The Complete Kiss Me Series

by Emma Hart

  ME: Thanks for the help.

  LEO: No problem. By the way, mission accomplished. She just texted me telling me what a fucking sadistic prick you are.

  ME: I’ll sleep with one eye open tonight.

  LEO: My advice? Don’t sleep.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  * * *

  AVA

  It’s On, Bitches

  Marshmallows were such an irrational thing to be angry about. I knew that. Everyone knew that. I didn’t even have the excuse that I was on my period anymore.

  Nope, the monthly notification of not having a human being forming in my uterus was over.

  The problem was, everyone knew you didn’t buy Lucky Charms for the cereal. It was for the marshmallows. They literally sold just a box of those, which was what I was now eating as I sat at a table in the library.

  The little kids were all kind of… staring at me.

  It was a little scary. No wonder people were genuinely afraid of them.

  I had, however, swiftly enacted my revenge in the form of a double hit. I was no longer paying for cable, and I’d not only deleted Ethan’s profile from my Netflix account, but I’d changed the password, too.

  And logged out.

  Everywhere.

  Ev. Er. Ee. Where.

  I chuckled to myself as I shoveled a handful of marshmallows into my mouth.

  “You know,” Halley said, buttoning up her jacket as she approached me. “It’s really weird that you’re just sitting there eating those from the box. Are you okay? Do you need an intervention?”

  “Nope.” I threw a few more into my mouth, then explained the events of the morning and how I’d retaliated.

  She nodded her head as she pushed open the door to the library. “Seems fair. I think what he did was basically treason.”

  “Agreed.” I hugged the box tight to my chest. “Anyway, that’s today’s update. It’s getting brutal.”

  “What else did Angelica tell you? Surely there’s something you can do to really piss him off.”

  I sighed. “There is, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

  She frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “She said I’m his Achilles heel.”

  “What?”

  “Apparently, he has an attraction to me that he keeps secret.”

  Halley stopped in the middle of the street. “Well, that works, considering you’re in love with him.”

  “I’m not in love with him,” I lied. “But I don’t know what to do with this information.”

  “Use it to your advantage, obviously.” She started walking again. “Don’t wear a bra at home. Wear little shorts. Drop something and pick it up in front of him. If he’s really attracted to you that badly, he’ll lose it.”

  I frowned, pushing open the door to the diner. “I don’t know. That just seems like the easiest possible way I could make a fool out of myself.”

  “Ava, you were just sitting in the library in the middle of the day eating Lucky Charms marshmallows from the box. No offense, but you’re not exactly the epitome of being a lady.” Halley gave me a pointed look as we sat at a table for two people.

  Also, it was really annoying that she was right.

  “Okay, so you have a point,” I started.

  “Naturally.”

  “But it seems like a terrible idea.”

  “The marshmallows or the sexy thing?”

  “The sexy thing. The marshmallows are never a bad idea.” I put the box on the table. “I mean, it’s not like I wear a bra all the time anyway, but I don’t wear little shorts when he’s around, and I certainly don’t snap and bend to pick things up.”

  “Bend and snap.”

  “What?”

  “The move is bend and snap.”

  “I… don’t really care,” I said honestly. “I’m not going to do it. I’ll probably fall and break my elbow or something.”

  Halley rolled her eyes. “What then? If you have feelings for him and he’s attracted to you, the fact that you’re roommates is seriously problematic.”

  I put my elbows on the table and rested my chin in my hands. “It’s already problematic. I had to get hedgehog shit out of my sneakers this morning before I could run.”

  “You ran without me? Look at you, getting fit and shit.”

  I gave her a withering smile. “That’s what you took from that?”

  She sighed and leaned forward. “Look. You and Ethan living together was a terrible idea, Ava. You don’t even need me to tell you that, but I don’t get it. You’ve had feelings for him for years, and now you’ve found out he’s attracted to you.”

  I shifted in the chair.

  “Why don’t you just mess with him and see if he breaks? If he doesn’t, no harm done. If he does, you don’t know what might happen.”

  “We’re not you and Preston,” I argued. “Ethan and I don’t get along for the most part, and I like it like that. Even though we live together now, we’re not really nice to each other. We’re just civil. We don’t see each other half the time because of work.”

  “You’re just making a long list of excuses.”

  “No.” Yes. “The point is, if I try and be all Jessica Rabbit, something is going to go wrong.”

  “Worse than a hedgehog using your shoe as a toilet?”

  “Worse than a hedgehog using my shoe as a toilet,” I confirmed. “Honestly, I don’t want him to be attracted to me. Now I’m constantly going to be worrying about what he’s thinking about me.”

  “He’s probably terrified of what you’re going to do next.”

  “I’ve already done it.”

  “He doesn’t know that. I think you should have waited for a few days. Built the suspense.”

  “I’m not writing a book, Halley. I’m just trying to piss him off. I’m not even going to be passive about this one. Just aggressive.”

  She put her menu down. “Ava. You have the aggressive of a newborn kitten.”

  I pursed my lips. “You and Reagan are dreadful at being supportive friends.”

  “Yeah. Pretty much. So, what are we eating?”

  ***

  “We need to talk.” Ethan slammed his hands down on the bar.

  I looked over at him. “I’m sorry, sir, you’ll have to wait until I’ve served these customers. They were here first.”

  Anger flashed in his eyes. “Ava.”

  “What can I get you, sir?” I asked a balding, portly man who already had his wallet out. He gave me his order of two beers, and I took my sweet-ass time pouring them from the tap and serving them to him.

  I repeated this four times, making one of the women laugh when she realized what I was doing. I winked at her as I set the last gin and tonic down on the tray. After taking her money, I rang up the order on the register.

  Slowly.

  She laughed as I handed her the change. She shook her head and whispered, “Ex-boyfriend?”

  “No,” I whispered happily. “My roommate, who just found out I canceled my cable.”

  Her laugh carried her over to the table. I put the tip in my jar, and after making a big show of wiping down the bar and taking so long someone else came up for a drink, I finally gave Ethan my attention.

  “Would you like your usual, sir?” I asked brightly, giving him my best customer service smile.

  He licked his lips. “What happened to the TV?”

  “What do you mean?” I frowned. “It was fine when I left.”

  “You know exactly what I mean.”

  “If I knew, I wouldn’t have asked, would I?”

  He tightened his jaw. “Cable, Ava. There’s no fucking cable, and I can’t get into Netflix.”

  “Ohhhhhh.” I dragged the word out as long as I could. Slowly, I nodded my head. “That.”

  “Yes. Why isn’t there any cable?”

  “That would be because I canceled it.”

  He stilled. His entire body went rigid, and the muscles in his arms visibly tightened under his thin, gr
ay sweater. “Why would you do that?”

  “It’s quite simple, really. I didn’t watch cable, so I canceled it.” I shrugged and moved along the bar to the guy who was waiting. “Yes, sir, can I help you?”

  Ethan’s eyes followed me as I served the guy, narrowing when I rejoined him. “I watch cable.”

  “Then, by all means, call the cable company,” I replied simply.

  He took a deep breath. “And Netflix?”

  “I changed my password and logged out.” I grinned. “Whoopsie.”

  “Whoopsie? What kind of—fuck. This is your revenge, isn’t it? For this morning?”

  “Wow. You had to come all the way down here to figure it out.” I shook my head and tutted. “How have you survived this long?”

  He glared at me. “You’re a fucking nightmare.”

  “I never claimed to be anything but.” I wasn’t bothered at all. In fact, this was great. Exactly what I’d hoped for.

  “Fine. I’ll call the cable company and pay for it myself. Did my sister put you up to this?”

  “Why? Did she change her Netflix password, too?”

  His lips twitched.

  “Seriously. It’s like ten bucks a month, you cheap bastard.”

  He rubbed his hand down his face. “Don’t you think this is getting out of hand?”

  “No. I’m just getting started.” I reached up and retied my ponytail. “You’re the one who started this, Ethan. You nudged my candles after I’d already told you it bugs me. Anything that happens to you is solely your responsibility.”

  “All right. I see how this is.” He tapped both hands on the bar and straightened up. “You really want to see how far this can go, don’t you?”

  “I have a list.” I smiled.

  “So do I. Sleep with one eye open, sunshine. Be afraid.”

  “Yes,” I deadpanned. “You look terrifying.”

  Ethan’s dark blue eyes flared with something that told me that maybe a little fear wouldn’t be a bad thing. “Yeah? I’m going home. You’re here until midnight. That’s…” He glanced at the watch on his wrist. “Six hours for me to do something, and you’re going to be standing here the whole time wondering what I’m doing. Or maybe I won’t do anything, but you won’t know that either.”

  “You’re childish.”

  “You’re petty,” he shot back.

  “Says the one being petty.”

  “Your TV move was petty.”

  “This whole thing is petty,” I said, grabbing my cloth. “It’s kind of the point.”

  Ethan sighed. “It’s hard to argue with that.”

  I nodded. “That’s because I’m right.”

  “Mm.” He pushed off the bar and hit me with a dark look. “I’ll see you at home. Maybe.”

  I folded my arms across my chest and gave him my best, ‘I don’t care’ stare.

  I did care.

  A lot, actually.

  We were quickly moving into a real savagery stage of this passive-aggressive living arrangement. Maybe Halley was right at lunch—maybe I did have to use myself as a way to get at him.

  The problem was, I was one hundred percent sure that Angelica was wrong. I didn’t think for a second that Ethan was attracted to me. He’d never done anything to make me think that could be true—or if he had, I simply hadn’t noticed.

  That was a possibility. Given that I kept him at arm’s length so he didn’t accidentally find out how I felt about him…

  I sighed and dropped my arms. I really wasn’t sure I’d thought through my warmongering stance on this. I just wanted to win, but I wasn’t even sure what exactly it was we were competing for.

  He was already showing signs of breaking. Taking away the cable and Netflix was a good one. That really hit where it hurt, and I made a mental note to text Angelica to thank her for that one.

  Her changing her password was a nice touch.

  It really gave the move some oomph.

  Of course, Ethan had been right. I was stuck here at work for another six-ish hours while he was back at the apartment, maybe doing something. Maybe not doing anything at all.

  It was torture to think about.

  I had to be ready to fight back—a thin shirt with no bra and taking a bite out of every single cookie in the packet he’d just bought was a smart next move.

  Hell, the no-bra one was easy. I’d get a headstart on that tomorrow morning. You know, be proactive and all that. That was how I’d win this.

  I pulled my phone out from under the bar and, after glancing around to make sure nobody needed anything, tapped out a quick text.

  ME: He’s mad. Next up, biting all the cookies and basically getting my boobs out.

  HALLEY: Smart. When does the boob thing start?

  REAGAN: Why are you getting your boobs out? Are you changing jobs again?

  ME: Tomorrow. At work. Halley will explain.

  I tucked the phone back away to serve the woman at the other end of the bar. Going back to it when she’d gone, I shook my head at how their conversation had ended.

  HALLEY: $50 says the boobs make him break.

  REAGAN: Nah, he’s gonna win. Deal.

  ME: You two need another hobby.

  CHAPTER NINE

  * * *

  AVA

  Will He, Won’t He

  Everything looked perfect.

  I was worried.

  It was like being a parent—they always said that they only worried what their kids were up to when it was silent.

  Obviously, I didn’t have kids, but I imagined this was how they felt.

  Absolutely nothing in the apartment seemed to be out of place. Ethan was already at work, and that’d allowed me to do a thorough walk-through and check everything I could think of.

  None of my food had been eaten. Nothing hidden. He hadn’t hacked the Netflix account or anything. The hedgehog was safely in its cage.

  There was nothing.

  Nada.

  I was extremely uncomfortable with this. I’d been sure that he’d retaliate immediately, but obviously his talk last night had done its job.

  I was really fucking paranoid.

  I didn’t like it. At all. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, even though I knew I was alone.

  He had to have done something.

  I shivered and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. I was too jittery even to drink coffee, so I drank some of the water, then went into my room to change into my running stuff.

  Running was the only way I’d be able to shift some of this nervous energy.

  I changed quickly and pulled my hair into a ponytail. After triple-checking my shoes for spiky pig poop, I put them on and tied the laces tight, then headed outside with my phone, money, and keys in the handy zip pockets in my pants.

  Yep. Every item of clothing needed pockets. Pockets were so underrated. And, as a woman, my clothes did not have enough pockets. Dresses with pockets were so delightful—whenever anyone said they liked my dress, I was just like that internet meme that declares we women stick our hands in said pockets and perform some questionable ballet routine just to say, “Thanks! My dress has pockets!”

  When I eventually rise to power, everyone will have pockets in all clothes.

  That was definitely a solid use of power.

  Ava, 2028. Make Pockets Great Again.

  That’s right. I was going to sweep votes based on that alone.

  We are women, and we demand pockets in all our clothing. It was a seriously underrated human right.

  I know. First world problems. But first world problems are still problems, and anyone who thinks pockets aren’t a necessity has never pulled twenty dollars out of their bra.

  ‘Here, have some boob sweat for your troubles,’ said nobody ever.

  Actually, said thousands of women ever, but I digress.

  I picked up my running pace as I rounded the corner to the park. Despite all my complaints, I’d become pretty accustomed to this part of my day. Well, my we
ek. Let’s be honest: I wasn’t running every day. More like… every three days.

  Running was running. My mouth probably didn’t count here, but I did that at least ten times a day.

  My feet pounded against the asphalt path that wound its way through the Creek Falls park. Thanks to the trees that stretched into the sky, I was pretty much sheltered from the sun as I ran. The lack of water I’d brought with me was already killing me, so I kept an eye open for where I could buy some.

  Jesus.

  I was going to die.

  Why hadn’t I brought water? I’d opened a bottle literally five minutes before I left. Was this why Halley ran with me? To remind me how to adult? To fitness? To human?

  No wonder I was the only single one out of the three of us. Reagan didn’t run, but even she wouldn’t forget this.

  Wheezing, I leaned against a tree. Sweet baby Jesus on horseback. This exercise shit was not for the weak-hearted.

  That was me.

  I was the weak-hearted.

  I doubled over, bracing my hands on my knees. My ponytail swung down the side of my face, and I had to adjust my glasses to stop them from falling off my face. The stitch in my side was going to make me pass out if I didn’t get control of my breathing in the next, oh, point-five of a second.

  “Ava?”

  I jerked my head up at the sound of my favorite firefighter. All right, the only firefighter I knew. “Noah!” I breathed.

  He raised one eyebrow, lips twitching, and looked me over. “You all right there?”

  “No,” I replied. “Can you carry my body to the apartment and make sure someone tells my parents that I love them?”

  He laughed and held out his water bottle. “Why don’t you try this?”

  I basically snatched it out of his hand and glugged half the bottle down. I instantly felt better, sighing as I handed the bottle back.

  Noah grinned. “Keep it. I’m done anyway.”

  “You’re my hero.”

  “Perfect. Just Halley to go, and I’ve officially saved the lives of all three of you.”

  I burst out laughing. “Two outta three ain’t bad. At least we know what to write on your gravestone now.”