by Eric Vall
So, I promptly picked up my burger, and then I didn’t say another word for several minutes on account of what was happening in my mouth.
Alfred had truly reinvented the burger and then some, and he’d managed to cook every one of them to perfection without drying the meat out. Juice dribbled down my chin as I groaned over the crispness of the lettuce, and even though I’d never tasted this kind of cheese before, it was the perfect pairing with the onions.
My women moaned with approval as they took their first bites, and they tried to continue talking about Cayla’s army, but they ended up discussing what made their burgers so good instead. It was adorable listening to them try to pinpoint what it was about the dish that achieved this perfect balance of flavor, texture, and comfort, but I just gnoshed on one burger after another without adding in my two cents.
I knew there was no point trying to explain anything. Burgers were just that good, and no rhyme or reason was necessary.
Eventually, my women noticed I hadn’t spoken in quite a while, though, and Shoshanne dabbed some ketchup from her lips as she eyed me with concern.
“Are they what you had in mind?” the healer asked. “You haven’t said anything.”
I tried to form words around my colossal bite. “That’s how you know it’s a good burger.”
“Ohhh,” Shoshanne said with a nod, but then Deya squeaked, and we all looked over to see her with cheeks full like a chipmunk as she pointed to her burger and nodded.
“You haven’t talked either!” Aurora gasped.
“And you’re not throwing up!” Cayla realized.
“Wait, the baby likes burgers?” I croaked, and when Deya nodded happily, I felt my heart swell all at once.
Then I shoved my seat out from under me and headed for my beautiful elf, and she stood up to hug me, but I dropped to my knees to hug her belly instead.
“Of course, the baby likes burgers,” I mumbled against her hip. “It’s just like its daddy.”
My women began giggling as I promised my unborn child there would always be burgers in this house, and I detailed all the variations we’d try together as well as the open-faced options in case they were into that. I was halfway through explaining the importance of the distribution of fat in an angus burger versus regular beef when I realized Nulena was staring at me, though.
So, I trailed off with slight embarrassment, kissed Deya’s belly, and got back to my feet, but Nulena was still staring.
She hadn’t blinked once, and she didn’t seem to notice I was grinning at her, either. Her ebony lips were slack while her two-toned eyes stayed glued on me, and there was a strange mixture of hunger and pain in her expression that I’d never seen on her before.
The Baroness must have realized how quiet the room was, though, because she suddenly snapped out of it as her whole face, neck, and chest shimmered like a pearl.
Then she shot to her feet so fast, her chair tipped over.
“I have a full schedule!” Nulena blurted out, and with that, she vanished in a wash of shadows.
I cleared my throat and returned to my seat while Shoshanne giggled like a schoolgirl, but Cayla and Aurora exchanged smug grins from across the table.
“She’s breaking down,” the princess muttered as she raised her water glass.
“Yeah, she is,” Aurora chuckled, and the two women actually clinked their glasses in victory. “Next time, we should let her see how Mason bites at Deya’s breasts now that they’re so swollen. No woman in her right mind could ignore that.”
“Would you two stop plotting my pregnancies with other women?” I sighed. “I can plot my own pregnancies.”
“Clearly,” Deya snorted behind her burger, and my women burst out laughing at the look on my face.
I let them carry on with the hysterics while I drained my ale, but when I realized they’d be laughing for a while, I grabbed my last burger and rose to my feet.
“Alright, I’m gonna go wake up an army of giant metal men,” I announced as I hitched my shirt over my arm. “You ladies enjoy your lunch.”
“No, wait!” Cayla laughed. “We want to wake up your army, too!”
Then all my women grabbed their burgers before they hastily followed me, and when I passed my training hall, I saw Alfred had reorganized the weapons I’d had to throw out of the atrium. They lined the floor in the exact order they’d been in on the racks, and when I got to my shop, it wasn’t nearly as much of a disaster zone anymore.
Aside from my dislodged work table and some broken stonework.
Alfred had restored my stock shelves and scrubbed the majority of the blood up as well, and he’d even repacked my crates of magazines for me. My sketches were stacked neatly in the corner, Stan’s scrap pile was swept up, and with a careful glance to the side, I confirmed the ruby statue of myself hadn’t been exposed.
So, I summoned my powers while I climbed over the remaining debris, and I remounted my work table before I fixed the stonework of the walls. Luckily, my cabinet of ammunition was still sealed and in place, and once I slung a sack of channeling gems over my shoulder, I told Stan to mount up so he could join us.
Then I led my family out to the clearing as I shoved the last of my burger into my gullet, and I scanned Falmount while I got situated for our next trial run.
I could hear Bagneera pulling into the station with cars full of horses to replace the slaughtered ones, and more arguments were already breaking out between the dwarves and the mages in the marketplace. Most of the ogres were tearing their caves apart to blow off some steam in the northern woods, and I abruptly shifted my attention away as I realized Grot was working his way through his women.
On the other side of my house, the elves sounded like they were plotting some sort of revenge in their native language, but since a few of them kept saying my women’s names in more anxious tones, I let all these things slide right off my back.
At this point, I didn’t care what my allies did to each other. I had a belly full of burgers, not a drop of semen left in me, and a pack of deadly women who could probably wrangle every asshole in this town if I needed them to.
Not to mention, Nulena loved me enough to help out without me asking her now, and I was eighty percent sure she was days away from begging me to get her pregnant. The Baroness practically combusted over that belly kiss I gave Deya, and with a victory like that under my belt, I was even more determined not to die over these tunnels.
I had way too many things to live for in this realm, and I wouldn’t let a bunch of unruly allies cost me any of it now. Depending on how these automatons worked out, I could get them to the tunnels by force if need be, and after all the shit they’d pulled in the last day, I wasn’t above the idea.
So, I summoned my metal powers, and I transported my eight, hulking sentries across the moat since they were too big to fit over the bridge. Then I dug through my sack of gems until I had the eight largest diamonds I could find, and I raised them with my Terra powers as I stepped back.
Stan landed on my shoulder while I positioned the gems in front of the central wiring hubs, and once the two of us exchanged a nod, I sent out a surge of magic to embed the gems into the eight sentries at the same time.
My heart pounded heavy with anticipation as the gems began to give off a steady pulse, and none of us said a word while we waited for the machines to wake up.
After a few seconds, the eyes on the steel helms ignited with a blaze of white, and as the collective power of their magical gems shot through my veins, I knew these guys would be a force to be reckoned with.
Not only were their personalities distinctly alert, but the energy they gave off was crisp and unyielding, and when their helms slowly turned to look my way, the pulse of the eight gems fell in sync with one another.
“Welcome to the army, boys,” I said with a deadly grin. “I’m Mason Flynt.”
Then the eight metal soldiers raised their right arms and saluted in unison, and the barrels of their rifles tipped toward the
sky at attention.
Cayla let out a shaky whimper behind me, and when I glanced over my shoulder, she was holding onto Aurora and Shoshanne for support. All four women seemed to be eyeing me more than the machines, though, and Deya was frozen mid bite like she’d forgotten how to chew. So, I sent her a wink, and she immediately turned pink as her burger dropped to the ground.
“See those women?” I asked as I turned back to my sentries. “They’re our most important charge. Protecting them at all costs will always be your primary objective, but today, I’ve got another mission for you as well. We’re going to war, boys, and those weapons you’re holding are gonna secure our victory. What do you say we try ‘em out?”
The sentries nodded as I turned toward the woods, but then Stan tugged hard on my earlobe.
“Oh, yeah,” I muttered, and I gestured for Stan to do a fly by introduction. “This little guy is your brother Stan, but he’s also one of your leaders. Always protect and obey Stan, and do not accidentally run him over with your treads.”
Stan nodded importantly as he slowly flew past each helm, and he held eye contact with his giant brothers as they turned to watch him pass. Then he circled back to do an extra fly by just to make sure the sentries knew he meant business, and when he finally rejoined me, he sent me a little salute for good measure.
“At ease, Stan,” I said in my most formal tone. “Now, let’s see what you guys can do.”
The ground rumbled with the weight of the machines as their treads rolled behind me, and I could hear the healers in the infirmary rushing to the windows to see what the commotion was. The guards on the lookout tower stopped their conversation as they leaned over the battlements to watch, and while I led the fleet into the western woods, Stan flew ahead of me with one hand on his hip and the other holding onto his dragon’s spine.
My women’s breaths were shallow and shaky as they trailed behind all of us, and I could tell by how many times Cayla tripped that she was still struggling to keep it together.
The elves were the first of my allies to come out of hiding thanks to their heightened hearing, and I could sense them creeping through the woods while they left a wide berth between them and my metal troops.
I let them stalk us all they wanted, though, because seeing this next part would probably do them some good.
“Line up right here, boys,” I said as we came to a clearing, and I eyed the stout oaks ahead of us while the machines fell into position at my back. “For this upcoming mission, you’ll have the freedom to fire at will on our enemies, but during this first trial, I’m testing more than just your aim. I’m testing your diligence, too. There will be no room for error in this army.”
I turned around to find eight pairs of stark white eyes intently watching me, and I nodded in approval before I took a deep breath and connected with their gems. Then I silently delivered their instructions, and one by one, the machines removed a magazine from their chests, loaded it up, and cocked the charging handles of their AR-15s.
Once they were ready to fire, I faced the trees ahead of them, and I took a moment to choose a pattern that would be difficult to maneuver, but easy to track so I could gauge their abilities.
Then I stepped aside and delivered their orders without speaking.
I barely had time to blink before rapid fire broke out, and the wall of sentries surged forward to begin their attack. My adrenaline spiked as I immediately recognized the pattern I’d envisioned, and not only did the automatons move with sharp precision, but their aim was dead on. They coordinated their movements in a way that proved the power of their gems really was interconnected, and any time one Bom changed direction, two others would alter their path in turn. When I switched it up and began intercepting their course with new orders, they seamlessly corrected their paths to deliver the attack I had in mind, and I couldn’t help chuckling to myself as bullets shredded the bark of trees all around me.
Stan was so caught up in the moment he began throwing his arms up like he was conducting the whole affair, and shattered bark exploded across the clearing every time his little metal arms shot out.
Then three stout trees crashed down from the barrage of bullets, and I could hear the elven warriors fleeing the scene as the ground shook with the weight of the machines pounding over boulders and brambles.
I just chuckled some more, though, as I tracked the progress of my individual soldiers, and I was pleased to see none of them failed to make their marks. They wove between each other in an intricately choreographed attack, and they left a path of destruction behind them as I started sending a stream of alternate orders to the individual Boms.
They all responded without hesitation, and even when I sent three automatons’ barreling toward the same target, they deviated enough to avoid a collision while they fired ten bullets each from every side.
Then I caught a glint of bloody brown eyes through the trees, and Grot’s toothy grin loomed in the shadows to the north as he watched the sentries wreak havoc on the trees. I could tell by his fiendish look that he appreciated the kind of massacre I had in mind when I’d built my metal army, and something about his low, devious chortle assured me the most barbaric allies I had would gladly deliver all they promised when the time came.
I just had to make sure they made it to their stations without mauling my other allies, and as I watched my army of Boms switch up their attacks to match my newest order, I realized I was more prepared to handle my various troops than I’d anticipated.
With soldiers like this at my disposal, everything I could imagine was possible. Even coordinating my ambush with a ragtag band of pissed off allies.
My women’s hands distracted me from my plotting, though, as they instinctively clustered around me. Then Shoshanne’s arms wove around my waist as Deya started a trail of kisses across my shoulder blades, and I let my women paw at me all they wanted to while I just grinned and watched my metal army destroy the woods some more.
Aurora moaned against my neck as Cayla kissed me anywhere she could, and I wish I could have said I was surprised by their reaction, but I wasn’t. My women had always loved my inventions, and while the sheer power of the eight hulking machines sent a shudder through the ground, I couldn’t deny, this was definitely my best idea since coming to this realm.
Well, this and deciding to get my four gorgeous women pregnant. Both ideas were equally satisfying.
So, I reveled in my success while my women clutched me between them like they couldn’t help themselves, and as the retort of the last round ricocheted around us, I silently ordered my sentries back to their start positions.
“Aurora,” I muttered, and the half-elf unlatched her teeth from my neck to look up at me. “Get the Defenders to the market, and Cayla, round up my allies by any means necessary. It’s time to move out, and I know exactly how we’re handling this.”
“This is gonna be fun, isn’t it?” Aurora murmured, and I returned her devilish grin before we headed for Falmount.
With every step, my sense of assurance was restored as my sentries swarmed behind me in strict formation, and once we all got to the house, my women split up to prepare for the next phase. I ordered the Boms to wait beside my moat for me to replace their spent magazines, and while Deya trotted off to get another burger from Alfred, Shoshanne and I began moving the crates of magazines out into the clearing. Then I sent the ammo to the station with a group of mages to load them up, Shoshanne headed for the infirmary to get her healer’s bag ready, and I started filling Bobbie’s trunk to full capacity.
Cayla would be taking the Mustang to Serin station to join with her army for the trip south, and I wanted to be sure she had everything she might want or need down there. So, I piled in as many rockets as I could fit along with two bazookas just in case, and once I was sure the princess had plenty of magazines for her rifles and her pistols, I added a few of her favorite blades as well.
Then I started laying out an extensive arsenal for Aurora and Shoshanne in my shop,
and I hunted down my half-elf’s favorite flail along with my own since I knew she loved the added gruesome factor of the longer spikes.
The daddy demon in me still hated the idea of my women being spread across the regions for this fight, but after seeing how they’d handled themselves lately, I knew they should be the least of my concerns. It was more likely the Master’s forces would decimate all my allies than harm any of my women, especially with this many weapons between them.
So, I replayed a few of their bloodier outbursts in my mind to help me remain calm, and I made sure anything they could possibly want from my arsenal was at their disposal.
Then I sat down at my work table and pulled six slips of parchment over, and I connected with the mappings I’d made in my mind of the portal locations. I made sure to get the details down to a tee for my generals as I sketched out the prominent landmarks surrounding each tunnel, and then I marked the individual elemental lines so they could organize their platoons accordingly.
While I worked, I could hear the distant drone of my allies’ troops arguing as they were crammed into the market together, and I let out a long sigh as I imagined how irate they’d be by the time I got there.
“Show time,” I muttered to myself as I finished drawing out the last portals at the Illarian tunnel.
Then I rolled the parchments up, holstered my pistols, summoned a few spare magazines, and turned toward the door. When I reached the bridge, my women were waiting beside my moat with our fleet of Boms clustered around them, and Boms One and Two had joined by now, as well.
I couldn’t help chuckling like a demon as I took in the sight of my personal reserves, though.
Very few men could boast as many lethal machines and women as I’d gathered for myself in this realm, but this sense of satisfaction only ignited a greed in me to see my metal army doubled in size before too long. Hell, might as well triple it.
“Ready, baron?” Cayla purred, and I blinked myself out of my plotting just as Stan hopped from her shoulder to mine.
“Ready for now,” I chuckled. “Here’s your mapping of the portals for when you get down to the Illarian tunnel, and Aurora, I’ve made one for you, too. Will you make sure Dorinick gets his once you reach the station at the peak?”