She understood. His guilt was eating away at him. “I will admit that I was shocked, angry, and hurt when I first learned of what you had done. But when I forced myself to think calmly about it, to consider the facts using logical reasoning, I determined that I was wrong to feel as though you betrayed me in any way. Because you didn’t.”
“I still hurt you.”
“Yes, you did. At the time. And only because you were being a good friend.”
Uncertainty remained etched upon his face. “I don’t know. I—”
“For God’s sake, Griffin. What must I do to convince you?” Irritation threatened to swamp her fond feelings for him. “If it is forgiveness you want, then by all means, you have it, even though it’s completely unnecessary in my opinion.” She crossed her arms and pushed back her shoulders with the aim of being completely honest. “Also, if you have any intention of reciprocating my declaration of affection for you, now would be an excellent time to do so.”
He reached for her then and drew her roughly against him. Her body collided with his on a startled, “Oof!”
“I love you with all that I am, Emily.” His hand cupped her cheek, fingers stroking tenderly over her skin. “With every beat of my heart and each breath I take. You are everything to me, which is why knowing that I’ve caused you pain is impossible to accept.”
Heart singing with joy, Emily leaned back in his embrace and looped her arms around his neck. “Then I must do what I can to help you forget. And to show you that I am pleased with how things have turned out.”
An incredulous smile hinting at mischief pulled at the edge of his lips. “How do you plan to do that?”
“Like this,” she whispered with a cheeky playfulness meant to lighten the mood, right before she pulled him closer and captured his mouth with her own.
Griffin’s heart beat wildly. She loved him and she was kissing him as if she wanted to do so forever. When he’d thought for certain that he’d lost every chance he’d ever had of spending his future with her, she’d undone him with her understanding.
He’d meant what he said when he told her he didn’t deserve her. No woman in the world was as kind as Emily. Whatever he had to do from this day forward to make her happy would be a small price to pay for having her in his life. And her love… It was like sunshine falling on a dreary world; bright and so full of life that he wanted to bask in it forever.
His hand settled firmly against her waist, holding her to him, not wanting to ever let her go. Her lips were rose petal soft and plush like berries, just as tempting as they’d been the two previous times when they’d kissed. But this time was different. This time their hearts were engaged with the sort of unwavering certainty that caused joy to flow through his veins. He wanted to bask in the wonder of Emily Howard; he wanted to watch her eyes light up whenever she spotted him across a crowded room; he wanted to be the man who made her feel safe and cherished.
So he kissed her back with fervor, as if this was the kiss that all other kisses in the world would one day be measured against. It was bold and tender and full of adoration and love. Just like she.
“I think I can get used to your way of helping me forget things,” he murmured against the corner of her mouth.
Her lips curved beneath his. “Just as long as you don’t forget how much I love you.”
“I am the most fortunate man in the world.” Except, not quite. But hopefully soon. He drew back, adding some measure of distance between them, and clasped her hands between his.
She smiled, so pure and without pretense that his heart felt like bursting with the shocking awareness that he was the source. He cleared his throat, determined to do the right thing and hoping to God that he wouldn’t muck it up.
“I…er…” Christ. Why was this so hard? He pushed out a breath in an effort to calm his agitated body. His hands were now trembling, his skin flushed and prickly. He had no ring, but perhaps he had something better. At least for now.
Releasing her, Griffin reached inside his jacket pocket and pulled out the paper packet he’d placed there earlier. He opened it while constantly aware of Emily’s curiosity. Yet another thing that he loved about her – this willingness of hers to learn about the world and discover new things. Gingerly, he retrieved the dark spindly stems tied with creamy silk ribbon.
Emily’s uncertain frown made him grin. He knew it looked as though he was offering her some dried twigs, when in fact his gift held tremendous value.
Without further hesitation, he lowered himself to one knee and held the odd looking bouquet toward her. “I purchased this earlier today when I rode into town. The fact that it was even available was so unlikely that I knew I had to buy it for you right then and there.” He tilted his head and considered her eager expression. “Do you know what it is?”
She shook her head. “I haven’t a clue.”
“It’s vanilla. From vanilla orchids grown in Mexico. They’re not at all common in English cuisine.”
“So they’re used for cooking?”
He nodded. “For desserts. As a substitute for rose water.” He considered the small bouquet which had cost him a fortune. “I know it is not a ring, but—”
“It is perfect!” She was suddenly on her knees, her hands on either side of his face as she kissed him again.
He laughed against her mouth. “I haven’t even asked you if you’ll marry me yet,” he managed to say while she smothered him with affection.
“Of course I will, Griffin.” She kissed him again and this time he allowed it, even though they were both on their knees in the rose garden and likely to have dirt stains on their clothes. But he didn’t care. The only thing that mattered right now was she. Emily. His future wife.
Heaven help him, he could scarcely credit how perfect this day had turned out after all.
“There are some things we must settle however,” she said once she’d taken the vanilla bouquet as a token of his affection and he’d helped her rise.
“Yes.” He’d considered a few himself. “As you know, I must return to Vienna. That cannot be helped. But where we make our permanent home will be up to you, for I can easily sell my business there and start a new one here in England.”
“You are aware that Society would frown on you being in trade, are you not?”
“Your opinion is the only one that matters to me, Emily. As long as you have no objection, I could not care less what Society thinks.”
She beamed at him as if he were Apollo himself, blessing her with light and knowledge. “Working on clocks and mechanical toys is your passion, so you should definitely continue, regardless of where we make our home.”
He could scarcely believe they were already making such plans. But knowing what they both expected was important. With this in mind, he decided to pose another question. “Will you join me on my upcoming trip? I would like to show you where I have lived these past ten years.”
“Yes. I should like that. But there is one request I must make of you, Griffin. It pertains to a matter that might not be easy to solve.”
Apprehension snaked through him. He chose to ignore it by tucking a loose strand of hair behind Emily’s ear and savoring the blush that crept over her cheeks “Tell me what it is.”
“I cannot leave Cass to care for the children and all of Clearview’s responsibilities on her own. It would not be fair, so we’d have to find a solution to that first.”
Griffin considered the problem, which was indeed a difficult one. Looking after the manor and raising five children might have been manageable for three women. Emily had once mentioned how much harder it was for just two, so he could only imagine that it would be nearly impossible for one.
“I quite agree,” he said, prompting her to kiss him again.
He kissed her back, with all the passion and love that she stirred in his heart. And with the bone deep certainty that everything would work out right, as long as they had each other.
17
Happiness could not des
cribe what Emily felt, for it was too tame a word to encompass all the emotions Griffin had instilled in her during the past three days. They’d announced their engagement immediately, partly because they’d been anxious to share their joy and partly because the dirt stains on their knees had to be explained somehow. Since then, he’d taken her on romantic walks, kissed her beneath the stars last night and gifted her with a few more items that showed how well he already knew her: a book about Scandinavian cuisine, a brooch crafted to look like a daffodil and a gorgeous leatherbound notebook which he said would be perfect for re-writing Macbeth or King Lear.
It was perfect and made her heart overflow with the love she felt for him.
As expected, both of their mothers had immediately started planning the wedding, which was due to take place in another three weeks once the bans had been cried. Griffin had suggested a special license, but everyone except Emily had been appalled by that idea, so they’d accepted defeat on that score. But because of the delay, they would have to leave for Vienna immediately after. Doing so wouldn’t be a problem however, since Cassandra had apparently met another young woman during her visit to London. Katharine Dunahugh was her name, and she was looking for a means to escape ruination.
“She fell for one of the footmen in her parents’ employ,” Cassandra had told Emily. “One thing led to another as it so often does, and well, the poor ignorant girl is now carrying his child.”
“Her parents must be informed, no matter how much she fears the repercussion.”
“Of course they must, that goes without saying, but Katharine has convinced me that it would be better to do so in a letter that she means to write from Clearview.”
“Cass…”
Cassandra had thrown up her hands in surrender. “I’m aware it will likely have serious consequences, but I could not refuse her.” She’d sighed. “You know I’ve always had a soft spot for those who must suffer because of Society. And in this case, I rather find myself relating to her, for her situation is not so dissimilar to what mine once was.”
“Apart from the fact that Penelope’s father was a peer who had every intention of marrying you. There is a difference, you know.”
Cassandra’s expression had turned melancholy then. “Yes. I suppose that is true.”
Emily had quickly turned the discussion to the subject of her upcoming journey, happy when it had appeared to pull Cassandra’s thoughts away from the man she still loved and the tragic way in which he had died before they could start their life together.
Tonight, the children would be hosting their play, and after that, she’d agreed to join Griffin for a secret rendezvous in the conservatory. Her skin already tingled with the thought of the kiss they would share. There had been several since he had proposed, each testing their restraint more than the last. And since Emily had been more than ready to throw caution to the wind before, she saw even less cause for them to control their cravings now that they were engaged.
But Griffin insisted, which was frustrating, adorable, and slightly comical since the man could hardly glance at her these days without looking like a caged animal. She grinned as she descended the stairs, certain that if she wished it, she could make him forget all about the sanctity of their wedding night. But that would be badly done of her, all things considered, for he only wanted to do what he believed was best in making the event as romantic and memorable as possible.
So she turned her mind to other things during dinner, like Langdon’s account of a fox he’d once thought he’d killed with a slingshot when he was a lad, only to have the beast leap off the ground and growl at him when he’d approached. “I was so startled,” Langdon said, “I ran away screaming. Luckily, I was met by my mother instead of my father, for he would likely have given me a thorough thrashing for being so lily-livered.”
“How old were you?” Caleb asked.
“Eight, as I recall.”
“And your father would have taken the switch to you for being startled by a wild animal?” Emily asked, appalled.
“He was the sort of man who never showed his emotions, who didn’t appear to fear anything, and who expected nothing less from his son. Unfortunately, I was more sensitive and Papa… Well, he believed he could beat that out of me.”
“Good God,” Mary exclaimed, her eyes wide with horror. She looked at her husband. “Just to be perfectly clear, we are never striking any of our children.”
“Of course not,” Caleb agreed.
“Nothing good can possibly come of it,” Griffin said, the firmness of his voice assuring Emily that this was not a matter they would ever disagree on.
“A letter just arrived,” the butler announced. He approached Griffin with the silver salver on which it rested.
Griffin frowned. He tore the letter open and read. His lips flattened and his frown deepened. “It is from my friend, Christoph Unger.” His throat worked as if he was struggling to speak. Alarm nipped at the nape of Emily’s neck. “There’s been an accident,” Griffin continued in a detached tone that added to Emily’s fear. “Christoph doesn’t say how it happened but…” He dropped the letter and stared across at Caleb. “Most of the shop is gone.”
“What?” Emily’s question of disbelief was barely a whisper.
Griffin blinked. “There was a fire and…” He picked up the letter again and stared at his friend’s writing. “Thankfully, Edvard managed to get out.”
“Who is Edvard?” Cassandra gently asked.
“My employee.” Griffin glanced around the table. “He was badly burned while trying to save the merchandise and has been admitted to the hospital for treatment.” He shook his head. “I…” He looked at Emily as if just recalling her presence. “I have to leave for Vienna right away. I can no longer wait.”
Logic and reasoning told her that this made sense, that of course he would have to go see just how bad the damage was and if anything could be salvaged. He might even have to manage the tearing down of the structure and a potential rebuild. There would still be clients waiting for orders to be completed, and then of course there was Edvard. Griffin had been his mentor. He cared about him and would want to see him straight away.
And yet, a selfish part of her wanted to beg Griffin not to go. Not right now. Not before the wedding. But of course, he would not be able to wait three weeks, and she would not be able to accompany him. Not as an unmarried woman and not with both of their families ready to stop her from acting so rashly. And they would stop her. Especially with Langdon and his wife here to witnesses such a ruinous decision. Covering it up would not be as easy as it had been when she’d left London for Clearview.
So she met his gaze, determined to support the decision she knew he must make. “We will delay the wedding as much as necessary. The most important thing right now is for you to support your friend and take care of your business. I will wait. However long it may take.”
Concern was evident in the boldness with which he held her gaze. She could feel his conflict and despair as if they were her own, like a twisting ache in the pit of her stomach.
“Not by much. Just a couple of weeks. That will give me five weeks to go see Edvard, settle my affairs, and come back.”
“It’s not the way it was meant to be,” Emily whispered. She felt terrible for Griffin, for what he had lost, for what his friend had suffered, and for not being able to be there to help him through it. “We were supposed to go to Vienna together.”
“I know.” Somehow, in spite of how helpless he probably felt at that moment, he managed a smile. For her. “But we’ll have the rest of our lives together with plenty of time to travel later. We can go in June if you like, after the wedding.”
“You won’t mind?”
His smile broadened and Emily felt the love that had caused it spilling through her body like a sparkling rainbow. “Not at all.”
“I’ll ask Murdoch to make sure the coachman is ready to take you to Cardiff first thing,” Caleb said, reminding Emily that she and Griff
in were not alone in the room.
Griffin’s gaze slid away from hers to focus on his brother. “Thank you.”
“This might be for the best,” Georgina said, affecting a positive tone that jarred the morose atmosphere. “Not the reason for your departure of course, but the delay of the wedding.”
“It will give the modiste more time to work on Emily’s gown,” Griffin’s mother said in a similarly uplifting voice.
“You will be so busy while he’s away, Emily, that you will barely have time to notice he is gone,” Laura said brightly.
“By then I shall be returned,”Griffin said, “and ready for us to begin our lives together.”
Emily forced a smile. She appreciated all the attempts at viewing the situation from an optimistic angle, even though she struggled to accept what was happening. Needing closeness, she placed her hand over Griffin’s and savored the certainty of his warmth. Five weeks. Hardly any time at all. And yet to Emily, it felt like forever. Especially when she reminded herself that it was longer than the time they had spent at Clearview together.
Blackened walls and empty holes where windows had once been stared back at Griffin in mournful silence. His throat was thick with emotion, his heart weighed down by defeat. Everything he’d worked for these past ten years had been ruined. The vibrant energy of clockwork measuring the progression of time, his mechanical toys, whirring and clicking, and lively tunes played by his music boxes had all been snuffed out forever.
It had taken him years to turn his business into the brilliant success it had become. He’d worked tirelessly, with endless determination, had dedicated vast amounts of time on acquiring affluent customers and on crafting merchandise that was sure to enthrall. But all of that was for nothing. Only a ruin remained, along with the few items Edvard had managed to save.
More Than a Rogue Page 20