That baby inside her was mine.
Not his.
Mine.
She, is mine.
They, are mine.
No, she wouldn’t do that. Gia loved me, of that, I was one hundred percent sure. And yet, as I read his lips and watched him ask her if she needed a lift, I held my breath and silently begged her to say no.
“Cam”. I watched his name on her lips, and I stepped towards the door. I didn’t give a shit how big the fucker was or if he was carrying a gun, I’d fight him. For her, I’d fucking kill him.
She looked up and met his gaze, and I knew, I fucking knew.
My wife was in love with another man.
King nodded at whatever she’d said to him and without another word, turned, got into his car and left.
I blew out a long breath and swallowed down the bile that had risen up my throat. For a moment there, I honestly thought I was gonna throw up. I could feel a layer of sweat on my top lip and forehead, and I was shaking from head to toe.
I got myself together as Georgia spoke to the valet, when they pulled my car around and she moved to the driver's side, I stepped through the doors of the restaurant and into the passenger seat of my car.
Not once during the journey home did I look in my wife’s direction. We drove the whole way in silence.
It was the loudest silence of our marriage.
As soon as we were home, I went straight to our home office, found a bottle of Wild Turkey that I kept there and drank straight from it. Then I started pulling paperwork from our filing cabinet.
How the fuck had I missed King's name on the contracts when we bought this place? Had she hidden them from me? Deliberately gone out of her way to hide the fact we were living in the former home of the man she used to fuck?
I pulled out receipts from contractors for the work we’d had done on the house. I pulled out birth certificates, our marriage paperwork from our beach wedding in Florida. I threw it. All of it. Between each swig of bourbon, I threw bits of paper up in the air and watched them fall down onto the floor.
But I couldn’t find the contracts from when we’d bought the house.
“What are you doing?”
I looked up at Georgia who was leaning against the doorframe, her arms folded defensively across her chest. Her long legs crossed at her ankles. She wore skin tight jeans and her slim body as yet, showed no hint of the new life growing inside of her.
A baby.
Our baby?
I chugged back more bourbon, enjoying the burn travel down my throat and the heat as the alcohol hit my empty belly.
“Looking for the paperwork on this place.”
Her eyebrows shot up. I wasn’t sure if it was because of my words or the venom with which I spoke them.
I didn’t care much either way.
“Is his name on it?” I spat. “If it is, then why didn’t I spot it?”
She licked her lips and swallowed, the fact that her eyes were shining with unshed tears should’ve made me feel bad, it didn’t.
“His name was on it,’ she said quietly. “I thought you’d notice when we signed and that you’d mention it then, but you didn’t. So I just stayed quiet…” she whispered as her words trailed off for a moment.
Her eyes moved from mine to the mess that I’d made, then back to me.
“It was wrong, and I’m sorry. I couldn’t be more sorry.”
I took another swig from the bottle, keeping my eyes on Gia’s the whole time.
“Do you have any idea how much of a cunt you made me feel earlier, in front of him?” I swiped across my mouth with the back of my hand, the alcohol finally starting to numb my senses and make my head spin.
“Cameron fucking King—your big-time gangster ex-boyfriend?”
She shook her head.
“I’m sorry, I should’ve told you. I didn’t realise it would be so important to you to know.”
I threw my head back and laughed at that. My wife was so full of shit.
“Don’t.” I pointed my finger at her and spoke through gritted teeth. “Don’t lie G. This is me you’re talking to. You knew exactly how important that little piece of information would be to me. That’s why you kept it fucking quiet.”
Her eyes dropped to the floor again. Guilt written all over her features as she closed her eyes and her jaw trembled.
“But what I don’t get, Georgia, what I don’t understand is, if you knew it was his house… If you knew, then why the fuck would you still want to live here?”
Her eyes remained on the floor. We’d never argued like this. Not ever in all our years together, but at that moment, I wanted to grab her by her hair, yank her head back so she had no choice but to look me in the eye and I wanted her to tell me I’d got it wrong. It was all a big mistake. The way he looked at her, the way she fucking looked at him. I wanted her to tell me it was nothing.
I stood, and I waited.
Silence.
She couldn’t even look at me, and I lost it.
“Why would you want to live in your ex-lovers home?” I shouted. I never shouted. Rarely raised my voice, but Georgia didn’t even flinch, she just stood there and took it.
I took yet another swig as I waited for her answer. “Hmm? Tell me G? Did you want to feel close to him? Is he even your ex or have you still been seeing him all these years, sneaking around behind my back?” I spat the words out before going in for the killer blow… “Is that baby even mine?”
The look on her face would haunt me till the day I died, not because she looked hurt, but because for a very split second, she looked as guilty as fuck.
Something had gone on between them.
I didn’t know what and I didn’t know when, but she was hiding something from me, and I couldn’t hold on to my temper anymore.
“Fuck you,” Georgia spat. Finally, a response. “Now you’re just being ridiculous.” Her jaw trembled as she spoke and her eyes shone with unshed tears, but I didn’t even feel a little bit bad for shouting at my pregnant wife.
“Am I?” I shouted. “Then explain to me, fucking explain to me G, why the fuck would you want to live here?” I threw my bottle at the wall. Glass flew everywhere, while I just stood and stared as the brown liquid slid down the calico coloured paintwork.
I sliced my gaze to Gia’s and watched as she fought back tears, shook her head, turned and left the room.
“That’s it, fuck off G. Walk away and go rock in a corner somewhere. Shut it all out and make pretend it’s not happening. Ain’t that what you do best?”
I needed another drink and looked around the room like a fucking pyscho. I was on a roll and couldn’t help myself. “Shall I call Mummy and Daddy to come and pick up their little princess coz the big bad rock star is swearing and smashing the place up?”
With her arms wrapped around her middle, I watched from the door of our office as Georgia walked along the hallway of our home and up the stairs. Her head was bowed, and as she looked at the floor, I could see the shimmer of tears on her cheeks.
I let out a long breath and raked my fingers through my hair, feeling like a complete cunt for saying the things I had.
I felt exhausted. We’d ridden an emotional roller coaster the last few days. I’d gotten off our flight from the States tired, but looking forward to getting home and seeing my wife, and then, there she was, waiting for me on the tarmac, launching herself at me as I hit the bottom of the aeroplane steps like a crazy woman.
I fucking loved when she did things like that. We had more money than we knew what to do with, but a simple gesture like turning up at the airport to surprise me meant more than anything Georgia could ever buy me.
When we got home, and she’d pulled me into the bathroom, I honestly thought it was shower sex she was after and I’d complained. I just wanted her naked and in our bed. I needed to feel her skin on mine and to be inside her. When she waved the pregnancy test in front of me, I literally felt my jaw drop. I couldn’t think of a single fucking wo
rd to say as I watched her wee on the stick, wipe herself and then wash and dry her hands.
We sat on the edge of the bath together and waited in silence. I knew before the blue lines appeared that it was going to be positive and I know we’re going to have a boy. Don’t ask me how, I just know.
Two lines.
Pregnant.
A son.
I looked from the stick to Georgia and then back at the stick again, just to make sure the blue lines hadn’t faded or vanished. They hadn’t. They were still there.
She was still pregnant.
“G,” was all I was able to get out.
My heart felt like it had doubled in size in a matter of minutes and was forcing its way up my throat in an attempt to escape my chest. I was both elated and terrified all at once.
Everything would be fine this time, I knew it would.
It had to be.
When the doctor confirmed that this morning, I could barely contain myself. Finally, we were going to get what we wanted, what we really wanted.
Fuck the money, the fame, even the music. My career had come first for so long now, affecting our plans to marry years ago and then leading us to make the decision to put off starting a family until we could do it privately, without the press intrusion and at a time when I would be home and not taking off around the world on another tour.
Georgia had supported me one hundred percent, always, and tonight I’d repaid her by behaving like a total dick.
Yeah, she pushed my buttons, and I was seriously pissed off about the fact that she’d lied to me, but I shouldn’t have gone off at her the way I had. That wasn’t me. I wasn’t the kind of bloke who shouted at his wife and smashed bottles against walls.
I made my way to out to my studio, made myself a coffee in the small kitchen area, lit a cigarette and then picked up my guitar. I strummed out a few notes and then started writing down the lyrics that had been running through my head since I listened to my son's heartbeat for the very first time, earlier today.
Finally, feeling exhausted, but a whole lot calmer, I went back to the house, showered and sat in the chair in the corner of our bedroom and watched my wife sleep… Something I myself would be unable to do until I got to the bottom of what was going on between my wife and Cameron fucking King.
…
I watched as Georgia stirred, she’d been talking in her sleep, but I’d not been able to understand any of what she’d said, although, I was pretty sure I’d heard my name, and thankfully not his.
It’s me she dreams of fucker. Me. Not you.
The lamp had been on when I came into the room, I’d left it so that I could watch her. She pushed herself up on her arms, blinked a few times until her eyes focused on me. Her gaze didn’t hold mine for long before she climbed out of bed and stood on those long sexy legs of hers. I jerked from where I sat as she faltered and almost fell, instinctively I wanted to reach for her, wanted to tell her to be careful, even to hold her hand to make sure she got to the bathroom safely.
I didn’t do any of those things.
I sat, in silence, and waited for her to return.
The alcohol I’d consumed earlier burned in my belly and mixed with the anger, jealousy and resentment I was feeling, it ate away at my insides. We’d never argued like this and I hated that we were doing it now, especially as she was pregnant. Especially because we were arguing over him.
I shouldn’t have said the things I had. The baby Georgia was carrying was mine, and I knew it. I was fucked off and lashed out, and it was a spiteful thing to say… and yet, I still had this nagging doubt that there was something I was missing. I’d spent years reading a crowd, watching a reporters response to a question I’d answered in an interview, working out whether I’d given the right answer. I knew how to read people, it was part of my job as an entertainer and what I read between Georgia and King was that there was a shared intimacy, something that shouldn’t still be there over ten years after the short time they’d spent together as a couple.
Georgia once again didn’t meet my gaze as she walked back into the bedroom and I couldn’t take it any longer. Not the distance between us or the not knowing.
“Come here,” I ordered.
She moved toward where I sat and stood in front of me, her blue eyes finally slicing to mine.
“Is there anything going on between you and Cameron King?”
It took everything in me not to grit my teeth as I spoke, my jaw ached with the tension, and I knew, just one touch from Gia, my beautiful girl, would ease that all away. But I couldn’t, wouldn’t touch her until I had the answer I wanted to hear. And only then if I believed whatever it was she told me.
“I love you, I’m with you and I will always be with you.”
“That’s not what I asked Gia,” I snapped.
“No Sean,” she bit back. “There’s nothing going on between me and Cameron King. I love you. I didn’t say anything about the house because we both loved it and it felt right.” It did. Even coming back here tonight, now knowing what I did, it still felt like home. Our home. Ours, not his, not theirs. Ours.
“If I had something going on with Cam…” I flinched at the familiarity in the abbreviation of his name. She said it so casually, as if they knew each other.
They do, that little voice in my head said. He’s fucked your wife, more than once…“Do you really think I would move us into his old home? Do you really think I’m that kind of a person?”
I studied her face, her defeated demeanour, and remembered that she was pregnant. None of this was probably doing her or the baby any good.
I made a conscious decision then, I could either let this eat me up and permanently come between us, or I could let it go and move on. Whatever might’ve gone on was in the past. Gia was here, with me. I’d won the girl. She was my wife, and my baby was growing in her belly.
I reached out, grabbed her hand and pulled her towards me. As she straddled my lap, I breathed her in and once again all was fucking right with my world.
I looked up as she hovered over me, my eyes met those of the girl I’d loved since I was thirteen years old. ‘There’s none else, there never was, it’s still only ever you.’ The lyrics to our first ever platinum-selling single ran through my head as I lost myself in her blue gaze. I’d written that song about Georgia when the malicious acts of others had conspired to keep us apart. I’d had them permanently inked into my skin as a reminder of how stupid I’d once been. We all make mistakes right? At some stage or another in our lives, we all do something we’ll forever regret. I’d fucked up back then, and when we lost Baby M, I’d almost fucked up again… almost.
“I’m sorry for what I said about Haley, and about the baby not being mine. I shouldn’t have said that.”
Her bottom jaw shook, and her lips trembled as her eyes filled with tears.
“I’m sorry for all of it,” she sobbed as she spoke and I felt like the worst person on earth. I hadn’t seen her cry like this in a long time, not since we lost Baby M.
“It’s all my fault, and I shouldn’t have kept it from you.” She almost joked in her rush to get her words out. “I should’ve told you the truth, at least given you a choice on whether or not you wanted to live here. We should’ve discussed it together.”
Her whole body shook as she cried. I held her face in my hands and pulled it gently towards mine. “Don’t cry. I hate it when you cry.”
I kissed her softly on the mouth, tasting the salt of her tears on my tongue. Her hands clawed at the back of my neck and pulled on my hair, I kissed her harder. When she ground down on me, I was done and knew I had to be inside her. Holding onto her arse, I stood and carried her over to our bed. I needed her naked, and I needed to be inside her.
But first, I needed a taste.
I took her clothes off quickly, then removed my own. Pushing both of her legs up onto the bed, I spread her wide open and then knelt between her open legs. I kissed from her knee to the very top of the inside of her
thigh, enjoying the goose bumps that assaulted her skin. I ran my nose along the seam of her pussy then used my thumbs to spread her wide open and licked from the opening of her cunt, all the way to her clit.
I looked up at her, noting the way she gripped the duvet in each of her hands as she watched me. Loving the fact that I could get her so worked up.
“You taste delicious G. There’s nothing better than the smell and taste of you when you’re turned on.”
She bit down on her bottom lip making my dick twitch. I reached across and grabbed a pillow from beside her.
“Put it under your hips, I want you to watch me, and I want to see your face when I make you come.”
Without a word, she lifted her hips and slid the pillow underneath her arse, raising herself up to me. I stared down between her legs before my eyes travelled the length of her body and met hers.
“You have the most beautiful cunt Georgia. It’s mine, all fucking mine and don’t you ever forget that.”
I pressed my thumb down onto her clit, slid my index and middle fingers inside her pussy and then slipped my ring and little finger inside her tight arse. My eyes didn’t leave hers the whole time. Not when she groaned as I pumped my fingers in and out of her and not when she bucked her hips and ground herself against me. With my free hand, I stroked my cock and watched my wife begin to come apart.
“Fuck me. Fuck my fingers,” I ordered. “I want to feel you come all over my hand. I need to feel you come G.”
I leant back in, and with my fingers still pistoning in and out of her, I used my tongue in conjunction with my thumb and pressed both of them down onto her clit.
She tasted fucking amazing. I tore my mouth away and stood. I wanted to watch her, wanted to see her come apart. My eyes remained fixed on hers as I stroked myself. Gia’s legs began to shake, her internal muscles gripped my fingers as her clit throbbed. She came with a loud groan, and it was too much, too perfect. I spurted all over her belly.
“Mine,” I said through clenched teeth and a tight jaw. “Fucking mine.”
Afterword
Carnage Boxset Page 42