by L. M. Reid
“Oh, hey. I uh… I was just leaving,” I say as I pull some money from my pocket and place it on the counter.
“What’s the rush?” he asks. “And what the hell is that?”
“Money, for the drinks.”
An amused smile plays on his lips. “Keep your money. They’re on me.”
“No. I can’t. I don’t want to…”
Griffin steps into my personal space, his hand on my cheek, and I melt into his touch. “Why do you keep running from me?”
“I’m not,” I lie.
His eyes are locked with mine. “I’ve been trying to figure out what it is I’m supposed to do with you.” He shakes his head, the look on his face says he can’t believe he’s about to say whatever it is he’s going to tell me. So, I wait, impatiently patient for him to continue. “I shouldn’t be with you, but I can’t walk away from you either.”
“What’s a guy to do?” I say trying to keep the moment light while fully feeling the gravity of it.
“Exactly. So, I gave you a few days, took a few for myself too. I tried to think of a way around all this, how to not break my rules, but not have to be apart from you either. And I can’t think of a damn way around this.”
“Exactly, that’s why…”
He presses a finger to my lips. “I realized I don’t care. I don’t need to find a way around it. You’re worth breaking the rules for.” With a gentle tug, he pulls me against him, his hand on my face again, his lips headed directly for mine.
It starts as a gentle brushing of our lips, something soft and sweet. That tenderness only lasts a moment though when desire and need take over. My lips part, his tongue delves into my mouth; exploring, tasting, and branding me as his own. My hands rest on his waist, fingers digging into his flesh, holding him to me, unwilling to let this all-consuming kiss end.
But, eventually, it does. Nearly as quickly as it started and all too damn soon for me.
“As amazing as that kiss was and as much as I want another, I can’t do this with you. I’m just starting to piece myself back together. I can’t be with you and risk falling apart again.”
“I get it, I do. I don’t want to hurt you, Chloe.”
“Then, don’t,” I say as I slide out of his hold. “I should get going.” I need to breathe again, and I certainly can’t do that when Griffin’s in the room. The man takes every bit of air from me and even pieces of my heart.
“Chloe,” he calls after me. “I’m not giving up.”
There’s a determination in his voice that startles me to my core and leaves me asking a million questions. Does he really want me? Is there more to him than just sex? How can I trust him when all he’s shown me so far is that he can’t be with a woman for more than a night? Am I really supposed to believe that I’m an exception to that rule?
I think back to what Ginger said about the woman that broke his heart. Maybe I really have been wrong about him all along. Maybe there is more to Griffin Hayes than I give him credit for.
Question is, is he worth risking my heart and my sanity over?
19
Chloe
The answer is yes.
At least that’s what Doctor Adams keeps telling me.
I’m not sure if she’s championing for me or for all womankind.
I’ve learned more about Griffin Hayes over the past several weeks than I did about any single thing in my classes.
Six years post-graduation and the man is still a legend on campus. Women love him, teachers adore him, and the guys worship him. I see it in the club every night. Women wanting him, trying to get just a scrap of his attention or affection. Men, they look up to him and try to emulate him. Every single one of them worshiping the ground he walks on. While I tried to hate him, I find myself moving from team Hate Griffin to team Love Griffin – something I never thought would happen.
So here I am, at yet another therapy session, talking about Griffin when I should be discussing my feelings regarding Sierra. That is, after all, what I am supposed to be here for. Yet, since the session where we discussed my feelings of guilt, we haven’t talked about her much. Well, I haven’t. Since then, my world has revolved around Griffin and Lust.
I’m not looking back anymore, I’m looking forward. I’m… happy.
Largely in part because of Griffin. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing… arguing, fucking, or laughing, I always feel alive. It’s a high that I’m not willing to give up, but I am too afraid to chase.
“So, you don’t think he’s worth the risk?” Doctor Adams asks.
“Of course he is, I just…”
“Just what?” she asks.
“I’m scared,” I admit. “I don’t know how much more I can take. Griffin he… he makes me look at things differently, he makes me feel alive, he makes me happy.”
“All of those are good things.”
“Until they’re gone. When that happens, then what? I may not have cared before, I may not have seen what I did, but I do now. Losing Sierra, feeling that pain, I couldn’t handle it. I’m just starting to fix myself. I don’t want to break again.”
Doctor Adam’s face softens. “You’re not broken Chloe. You’ve never been broken.”
I sure as hell felt broken, still do. I feel like I’m picking up the pieces of a puzzle that was once my heart. I’m still unsure how it all fits together or even if I’ve managed to get all the pieces. And Griffin, he most definitely has a piece. One piece I can live without. Anything more will leave me incomplete.
“If I’m not broken, then what am I?”
“You’re sad. You’re hurt. You’re grieving. That does not make you broken, that makes you human.”
“I wish I were stronger. I wish I could handle everything better, but I can’t. Look where I ended up last time. If I went down that road again…”
“You ended up here. You ended up at Lust. Two very good places for you. I think you’re looking at this the wrong way Chloe.”
Aren’t I always?
“Quit looking at it as a negative and look at it as an opportunity.”
“Opportunity for what?” I ask not following what she’s trying to tell me. How could my downfall be anything but negative?
“To learn about yourself? To grow? And while you’re afraid to admit it, I think Griffin has been a huge part of that. I think he helps you find new parts of yourself. He sees things in you that you don’t. He brings out things in you that you never knew existed.”
That last part – that couldn’t be more accurate. I’m not hostile, but I am with him. And while most people wouldn’t put up with it, he does.
Is Griffin worth it? Is he the arrogant, conceited, rich boy? Or is he the kind, gentle man that tries so hard to take care of me? Can he be both?
“I don’t know…”
“That’s okay. You don’t have to figure it all out right now. Take your time, explore your feelings. That’s what all of this is about. You need to find closure for Sierra’s death. And once you do, I think all the other pieces will fall into place.”
“I wish I could get closure, but until I know who did this? Until that person can pay?” I shrug. “I’m not sure how I’m supposed to get closure without that.”
I already know what the doctor is going to say – that is something I am going to have to figure out on my own.
Therapy is frustrating on a good day. Some days it’s an impossibility. I thought coming here would give me more direction and help me heal. Instead, she just listens and makes me figure shit out on my own. The only thing in all this time that she’s said that actually helped was when she told me that Griffin brought me back to life. She couldn’t have been more spot on with that statement.
Is Griffin worth it?
I contemplate the question long after I leave the doctor’s office. In fact, it’s all I can think about.
20
Griffin
In less than an hour the club is going to open.
For the first time in years, I w
ill be behind the bar, bartending while Chloe is out there serving. Her body will be on display and easily touchable to every douchebag in this club. All the while I will be behind the bar mixing drinks for the assholes that are trying to get into her ridiculously, glorious tight pants. I am hating every minute of it. Because if I want her, I damn well know that every other fucking guy out there does too.
“I can’t believe it,” Gabe says as he enters the office. “You’re going back out behind the bar. This should be interesting.”
Admittedly, it’s been a while since I’ve tended bar, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. Most of the people here order basic drinks, nothing too fancy. They’re here to get drunk, not sip on some fruity cocktail.
“Hey, don’t forget who you’re talking to here. I am the reason this club even exists.”
“Yeah, and you are years out of practice. Not to mention, you scheduled yourself with the least experienced server. I feel like I’m going to be doing a lot of service recovery tonight.”
“Fuck you,” I say as I start to unbutton my shirt.
“What the hell are you doing?” he asks.
“Going old school,” I say as I toss the shirt at him. “I promised Chloe she could have my tips. I plan on earning some for her.”
“Oh yeah, this is going to be a good night,” he laughs.
Sans shirt, I make my way to the floor and behind the bar, women flocking to my section.
“Oh, hell no,” Ramon yells. “That’s bullshit.” Standing behind the bar, he rips off his shirt. “Come and get it ladies,” Ramon shouts.
“It’s not a competition, Ramon,” I tell him. “But if it was, I would win.”
Chloe steps up to the bar. Her eyes are wide and staring directly at my naked torso. “What are you doing?”
“You wanted tips, I’m going to get you tips,” I tell her. Just then one of the female customers leans over the bar and sticks a twenty into my pants. Chloe’s eyes look like saucers. “Jealous?” I tease.
“Hardly,” she says, but I know better. I can see it in her eyes, the little hint of jealousy mixed in with a smidge of possessiveness. Her lips curve into a smile. “Might want to take those off too,” Chloe suggests. “Momma needs a new pair of shoes.”
My hands drop to my buckle.
“No,” she yells. “Are you crazy?”
“If you’re going to do something, you have to go all in,” I tell her hoping that she gets the double meaning here.
Aside from my father, I’ve never really had to prove myself to someone before. Women have always come easy. A little too easy sometimes. I’m not complaining. I don’t mind having to work for Chloe, in fact, I actually kind of like it. I just wish I could figure out how to prove to her that she can trust me.
I watch as she makes her way through the crowd, flirting with every man while still managing to playfully swat away their inappropriate touches. It takes everything in me not to jump over the bar and stake my claim and kick out any asshole that gives her a second glance.
“How the hell does Ginger do this?” she asks when she returns to the bar. “These guys are a mess.”
“You’re doing great,” I champion her.
I’ll admit, I was a little surprised to see just how well she was doing out there. I’m not sure if it was shadowing Ginger last night, or just her slightly more carefree attitude, but she’s working the room like a pro. The men are happy, the women hate her and I’m having a damn good time watching her.
“Looking good out there,” I say as I lean over the bar to hear her order.
A gentle blush covers her cheeks. “Watch it, boss,” she laughs before rattling off the order she just took.
I don’t head her warning though. Every time she comes to fill an order, I can’t help the smile that crosses my face or the cheesy line I drop to which she just rolls her eyes. With anyone else, they would be just that – a line. With Chloe though, it’s the truth. I know she needs space, time to heal from her sister’s death. I want to give that to her. If I let her get too far away though, I might lose any chance I have with her for good.
Amber, one of the other servers at the club, comes by to break Chloe and I take the opportunity to sneak away myself. I catch her just as she’s about to round the corner to the break area and pull her into the supply closet.
My mouth covers hers instantly. Warm, hot, desire laden kisses. She tastes sweet, a hint of the berry infused water she drinks. Every inch of touchable skin is like silk beneath my fingers. The feel, the taste, the Goddamn look of her makes every part of my body stand at attention and I don’t have a clue how much longer I’m going to be able to resist.
A soft whimper escapes her when I finally tear my lips from hers, and a mewl quickly replaces it when I nip at the sensitive skin of her neck.
“Oh, Griffin.”
The sound of my name falling from her lips is like heaven.
I pull back and look at her, cheeks flushed, lips swollen. “You can deny it all you want, baby, but me and you, we’re inevitable.”
Once just wasn’t enough.
“We can’t… I can’t…” She tries to formulate sentences, but each time she does, I kiss her again. I don’t want to hear her reasons. No excuses. This thing between us, it isn’t going away no matter how hard she may wish it would.
“Your rule.”
“I already broke it,” I remind her, my hands running up her sides. “For you, I’ll break it every damn day.”
Her back is pressed up against the wall, her leg hooked around mine as she grinds against me. Just give me permission Chloe, tell me what you want, and I will give it to you.
Her nails scrape down my bare chest, across my stomach, and over the bulge in my pants. I inhale sharply at the sensation. Just as her fingers begin to work the buckle of my belt, I hear the door handle.
“I knew it,” Gabe’s voice says with a laugh as Chloe shoves me away.
Her cheeks flush a bright red as she pushes past Gabe and back toward the club.
“You have shit timing,” I tell him.
I was so close. Close to having her, close to breaking down those walls she’s building just to keep me out.
21
Chloe
Days have passed, but my lips still burn from my kiss with Griffin. The kiss where not only did he stake claim on me, he ruined me for any another man. He said that we’re inevitable and I’m starting to think he’s right. Every time he touches me, my body ignites. Every time he looks at me, I falter. Everything he does, everything he is it affects me on a level that I never imagined being possible.
Still, even after that kiss I find myself struggling with the idea of letting Griffin in. For as alive as Griffin may make me feel, he’s also the one person that could destroy me.
Doctor Adams says I’m not broken, but despite her words I still very much feel like I am. Working for Lust, meeting Griffin, both have done wonders in helping me rebuild myself. Piece by piece I’m getting there. But what happens if the puzzle gets broken again and pieces get lost to a handsome, arrogant man with a heart of gold? Then what do I do? How do I ever get those pieces back so I can be whole again?
So now, here I am at the bar, looking over my shoulder every five seconds hoping Griffin isn’t coming in tonight. I can’t be near him, can’t look at him. If I do, I don’t know that I will be able to restrain myself. When it comes to him, I have no willpower. And what I’ve been able to muster to this point, is wearing thin.
When I’m not looking over one shoulder for Griffin, I’m looking over the other for Dylan Abrams.
When I first met Dylan, a new beer vendor at Lust, flirting with him didn’t seem like a big deal. It was one night and he seemed like nice enough of a guy. Just a little harmless flirting. At least I thought that was what it was going to be. Since that night though, his presence has become a regular thing. He takes the corner seat at my end of the bar and just sits there. He claims he’s here to try and promote his new IPA, but sitting in a c
orner staring at me isn’t improving any sales.
I’ve done my best to ignore him, to not return any flirtatious remarks. I’ve done everything I can think of to nicely deter him from coming on to me anymore. He just doesn’t seem to be getting the picture and tonight is no exception. If anything, he’s becoming more persistent. I can actually feel his eyes burning a hole in the back of my head.
Ginger walks up to the bar to give me her order. “Help,” I mouth to her nodding my head in Dylan’s direction.
She shakes her head upon sight of him. “This is getting creepy. Why don’t you go take a break and get away from him for a bit,” she tells me. “I’ll take care of the rest.”
I nod, more than happy to accept her escape plan.
Grabbing the towel from behind me, I quickly wipe down my area of the bar.
“Where are you headed?” Dylan asks.
“I’m going on break,” I reply.
“It’s kind of early isn’t it?” I shudder at his question. He’s spent so much time watching me that he actually has my break times memorized?
“Yeah, well, things are a little slow so I’m going to go early,” I reply. “I’ll see ya, later.”
I scoot down to the end of the bar and make my way toward the break area. I glance around looking for Griffin, this time hoping to find him. Still nowhere to be found, I make my way to the back of the club and let out a sigh of relief. I’m almost to the break room when I feel a hand on my arm. As much as I wish it were, it’s not Griffin. I know his touch, how it ignites my body. I attempt to pull my arm away but the grip on it tightens.
I look back to see Dylan’s face staring at me. His fingers are tight around my arm, and the look in his eyes makes him seem slightly unhinged. Feeling cornered, I begin to panic. Breaks don’t even start for another hour so there is little chance that anyone will be looking for me back here, or coming back here for any reason really.
“Dylan, you can’t be back here,” I tell him. “Griffin doesn’t like people being behind the scenes.”