises, Rebecca preferred the backwoods of Maine—where she was from—and Fiona enjoyed the beach. But I found something so special about the quietness here, the never-ending hope that gained steam between each hill.
“I don’t know how often I can return here—it’s so far from home—but I definitely want to spend more time in Napa.”
“We’ll make that happen.” He brought my hand up to his mouth, pressing his lips against my knuckles. “When is your lease up?”
I left the grapevines to take in his gaze, a surge of tingles moving just as fast through my body. I quickly did the math in my head. “Three months.”
He was still pecking across my skin, making sure not to miss a spot, when he said, “Instead of signing for another year, move in with me.”
I sucked in my bottom lip, gnawing on it. “Really?”
His other hand went to my cheek. “Always so surprised.” He pulled at my lip, loosening it from my teeth’s grip. “You know I’d have you stay every night if it were up to me.”
His condo was in the Back Bay, one of the most desirable and high-end sections of the city, but the commute to the hospital was much longer than the few short blocks from my place. And because I needed every moment of sleep I could get, I normally stayed at my apartment when I had to work.
But change was coming.
I felt it every time a breeze moved past my face.
I felt it in the way his fingers were clenching me.
I felt it in my chest when I thought of the future.
“Living with you would be wonderful …”
“But?”
I took a breath, placing my hand on his. “I’ve lived with Emily since I was eighteen years old.” I left his stare to look at the landscape. “Moving away from her isn’t going to be easy on any level.”
“I know how much she means to you.” He paused. “Why don’t you keep your apartment and move your clothes into mine? You know I won’t take any money from you, so you could continue paying your rent and utilities, and that would help Emily financially. By this time next year, you might be ready to make the full transition.”
“You’ve thought about this, haven’t you?”
He was quiet for several moments. “On the mornings I leave for work, when you’re about to start a three- or four-day stretch, I fucking hate the feeling that fills me, knowing it’ll be that long before I see you again.” He held the back of my head, fingers deep into my hair. “Waking up to you asleep on my chest, bringing you coffee in the shower, wrapping your legs around me while I get you wet under the stream—it makes me the happiest man. I don’t want the breaks in between, Whitney. I want to feel that every day.”
I felt the air swish through our bodies as we both exhaled.
“I think you do too.”
My heart ached as I thought of Emily, and it pounded as his admission took hold of me. I didn’t want to leave her, but I didn’t want to keep leaving him either.
“Caleb …” I said softly, swallowing the tightness in my throat. “I want that more than anything.”
“Baby, it’s already yours.”
I glanced away again, needing the break to get my emotions under control.
I knew the answer wasn’t hiding in these magnificent hills; my gut was already leading me, but I still listened to the wind, the only sound around us, and I looked through those tangled vines.
And I wondered, in this moment, if there was anyone as lucky as me.
“Yes,” I replied, turning to take in his handsome face. “I would love to move in with you.”
“Get over here.” He didn’t wait for me to stand; instead, he reached under my legs and scooped me up from the chair, placing me on his lap.
I laughed from the buzz I felt in my body and the weightlessness, and I circled my arms around his neck, kissing his smooth cheeks that smelled of that deliciously woodsy scent. “You’re so good to me, Caleb.”
He sighed, holding my eyes steady. “Not a single woman from my past has ever accepted me, my lifestyle, or the number of hours I put into my job. It’s all I know, all I’ve done since I was nine years old, and I can’t change it. But you appeared in that bar on the day of the marathon, erupting my world like a goddamn windstorm, and never once have you tried to change me or make me into someone I’m not.” He kissed me so gently. “That’s not why I’m good to you, Whitney. That’s why you’re perfect for me.” His lips moved closer to mine again when he said, “I’m so in love with you.”
“Oh, Caleb.” Tears were pricking my eyes. “I love you.” I held them back and pressed my nose to his, placing my hand on his heart, like he had done to mine so many times. “And I accept every bit of the workaholic, adventurous, feral man you are, and I can’t wait to watch you achieve your next dream—when you take over your parents’ business—the same way you’re going to help me accomplish mine.”
He pulled me against his mouth, kissing me in a way that I understood—a moment that was better to be filled with passion than words. One that was vulnerable and emotionally raw. And when I finally backed away to take a breath, I stayed cuddled on his lap, my face in his neck, gazing at the landscape surrounding us.
I didn’t know how long we’d been marinating in the silence, but Caleb broke it with, “I have something special planned for tomorrow.”
I turned to look at his profile. “You normally don’t mention when you have a surprise in the works.”
He chuckled. “You’re right about that, but this one might take a little mental preparation on your end; therefore, I’m breaking my rule just this once.”
I reached for my glass on the table, taking a large gulp of the liquid courage. “If you tell me we’re jumping out of a plane, I might die.”
His laugh didn’t calm; it only got louder.
“Are you kidding?” I gasped. “That’s what we’re doing?”
“This is your place”—he kissed my lips before I had the chance to lick off the wine—“and the best way to see it is from far above, flying across its beauty in the sky.”
“Caleb Hunt, I’ve yet to say no to any of your adrenaline rushes, but the nurse side of me is telling me this is a horrible idea. I’ve worked in the ER, and I specialize in ortho/neuro, so I know what can happen when bodies hit the ground with major impact and—”
“Trust me,” he whispered, cutting me off. “You’re going to be fine, and you’re going to love every second of it.”
Twenty-Nine
“I literally can’t believe what I’m looking at right now,” Emily said as we shared her pillow, cuddled beneath the comforter on her bed, staring at my phone that I held high above our heads.
I’d been flipping through the pictures of the Napa trip and just arrived at our excursion through the sky.
“I mean, I know your texts said you went skydiving, but I honestly didn’t believe you. I needed proof, and now that I have it, I still can’t believe it.”
I gently slapped her arm with the back of my hand. “You know my unadventurous self wouldn’t lie.”
“Of course you wouldn’t; you don’t even know how. But good God, woman, Caleb has definitely brought out a wild side in you.”
“He’s taking me windsurfing next weekend.”
She knocked on my head like it was a door. “Um, is my best friend somewhere in there because I don’t see her anywhere?”
“I’ve needed this, Em.” I thought about the things I’d learned from my relationship with Caleb, and there was something so prominent every time we took an adventure. “He shows me what I’ve been missing all these years while I’ve been stuck at the hospital.”
“And he’s shown you how to actually start living, something you stopped doing when David died.”
It hurt to nod my
head. “You’re right.” I sighed, lowering my cell onto the mattress. “He’s good for me.”
“Yes, he is, and I’ve never said that about anyone you’ve ever dated.”
I took a breath, dreading this moment. I’d rehearsed what I was going to say the whole flight back from California last night. I didn’t know when the right time was to bring it up, and I’d been trying to anticipate how she would react, but I just needed to face it already.
I looked at Emily and said simply, “He asked me to move in with him.”
“I know.”
“What?” I flipped onto my side and faced her. “How?”
“Because Caleb is an extremely intelligent man, and you’re the best girl in the universe, so of course he asked you. He’d be a complete moron if he didn’t.”
I laughed at her craziness. “He asked me in Napa, and I know it’s fast and a whole lot of change, but something about it feels so right.”
“Listen, sweet pea, if the bombing taught us anything, it’s that life can be tragically unpredictable, and at any moment, it can lift us as high as the clouds or blow our asses up. Besides, what’s the worst that can happen? You’ll move back in with me? I don’t think that’s so bad.”
“It’s not,” I whispered.
She moved to her side, draping her arm over mine. “Follow love. Follow happiness. That’s the advice I will always give you, and that’s exactly what you’re doing, babe. The speed you take to get there doesn’t matter, only the journey does, and so far, yours has been such a beautiful one.”
Emotion was breaking through my chest, coming out of my eyes. I reached onto her nightstand to grab some tissues, tucking one under my sleeve for backup, keeping the other close to my face.
She wiped the side I wasn’t patting. “I’ll miss these tears, my forever sobber.”
“I can’t help it. When you’re not being sassy, you can be a little on the sappy side, and your words hit me in all the places.” I finished drying and took a few deep breaths. “Also, you won’t need to miss my crying. I’m not giving up the apartment, so when our lease expires in three months, I’m renewing it with you.”
Her brows rose, her neck moving back like I’d hit her. “Have you lost your mind?”
“And I’m going to keep paying for half the utilities. This way, I can come back for girls’ nights and crash here whenever I want to and—”
“Whitney …” Her expression became much more serious, a look that didn’t cross her face very often. “You don’t have to keep paying if you’re not living here. My home will be yours, no matter where it is or whoever else I have living here.” Her gaze didn’t falter at all; it deepened instead. “You lunatic, why would you even consider doing that? And you’d better not tell me it’s because you’re worried I can’t afford it on my own. I am poor as hell—we both are—but we always seem to find a way to make it work. I will on my own, too, even if that means finding a smaller place.”
“No, that’s not it.” I continued to shake my head. “I’m just not ready to let this go.”
“Honey—”
“Emily, I can’t. Not yet at least.” I knew another encouraging talk was about to roll out from her mouth, and I didn’t want to hear it because I wasn’t going to change my mind. “Caleb came into my world so unexpectedly, and as amazing as our relationship is, it’s still something I have to get used to.” I adjusted the pillow, fixing the placement of our arms. “But there’s so much more on the horizon. I have to make some serious decisions about my job and where my career is and where it’s going to take me. I just can’t handle everything at once.” My chest was tightening again. “Things with Caleb moving a hundred miles per hour is one thing, but everything is going that fast, and I’m overwhelmed.” I swallowed, pushing through the rock that was lodged in my throat. “This is the part that I want to take slow.”
“You know you could live in Siberia, and aside from being in different time zones and freezing all the time, nothing would change us, right?”
I nodded.
“You’re my family, Whit. It doesn’t matter where you are or who you’re shacking up with.”
Another tear fell. “I know.”
“Well then, I accept your plan and your hefty donations each month.” She used her sleeve to wipe the newest drips. “And I have all intentions of taking over your closet and dresser, and I think we should put that in the lease.”
I laughed, needing that so badly, and I sat up and hugged her. “I love you,” I whispered against her shoulder. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m never letting you go.”
“We can blame it on the asshole at BU who thought it was a brilliant idea to house a loudmouth from Boston with an angel from Vermont. A real bastard he was.” She squeezed tighter. “You’re stuck with me for life, woman.”
Within a few more breaths, my chest began to relax, the tears stopping.
I didn’t know how, but I knew this was all going to be all right.
She pulled back, her hands still on my shoulders. “Now, can we forget all this serious talk for a minute and order a pizza and some peanut butter cookies and get lost in reruns?”
“You read my mind.”
Thirty
“To our first official night together at your new place,” Caleb said, clinking his beer against my glass of wine while we sat on the large sectional in the living room.
“I’ll definitely cheers to that.”
He’d opened the sliding glass door, letting in the breeze, hints of fall already thick in the air. He’d also put on the gas fireplace, setting a mood, and I tucked the blanket around our legs and cuddled into his side.
“I love it here,” I said, resting my head on his arm.
I hadn’t waited the three months to move into Caleb’s. Instead, I’d used the little time off I had over the last few weeks to slowly transfer my clothes and cosmetics, leaving everything else for Emily. Now, there were tiny reminders of me all over the condo, like my purse sitting on the barstool in the kitchen, a small section of his closet filled with my clothes, my products in the shower and more on a tray by the sink. Caleb had even offered to redecorate, change the black decor to a color less masculine. Maybe when I gave up my lease next year, I would agree to that, but for the time being, I just wanted to get used to calling this space home.
Just this afternoon, while Caleb had been at the office, I’d finished bringing over the rest of my things. When he finally arrived, there was dinner waiting, a whole spread of sushi from a restaurant he loved down the street. I even made a centerpiece for the table out of flowers I’d bought at the bodega. From our text exchange earlier, I had known it had been a rough day for him at work, so I just wanted him to feel happy when he walked in and to celebrate what we considered my true move-in date. And even though he had been somewhat quiet over dinner, I thought I’d accomplished that goal.
While the wind carried the many sounds of the city into the room, his arm slipped across my shoulders, pulling me in even closer. “Did you see Emily today?”
“She was just getting home as I was packing up the last of my stuff. We got to hang for a few minutes.”
He kissed the top of my head. “Maybe we should have her over this weekend. I suppose it’s my turn to cook for her.”
“I’ll text her later. I know she would love that.”
He kept his lips on my hair, and I felt each inhale and exhale until the noises from an ambulance and fire truck caused him to pull away.
“I would kill for some Napa silence right now.”
Even though he chuckled, there was tension in his voice, and there had been since he’d returned from work. I hadn’t mentioned it. I knew what it was like to have a crap day, but I also wanted him to know he could vent to me if that was what he needed.
As he was working on his fourth beer, hopefully a little more relaxed, this seemed like the best time to bring it up.
I wiggled out of his grip and set my wine on the coffee table, freein
g my hands to massage his neck. “Talk to me. Tell me about today.”
He was staring toward the balcony, his eyes blinking lazily as I got deeper into his muscles. “I lost a major client, someone I had done everything in my power to land and everything in my goddamn ability to save.” The movement in his cheeks told me he was grinding his teeth. “But it wasn’t enough. Fuck.” He shook his head. “It’s a huge blow to the company, to my portfolio.” He paused. “To my fucking ego.”
“What happened? What made him change his mind—” I started, my phone cutting me off as it rang from the kitchen. “One sec.” I rushed over, seeing Rebecca’s name and number fill the screen.
“Are you going to answer?”
There was impatience on his face when I glanced up.
“I don’t know.”
“Then, send the call to voice mail, so I don’t have to listen to that blaring ring.”
My ringtone was annoying, but I had a hard time ignoring Rebecca’s call. She was working tonight, and I knew she wouldn’t reach out unless she absolutely had to. That was the thought that was tugging on me.
Dammit.
I held the phone to my ear and said, “Hello?”
“You’re going to murder me.”
“Oh God. Why?”
“Because I’m about to get on my hands and knees and beg you to come in. You know I wouldn’t call unless it was a dire emergency, but tonight is one. Letitia tested positive for the flu, and we sent her home. Lindsay got into a car accident on the way here. And Shonda’s husband is out of town, and she has no one to watch her kids, so she called in. It’s just me and a nurse I borrowed from med surg, but she’s already put in thirteen hours today, and she’s about to fall on her face.”
I looked at Caleb while he sipped his beer and focused on the sights of Boston through the open glass. “Shit.” I dragged my hand through my hair, rubbing at my scalp.
“Trust me, I know. It killed me to even make this call, especially when you just finished a four-day stretch.”
Going back to the hospital for a fifth day in a row was the last thing I wanted. I hadn’t even recovered from the previous four shifts, and I still had more fun planned for tonight. I wanted to take the flowers up to the roof and sprinkle the petals into the Jacuzzi and eat the chocolate-covered strawberries I’d picked up for dessert.