6
I had the weirdest dream.
Mum and Dad were trying to tell me something, but they were talking to me behind a huge glass wall. I could see their lips moving, but no sound came through. And then I realised why. I was inside a massive aquarium. I glanced down and saw that my feet were dangling and my arms were making small circular motions to help me tread water. My face was pressed up against the glass. It felt good to be weightless. And then I noticed air bubbles fizzing against my cheeks and climbing upwards. They were coming from the corner of my mouth and when I tilted my head back and looked up, I couldn’t see the water’s surface. The trail of bubbles rose and disappeared into a grey murk above me.
Mum and Dad were signalling, their faces twisted in worry, but I wasn’t sure why. I felt good. I felt happy. And then I saw Aiden on the other side of the glass with my parents and all of my good mood escaped, streamed away like bubbles of air. He should be with me. How could he look after me if he was on the other side? I opened my mouth to tell him and the water slammed down my throat. I inhaled it and it felt like stones churning and tumbling in my lungs …
I sat bolt upright in bed and it took me at least a minute to realise where I was. Sweat dripped down my face and my breathing was heavy. I guess it was lucky I hadn’t cried out. No one else in the girls’ dormitory seemed to be awake. After a few moments I could hear gentle snoring beneath me and somewhere off to my right. I lay down and tried to get back to sleep, but the dream was so vivid I had difficulty scrubbing it from my mind. Eventually, though, I drifted off and if I dreamed again, I wasn’t aware of it.
I managed to get Aiden to see the web right after breakfast and he was thrilled. He kept staring at it, saying, ‘Oh, my God, Ash. Oh, my God.’
‘You can’t tell anyone, okay?’ I said.
He just nodded and I knew he wouldn’t. If there’s one thing about Aiden it’s that if he makes a promise nothing will get him to break it. So I watched him watching the web and it was like watching myself when I first saw it. I imagined Aiden’s reactions would be a perfect mirror of my own. Sometimes I think having a twin is like havinga video of yourself or a hologram walking at your side. Weird in a way, but also great.
Breakfast was just some toast and a selection of jams and marmalades, but that was okay. I think most of us were still stuffed after the barbecue, which had been amazing. A couple of my classmates over-indulged on the marshmallows – Charlotte and I had a laugh when we heard them throwing up in the toilets later. After breakfast, Ms Anderson and Mr M called us to order outside and told us what we’d be doing that day. Day two of our camp. I was kinda hoping that horseriding would be today because I’d never ridden a horse and it was a bit of an ambition of mine. In the programs I’d watched it seemed really exciting, if a little scary. I hoped they’d have small horses to fit the size of us. Falling off a big horse, I guessed, would hurt.
Turns out horseriding was for the following day. Today we’d be kayaking, something else I’d never done, so that was good. Plus it was another water activity and I’m comfortable in water. The trek today was slightly longer than to the waterhole and we were warned that we’d have to hike across some rough land. Apparently there was a rocky scree leading down to the water’s edge that was quite steep, so we all had to wear hiking boots. The assistants, we were told, had already carried the four kayaks down to the river while we had breakfast, so we just had to wait for their return before setting off. They would also carry our food – because there were only four kayaks and twenty-five of us, we’d be taking it in turns and that meant we’d spend nearly the whole day out there.
Our teachers handed out bright orange life jackets that we’d carry.
‘Do not put them on until we get there,’ said Mr Meredith. ‘It looks like it’s going to be another hot one today and we don’t want anyone passing out with heatstroke. And, as always, drink lots of water, and wear sunscreen and hats all the time.’
We all joined in on a chorus of those last three words. The whole sentence was something that you could put on our gravestones.
Charlotte wanted me to walk with her when we set off, but I told her I had to talk to my brother about something important. I promised I’d walk back with her though, but she still didn’t look very pleased. So Aiden and I took up our position at the back, which was getting to be a bit of a habit for me. But it was a good place to talk without being overheard, and I needed to run a few ideas by him.
‘Kayaking, hey, Ash?’ he said after a hundred metres of silence. ‘I’m looking forward to that.’
‘Me too, Aiden. Should be fun.’ I wiped sweat from my forehead with my sleeve. Mr Meredith was right. It was another hot one today already. ‘Aiden?’ I said. ‘Do you think we’re spoiled brats?’
‘What makes you ask that?’
So I told him about what Charlotte and I had overheard on the trail yesterday. I kept my eyes on his face as I talked, just to see if he was still a mirror of my emotions. This time, it seemed, he wasn’t, because his expression didn’t really change.
‘Don’t you think that’s unfair?’ I asked, when the story was told. I didn’t tell him about the talk we’d had with Mr Meredith afterwards.
‘Maybe the brat bit,’ Aiden replied. ‘Not sure that’s a conclusion he could come to with the information he’s got.’ ‘Mum called us that after we went to the park. She said we were selfish brats.’
‘Yeah, but she did have the evidence. I don’t think this guy knows us as well as Mum.’
‘But he also called us spoiled. Spoiled?’
‘Oh, yeah. That’s a fair comment.’
‘Seriously?’
‘Of course, seriously. There’s no way you could argue we aren’t spoiled, Ashleigh. I mean, come on. You must know we’re crazily privileged.’
‘But that’s something Mum and Dad have worked very hard for. Well, Mum, I mean. She’s obviously the one bringing in the money.’ Dad didn’t work. As he liked to remind us almost constantly, he is the househusband charged with keeping everything and everyone neat, tidy, fed and watered. Mum had offered to provide household help with the latest AI devices her company produced, but he’d turned them all down. What would I do then? he’d asked. Lie around and get fat? He saw Mum open her mouth, so he added, fatter? She just laughed and let the subject drop. Sometimes, though, I wished Dad would let her bring some of her inventions home. By all accounts, they are incredibly cool. I was so busy thinking all this that I missed Aiden’s reply.
‘What?’ I said.
‘I said it doesn’t matter how hard Mum works, we have money and things that ninety-nine point nine per cent of people can only dream of. And even if I accept that Mum deserves it, we don’t. We were just lucky enough to be born into the right family. Yup. Spoiled is a pretty mild term for it.’
‘So you don’t think I should report that man for what he said?’
Aiden looked at me as if trying to work out if I was serious.
‘Hey,’ he said finally. ‘Pretty thin skin there, Ash. Of course you shouldn’t report him. He’d probably lose his job. I don’t think we’re that spoiled that we would like to see someone else suffer just because we can.’
I lapsed into silence. Aiden’s words mingled with Mr Meredith’s from last night and I was confused. This was something I’d really have to think through.
‘Thanks, Aiden,’ I said. ‘You’ve given me a lot to think about.’
‘Excellent,’ he said. ‘I’m all in favour of thinking.’
‘I’m going to join Charlotte now.’
He waved a hand at me.
‘Missing you already,’ he said.
He can be such a smart alec sometimes.
Kayaks are dangerously unstable. I discovered this when I was doing my practice runs at the part of the river that was little more than a sluggish pool. I don’t think any of us had done kayaking before, but I suspect it wouldn’t have mattered if we had. Mr Meredith and Ms Anderson insisted we go through all the
safety procedures, like how to right the kayak if we capsized. I was more concerned about getting out of it if I capsized. To be honest, losing a kayak wasn’t something I was too bothered about. Mum could buy them another twenty. They told us things like, if we fell out, to stay upstream of the kayak to avoid getting pinned between the boat and a rock and to hold on to it for flotation until one of the assistants came to help.
‘Never try to stand up in a kayak,’ said Mr Meredith to the whole group. Was he mad? Who in their right mind would want to stand up in something so small and flimsy? I was scared just trying to fit into it and when I did, it wobbled from side to side in a frightening way.
It took nearly two hours for all of us to practise getting in and out of the four kayaks and there was plenty of laughing and screaming when people fell into the shallow water. That didn’t matter. It cooled us down. I tried the paddle and even managed to keep the kayak in a fairly straight line for the ten or so metres we were allowed to travel before giving someone else a turn. Finally, Mr Meredith decided we knew the safety basics and had enough experience to take them out for a proper go.
The river was very placid where we were, though the current picked up maybe four hundred metres downstream. Far off in the distance I could just make out some white water, presumably where the gradient increased and there were rocks and boulders forming rapids. We weren’t going anywhere near that, which was a relief. The idea was that three of us kids would go out at a time, with one kayak being taken by a camp assistant who was there to monitor us and make sure if someone did fall in, he could bring them back. But we were told that it would be difficult to fall out in the stretch of river we were using. Paddle a couple of hundred metres, turn around and paddle back, do that for about half an hour and then give someone else a go. A few of the kids were disappointed and thought it was too easy, but Mr Meredith said that if we all did well, there was a chance that we could go through a small rapid at the end of the day. I thought I might give that a miss, though I would’ve put money on Aiden being keen.
We were the second-to-last group to head out; me, Charlotte and Aiden and a female camp assistant whose name I didn’t know. To be honest, I’d preferred the waterhole. I mean, it was okay paddling about but Mr Meredith was right – there was no wind to speak of, the surface of the water was extremely calm and there was no chance of falling in, which would not have been bad, actually, as it was hot and the combination of using the paddle and wearing a life jacket meant I was dripping with sweat. I stopped for a while and drifted, put my head up to the clear blue sky and let my arm muscles relax. Charlotte drifted up next to me.
‘Not much to it, is there?’ she said. She pointed towards the distant rapids. ‘That would be exciting, but this is strictly for tiny kids. We should have stuck to video games. Way more fun and we wouldn’t be half boiled to death.’
‘Race you back?’ I replied.
‘Okay. Might as well get a bit competitive. But I’m gonna kick your skinny butt, Ash. You should know that.’
‘In your dreams, girl.’
Actually, it wasn’t in her dreams. The three of us lined up on an imaginary starting line and Aiden did the countdown to go. I wasn’t worried about him beating us. I imagined he could if he wanted, but he’d always let me win and I thought it was probable he’d do the same for Charlotte.
‘Two, one, GO!’ shouted Aiden and I bent my paddle into the water, pulled and then did the same on the other side. But occasionally my coordination leaves something to be desired. I don’t even have to think about the rhythm when I’m swimming, but kayaking, I discovered, was different. I smacked my paddle against the side of the boat as I was bringing it over and the next thing I knew it was wrenched from my grip and floating in the water. Not a big problem because it was right by the kayak, but by the time I’d fished it out, Aiden and Charlotte were ten metres ahead and they had momentum. I was wallowing and it was obvious I was going to lose this race, big time. But I gripped the paddle and tensed my muscles for the pursuit.
What came next seemed to happen in slow motion. Or rather, the first part was like that, before the whole world turned upside down and time lost meaning. I remember I was arcing the paddle to my right and had just felt it bite the water, when darkness swept over me. It wasn’t total darkness, but the day had been so bright that it almost seemed that way. Now a band of gloom raced past, overtaking Charlotte and Aiden in less than a second. It must be a scudding cloud, I remember thinking, though the sky, up to this point, had been clear. I tilted my head, eyes adjusting to the sudden change in light. Somewhere in the back of my mind I was aware of a light breeze where before the day had been still. I expected to see a raincloud. What I didn’t expect was a swirling dance of leaves and debris so dense it blotted out the sun.
I turned to my left, the kayak starting to rock as the wind picked up speed. Grit and dirt splattered against my face. I narrowed my eyes, but even so I could still see it. A twisting mass of orange and grey spiralling across the bank, dipping into the water and heading towards me. It was hypnotic. Somewhere, someone shouted a warning. Even then, I wasn’t aware of being in danger. Not really. It was all so unexpected, so … alien. A corkscrewing wind, picking up litter from the bank. Weird. Not life-threatening.
I probably thought this for less than a second, before a shearing gale twisted the kayak round in a tight circle. The paddle was ripped from my grasp. And then I was in the middle of a power that wiped out everything else. I was blind and the screaming wind deafened me. It took a few seconds to realise the boat was gone, that I was in the water, tumbling over and over. I opened my eyes, though I couldn’t remember having closed them, but all I could see were bubbles as the water churned the darkened world to white. It wasn’t even possible to see what was up and what was down, so I didn’t know which way to swim. Not that I could swim; the river was alive and taking me wherever it wished. I hadn’t even had time to take a breath of air and although I could only have been underwater for a very short time, my lungs already ached and I had to resist the urge to inhale. I kicked and moved my arms. A small part of me was still functioning, it seemed, and I guessed that if I could move anywhere away from that spiralling column, then I might find calmer water and get my head above the surface. But with no sense of direction, it was hard and I was panicking and no matter what I did I couldn’t seem to get away from whatever force was playing with me, throwing me around like a child’s toy, drawing me deeper and deeper towards … well, towards death.
Suddenly I understood. I was going to die here and it didn’t matter what I did. This watery embrace was the last I would ever feel. And with that realisation came a great sense of peace. It would be easy. All I needed to do was take a great deep breath of water and it would be all over. It wasn’t so bad. It really wasn’t so bad. I think I might even have smiled.
The hand gripped me by the hair and pulled and the pain brought me back to myself. My lungs were on the brink of giving up but I held my breath just a little longer. And then my head was above water and I inhaled, the air sweet and clean and wonderful. I went under again and this time choked, before coming up once more, spluttering and spitting.
Aiden’s face was close to mine. He’d let go of my hair and he had an arm around my chest and up under my armpit. We went below the surface once more and I was so, so tired. I wanted to help him help me, but I didn’t know how. So I stayed limp and gave him control. He’d know what to do. Aiden always knows what to do.
When we hit the rock I thought I had broken every one of my ribs. The pain was intense, but like before it reminded me I was alive and that the alternative to pain wasn’t so good after all. I grabbed the rock and it was slippery and my fingers could barely find a hold. Aiden was wedged next to me and I could see on his face how he was thinking everything through. He watched as my grip slipped even more and both of us knew that if I was swept away he’d never be able to catch me. Not again. I couldn’t be saved twice. So I closed my eyes, held on as tightly as possibl
e and prayed to a God I didn’t even know I believed in.
Something tightened round my neck and I opened my eyes. Aiden had somehow managed to get his life jacket off and he had looped it around the top of the rock, clicking the belt attachment closed around my neck, effectively tying me in place. My hold finally gave way and the swirling current churned me around, but I stayed fixed to the rock. I twisted some more, since I now couldn’t see my brother. How could he survive in this without a life jacket? I wasn’t sure I was going to and I had two. As I struggled to see, I felt an arm and I grabbed hold as it fell away from me. Then I found his fingers. Finally, I caught a glimpse of his face. It was scared and cut and his eyes found mine and maybe he tried to say something, I don’t know, because the water was boiling and the sound was deafening and my grip on him was loosening and I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t even cry out as a surge of water broke us apart and he disappeared, just disappeared; where once he had been, there was nothing now but churning white and hopelessness. I closed my eyes and screamed, but the world swallowed it.
It was Mr Dyson who swam and got me off that rock, dragged me to the river edge and cleared my airways, but I don’t remember much of that. It was also Mr Dyson who carried me back to camp, while nearly everyone else searched for Aiden, but I don’t remember that either. It was Mr Dyson who drove the coach the twenty kilometres necessary to call emergency services, but I guess there’s no way I would ever have known that in the normal course of events.
When I opened my eyes, I saw Mr Meredith. I tried to speak but my throat was raw and bruised and I couldn’t say anything. But he knew what I wanted to ask.
‘We’re still looking for Aiden, Ash,’ he said. He must have seen the pain in my eyes, because he added, ‘He’s a tough one, your brother. Try not to worry.’ But then he turned his face away as if embarrassed by his own words. I felt a sob rising in my throat but I couldn’t even cry. So I closed my eyes again and saw my brother’s face just before it was snatched away.
Catch Me If I Fall Page 6