I shake my head. “I fucking love the fuck out of you, Tiger. I want and need you inside me. Please make love to me.” His eyes close for a long moment and then he slides up my body. He covers me with his big frame, cocoons and cages me in his big, safe arms as he slides inside me. Our bodies are damp and slick with perspiration. We glisten as the light from the lamp catches us at the right angle, and as I look over his face when he looks over my body, I feel a sense of peace come over me. I’ve no idea what causes it. I don’t know if it’s because Cam has always had the ability to make me feel safe or if it’s just the fact that I feel so comfortable and at home with him. Either way, it feels good and it’s not something I want to lose, ever.
He slides and rocks his hips against mine, slowly at first, but as I respond and wrap my legs around him tighter, his thrusts grow with more urgency. I claw at his back and bum cheeks.
“Fuck, Kitten, I love watching your tits move as I fuck you.” He leans down and captures my right nipple in his teeth. I’ve never thought my nipples were that sensitive, but the sensation of his teeth and the little spear of pain are apparently enough to have me reaching for my orgasm, and once again, so many emotions come to the surface as I arch my back and cling on.
“Love me, Cam, please. Forgive me and just try and love me. Even though I don’t deserve you, I want you. I need you so much.” I throw my head back, making a loud “ahhhh” sound as I do, followed by another noise that comes from deep within my chest, possibly directly from my heart. I have no control over it. My limbs feel heavy, too heavy for my muscles and bone to hold up as my orgasm rolls through me, over and over again. My insides spasm as my internal muscles tighten around him. He pushes himself up on his arms and looks down at me.
“We’ve got this. We’ve got this, Kitten. We’ll make this work if it fucking kills us.” All I can do is nod, incapable of speech as I feel him throb and release inside me.
Chapter Nineteen
I wake to a dark bedroom and an empty bed. I stretch and look around for a clock so I can see what the time is. My body clock is all over the place still from the jet lag and I’ve no idea if it’s morning or night. I get up and head for the shower. I feel like I’ve spent a week working out at the gym, even my fingernails ache.
I wash as quickly as possible. The shower is where I usually do my thinking, and right now, I really don’t want to be thinking too much.
I’m in love. I’m in love with Cam and all I want to do is enjoy it. I don’t want to think and overthink the rights and the wrongs of our relationship. I don’t want to feel guilty for being in love. I want just a little bit of time off from feeling sad. I just don’t want to be sad, for a little while at least.
I find a clean T-shirt and a pair of boxers in Cam’s walk-in wardrobe and put them on. I find a comb and run it through my hair, and then put it up in a bun. It’s a mess and needs washing but I can’t take a chance with Cam’s shampoo. It’ll probably end up a frizzy mess if I use his blokey stuff. I once again clean my teeth with his toothbrush and head downstairs; I come to a halt halfway down when I see two women I don’t know in the kitchen, one is cooking, one is sitting at the breakfast bar, typing on a laptop computer.
I look them over as I try to work out who they could be. The woman cooking has her back to me. She has short blonde hair. I can’t tell any more than that. The woman sitting on the stool though, I have a clear view of. She’s also blonde. She looks a little younger than me. She’s dressed in business wear and it’s not cheap. I know for a fact her shoes are Louboutin and the handbag sitting on the floor next to her is from this year’s Fendi collection. I may have spent a year consumed with grief, but I still knew my fashion.
The woman turns around with what looks like a huge frying pan filled with scrambled eggs and her bright blue eyes immediately connect with mine. She looks across to the other woman who still hasn’t noticed me. I take the last few steps down the stairs as the older woman says, “Good morning. Cameron didn’t tell me he had a guest. I’m sorry if I woke you.” Her tone is friendly and her smile seems genuine. She looks about sixty and very attractive, in a no-nonsense sort of way.
I hate that I’m blushing so much. I feel like I’ve been caught red handed doing something I shouldn’t and I try not to dwell on that thought too much. I smile, probably looking a little sheepish, or just plain guilty as thoughts of what we did last night run through my dirty mind. God, that man can fuck.
Before I get another chance to speak, the younger woman says, “Cam didn’t tell me either. I’m sorry, but who are you exactly?” Her tone is entirely different and she stands up from the stool she was sitting on and folds her arms across her chest as she looks me up and down. She doesn’t like me. I know that instantly, women rarely do. It’s just something I learned to live with as Sean’s wife. Other women rarely gave me a chance. They just instantly disliked me, simply because they saw me as a threat or competition, which of course I wasn’t as they never stood a chance with my husband anyway.
I look her over, the same way she’s looking at me. I may be standing barefoot in a Duffer T-shirt that’s ten sizes too big and a pair of Calvin Klein boxers that I’ve rolled over three times at the top so I can keep them up, and she may be standing in her beautifully tailored Versace dress, but I refuse to be intimidated by her. She actually looks older than me, now that I can see her more clearly, and she has a lot of makeup on. Her striking green eyes are narrowed and on me. I turn and smile back at the older woman.
“I’m Georgia. No, you didn’t wake me up.” She tilts her head as I’m talking.
“Well, good morning, Georgia. I’m Marian and you are absolutely stunning, darling. Come and sit down. Would you like some coffee?”
“Thank you, and yes, I would love a coffee.”
I walk around the breakfast bar, refusing to feel self-conscious and take the stool furthest away from Ms Let’s-put-our-makeup-on-with-a-trowel-today, but I smile at her sweetly as I sit.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t catch your name,” I say politely.
“That would be because I didn’t give it.”
I shrug and smile. “Fair enough,” I reply, as Marian puts a coffee down in front of me. I thank her and turn towards the hallway that leads from the front door as I hear Cam’s voice approaching.
“She’s fine. She’s still sleeping. No, she doesn’t know. I’ll tell her when she’s awake.”
He steps into the room and his eyes are instantly on me. He looks me up and down, his tongue flicks out and over his top lip as he looks at my bare legs and I almost moan out loud. His eyes meet mine again, and he knows, he fucking knows what he’s just done to me and he winks; the fucker winks while I struggle not to combust.
“Gotta go,” he says into his phone and ends the call. He’s wearing shorts and a vest and he’s dripping in sweat, which for some reason is making my mouth water. He pauses for a moment, still looking at me.
“You woke up, Kitten.”
“Sure did, Tiger. All alone in that big ol’ bed of yours.” He walks towards me with a slight smile on his lips.
“Some of us have to work for a living. I had business to attend to and thought I’d have a run on the treadmill while I made some calls.” He leans in without touching me with anything but his lips and kisses me softly. “You’ve used my toothbrush again.”
“I have. Is that a problem?”
“Fuck no. I like that you want my… belongings in your mouth.”
Ohhhh, God.
“Eat some breakfast while I shower. Morning, Marian. Louise, why are you here? We didn’t have a meeting planned.”
“I thought you might like to catch up, after being away, sir.” He stops and looks at her for a few seconds. She blushes. She’s affected by him, most women probably are, but he’s obviously her boss and I don’t like that she fancies him. Our relationship is already complicated enough with the Tamara situation, I don’t want to be worrying about Ms Max Factor throwing herself at him, too.
&n
bsp; “I’ve emailed you what I need doing this week. I won’t be back in the office for the next few days. You can reach me on my mobile if there’s anything urgent.” He looks briefly at me then back to her. “Make sure all the staff have their ID with them. There’s some extra security I’ve set in place that will be in operation from this morning. I’ve emailed every one, but I’m just giving you the heads up before you get to the office.” He looks at his watch as if to let her know that it’s time for her to go.
He turns and heads up the stairs as Louise says, “Yes, sir, I’ll get right onto that as soon as I get in.” He keeps walking and doesn’t answer.
Marian puts a plate in front of me with two slices of toast and a huge pile of scrambled eggs on it and I say, “Thank you,” as I watch Louise pack her stuff away.
“Bye, Marian, nice to see you again.” Was that to let me know she’s been here before I wonder? She turns and totally ignores me as she heads towards the door.
“Bye, Louise, lovely meeting you,” I call out, but get no reply.
Marian leans on the breakfast bar in front of me and says, “Well, that’ll put the cat amongst the pigeons and it would’ve put her nose right out of joint as well.”
“Why’s that?” I ask innocently.
“Well, she’s bound to go back to the office and tell everyone you were here. Cameron never has anyone stay over, apart from his mates and family, never,” she shakes her head and looks me over. “Never any young ladies. That one, she’s had her sights set on him for ages. Not that it’s got her anywhere, mind.”
I smile at Marian. I think I’m going to like her and I hope that I’ve found a friend and hopefully an ally too. I have a feeling I’m going to need one around here.
Cam comes padding down the stairs. His hair is wet and pushed off his face. He’s wearing joggers and a T-shirt and his feet are bare. I smell him before he reaches me and it makes my eyes close.
“Your eggs are bloody cold now, Cameron. You took longer than you said you’d be.” I smile slightly as I wait for Cam’s response for being told off and I’m amazed when it comes.
“Sorry. I had a lot to sort out. Just put my eggs in the microwave for a few seconds. They’ll be fine.” He looks at me; my mouth must be open. I’ve never heard anyone rebuke Cam before and he just took it. It makes me wonder what the relationship is between him and Marian.
“Kitten, look, there’s stories and pictures all over the papers about us this morning, and some of it’s not very nice. I’ve spoken with Lennon and Bailey. Lennon’s doing what he can from a PR point of view. Bailey just wants to know you’re okay. I’ve organised some security for you, but at the end of the day, it’s up to you how you wanna handle this.” He starts eating the reheated eggs that are placed in front of him. “We can make a statement or we can just let them get on with printing whatever they’re gonna print.” He reaches out and takes my hand. “I don’t want you reading any of that shit. I don’t want you getting upset by any of this, but I don’t think they’re gonna leave you alone until we confirm or deny that we’re together at least.”
I let out a long breath and put my fork down, my appetite has gone now. I just feel hot and anxious. I don’t understand this. I really don’t understand what the interest is in me. I’m not famous. I’ve never been famous. I was married to someone who was but why are people so interested in me and my life now that my husband’s dead. Why can’t they just leave me the fuck alone?
“Why’re the newspapers interested in you two?” Marian asks and I wonder where her accent is from. It’s definitely not from London. “Bloody hell, Georgia, oh, my love, I’ve just realised who you are. Oh, darling, I am so very sorry for your loss.” I don’t know what to say, and without even thinking, I reach back out for Cam’s hand and feel grateful when he laces his fingers through mine.
“Thank you, Marian.” I stare down at my now cold eggs, too scared to look up in case I cry. I do okay most of the time; it’s when people are nice, or when they ask me if I’m okay, that’s when I fall apart. Well actually, that’s a lie; I fall apart a lot, but generally it’s not in front of people I’ve never met before.
“You better bloody look after this girl. No one should have to go through what she has.” A tear catches on my eyelash. “Oh, darling, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” I shake my head. I want to cry, but Cam’s here. How can I cry for my dead husband in front of the man I now claim to be in love with. I’m so torn, and then his big hand is around my jaw, raising my face so I have to look at him.
“Let it out, Kitten. If you need to cry, then just go for it, baby. Don’t be ashamed. Don’t ever be ashamed to cry for what you lost.” He stands and turns my stool around so I’m facing him and wraps his big arms around me, just holding me and letting me cry. I can hear Marian sniffing and blowing her nose behind me. I look up at Cam. I know he’ll moan if I say sorry so I whisper, “Thank you,” and give him the best smile I can manage.
* * *
After breakfast, I go in search of my phone. The battery’s flat when I find it down the side of the sofa, but luckily Cam has the same phone as me and I use his charger. I lean on his desk as I wait for it to ping to life. Cam’s in his office talking on the phone when the buzzer goes on the intercom. He winks as he walks his sexy-self past me to answer it. My phone vibrates and lights up, just as I hear a female voice saying over the intercom, “Open this fucking door now, before I tell every one of these journalists the exact nature of our relationship.” I poke my head out of the office and look at Cam. He rubs his hand over his jaw, then puts both his hands on his hips, then one hand back to his jaw. He presses the entry button on the intercom unit and then puts both his hands back on his hips. I can only assume that Tamara is on her way up and I hate the way Cam is standing with his back to me, shoulders slumped, looking defeated.
“Cam?” He turns and faces me. “It’s okay, would you like me to wait upstairs?”
He frowns and shakes his head. “We doing this?” he gestures between us and I give him a little shake of my head, not understanding his question. “Are we together, Kitten, a couple? Are we letting the world know we’re a couple or are we gonna hide, like what we have is a dirty little secret?” I look over his face.
“We’re together, Tiger. I’m not hiding us from anyone.”
He smiles as he says, “I love the fuck out of you, Kitten.”
“I fucking love the fuck out of you, Tiger.”
“You ready for this? She’s gonna be a complete bitch.” I shrug, acting braver than I feel and note to myself that Cam must be stressed; he never picked me up on my swearing.
“What does she know about us?” Feeling a little panicked that she might tell the press about mine and Cam’s office door coupling, he shakes his head.
“She knows we were together for a while. She knows that I was in love with you.”
“Was?” I chew on the inside of my lip as I watch him.
“She knows that I was in love with you. I never told her I’m still in love with you after all these years. I didn’t want the whole world to know that I’m completely fucked where you’re concerned. I wanted to be left with some dignity.” I can’t help but smile at that.
“What you smiling at, Kitten?” He rakes his teeth over his bottom lip and gestures with his chin as he asks. I don’t actually know what I’m smiling at. I just feel happy and it’s such a nice sensation. It’s like a little ball of warmth in my chest and my belly.
“You, Tiger, I’m smiling at you.”
“And why’s that?”
“Coz you just make me smile,” I say with a shrug.
He’s suddenly serious, “As much as I love seeing you smile, you don’t have to fake it. If you’re having a bad day, just say. I’ve been there. I know how they can just come out of nowhere. Don’t ever hold it inside, Kitten, because I will know.” He nods as he speaks and I nod in reply because I don’t dare attempt to speak. “He was your husband. I’m not…” He struggles
for a few seconds. “Just because I said all that shit about being second best, it doesn’t mean you can’t cry about him in front of me. That’s all I’m saying.”
The front door buzzes and I jump.
“I’m not really dressed for this.” I pull his T-shirt down and try to cover myself a bit more. It’s longer than some of the dresses I wear anyway. I would’ve just preferred if it was an actual dress and if I were wearing my own underwear, rather than Cam’s. A bit of makeup would’ve been nice too but anyway. The door buzzer goes again.
“Fucking woman,” he mumbles as he turns around and heads up the hallway. I walk to the kitchen, looking down at my phone. I have missed calls from Ash, Jim, Len and my mum, as well as a number of texts. I open the one from Jim…
TDH!!!
R U FUCKIN’ KIDDIN ME???
YOU NEVER SAID A WORD, U CRAFTY COW.
WE NEED SUM GURL TIME.
SATURDAY NITE
ME U ASH WINE
DON’T MAKE PLANS
N YEAH, I DID SHOUT ALL OF THAT
LUV YA GUTS BIRD
X
I smile down at my phone. I so need some girl time. I have so much I need to tell them, so much going on in my head that I feel like it’s ready to burst.
I look up as Cam walks in and comes around the kitchen island and stands next to me. He leans his large frame against the sink and I lean next to him, side by side.
“Why is she here?” Four words and that whiney voice of hers is already grating on me.
“Because I invited her here. Why are you here, Tamara? Seeing as you weren’t invited.”
“You’ve made me look like a complete fool. What are all my friends going to think? I’m carrying your child, Cameron, and here you are, splashed all over the newspapers with her.”
“What the fuck has that got to do with your friends? They should all know that we’re not together, unless you’ve been telling them different.”
Carnage Boxset Page 68