“Men of the Sixth! We must form a line! We must hold here! We must—”
“Hold?” one of them screeched. “Hold?” He hit Wetterlant with his sword. Not a full-blooded blow, only a jarring knock in the arm which sent him sliding onto his side, gasping more from shock than pain. The soldier half-raised the sword again and Wetterlant cringed. Then one of the others squealed and scrambled away, and soon they were all running. Wetterlant looked over his shoulder, saw shapes moving through the trees. Heard a scream, shouting. A deep voice, and the words were in Northern.
Fear clutched him again and he whimpered, floundered through the slick of twigs and fallen leaves, the slime of rotten fruit smeared up his trouser leg, his own terrified breath echoing in his ears, his wounded arm clutched to his chest. Looking over his shoulder every step downhill, hardly able to see in the tricking shadows.
“Help me,” someone croaked, a white face smeared with dirt or blood or both, a uniform with a red gash across it, torn gold braid hanging in a stained tangle. Wetterlant scurried past, not even thinking about stopping, paused at the edge of the trees, the back of one sleeve pressed to his mouth. There was blood on his dangling hand. Seeing the torn cloth on his arm made him want to be sick. Was it torn cloth, or torn flesh? It hurt, oh, how it hurt.
He could not stay here. He would never make it to the river. But he could not stay here. It had to be now. He broke from the undergrowth, running for the shallows. There were other runners everywhere, most of them without weapons. Mad, desperate faces, eyes rolling. Wetterlant saw the cause of their terror. Horsemen. A large number of them, spread out across the fields, converging on the shallows, herding the fleeing Union soldiers southwards. Cutting them down, trampling them, their howls and their whoops echoing across the valley. He ran on, ran on, stumbling forward, took another look. A rider was bearing down on him, he could see the curve of his teeth in a tangled beard.
Wetterlant tried to run faster, tried desperately but he was so tired. Lungs burning, heart burning, breath whooping, the land jerking and see-sawing wildly with every step, the glittering hint of the shallows getting gradually closer, the thunder of hooves behind him—
And he was suddenly on his side, in the mud, an unspeakable agony burning out from his back. A crushing pressure on his chest as if there were rocks piled on it. He managed to move his head to look down. There was something glinting there. Something shining on his jacket in the midst of the dirt. Like a medal. But he hardly deserved a medal for running away.
“How silly,” he wheezed, and the words tasted like blood. It had all happened so very, very fast. He found to his surprise, and then to his mounting horror, that he could not breathe.
By Joe Abercrombie
THE FIRST LAW TRILOGY
The Blade Itself
Before They Are Hanged
Last Argument of Kings
Best Served Cold
The Heroes
Red Country
Praise for
Best Served Cold
“Joe Abercrombie takes the grand tradition of high fantasy literature and drags it down into the gutter, in the best possible way.”
—Time
“Abercrombie is both fiendishly inventive and solidly convincing, especially when sprinkling his appallingly vivid combat scenes with humor so dark that it’s almost ultraviolet.”
—Publishers Weekly
“Joe Abercrombie’s Best Served Cold is a bloody and relentless epic of vengeance and obsession in the grand tradition.”
—George R.R. Martin
“A satisfyingly brutal fantasy quest. Best Served Cold? Modern fantasy doesn’t get much hotter than this.”
—Dave Bradley, SFX
“A rich, memorable tale, exciting and well structured.”
—sffworld.com
Praise for
The Heroes
“Abercrombie never glosses over a moment of the madness, passion, and horror of war, nor the tribulations that turn ordinary people into the titular heroes.”
—Publishers Weekly (starred review)
“Brilliant.”
—Guardian (UK)
“Reminiscent of… Jim Butcher’s Codex Alera novels in terms of scope and military action, this will appeal particularly to military fantasy buffs.”
—Library Journal
“Magnificent, richly entertaining.”
—Time
“The Heroes is as irresistibly inviting as a bowl of pistachios. After that first taste, you’re going to find it almost impossible to stop until it’s all gone.”
—Philadelphia Inquirer
“It’s violent and full of treachery and horror, but it’s delivered with Abercrombie’s signature dark humor and a hint of cynicism.”
—Sci Fi Magazine
“An outstanding novel.”
—Fantasy Book Critic
“This has been my favorite read of the past year and I cannot recommend The Heroes highly enough.”
—graspingforthewind.com
“The book is gloriously funny. It’s like an epic fantasy version of All Quiet on the Western Front spiked with some of the irreverence of Altman’s M*A*S*H. The human tragedy has plenty of comedy to go around.”
—sff.net
“A blast to read.”
—sfsite.com
“Though I have loved the books before, for me this is Joe’s highlight to date. This is an evolution from, and a distillation of, all that was great in his previous books… The man just keeps getting better and better. Damn him!”
—sffworld.com
Praise for
The Blade Itself
“Abercrombie has written the finest epic fantasy trilogy in recent memory. He’s one writer that no one should miss.”
—Junot Diaz
“There are great characters, sparky dialogue, an action-packed plot, and from the very first words (‘The End’) and an opening scene that is literally a cliffhanger, you know you are in for a cheeky, vivid, exhilarating ride.”
—Starburst
“Delightfully twisted and evil.”
—The Guardian (UK)
“An admirably hard, fast and unpretentious read.”
—SFX
“Abercrombie kicks off his series masterfully with a heroic fantasy without conventional heroes… Their dialogue is full of cynicism and wit, their lives full of intrigue, battles and magic.”
—Romantic Times
“If you’re fond of bloodless, turgid fantasy with characters as thin as newspaper and as boring as plaster saints, Joe Abercrombie is really going to ruin your day. A long career for this guy would be a gift to our genre.”
—Scott Lynch, author of The Lies of Locke Lamora
“In addition to excellent characterizations and fascinating world-building, Abercrombie also writes the best fight scenes I have read in ages. I’m glad the whole package is good, but I could happily recommend The Blade Itself for the fight scenes alone.”
—sfsite.com
“Joe Abercrombie’s The Blade Itself is sure to delight readers tired of the predictable machinations of standard fantasies… An author to watch.”
—bn.com
Praise for
Before They Are Hanged
“Dark, deeply ironic and full of character gems that will appeal to your cynical side, Before They Are Hanged is as brilliant as its predecessor.”
—SF Revu
“Before They Are Hanged is an excellent sequel from an author writing compelling, character-driven, adult fantasy, for readers who want to be entertained as well as challenged.”
—sffworld.com
“This grim and vivid sequel to 2007’s The Blade Itself transcends its middle volume status, keeping the reader engaged with complicated plotting and intriguing character development.”
—Publishers Weekly
Praise for
Last Argument of Kings
“You should always end with the best. Wow them in the final act, make t
he last chorus a belter, build to a climax and them get them on their feet applauding when the curtain falls. Last Argument of Kings is the textbook example of this theory in practice.”
—SFX
“A seminal work of modern fantasy.”
—SF Revu
“Abercrombie is headed for superstar status.”
—Jeff VanderMeer
“Last Argument of Kings concludes The First Law the way it began: with cynicism, blackly comic repartee and non-stop, bloody action.”
—Starburst
Contents
Welcome
Dedication
Benna Murcatto Saves a Life
I: Talins
Land of Opportunity
The Bone-Thief
Fish out of Water
Six and One
Bloody Instructions
II: Westport
Poison
Science and Magic
The Safest Place in the World
Evil Friends
Two Twos
Plans and Accidents
Repaid in Full
III: Sipani
Fogs and Whispers
The Arts of Persuasion
The Life of the Drinker
Left Out
A Few Bad Men
The Peacemakers
Cooking up Trouble
Sex and Death
That’s Entertainment
What Happened
IV: Visserine
Vengeance, Then
Downwards
Rats in a Sack
The Forlorn Hope
Mercy and Cowardice
The Odd Couple
Darkness
The Connoisseur
Vile Jelly
Other People’s Scores
The Fencing Master
V: Puranti
Sixes
The Eye-Maker
Prince of Prudence
Neither Rich nor Poor
Heroic Efforts, New Beginnings
The Traitor
King of Poisons
No Worse
Harvest Time
The Old New Captain General
VI: Ospria
His Plan of Attack
Politics
No More Delays
All Business
The Fate of Styria
To the Victors…
So Much for Nothing
Shifting Sands
VII: Talins
Return of the Native
The Lion’s Skin
Preparation
Rules of War
One Nation
All Dust
The Inevitable
Thus the Whirligig…
Seeds
All Change
Happy Endings
Acknowledgments
Extras
Meet the Author
Interview
A Preview of The Heroes
By Joe Abercrombie
Praise for Best Served Cold
Copyright
Copyright
The characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Copyright © 2009 by Joe Abercrombie Limited
Excerpt from The Heroes © 2010 by Joe Abercrombie Limited
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at [email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
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Second e-book edition: July 2012
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ISBN 978-0-316-07908-2
Best Served Cold Page 72