‘Relax’ by Frankie Goes to Hollywood started to play and the whole room started to move as one to the music.
Haley White appeared from nowhere and wrapped her arms around my neck, moving her hips to the beat of the music against mine. I was hard in an instant. She was wearing an oversized Kombat Rock T-shirt and when I slid my hands underneath to squeeze her arse, I realised she wasn’t wearing any knickers.
The effects of my second ecstasy tablet hit me harder and much quicker than the first, and I suddenly felt like I could hear in colour. My dick was throbbing and Haley White was the most beautiful thing that I’d ever seen.
She kissed along my jaw and whispered in my ear, “Get Maca. I want to feel you both inside me at the same time.”
I nearly came in my pants as she followed her request off with a kiss that involved her tongue licking every part of the inside of my mouth.
“Tell him I’ve got some great blow, but I don’t want to share. We need to go back to your room and just keep it for ourselves.”
She kissed me again and I had to push my hand down flat on my dick to hide my boner while walking over to where Maca was still dancing on the table. I pulled him down by his hand and he stumbled as he landed beside me and laughed. He was as fucked up as I was, which worked for me. I would have no problem convincing him to join in on a little three-way fun with Haley and me.
“Let’s go back to our room for a bit. Haley’s got some high-grade coke that she only wants to share with us.”
He struggled to focus while looking at me.
“I dunno, Marls. I’m pretty fucked up already.”
“That’s coz of that pill, but once you come down off it, you’re gonna crash. The stuff she’s got will keep us going for the rest of the night, and we don’t wanna miss out.”
He looked around the room, raking his hand through his hair, obviously debating with himself on what to do. “Your sister never gets to hear about this, never. You hear me?”
“Of course not. I’m not fucking stupid, dude. What happens on tour stays on tour.”
We did our ‘boys in the hood’ type handshake and started to leave the suite, heading to our room. As we got to the door, Haley was there with Rocco. I gave her a ‘What the fuck is he doing here?’ look, which he saw.
“Don’t worry, dude, she’s all yours. I just want a line of the high grade, and maybe watch what unfolds. Maybe even take a few photos for posterity. You’ve seen the videos; you know how Haley likes to perform.”
Fuck yeah I did. Rocco’s videos had been our wanking material since the tour started, but the latest one of him and Haley with another girl had been the best. For some perverse reason, the thought of him watching what might happen and even filming it, turned me on big time, but I knew Maca wouldn’t be happy.
“Listen, you can’t let Maca know you’re taking photos. He will flip if he thinks that there’s any way Georgia will find out,” I told him.
“No problem, man. By the time Haley gets him worked up nice and good, he won’t even remember you have a sister. And any thoughts he might be having about quitting the band will be gone for good.”
I would like to be able to tell you that at that moment, I had some doubts about what we were about to do, that I felt some kind of guilt or compassion towards my sister, but I didn’t.
My drug-fucked brain totally believed that I was doing G and Maca a massive favour. He would realise how much he would be missing out on if he married George anytime soon and end things. Yeah, she’d be a bit upset, but she’d throw herself into her school work, pass her exams, and get a good job. Then perhaps in a few years, when we’d made it, maybe then they could get back together and think about marriage and kids. Everybody could then live happily ever after. In my head, it all sounded easy, and so fucking perfect.
“You go back with her first and get her warmed up. I’ll walk back with him in a while, and he won’t know what’s hit him once he sees her in action.”
My dick twitched at the thought. I grabbed Haley’s hand and dragged her out of the room and along the corridor to ours.
As soon as we were inside, she pulled her T-shirt over her head. She turned and faced me, naked, except for the little waterproof tube that hung around her neck between her tits; the same kind that Rocco had earlier. Hers was pink and a bit bigger than the yellow one he had though. I watched her while I leaned back against the door.
“Nice room, Marley. You’ve done well. Just think how much better things are gonna get. You’ll probably be headlining your next tour, not supporting.” She opened her legs and put her hands on her hips, adding, “If you’re still together, that is.”
“Oh? And why wouldn’t we still be together?” I asked her.
“Well, from what I hear, Maca’s thinking of giving it all up coz your stuck-up little sister don’t approve of the rock and roll way of life.” She licked her lips when she finished talking. I don’t know if she thought it was a sexy move, and I really didn’t give a shit. She was naked with holes that needed filling, and that’s all I was concerned about.
“Well, we’d better put on a show that convinces him that the rock and roll way of life is exactly what he wants, even if my sister doesn’t.”
I walked toward her and kissed her hard on the mouth. I’d fucked Haley before, a couple of years ago, after we played for someone from schools sixteenth. It was hard, fast, and pretty uneventful, but this time we were in a hotel room and not up against a van in a pub car park. I’d planned to give her a time she wouldn’t forget.
With all the sex I’d been getting before, and especially after the tour had started, I’d learnt a few moves, and I’d planned on trying every one of them out on Haley White. Every. Single. One.
At the end of one of the two double beds was a two-seater sofa, and in front of that was a long, wooden coffee table.
“Take that off from around your neck and lay on the coffee table, legs facing the door,” I ordered her.
Her eyes flicked over me from head to toe, and then up and over my face as she thought about my instructions.
She swiped the magazines off the table and lied down on it. She was short, around five foot two, at most. If she hadn’t worn so much make-up, I would’ve gone as far as saying that Haley was a pretty girl: blonde hair, blue eyes, curvy little body. She had a nice arse and a great pair of tits too. It was a shame, really, that she was such a little slut. I could’ve quite fancied her if it wasn’t for that. Don’t get me wrong, I have no issue with girls that like sex, none at all. What I do have an issue with are girls that use sex, or their sexuality, to manipulate and get what they want. Perhaps I’m a hypocrite, I don’t know, but they’re just my thoughts.
Haley bent her legs and put her feet on the edge of the table. Unhooking the pink plastic tube from around her neck, she held it out to me and as I took it in my hand, it gave me an idea.
“Open,” I told her. She opened her mouth and I slid the pink plastic capsule inside.
“Suck,” I ordered.
Haley deep throated it like a pro while I took off my shorts and started to stroke my cock. I pulled the tube out of her mouth with a pop, and she turned, trying to get her face level with my dick.
“Not yet. Let’s give you some fun first.”
I knelt at the end of the table and swiped the pink plastic through her cunt, then pushed it inside of her. It was about seven or eight inches long, and about as thick as three fingers, so even a bucket crutch like Haley should be able to feel it.
“Fuck, Marley. That feels good.”
Yeah, she felt it.
Just as I started to work my thumb over her clit while fucking her with the plastic tube, the door opened.
I turned to watch as Rocco and Maca came to a stop, just inside the room. Rocco smiled as Maca raked his hand through his hair, his eyes all over Haley’s naked body.
The self-closing door shut with a click behind them and Maca jumped.
“Shit,” he said quietly.
“Carry on, children, don’t mind me,” Rocco said before moving over to one of the beds. He sat with his back against the headboard, in a prime position to watch whatever was about to unfold.
Haley sat up and faced Maca. Her legs were wide open and straddling the coffee table. She pulled the capsule out of her cunt and stood to go towards Maca. Dropping to her knees in front of him, she sucked the capsule into her mouth and started to work it in and out while stroking Maca’s obviously hard cock through his shorts.
“Want me to suck your dick, just like I suck this?” she asked him.
He looked at me, then back down to Haley.
“I-I don’t…” He laced his fingers together and pressed them to the top of his head. Closing his eyes, he swayed gently and swallowed hard.
That moment right there was when I should’ve shut things down.
He was young and horny, yet he was also unfocused, swaying on his feet, pumped full of drugs. But despite all that, he knew where his heart laid. He knew he loved Georgia, his English Rose, and as the song said, ‘No bonds could ever tempt him from she.’
And I shit all over that. I took what they had, what he felt for my sister, and kicked it right in the gut. I kicked until it couldn’t breathe―until their love was a crumpled heap on the floor, gasping its last, dying breaths.
All I cared about was the band staying together and making it big. What Sean and Georgia had going on was inconsequential to me … irrelevant. There were plenty of willing women out there, so why get stuck with just one?
“No Haley, I don’t,” he told her, opening his eyes and looking down at her.
“But … I thought you might—”
“Get your fucking hands off me.”
She stood up and turned from him to look first at me, then at Rocco, sitting on the bed.
“Well, you’re no fun, Sean McCarthy. Let’s see if some of what I have here loosens you up a bit.”
She unscrewed the pink tube and just like Rocco did at the bar, she pulled out a small plastic bag full of charlie and shook it in the air.
Rocco pressed play on the boom box and Paul Hardcastle’s ‘19’ began blasting out the speakers.
“On your back, Haley. Serve it up properly, just like I showed you.”
Without a word, Haley was back on the coffee table, tipping the contents of the packet through her cleavage, as far down as her belly button and then over each of her nipples.
“Come and get it, boys,” she said with a giggle.
The music got louder as I looked across to Maca. He looked fucked, and I mean wasted.
“Last hit of the day,” I said.
He gave me a small nod before we both moved to either side of her and started snorting the coke from her tits, cleavage, and belly. I watched as she grabbed at Maca’s hair, trying to kiss him, but he pulled away and crawled over to the bed. She started asking me to fuck her, but I stuck my dick in her mouth and let her suck me off instead. I can’t even remember if I came.
Then she was gone. Maca was lying face down across my bed and Rocco was nowhere in sight. I could hear the Rah Band singing about clouds across the moon and I instantly thought of Georgia. She loved that song. Ever since we were little kids―whenever we went away, whether it be abroad, or just to my parents’ caravan in Clacton, G always had to have a holiday song―a song that would remind her of our time there, and that song had been played everywhere we went when she was with us that past week. G had loved it and declared it her holiday song, the song that would always remind her of Spain.
The image of my beautiful smiling sister punched into my heart like a fist-wielding blade. What the fuck was I thinking? I sat on the end of the bed and held my head in my hands, letting the guilt wash over me. She could never know about Maca being in the same room with Haley, and she could never know that I instigated the whole thing.
I’m not sure what was in those last few lines we snorted, but it couldn’t have been cocaine. Maca had passed out cold, and I was starting to feel sleepy too. That drug usually had me going for hours, feeling like I could take on the world, not dizzy and disoriented like I was feeling then.
Sounds became fuzzy while images seemed to bend and look distorted. I looked up, thinking I could hear screaming, but I wasn’t really sure; it could’ve been laughter, I didn’t know. Noises faded in and out, and all concept of time was lost to me.
There was movement all around us, but it was fractured and disjointed. My name was being said and my face was being slapped, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t focus.
The next thing I remember very clearly was throwing up in the foot well of a car and someone shouting in a foreign language. Not being able to move my arms was the only cognitive thought I could process before I drifted off again.
* * *
I had no sense of the time over which the following events played out. I later learnt it was only a period of just over 48 hours.
I woke up alone in a cell as a tray of food was slid through a hatch.
I shouted and screamed, asking for someone to tell me what the fuck was going on, but I was shouted back at in return, only in French.
I was taken to an interview room where I was told by a policeman wearing a very crumpled suit and about three days’ worth of stubble on his chin that I had been accused of rape.
I was taken back to my cell where I tried to get my shit together. For the past six or so weeks, I’d taken some kind of drug at least once a day. My body and my brain were reacting to the substance abuse it’d been enduring and the lack of its daily fix. I was hot, cold, and I couldn’t stop vomiting. The shaking and shivering was unbearable.
I wasn’t an addict, but my system had become somewhat used to its daily fix, and it was gonna take me at least a few days to get myself straight.
Lennon arrived with another bloke I later learnt was from the label.
I’d never seen Len so angry in my life. He punched me hard on the chin, but then he demanded that I have access to a doctor. I was hooked up to a drip and given another blanket, but once again, I was left alone to try and work out what the fuck had happened.
I slept for what felt like a very long time, finally waking to the sound of the drip bleeping because the bag of saline being pumped into me was empty.
Apparently, I’d been taken to a hospital. I had no recollection of how I got there or how long ago I’d been moved.
Len arrived with my dad and a lawyer, then everything was explained to me. Haley White had accused Maca and me of raping her. My first thought was of G.
What did I do … What the fuck did I do to her, to Maca, to the band?
I told the lawyer, who’d now been joined by the police, everything I could remember.
I wasn’t a good person. I wasn’t a good friend or brother, but I was not a fucking rapist.
Again, the concept of time was alien to me. I was allowed to leave the hospital. I didn’t go back to the hotel we were staying in because we’d been kicked out and had to go somewhere else.
Finally, I got my head around the fact that it was Friday.
I was silent in the car as my dad ranted and threatened all kinds of physical violence to me, Maca, Rocco, even Haley.
Lennon explained that the band would be practising for a few hours during the day and we’d be expected to perform that night and the next in Paris, as our shows were sell-outs. His tone told me he was pissed off and not to be argued with.
My dad and Len entered the hotel room in front of me and the instant my eyes met Maca’s, who was lying back on the bed with his hands behind his head, he flew from the bed, coming right for me.
Maca was one of life’s most laid back people. He always looked for the good in everyone and found the positive in any negative situation. He could fight, but he rarely did; it just wasn’t his nature. He was the opposite of George and her fiery temper, but at that moment, he looked like he wanted to kill me.
“You cunt! What the fuck did you get us into?” My dad grabb
ed him, pinning both his arms to his sides.
“What did you do? Did you set me up for that?” He actually tried to fight my dad. Yeah, we laughed about that over the years a lot.
Maca, being the skinny fucker he was, wriggled his way out of my dad’s grip and made another move towards me. Lennon stepped between us, but he swung around him and landed a punch on the side of my head. My dad grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around, and lamped my dad on the chin.
The room fell silent. Maca just punched Frank Layton.
“Shit,” my Uncle Fin said. He was sitting, unnoticed by me, in an armchair in the corner.
“I’ll give you that one, son,” my dad said to Maca, “but I’m telling you now, you need to calm the fuck down.”
Sean’s breathing was heavy when he turned back around to me to say, “Get the fuck away from me. I can’t be near you right now.”
I didn’t say a word. I mean, what could I say? He didn’t even know the half of it, and yet he still knew I was to blame for what we’d been accused of.
Chapter Three
2014
I read over the words that I’ve typed a few more times, pouring myself another drink in between. I think what I’ve written is the truth, but in all honesty, so much of that night and what happened afterwards is a blur, so I really can’t be sure.
The only part of it I know for sure as the absolute truth is that it was all my fault.
I continue reading…
* * *
1985
After playing our Paris concerts Friday and Saturday night, we finally got home to my parents’ house in the early hours of Sunday morning.
The flight home was made in almost complete silence. Maca chatted with my dad on the plane, but he’d barely spoken a word to me since we’d been released by the police. Despite our lack of communication, our performances during the last two nights of our shows had been pretty spectacular.
Lennon, Billy, and Tom weren’t speaking to Maca or me. Maca wasn’t speaking to me, and I wasn’t speaking to anyone, but the anger, emotion, and frustrations of those last few days’ events had everyone performing at their unbelievable best. The crowds were insane and the label and promoters were over the moon.
Carnage Boxset Page 88