by Livian Grey
Nate was completely puzzled over Violet’s behaviour that night. Her eyes said she was troubled by something she was too afraid to tell him. Rachel had texted him after school, calling him names for being so mean Violet, but when he called her back to ask what she talking about, Rachel never answered.
Jacqueline chattered breezily through dinner, annoying Nate enough to almost demand she stop being so cheery.
‘I don’t know,’ she nattered. ‘I’ve just felt this sudden urge to get back into painting. And I think Violet would make the perfect subject.’
‘It’s not really fair to make her sit still for hours, is it?’ Nate said, pointedly.
‘Oh, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind, would you, Violet?’
Nate wouldn’t let her answer. ‘She’s not some doll for you to dress up, Mom. She’s her own person.’
‘Well, if you’d been paying attention to her at any point, you’d see she’s obviously smitten with you.’
Violet gasped, running out of the room after almost knocking her chair over.
‘Thanks.’ Nate glowered at Jacqueline and left her to her consternation.
He found Violet in the yard, her face in her hands as she cried. He touched her shoulder and she spun about.
‘I’m sorry, Violet. I’m sure she didn’t mean to embarrass you like that.’
‘She’s terrible at keeping secrets,’ Violet muttered. He could actually see her blushing even though she was standing in the shadows.
‘So it is true.’
Violet went to go back inside. ‘Be it true or not, it wouldn’t be proper for me to say.’
Nate successfully got in her way, carefully holding both her arms.
‘I’d rather you did, Violet. I won’t laugh at you if that’s what you're worried about.’
She bowed her head and refused to look him in the eye. ‘I am very fond of you… even though you feel nothing for me.’
Nate had been dreading this conversation. Now he had to admit he did feel the same, he just wasn’t prepared to act on it yet. He really wanted to hide from her but he had to give her an answer.
‘I like you a lot, Violet,’ he said, ‘but what we have, it’s different… How we met isn't how these things are supposed to start.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be. Besides, I’ve not even…’ He was about to mention he’d not even had sex with a girl, stopping himself only to tell her, ‘I haven’t had much of a chance to get to know you outside of how you came to be a kelesnae.’
‘There’s little else to tell you, Nate.’
‘But you’ve seen so much. You’re four hundred years old now.’ Saying that aloud had Nate almost cringing. This was all completely idiotic. He wasn’t sure if she were an immortal creature or if she’d die one day from old age. He shouldn’t have been considering even kissing her.
‘I don’t feel old,’ she said indignantly. ‘I feel no different from the day I died. Why think of me that way when I do not even look old to begin with?’ She was genuinely hurt now and she pushed past him to go inside.
Nate hurried after her to the guest room where she’d been sleeping and she went to push the door in his face. He only just managed to stop her.
‘Violet, wait… I’m not trying to be mean to you. I’m only scared I’ll hurt you.’
‘What could you possibly do to hurt me, Nate? I came to you because I knew you wouldn’t treat me badly.’
‘How did you know?’
‘I was drawn to you more than anyone else I’d encountered. Something in your eyes said to me you were kinder than most, and that you’d not seek to bring me harm.’
As she said this, Violet stepped closer. Nate couldn’t do anything in return but keep still and hold his breath. She placed an innocent kiss on his cheek, shying away immediately after.
‘Forgive me,’ she muttered ashamedly.
‘There’s nothing to forgive, Violet. I’m not angry, am I?’
‘I only want to know what you wish of me, Nathaniel. I know you’re not asking me to do anything that would be expected of me as a wife, but I’d like to be your love if you’ll have me.’
‘Violet, you need to find your footing here and become your own person. And you’ve still got a lot to learn even if you have been around for so long. Everything else can wait, can’t it?’
‘Maybe that’s why I chose you,’ she said, smiling at last. ‘Because you’d be the one to set me free. Completely.’
Suddenly, Nate was terrified that she’d fall in love with her new life but not want him in it at all. If he had to let her go, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to.
All of this had him lying awake that night, staring out the window as the clouds crossed the moon. It hardly seemed likely Violet would ever become brave enough to go out on her own. Was he supposed to discourage her just so she’d become too scared to leave him? He couldn’t think of doing anything worse.
Nate was already scared of his own future, now he had to worry about Violet’s. What if she didn’t finish school, or wasn’t able to get a job? What if she was caught out because she had no identity here? How could he even get her a fake ID when he hadn’t been able to get one himself? All this was adding up to Nate thinking he’d have to hide her somewhere from the authorities. The school had actually been stupid enough to take her without a birth certificate. In fact, the receptionist quite gleefully gave her the admissions paperwork without a fuss. Perhaps she could use her charm to scam some legal documents out of a clerk at the courthouse.
Jacqueline refused to believe Violet was anything but a lovely girl with an old-fashioned approach to life. Violet’s manner of speech, the way she carried herself… none of this was raising any suspicions amongst his friends, or even any teachers at school. Maybe there was no need to worry about her getting in trouble.
Still, that was no excuse to make her his girlfriend, regardless of how much he wanted that. Nate knew she must’ve seen how red his face was when she’d kissed his cheek. She was completely innocent, and this made him see her as fragile and easily frightened.
On the other hand, calling her old would’ve been insulting, so thinking of her that way was pointless. She was starting her life in a way he’d never have the chance to do, but it wasn’t like he’d had to teach her how to dress herself or how to use cutlery, she wasn’t a baby. She’d been a passive entity throughout time, observing things and waiting for her moment to come back.
It would be mean of him to not let her be a human girl.
Nate’s reasoning and logic failed in helping his heart feel better about the situation. Keeping an eye on her at school was next to impossible now Rachel had signed Violet up to most of her classes. He was infuriated by Rachel tugging on Violet’s arm to drag her everywhere. And Violet wasn’t bold enough to put up a fight so Nate was stepping in to protect her, suffering Rachel’s anger in the process.
Even Joel had the nerve to question Nate’s intentions towards Violet.
‘Why are you so protective of her?’
‘She’s shy!’ Nate snapped. ‘And… I like her a lot.’
‘She’s so innocent, but not like a child. It’s something else… She has this, I don’t know, newness about her.’
Nate leaned in, wondering if he was about to do something stupid by telling Joel the truth.
‘She sort of is new. She found me in the woods when we went camping. But she didn’t look like that, she was this bright light darting through the trees and…’
Joel cocked one eyebrow. ‘What are you talking about, Nate?’
‘Never mind.’
‘You haven’t nailed her yet, have you?’ Joel wasn’t being sleazy. He was acting more like a concerned father.
‘No! Don’t be crass. It won’t happen for a while if it ever will. I’m too…’ Nate shut up then. He was pretty sure he did love Violet and he was being a moron by denying he felt strongly for her.
‘Well, be a goddamn gentleman about it, would you? Make a declara
tion of some kind. Don’t be a sleaze about it, she deserves better.’
Nate didn’t protest, he agreed with Joel. Violet would need to know she was important to him no matter what happened.
Behind all his worry about Violet, Nate was more concerned about his ability to disappear. He’d kept from her that he’d had moments where he’d seen his entire arm just vanish, usually when he was tired and not concentrating on much. Whenever he was alone, he practiced fading in and out, hoping this would lead to some greater control.
Tempting as it was to use it to his advantage in some way, he wouldn’t have dared. He could’ve stolen test papers and sold them to people, or taken whatever he wanted from a store. If he held anything tightly and focused on it, he could make it vanish for a good twenty seconds, certainly long enough to sneak it out without being seen. The only thing stopping him was his conscience.
None of this had Nate truly believing he was that good a person. He had already done a heap of stupid things in his short life. He and his friends egged someone’s house one Halloween, and he’d accidentally broken a window by throwing a rock he thought had been an egg. He’d gotten drunk more than once and he was only seventeen. His grades at school weren’t really the best, and besides he had no idea what he wanted to do for a career. He felt like a loser more often than not. Bringing Violet back to life and having what amounted to a superpower didn’t make Nate feel like a hero at all.
He was probably more lost and confused than ever.
Violet couldn’t know any of this, it would’ve had her feeling more