She turned to me and screamed. “Oh my fucking god, Marley Layton!”
I gave my best impersonation of her scream and in her voice, I said, “Oh my fucking god, Lucy.”
She looks around the room, frowning. “Lucy? Who the fuck’s Lucy? My name’s Olivia.”
Oops.
“Livy, sorry. I meant to say Liv or Livy, not Lucy.”
“Ooh, nice backtrack, dude,” Maca got in, shaking his head as he walked away.
“Shut the door on your way out, fucker,” I called after him. “Don’t want you getting all jealous coz your right hand is the nearest thing you’ve got to a Lu—I mean, a Livy this morning.”
Shit, just shoot me now.
* * *
After another quick roll around with Lucy Livy Lou… yeah, that’s what I’d decided to call her. It gave me a few more options at getting her name right and she was giving me the best blow job, all because she thought I’d given her a ‘cute nickname.’ Everybody won.
She headed off to my bathroom and showered while I went out to the kitchen to find Maca sitting at the breakfast bar, watching an episode of ThunderCats on the television. He had the sound muted, while sipping on another cup of coffee.
“You all right, dude?” I asked him.
“I’m gonna go and see your sister,” he stated while staring at the television screen.
“Why?” I asked, honestly curious as to his reason.
He turned and looked at me. “I need to know, Marls. I need to tell her everything, and I need her to hear me out. Then I need to know if there’s ever going to be a chance for us to sort this mess out.”
I nodded my head, while debating internally as to whether it was a good idea.
“From what Jim and Len tell me, she’s miserable, and I’m still fucking dying here without her.” He rubbed his hand over the stubble on his chin.
“I can’t carry on like this anymore. I’m existing, but I’m not living. Even if she says no, if she tells me straight up that there’s no chance of us ever getting back together, at least then I’ll know. It’ll hurt … fuck, it’ll be agony, but it can’t be any more painful than what I’ve been going through these last few years.”
“When?” I asked. “When you planning on going to see her?”
“This week. I don’t wanna wait now that I’ve made up my mind, and I don’t want Jim or Lennon to know, just in case they warn her. I don’t wanna give G a chance to overthink what she’s feeling, so I’ll just turn up. I know her, Marls, I know her inside and out. I’ll know what she’s really feeling as soon as she sees me.”
As much as I cringed with the knowledge of how well Maca knew my little sister, I also accepted that what he said was true. Those two were inseparable for five years, and were sleeping together for the last year or so they were together. Nobody knew George as well as Maca did, and being the big brother that I was, that was actually the way I’d like it to stay—him being her one and only.
I had no idea if she’d seen other blokes. Jimmie had mentioned that she’d finally started going out with this new friend, Ash, but she’d never mentioned her dating anyone. She did say that she didn’t go to my mum’s for Sunday dinner anymore because she was out most Saturday nights. That was something I hadn’t yet mentioned to Maca.
“Whatever you feel you need to do, man. I won’t say a word to anyone. Just let me know if there’s anything I can help do to make this happen.” I patted him on the shoulder as I spoke.
We both stare at the television in silence for a few seconds.
“Fuck, I need a shag. I’m actually sitting here with a semi because of a fucking cartoon cheetah cat woman on the telly,” he stated.
“Oh, come on. What’s not to get hard about Cheetara? It’s when you start getting hard over Jaga you need to worry, or worse still, WilyKat. Now that would just be wrong, dude.”
I watched as he smiled and shook his head.
“Seriously though. We have to fly to Ireland tomorrow for that charity, do the interviews Len’s lined up, but we’re back home next weekend. Perhaps I can try and find out what she’s doing next week so you’ll at least know where she’ll be.”
“I’d rather talk to her somewhere private, not at your mum and dad’s in front of everyone.”
“That’s fine. I’ll just find out when she finishes work. She’s living in the flat above the shop now so it shouldn’t be too hard to get her on her own.”
“Thanks, mate, appreciate it.”
“Least I can do, brother,” I told him as I headed off back to my bedroom to shower and get dressed for our run out on the bikes.
* * *
By the time I’d showered and dressed, Maca and L girl were chatting and laughing like old friends in the kitchen.
“Olivia wants to know if we could collect her mate from where she stayed last night and give them both a lift back to Chelmsford?” I wasn’t sure if Maca was asking on L girls behalf, or telling me that that was what we were going to do. He shrugged his shoulders before continuing, “I just thought it might give us a decent run out on the bikes.”
“Can do,” I replied. “I was actually thinking of heading out to my parents’ place … ya know, to see what I could find out about what G’s up to for the next few weeks,” I informed him, trying not to give too much away in front of our present company.
“I’m not sure, Marls. Who’s gonna be there?”
“By the time we get there, no one you’ll need to worry about, but I’ll check on whose cars are on the drive once we’re there anyway. If there’s a problem, we’ll just keep driving and drop the girls off.” He still didn’t look too happy, but I continued. “Where’s your mate want picking up from, sweetheart?”
Chapter Fifteen
Turns out that L girl’s mate was actually her sister who spent the night at their brother’s, just around the corner from us.
I sometimes wondered how stupid I was at that stage of my life. At the time, I thought I had my shit together, but my decision-making skills and the complete lack of thought I put into them were obviously something I had yet to master.
We picked L girl’s sister up and drove out towards my parents’ place with the girls on the back. It felt good. It was a Sunday afternoon and the traffic was light. Living the life that we did, the freedom of the open road—no cameras, no fans—just complete anonymity was something to savour and I decided as we drove, that that was something we should make time to do more often.
Maca was still not convinced that calling at my parents’ place was the right thing to do, but I reassured him that if G was there, then we’d just keep driving. I didn’t want to let him know that she wouldn’t be and burst his bubble.
I left him at the gate while I went and checked if Georgia’s car was on the driveway. As expected, it wasn’t.
I signalled for Maca to follow me down to the house. Parking our bikes and removing our helmets, Maca asked, “You sure about this, Marls? If Bailey’s there, I don’t think he’s gonna wanna see my face while he’s eating his Sunday roast.”
“It’s after four o’clock, Mac. Dinner’ll be done and everyone but my rents will be in the studio. Anyway, Bails’ll be fine.” I tried to reassure him, knowing all the while that Bails would probably not be fine and would have a few choice words to say to Maca, as he did myself after the Paris incident; most of those words being a variation of stupid, little, and cunt. But hey, I survived, and I’m sure Maca would too.
“Who’s Bailey?” L girl asked.
“My older brother.” I told her.
“And I just happen to not be his favourite person,” Maca added.
“Aw, is the big bad rock star scared?” The sister whose name had escaped me, chimed in. Maca shot her, then me, a look, which I interpreted as, ‘shut her the fuck up.’
“Chill, dude.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one about to be fed your own dick for Sunday lunch.”
I threw my head back and laughed at that stat
ement and opened the door to the studio. I felt like every muscle in my body disconnected itself from my brain. I remained standing but was paralysed, unable to move another step.
My eyes didn’t leave my sister’s. I watched a spark of something flare in her eyes for a few seconds before a look of complete heartbreak marred her features as she took the four of us in. All too late, I realised once again what an almighty fuck up I had made, and that once again, I had caused my sister pain.
“No, oh God, no,” Georgia sobbed quietly.
“Fuck, Gia,” Maca said from beside me before making a move towards her.
Bailey started shouting at Maca to get out, while Maca begged George to give him chance to talk.
I watched my sister’s eyes roam over the face of the man that I knew, that we all knew, that she loved.
“What d’ya want me to do, George?” I heard Bailey ask, the room silent. All eyes were either on Maca or G.
I silently begged my sister, with everything I had in me, I begged her to just give him a chance, to please hear him out.
Georgia had been my best friend from the moment she was born. I’d always felt responsible for her, was raised to always protect her. Until the last few years, I’d spent more time with G than I had with any of my other siblings and I knew every expression that girl could create. And I knew, in that moment, she was about to tell Maca to stay. I’d witnessed the hard look in her eyes leave, to be replaced with only love, shining brightly in them as she looked across to my mate.
As much of a pussy this might make me sound, I’d readily admit that I wanted to cry. Watching two of the people I loved most in the world, finally come face to face again, knowing the heartbreak they had both endured while apart, was finally about to be over. I stood there, rooted to the spot and held on to my tears, willing my sister to just do the right thing.
And then it all fell apart.
“Who the fuck’s she, Maca?” L girl’s stupid, stupid sister asked.
Georgia’s eyes moved to take in the girl now standing right beside Maca and I knew in an instant what was going through my sister’s mind. It had gone through mine when we picked her up. She was short and curvy, with big tits and blonde hair.
Haley White.
She looked like Haley White. I saw it and G sure as fuck saw it too. Whether Maca did or not, I’m not sure, but he shouted at her nevertheless.
“Get out!” he roared, making her flinch. “Get out. Get out. Get out.”
Whatever I thought that I’d witnessed in Georgia’s eyes a few moments ago was now gone, replaced by a cold hard stare of indifference as she looked at Maca.
“G, please baby, just talk to me. I miss you so much, so fucking much.” His begging tone hurt my heart because I knew my sister and I knew he had no chance of making her waiver from whatever decision she had now come to.
“Go,” she whispered.
“No, G, no. Please, just five minutes. There’s so much I need to tell you. I love you so much, Gia.”
“Go Sean,” she screamed back at him.
Len and Bailey moved. Everyone shouted. There was chaos all around me as my brothers dragged my best mate out onto the drive as he called my sister’s name and she just sat with her arms wrapped around her knees, which were pulled up to her chest, and cried. She cried the cry of someone broken, damaged, and in so much more pain than any human should have to bear, and it was all my fault. Once again, I’d fucked up and was the cause of my sister’s heartbreak, and the devastating sound of my best mate calling her name.
I don’t know what part of my stupid, stupid twenty-something-year-old brain thought it would be a good idea to bring Maca here with two girls in tow; two girls that meant absolutely nothing to either of us, and one of them we’d only just met. I wasn’t an idiot, so what part of my brain thought that that would be okay? To this day, I have no idea … no fucking idea, but I knew I had to put it right.
* * *
No matter how many times I tried to explain to my family that it wasn’t Maca’s fault, that it had all been my idea, they wouldn’t listen. By the time I’d headed outside, Len was pulling Bailey and Maca apart, and my mum was trying to get between my dad and the three of them.
By the time the shouting was over, there were ripped clothes, split lips, and bloody noses. My mum had put the girls in a taxi and sent them on their way. I was convinced we would be reading about this little debacle in one of the tabloids over the next few days, but was surprised to this day that those girls chose not to run to the papers about our not so friendly family Sunday.
Georgia had been given a Valium and put to bed. I went up and watched her sleep for a while. I told her I was sorry, that I loved her, and I hoped that one day soon she’d be able to forgive me for the fuck-ups that I’d made, but which had impacted her life.
My mum put ice on Maca’s bruised cheek and my dad and Bailey finally listened to our side of the story, but my mum and Dad refused point blank to let him anywhere near my sister, even if she was sleeping.
After handshakes and manly back slaps all round, we finally drove home and went straight to bed, ready for our early morning flight to Ireland the following day.
I knew Maca was pissed off with me, but I wasn’t expecting to be totally blanked for the following few days.
He was moody and distant. He insisted on having a room to himself and returned to it after every appearance that we made. He turned up, smiled for the cameras, said what needed to be said, and left. I tried over and over to tell him how sorry I was, but he looked right through me without saying a single word.
Lennon had told me that George had met someone new and being the coward that I was, I just let Maca continue to ignore me. It was easier than facing him and having to explain that this time, it really was over between him and my sister.
I’d never been in love at that stage, so I had no idea what he was going through, but could only imagine that once he found out George had finally moved on, it would feel a whole lot worse, and I didn’t want to be the one to tell him, or even be around when it happened.
I’d called my mum daily to see how Georgia was doing and felt like the bottom had fallen out of my world when she told me that the doctor had described her condition as a ‘minor nervous breakdown.’ I really was the worst brother and best friend on earth. I felt even worse when she told me Maca had been calling every day, but my dad wouldn’t let him talk to G. He’d sent her flowers daily too.
We had a break Wednesday evening from the TV, radio, magazine interviews and appearances we’d been doing, so I got Len to book me a flight home and a driver to collect me from the airport and take me to my mum and Dad’s place.
I arrived just after eleven. My mum was at the front door, saying goodbye to a girl who she explained was a friend of Georgia’s and worked for them at one of their shops. She was gorgeous—long blonde hair, sweet curve to her hips. Under different circumstances, I would’ve taken some time to say hello, but I didn’t have long and I was there to see just one person.
I nodded my head and smiled hello, kissed my mum on the cheek and headed straight up to my sister’s room, where I found her curled up and sleeping on the top of her bed.
Georgia had never carried much weight. She used to remind me of a foal when she was about eight or nine and started to grow head and shoulders above the other kids her age. She was all arms and legs, always walking around with her head down, probably hoping that it would make her look shorter. Somewhere between the age of nine and ten, her boobs started to grow. I hadn’t noticed, she was my skinny little sister. I knew what boobs were, but I had no interest in hers, and it wasn’t until my mates started to comment that I told my brothers that they needed to tell my mum to get her a bra. It was only about a year after that our parents sat us three boys down and told us that George was growing up and becoming a woman, and that her privacy needed to be respected. I had no idea what the big deal was until I walked into the local corner shop the following Sunday afternoon and my
little sister was in there buying a box of tampons that the penny dropped.
I felt so sorry for her when she turned around and saw me pretending to flick through a car magazine. Perhaps if it’d been a music mag, she wouldn’t have blushed so much because we both knew that my knowledge and interest in cars was less than zero at that time of our lives.
“Marls,” she’d said, while rushing past me.
There was no such thing as Google or the internet then, but I was a pubescent boy and was fully aware of the facts. My little sister was all grown up and could now potentially get pregnant, and there was no fucking way that was happening on my watch.
I’d always been protective of her. My dad had drummed it into us boys that it was our life’s mission to look after our little sister and despite the few years that I failed big time, it’s what I’ve spent the majority of my life trying to do.
I laid down on the bed next to where she was sleeping, stretching and crossing my legs out in front of me. I laced my fingers and placed them behind my head. “I’ve missed you, George. I feel like part of me is missing, not having you in my life.” I turn my head to look at where she’s still sleeping soundly. The landing light was shining in through the bedroom door and I could see her long lashes fanning out on her prominent cheekbones. Her face was drawn and gaunt looking, her dark skin paler than I’d ever seen it. I swallowed down the lump in my throat, caused by the knowledge that my actions on Sunday had done this to her. Whatever happiness she may have been experiencing with that new boyfriend, my thoughtlessness had caused her four years of misery, and I knew for a fact that whoever this new bloke was, she would never have with him what she had with Maca.
“I’m so sorry about Sunday, G. Those girls, they meant nothing. Maca was just doing me a favour and giving a lift home to the sister of the girl I’d brought home the night before. I fucked up, George. I always seem to fuck up where you and Maca are concerned.” I took in a deep breath, trying to ease the tightness in my chest.
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