Being the dutiful husband that I am, I make my wife come more than once, and then we shower together and I make her come again.
We enjoy a lazy Sunday, reading the papers, answering emails, and I spend a bit of time on a conference call with my sister and brother, discussing the upcoming Triple M charity concert.
G has liaised with Josh from Dig It Promotions, who would be running the event for us. All the staff were now hired. Cam gave us as many of his staff as we needed, free of charge, but we always needed more.
Len had confirmed with the management of every act performing or hosting, as well as all the television companies that would be televising the event. We didn’t have a single slot left to fill. In fact, we were using some A-listers just to present as we just couldn’t fit them into the show.
The event had gone from strength to strength and now raised money the entire year, but the concert was still our biggest fundraiser.
The donations that came in went to the charities that were closest to our hearts. Len, Jimmie, Cam, George, Ash, and myself, all picked charities linked to things that had impacted our lives, and which we thought Maca would be proud to be associated with.
Georgia and Cam were passionate about helping low income families obtain fertility treatments, helping young drug users rehabilitate, and bereavement counselling aimed specifically at sole survivors of accidents or trauma.
Len and Jim had started their own charity that built recording studios in inner city and rural areas, which were available, free of charge, to anyone that wanted to come in and lay down tracks. CC music, mine and Len’s label, had now signed five acts that had made demo’s using these facilities, and it was something that I too had become equally passionate about. We were lucky when we were starting out. My dad believed and invested in us, helping to get our first demo out there.
Ash and I were patrons of a lot of the charities the foundation supported, but the closest to our heart was one that ran respite care, provided emergency accommodation, counselling, and anything else that was needed for the children of substance abusers.
I had eventually found out from Ash, the reason she had no contact with her parents, and her story was truly horrifying, and sadly, not uncommon.
It was the night that we’d brought Joe home from the hospital. She stood watching over him as he slept in his Moses basket in our front room. I was enjoying the sight when I realised Ashley’s shoulders were shaking.
“Ash? Baby?” She turned to look at me, tears streaming down her face.
“What if I’m no good at this? What if I turn out to be just like my parents?”
“No, baby, no. You’ll be great—fucking amazing. We’ll learn together. We’ve got this, baby, we’ve got this.”
I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. When her tears slowed down, I moved us over to the sofa and sat with her in my lap.
She’d still never told me much about her home life. I knew she would when she was ready so I’d left it alone. That night she was ready and I couldn’t believe what she told me.
“My parents weren’t nice people, Marley. My dad’s a junkie, my mum an alcoholic, who’s been on the game my entire life to support both of their addictions. They had my brother serving up for them from the time he was eleven to help bring in more money to feed their own habits. He was jacking up heroin by the time he turned thirteen. He did it to try and forget what he was, what they’d turned him into.” She cried hard and pushed the heels of her hands into her eyes and my heart just broke for her.
“A dealer?” I asked.
She shook her head and cried even harder. “No.” She almost choked as she struggled to get the words out. “They had him working the streets with my mum. He was eleven years old the first time they sold his arse.”
“Oh fuck, Ash, fuck, baby. You never said. Why’d you never tell me?”
Her whole body was shaking from her sobs, and as much as I wanted to hold her, I needed to hold my son. I sat her on the sofa, fetched Joe from where he was sleeping and placed him in Ashley’s arms, then I wrapped them both in mine.
“He was a great brother, Marls. I know what everyone thinks because of his habit, and the fact that he’s always in and out of prison, but he did what he could for me. They would’ve had me go the same way as him, but he put a stop to it. He was already sixteen when I turned thirteen, and they tried to get me on the streets. Ryan went mad and threatened to call the police and social services. He was making good money from dealing and was able to go rent a one bedroom flat from a mate. I went and lived with him, the problem was he was always going missing, going on benders, and getting himself locked up. Just before I left school, we’d had to go back and stay with them, my parents, for a week as we’d been kicked out of his flat and had nowhere to go. I came home from school to find a strange bloke in my bedroom. He was someone they owed money to, and they’d sold him my virginity to settle the debt.
I was just so unbelievably lucky that Ryan heard me scream as I tried to fight the bloke off. He had to fight both my mum and my dad to get into my bedroom, but he did it. Then he stabbed the bloke in the shoulder, who at that stage had me pinned underneath him on the floor as he tried to rip my school uniform off.”
I felt like I was gonna pass out as she told me her story. I stroked the soft dark hair on my little boys head and kissed Ashley’s temple, breathing her in, both actions calming me down.
“We got out that night and slept in someone’s shed that we broke into. I had to go to school the next day to do an exam. I was still in the clothes I’d worn the day before. I looked a fucking mess. Jimmie found me crying in the toilets.” That memory brings a smile to her face. “She lent me some make-up and I felt a bit better. I went and stayed with her for a few days and then Ry managed to get somewhere else for us, so I went with him.”
She brings Joe up to her chest and we both breathed him in. “He tried, Marls, he really tried, but they’d ruined him.” She cried again as she looked up at me. “The drink and the drugs were the only way he could cope with his demons. He just kept getting banged up and he was always nicking money off of me, so in the end I moved out. That place you found me was all I could afford.”
“Fucking hell. I’m so sorry baby. So sorry.”
Joe made a little noise and we both studied him for a while. It was all we seemed to do since he’d been born, just looked at him in wonder.
“Ash, I swear to you that we’ll give this little boy everything that you never had. We’ll give him so much love, we’ll all be falling over it. He will never spend a day of his life not feeling loved, safe, and protected.”
“Will you help me be a good mum?”
“No, baby, I won’t need to. I already know that you’re gonna be the best mum there ever was.”
“Can we call him Joseph Ryan?” She asked quietly … hopeful.
“Yes, we can.”
“Thank you.”
“I love you, baby.”
“I love you too, Rock Star.”
We both looked down at Joe, who was then wide-eyed and staring up at us.
“We love you, baby rock star,” we both tell him.
Did I mention that Marley and Ash love Joe?
* * *
She was one of the lucky ones. She’d gotten out and stayed first with Jim, then her brother.
We’d tried our best to help Ryan over the years. We’d payed for rehab and even had him living with us, but he still managed to get himself into trouble, despite us paying for the best lawyers to get him out of it.
Ryan died in prison on his thirty-second birthday. He committed suicide in the most horrific of ways, which I won’t go into.
“I’ll set up a rehearsal timetable for everyone else, but Cam’s people have said you can have access any time this week.” Len states, interrupting my thoughts.
“Yeah, I’ve spoken to Reed. He has shit to do tomorrow, but we’ll be there every day from Tuesday.” I tell him. “We just need all the staff sworn t
o secrecy. I really don’t want this getting out. The event is already a sell-out, so we can’t increase sales and I think it’ll be a show stopper if we can just get up on stage, unannounced, and play songs from both bands.”
“It’s gonna be epic,” Georgia states.
“Epic? Fucking epic? You’ve been hanging with Paige and Harley too much, Porge. That’s their word of the moment,” Len said.
I can’t help but laugh as he takes the piss out of her.
“Fuck off, Len. There’s nothing wrong with epic,” she tells him.
“There is when you’re forty-six, dude.”
“I’m a dudette, and still eighteen in my head.”
“Ah, God no. Not eighteen-year-old George. I wouldn’t wish her on anyone. Even Paige and Harley are better behaved than she ever was.”
“I wasn’t that bad. Big brother Marley, back me up here,” she demands.
“Drop me out of this one, Porge. Let’s just say dad’s right on this one and you got the daughter you deserved with Lula.”
“I was never as bad as Lu. I blame Ash. I swear her genes filtered through the placenta and corrupted my perfect child’s DNA.”
“Then how come Kiks is such a good girl?” Len asks.
“Coz she’s only got mine and Cams genes. Ashley’s crazy DNA was all absorbed by Lu, making her extra naughty.”
“I can hear you.” Ash sticks her head into my office door and shouts.
“Hey, Fag,” Jimmie calls out from Len’s end, “I’m with you on this one, boys,” she adds.
“Tallulah is all George. You seem to have a very selective memory of what a diva you were,” Jimmie tells her.
“What d’ya mean was? She’s still a fucking diva,” I add.
“Shut up, Butt. I thought I could at least rely on you for backup. T, my brothers are picking on me,” she calls out to Cam in her best whiny voice.
“Don’t call me Butt,” I tell her through gritted teeth.
George and Jimmie thought they were hilarious one drunken Christmas when they called Ash, Fag … Fag Ash, geddit? Yeah, I didn’t laugh either, and because of my lack of humour, they christened me Butt … Fag Butt. The three of them ended up on the floor laughing at their own very unfunny joke.
We were now entered into everyone’s contacts list as Fag & Butt.
The following Christmas, Jimmie had gone to a local retirement home and asked the old dears to knit us a couple of jumpers with our names on them, then offered to donate one thousand pounds to a charity of our choice if we wore them all day. Len and Cam also adding a thousand if we went through with it, leaving us with little option but to agree.
Hilarious … Not.
The amount of times we’d been in the company of Americans and had to explain that Fag Ash and Fag Butt had nothing to do with neither very burnt, or the backsides of homosexuals.
“Children, children, back to the matter in hand. I’ll email you a rehearsal schedule as soon as it’s done, that way you’ll at least know when to expect others to be turning up. The riggers and electricians will be in and out all week, so they may need the power switched on and off at various times too. Anything else?” We all remain silent.
“This year’s event is bigger and better than any other. We’ll be able to add at least ten more charities to our books next year. Goes without saying that whoever we choose, we’ll bear in mind where Maca would’ve liked the money channelled.”
Ashley comes and curls into my lap as Len talks.
“He’d be so proud of what you’ve achieved with this, so fucking proud,” Ash states, loud enough for the others to hear on their ends of the phone.
I hear Len clear his throat, but George remains silent.
“Porge?”
“Don’t, Marls, don’t.”
“All right. Well, that’s it for now then, boys and girls. I’ll be at the offices all day tomorrow. I’ll see ya there if you’re about.” He hangs up. I hear George sniff and then she’s gone so I disconnect from my end.
“Wanna watch a film or SamCro with me?” Ashley asks.
I slide my hand under her vest and love that she’s braless. So much so, that I have to give her nipple a little suck.
“What, so you can sit and get all wet and excited over Jax?” I ask.
“Well, come on. Even you get a hard-on over Jax.”
I throw my head back and laugh as if she’s being ridiculous.
“Seriously, you know full well that it’s Bobby that my heart belongs to.”
“Whatever. You watching or not? I have the whole of season six to get through. I’m sick of avoiding spoilers everywhere.”
“Put it on, but d’ya mind if I read?” I question. I feel guilty that I’ve done nothing but read these last few days.
“Go for it,” she tells me before kissing my mouth, sliding off my lap and heading out the door.
Chapter Twenty-Three
1989/2014
The following years saw Carnage go on to bigger and better things. Our tours were worldwide and we played at the biggest stadiums in the biggest cities. Our albums were multi-platinum selling, and our singles always went to number one.
In our personal lives, all of us, but Maca, became fathers. Some of us a lot sooner than expected. It turns out I knocked up Ash the very first time we had sex.
What a champ.
In March 1990, Ash gave birth to our son. Watching what she went through to give me a gift I’d never be able to thank her enough for, was the most moving experience of my life.
I’d like to say that Ash was amazing and coped brilliantly with the labour, but I’d be lying. She was a fucking nightmare.
She screamed at me, the midwives, and doctors, and when a team of student obstetricians came into the room to ask some questions, she threw her jug of water at them.
Finally, when none of us could take any more, the anaesthetist arrived to set her up with an epidural. I requested he put it in her jaw, but apparently that’s not standard practice, so I got a no.
The rest of the labour was a piece of piss. No idea why women bang on about that shit.
Joe was delivered safely after just twenty-eight hours of unnecessary ranting and raving from my wife.
Calm yourselves, women of the world! I’m joking. I will never, ever understand why any woman would choose to go back and do that more than once. I was in pain just from watching the pain she was going through and it’s something that will stay with me forever.
When Joe was put into my arms and wrapped all of his little fingers around one of mine, the world fell from under my feet. I quite literally fell onto the bed next to Ash, and as the doctors cleaned and stitched her up, we both stared at him in wonder. He was totally and utterly perfect.
I would give up everything that I’d ever achieved in my life for this one success. In my head, I prayed to a God I’ve never been quite sure existed, and asked him to help make me the dad that this little boy deserved, and as I did, Joe opened up his eyes and looked right at me and I knew that I would do anything, lay down my life, sell my corrupt soul to the devil if necessary, to love and protect him for the rest of my days.
Within the space of five years, we’d added two little girls to our tribe, and within six, Len and Jimmie had two of each. When you added Billy and Tom’s five to the mix, touring sometimes became crazy.
I wanted Ash and the kids with me when I was away, but waking up a five and three-year-old at three in morning to get off a plane when it’s below freezing outside, is not fun. Add a newborn to the mix and it actually becomes a nightmare.
My kids woke up starving at two am and were ready for bed at eleven in the morning by the time they were on their fourth time zone in ten days. They were miserable, Ash was miserable, and I just felt guilty.
On the few occasions they did stay home, I’d end up exhausted due to flying back to them on our days off.
On top of that was the press. The fucking press and their ridiculous, made up stories. We were nowhere near as wi
ld as we were in the early days, but we still liked to party and you could always guarantee that if there were women in the room, a photograph would somehow be leaked of them standing within a twenty foot radius of myself or Maca.
Georgia was never very far from Maca’s side, but for Ash, being the one sitting at home with three kids, sometimes the rumours were hard on her. Picking up the paper every day to read who your husband was apparently fucking was no fun.
Luckily, we were tight. I missed her and the kids like fuck when we were apart, and Georgia always backed me up when the stories got too much for her.
I’ve never strayed. Not ever. Ash and I had a threesome once with another woman, but even then, she was all about Ash and didn’t touch me.
I could go into detail about that experience, but my wife will have my balls and my kids might read this so yeah, not happening. You’ll all just have to use your dirty minds.
I totally understood why George and Maca held off on having kids. Touring with them put a massive strain on our marriage, and we’d have some huge blow-ups because we were both so tired and stressed. Studio time was the best time for us. It meant I could be home for dinner most nights and able to bathe and tuck my kids into bed. That’s all I wanted from life, my family. The rock and roll lifestyle held no appeal for me anymore. Like I said, we still liked to party, but I did it with my wife beside me nowadays. Ash and I have always had a fiery relationship, we’re both passionate people, so that will never change.
* * *
George and Maca finally decided to tie the knot in October of 1998, the stars finally aligning to put us all together in the same place at the same time.
We had just finished a short tour of the States and were taking a break in Florida before flying home.
Maca brought my mum, Dad, Bailey, and Sam over and the happy couple said their ‘I do’s’ in front of us all on a beach in St Petersburg at sunset. The day was perfect; chilled, laid back, and without a single member of the press in sight.
The happy couple delayed their honeymoon until the following year and then took off on a world tour of their own, spending most of their time in Australia.
Carnage Boxset Page 114