Carnage Boxset

by Jones, Lesley

  And there he was, back. Kneeling right between my open legs, looking into my eyes.

  “I’ve dreamt about this, so many times, G. How you’d smell. How you’d taste, but now that you’re here, it’s all so much better. I wanted to take my time. I wanted to make this last, but now I just want to be inside you. Fuck, Georgia, I really want to be inside you.”

  I couldn’t speak. I reached out my hand to him, and he held it as he crawled up my body, not taking his eyes from mine. He laced the fingers of both our hands together, placed them on either side of my head, and slid straight inside me. I let out a little rush of air, and I felt my eyelids flutter.

  “Gia, that feels so fuckin’ good, so right, so perfect.” He kissed me softly on the mouth, and our lips and tongues were the only parts of our bodies moving as we lay completely still, kissing, and just looking at each other. Our breathing was in complete synchronisation. “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed us. I’ve missed this, so fuckin’ much, G. This is all I want, all I’ve wanted for so long. Just you and me. It’s like coming home.”

  I gave him a small smile. “Welcome home.”

  He kissed my nose and gave a little shrug. “They say that home is where the heart is, and mine has never been anywhere other than with you, always, G. Forever and always, my heart is yours and will be with you no matter what.”

  I bit down on my bottom lip and tried so hard to hold the sob in, but I couldn’t. My tears were already running down onto my neck and into my ears. He kissed both my eyes and then licked the tears from each side of my neck. The room swayed, and I felt myself clench around him. He pressed his forehead against mine and chuckled. It was the most amazing sound.

  “Did you like that, babe, my tongue on your neck?”

  I could feel myself blush as he tilted his head and licked from the hollow of my throat, out across my left collarbone and then back, and across my right. I squeezed my internal muscles again.

  “Georgia, you keep doing that and I will come without even moving. I swear to God, babe, you feel that good.”

  My eyes scanned his face as I took in his plump lips, straight nose and dark brows, until eventually, blue, met brown. “Sean?”

  “Gia?”

  “Would you make love to me, please?”

  “It would be my absolute pleasure, Georgia, my absolute pleasure.”

  He rocked his hips very slowly into mine, and I rocked back. We found our rhythm, and I tilted my hips so I could feel him deeper inside, loving the sounds he made when I did this. He slid his hands around to my hips, his fingertips dug into my arse cheeks, and his thumbs pressed onto my hipbones. I dug and raked my nails into his flesh, over his shoulders, and across his back. I pulled him by his bum tighter against me. I wanted him as far inside me as he could get. I didn’t want anything between us. I wanted us so tightly together that there wasn’t even room for air, nothing, just me and him, Georgia and Sean, Sean and Georgia.

  My orgasm started as heat, warmth building inside my belly before spreading through my blood, my skin, my internal organs. Everything burned. Every single part of me was on fire, but there was no pain, just absolute pleasure. I felt it in every cell, in every hair follicle, pleasure like I’d never known. I was calling his name and telling him that I loved him, and I could hear him saying similar things to me. At the exact same moment, we were both silent and just looking at each other.

  “Gia,” he whispered my name as I felt him explode inside me just as my second orgasm hit, entirely different to the first. It was short, sharp, and unexpected, and I whimpered at the unexpected release. I knew that I had tears again, but I just couldn’t keep them in. The tumult of emotions, the depth of feeling, it was all too much to keep inside. Then in a whisper that I could barely hear, he sang a song to me. A song that had come out not long after we first met, when I was just a girl and he was just the boy that I knew I would always love. A song that I hadn’t heard in such a long time. It was just two lines. As he watched me cry, he sang ‘our’ version of Dire Straits “Romeo and Juliet.”

  “Georgia Rae, when we made love you always cried… ” He waited for me to sing my bit. I tried to swallow down a sob but ended up singing through it.

  “And I said I’d love you till I died.”

  It was all too much. I’d been numb for so long, and suddenly there was too much, too many thoughts, feelings, emotions and I couldn’t rein it in. So instead, I let it go.

  I cried, and I cried. We clung to each other, Just me and him. And I knew that everything was as it should be, Sean and Georgia, Georgia and Sean, us against the world.

  We fell back to sleep with our arms, legs, bodies, hearts, and minds completely tangled up with each other, and I couldn’t tell where one started and the other one ended.

  Chapter Nineteen

  We spent Friday morning lying in bed at my brother’s house talking. Well, Sean talked, and I listened to him tell me about the huge success the band had had, the places he’d been, and the people that he had met. He told me about the warehouse he and Marley had bought in the old docklands area of East London, and how, with the help of my dad’s firm, they had converted it into eight luxury apartments. Sean and Marls now shared the penthouse on the top floor, complete with a roof garden. He told me how he was back in contact with his dad, and they seemed to have a pretty good relationship.

  He asked me about my life and my work, but oddly enough, he already seemed to know everything that there was to tell. As our conversation progressed, it became blatantly obvious that we’d handled our separation in exact opposite ways. Where I’d shut everything out and wanted no reminder of anything to do with Sean or his life, he had sought out every piece of information he could about me. He knew about my work and how successful we’d been. He knew about the countries I had visited, and he even knew that I finally got to own my dream car. Then he said something really strange.

  “You have no idea how hard it was to find one in that colour. I knew you wouldn’t settle…” he trailed off.

  “How do you know what colour my car is?”

  “Ever since we saw that one down the Kings Road years ago, you always said you wanted it burnt orange and black, remember?”

  “Yeah, but how do you know that’s what I have? What did you mean when you said, ‘it took ages to find one that colour’.”

  “I bought you the car.”

  I’d been lying with my head in his lap as he sat with his back against the headboard, but I moved to sit up and face him with that revelation.

  “What?” I sat cross-legged, facing him.

  “I bought you the car, all right?” He shrugged like it was nothing but when he followed it up by biting down on his bottom lip, I knew he was nervous about my reaction, and everything inside me fluttered at the fact that I knew this nervous trait of his so well.

  “But how? Why? I don’t understand.”

  “You were what, thirteen, fourteen when we first saw that car? You told me then, that was the car you wanted, a burnt orange and black Triumph Herald with a sunroof, and I swore back then, that if the band… if we were doing okay and I had the money then I’d buy you that car. I never said anything, and I never told you just in case I couldn’t afford it.”

  I moved and sat with my back to the headboard beside him as I absorbed this information. As soon as I was positioned, Sean moved and laid his head in my lap and looked up at me. We were naked with his head in my lap and my fingers were raking through his hair, exactly the way I used to. We were, exactly the way we used to be, and yet, so entirely different.

  “Jim told me you’d passed your test,” he continued to explain, “and were driving around in a Beamer your dad had given you, and I just knew that you’d be hating it. Then Jim said that Frank was looking for some old car for you and was having trouble finding it.” He looked up at the ceiling for a second as if debating something. “Then she told me that your dad wasn’t really looking too hard because he didn’t think an old car was safe. He wanted you t
o have something new, big and safe. Something German, a Land Rover, or something similar.” He shrugged his shoulders. “So I found your car in that disgusting colour you wanted with the soft top and the tacky fake walnut dashboard, and I had it delivered to your dad’s car place in Epping. They fixed it all up and…” He shrugged again. “The rest is history.”

  I was gobsmacked! “You did all of that for me? But you didn’t come for me, you never thought… You never just thought, fuck it, I don’t care if she wants to see me, I’m gonna see her anyway?”

  “A million times, G, more than a million. I sat outside your mum and dad’s old house and almost broke in one night. I was gonna break in and just sit and watch you sleep, but then I remembered that Frank has a gun, and I really didn’t wanna get shot until I’d put things right with you.”

  As sad as I felt, I still managed a small smile.

  “I went to your shop once. The one on the high street. I waited outside for a bit, and then just as I plucked up the courage to go in and speak to ya, you came walking along with your mum. You looked…” He closed his eyes for a long moment and smiled, “You looked so beautiful. So grown-up. You had a cream suit on and slingback shoes, you reminded me of Audrey Hepburn, all elegant and ladylike.” His eyes sparkled as he looked up at me. “Nothing like the Georgia I remembered in her monkey boots, camouflage trousers, and Sex Pistols T-shirt. Anyway, once I saw your mum was there, I knew it was pointless. I knew she wouldn’t let me near you.”

  Again, I was floored by what he’d just told me. “I know that day. I remember wearing that suit to a business lunch with my mum, and she’d told me to put my hair in a beehive because the suit was very Hepburn. Sean, that was only last year, less than that, last summer sometime.”

  “I know when it was, G! There were other times, before and since then. Usually, I’d just drive past the shop. I just didn’t know what to do. I had the note, remember? It told me to stay away and to never make contact.”

  Fucking Whorely!

  My belly went over and then tied itself into a complete knot.

  “Babe, you’re pulling my hair.”

  I looked down and saw that I was twisting a handful of Sean’s hair tightly and released it. “Sorry, sorry, that’s what thinking about her and what she’s done to us does to me. I wanna kill her Sean. I should’ve done it years ago, I should’ve done it that night she licked your face.”

  He threw his head back and laughed, and his shoulders shook in my lap.

  “What’s funny?”

  He had tears rolling down the side of his head. ”You, you were funny that night. You beat the crap out of her. There were handfuls of her hair everywhere, and I’ve never seen you move so fast.”

  I didn’t know why he was laughing, I wished I’d stamped on her head, and as if reading my thoughts, he said, “G, don’t even think about it. Just let it go. If we keep going over it, it means she’s won. Killing her is not an option, so let’s just ignore her. We’re here… We’ve ended up right here, naked, like this, talking like this, loving each other like this, despite everything that she’s done. We’re right where we were always meant to be, together.”

  I shook my head at him. “You’re such a songwriter, hark at all this shit.”

  In one swift move, he threw me down on the bed, pinning me underneath him. “What I just said is not shit, G. I meant every word of it. One way or another, we were gonna find our way back to each other. One way or another, I was gonna fight and win you back, even if I died doing it.”

  He raked his hand through his hair, and his fingers met mine. “Fuck me, G, you’ve no idea of the things that have gone through my mind, the things I’ve thought of doing to try to get to see ya. With everything else I’ve had going on in my life, the band, touring, and the fuckin’ press up my arse all the time, it’s been a nightmare. There were times when I seriously thought I was gonna go mental. That I was actually gonna end up in the nut house.”

  My eyes wandered over his face, hating, but at the same time loving that he’d pretty much gone through the exact same emotions I had for the last four years.

  We eventually made our way down to the kitchen around midday, and that was only because Sean was complaining that he was starving. My stomach was still too all over the place to even consider food.

  There was a note taped to the fridge.

  Morning young lovers.

  Help yourselves to food, shower, whatever.

  Stay as long as you want, you know that you’re always welcome.

  Don’t do anything we wouldn’t do, although judging by the sounds coming from the bedroom in the early hours of this morning, the deed’s already been done.

  We love you both so very much and truly hope you can work things out.

  If you need to hide out here for a while that’s fine with us.

  George, ring me.

  Maca, I’ve cancelled all your appointments until next Wednesday.

  Luv ya guts

  J & L

  X

  For some reason, the note made me teary, but I managed to swallow this latest wave down and concentrated on pulling out a frying pan to make Sean some fried eggs on toast. It was such a natural thing for me to do. Everything the same but different. I made his tea exactly how he liked it, strong with no sugar. I knew from memory that he prefered his yolks runny, and his toast well done. Three eggs, three slices of well-buttered toast, and a dollop of HP sauce on the side. Oh, and white pepper and salt on his eggs. White pepper, never black on his fried eggs.

  It was all there. I remembered everything. It both hurt and healed me at the same time.

  Four wasted years that we could’ve been doing this every day of our lives.

  All of these thoughts were running riot in my brain as Sean sat in silence and watched me prepare his food. His lips twitched up into a smile at every individual thing that I remembered. When I set it all down in front of him, he said, “Come here.” I walked around to where he was sitting at the breakfast bar, and he opened his legs, pulled me between them, and then wrapped his arms around my waist, as I wrapped mine around his neck.

  “Do you have any idea the effect you remembering all of that had on my heart?”

  I smiled at him and shook my head. “No, but I can feel the effect that it had on your dick.”

  He was only wearing his boxers, and I was totally naked under his T-shirt. He slid his hands underneath it and grabbed my bum cheeks, pulling me in closer to him.

  “Georgia, baby, you cooking me eggs on toast has fuck all to do with my hard-on. The fact that you exist is enough to do that.” He tilted his head and gave me that lazy lopsided grin—the one that had me falling head over heels in love with him over nine very long years ago, when I was just a little girl of eleven. “But, you remembering exactly how I like my eggs on toast, right down to the white pepper and HP sauce, that’s got my heart beating in a way that it hasn’t in four very long and lonely years.”

  I didn’t know why I said it. It was out before I thought too much about it. “Oh, I’m sure you’ve had no shortage of women to make you eggs on toast or to make things hard for you over the last four years, and I bet those years have been anything but lonely.”

  His face fell, and I instantly regretted what I’d said. He swallowed hard and stroked over my cheekbone with the back of his hand. “Oh, Georgia Rae, you have no idea. No fuckin’ idea.” He pulled me in and took a big sniff of my hair.

  “I smell of fried egg,” I complained.

  “Na, you smell like Gia. You smell like home. You smell like exactly where I want to spend the rest of my life.”

  I swallowed back the next round of tears threatening to escape and just said, “Eat your breakfast before it's stone cold.”

  He smacked my arse as I turned and went to fetch my cup of tea from where I had left it over by the kettle. I went back, sat on the stool next to him, and watched him eat as I sipped my tea.

  “Why you not eating, G?’

  I shook m
y head. “I don’t think I could keep anything down.”

  “Why, what’s wrong?” He asked with a frown.

  “Nothing, just… ” I shrugged. “I don’t know, just all of this.” I gestured between us. “You, me, my mum, the circumstances, it’s just got my head spinning and my belly back flipping. I really don’t think I could keep anything down right now.”

  “Just a bit of toast?” he asked.

  “Nah, I’m good.” I shook my head.

  “G, baby, please don’t take this the wrong way, but you really need to put on a bit of weight.”

  I didn’t take it the wrong way. I knew I was way too skinny. I’m not short at five feet eight, and the last time I weighed myself I was just over eight stone, a whole stone lighter than I was a couple of years ago. I’d gained a couple of pounds these last few months since I’d been seeing Cam, but I still needed to gain more.

  Cam, shit, I needed to speak to him, and I needed to do it soon.

  He’d be worrying himself sick about where I was, but I also needed to end things between us. I didn’t know how he would take my ending things, and oddly enough, I wasn’t really sure how I felt about it either.

  “G, you okay? I haven’t upset you with that, have I?” Sean brought me back from my Cam dilemma.

  “What? No, no. I know I’ve lost weight. Too much work, gym, and clubbing.” I shrugged. “I was skinnier, but Cam’s been good for me, I’ve put—” I stopped as soon as I realised what I was saying.

  “So, is Cam the boyfriend?” he asked, looking right into my eyes.

  I nodded. “I have to call him today, he’ll be worried.”

  “Don’t let me stop ya.” His eyes had lost their spark.

  “Please don’t do that.” I leant in and kissed his cheek.

  “I need to do the right thing Sean. I need to call him, and I need to see him and tell him face to face that things are done, over between him and me. He’s a nice bloke, and he’ll be worrying about where I was all night.”