by Caleb Meeks
“A miracle?” He interrupted.
I smiled. “Yeah, a miracle.”
“Mind if I turn on the light? I need to see better to do stitches.”
“Go for it.” I said, taking a few deep breaths. He got up from the couch and walked across the room. The light switch was on the opposite wall. He switched it on and turned back around to face me. His face changed as he saw the scars that covered my body. “Heck of a canvas, right?” I admitted.
“Wow.” It was more than I expected he’d be able to get out. The last person to see it in its full glory was Dominic, and that’s because he treated most of them as I got them.
“Yeah. Like I said before, each one has a story.” I lifted my arm and looked at the fresh wound. “I’ll add this one to my collection.” Slowly he walked back to the couch, though his eyes stayed glued to me.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t be staring.” He said, grabbing my arm, and prepping the stitches.
“It’s ok. I’d be foolish to think it’s not something to stare at. No one’s ever had the opportunity. I like them. Each one is a reminder.”
He smiled, seemingly surprised. “So, this Abaddon character. What are we looking at here?”
“A war, if we’re lucky.” Again, I could feel his grip tighten. “Remember the Barnaby murder that made me television famous?”
“Yeah, I worked the scene.”
“I know.” He looked up at me, almost like he was going to question it, but then looked back down at my arm and continued. “That wasn’t me either. He did that whole thing to try and bring me some ugly attention.”
“He did that to Barnaby?” He grimaced, remembering the visceral scene.
“Yeah, and that’s him when he is on a time limit.” A visible shudder went down the officer’s back, and I could almost feel his stomach turn.
“Is that why you turned over all that information to me?”
“I guess. With how aggressive he’s becoming, I think it’s clear that something’s going on. He’s been building a sizeable crew. I don’t want to imagine what he has planned. I turned over all that information because I’m not sure how this is going to end, for any of us, but especially for me, considering I’m at the forefront of it.”
“We had no idea any of this was going on.” He confessed. I could hear the shaking in his voice.
“That’s the point. That’s his point. Even if I never ended up here, and you never heard about him from me, you’d never know of him. He has a way of enacting his plans through other people. It would have gotten worse, but you never would have known who, or why.”
“What are you going to do?”
I laughed. “I don’t know.”
He silently nodded. “Alright, your arm’s done.”
I looked down at the stitched-up tissue. “Not bad. Where’d you learn to do this?”
“I picked it up after I got out of rehab.”
“Rehab?” I asked.
“Yeah. After my brother died, I decided I needed to get some help. Drugs took him away from me, I didn’t want to let them take anything else. It took some time, but eventually I got out, and got myself right. A couple years after, I joined the force, and I’ve been clean ever since.”
“Congratulations.”
He proudly smiled. “Thanks. Anyway, when I joined the force, I learned everything I could. I guess it all stems from when my brother died. I felt so helpless in the moment when he was bleeding out that I decided I never wanted to be in that situation and not know what to do, ever again.”
“Well, I’m glad you did.” He laughed in response. It felt different to be having a human conversation. It wasn’t something I was used to, but it was good. For some reason, I felt safe around him. He stood up and walked across the room. When he walked back, there was a picture in his hands.
“You were holding this in your hand when I found you. It’s a little bent, and a little bloody, but I thought you might want it.” He handed me the picture of me and Dom. The edges were crumpled, and there was dried blood adhered to the surface, but the picture itself was undisturbed.
I looked at for a moment. “Thank you.” I had forgotten about it, but it brought a smile to my face.
“Alright, I am going to stitch up your shoulder now. This one could hurt a lot more than the last one, just so you know.” He slipped on a new pair of medical gloves and started prepping a new needle.
“You know, when your body looks like this, not a lot hurts anymore.” I felt the needle pierce the inflamed tissue around the wound but didn’t even flinch.
“So, who is he?”
“I’m sorry?”
“The guy in the picture. He must mean something to you for you have kept it with you through that whole fight. Not to mention, I found it in your hand as you were dying.”
“Yeah, that’s an understatement. His name is Dominic. He’s the only reason I’m still here. In fact, he is the reason that almost all these scars turned into scars, and not death sentences. He was my best friend.” I zoned out for a second.
“Was?” He asked.
“Abaddon killed him about a week and a half ago.”
“I am so sorry. I wouldn’t have asked if I had any idea.”
“Don’t worry about it. He died for something he believed in, and I don’t think he would change it even if he could.”
“What was it that he believed in?”
I instinctively smiled. “Me, surprisingly. I never could understand why such a good guy would give everything up for a person like me, but he did.”
“How did you guys meet?”
“Well, when I was admitted into the hospital for the nice scar across my chest, after my father broke into our house, he was my nurse. Apparently, they had a hard time finding somebody to take me on. Killing someone has its repercussion. Anyway, he had some supernatural nudge, and ended up taking me. He watched my mother try to attack me, etcetera, etcetera. When I was discharged from the hospital, I didn’t really have anywhere to go. Mom didn’t ever want to see me again, and dad was dead. We bonded while I was there, and he ended up inviting me to come and stay with him, at least until I had my feet on the ground. It ended up turning into a really close friendship, and I stayed with him for a little over a year. I couldn’t even tell you when I started becoming this, but he stuck by me through it all. Not necessarily to say that he agreed with what I was doing, but he stuck by me through everything, and was always there to patch up a bullet hole or a stab wound. He walked with me to the day he died.”
“Reminds me of Derrick.” He nostalgically said.
“That was all I could think about when you were telling me his story.”
“Who knew I would share a life story with a crime boss…sorry, that was inconsiderate.”
“Maybe, but it’s not untrue. I guess we’re all human, just different filters.”
“I guess so. Your shoulder is all done. The rest is just going to take some time and rest to heal. I know that’s probably hard for you but try.” He said, taking off his gloves.
“Thanks.” We stayed quiet for a brief minute. Something was chewing away at my mind, and it finally jumped out. “Alright, I have to say that I’ve been replaying our conversation from yesterday repeatedly in my head. And, if I’m being totally transparent, I walked away from that conversation feeling something I’d never felt before.”
“What do you mean?” He asked, now standing across the room, washing his hands.
“I don’t even know what I mean. It’s hard to put into words.” I took a deep breath and interlocked my hands. He walked back over to where I was sitting, and leaned back on the couch, ready to listen. I stayed seated on the coffee table. “When I was in that warehouse, and Abaddon had his hands locked around my throat, I just wanted to give in. I’ve been fighting for so long, I just wanted to let it go…let him win.” It felt strange to be open with someone I didn’t know at all, but with Dominic gone, I didn’t have someone to talk to. Even when Dominic was with me, we didn�
�t really talk about anything real, and that was because I didn’t like to. It felt good to let some of it out. “I closed my eyes, ready to surrender to it. Dominic’s last words were, ‘He’s got me.’ When I closed my eyes, those were the words that kept playing over and over again in my mind. I didn’t know him to be religious, but we never really talked about it. He handed me a cross necklace right before he took his last breath. I kept playing those words in my head, and eventually I started to believe it to. I don’t know what, or who, it was, but I started to feel like something didn’t want me to give up. That’s why I’m sitting here on your coffee table, and not lying in a pool of blood in a dark room in the middle of the city. You said that going back to God…your faith, helped you heal from your past. How?”
“That’s a loaded question.” He said, working an answer together in his mind. “When my parents were walking through their issues, I felt loved because of my brother. He made up for the broken kind of love I was getting from everyone else. When Derrick died, I decided that there couldn’t be anything good in the world. There couldn’t be love. And, there definitely couldn’t be this God my brother had literally devoted his life to. He always talked about how good God was, but after he died, I couldn’t see how God could be good if His perfect plan was to take Derrick away from me. When I started reading his bible, I started to understand everything. It wasn’t an immediate understanding but holding something that he loved made me feel closer to him. I guess that’s the reason I kept reading it. After a while, though, I started bringing it into my life, instead of just leaving it behind when I closed it. I started to see why he put so much faith into his God. All the times he told me that God doesn’t care about your past if you give Him your future started saving me. When I was ready to give up and go back to the person I used to be, I’d remember him telling me those things, and it would give me the strength to go a little more. I finally started to see that it was in God’s perfect plan to take Derrick home, because if Derrick had never been taken home, I probably wouldn’t be here. I probably would have met the same fate that my dealer did, and I know just where I would have ended up. Derrick may not be with me anymore, but because he isn’t, I know I’m going to see him again. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about the messages he used to tell me, but now they carry a different weight. Now, they’re why I’m here.”
“You know, normally I would make a derisive comment about how much of a lunatic you are. I’d crack a joke that would make me feel better, but I don’t know if I can anymore. You said that God doesn’t care about your past if you are willing to give him your future. I get the concept, but you know me, Matthew, I’ve got a bloody history. My body count is longer than most people can even comprehend.”
“I do know. So does He. When I say He doesn’t care about your past, I mean He doesn’t care about your past. No one’s too far gone for Him. It’s illogical, it’s crazy, and it’s stupid, but it’s Jesus.” I stopped talking, letting what he said run through my mind. It was a foreign concept to me, but it felt like home. Something I hadn’t felt in a long time. He smiled and stood up. “It’s a lot to take in.” He gripped my shoulder. “You should get some rest. I’ll set up the bed.”
“No, I’ll stay out here.” I assured.
“You sure?”
“Positive.”
“Whatever you say. I’d insist, but I don’t think I could fight you anyway.” We both laughed. He walked around the corner to his bedroom. I stood up from the table. The stitches he put in stung, but I wasn’t really focusing on them. He walked back into the room holding a change of clothes. “Here. I’d imagine we are around the same size. I’d let you shower, but with the new stitches, it wouldn’t be a good idea. There’s a washcloth in there if you want to try and get off any more of the blood. The bathroom’s just around the corner. I did my best, but I was more focused on getting you to stop bleeding.”
“Thank you. And don’t worry about it, I’ll be out of here by the morning.” I promised.
“Look, I know I can’t make you do anything. If you’re going to leave, I can’t change that. But, just know that you can stay here for as long as you want. I want you to stay here for as long as you want. Like I said, I can’t force you to do anything, but you are welcome to stay.” He smiled, and I nodded in understanding. He turned around and started towards his bedroom. “Hey, Matthew.” He turned back and looked at me. “Seriously, thank you. You put yourself into a dangerous position, and I appreciate it.” He nodded in response, giving a genuine smile, then turned back and closed the door.
I took the clothes and washcloth into the bathroom and did as he suggested. The blood came off fairly easily. I stepped out of the blood-soaked clothing I had been in, and into the clothes he gave me. They fit almost perfectly. I silently made my way back to the living room, which was now dark again. Using the washcloth, I did my best to clean off the coffee table. There were blood smears all over it, so I did what I could without making too much noise. Once I was done, I laid down, and for the first time in my memorable history, I fell asleep without thinking about my demons first.
▪
Matthew woke up the next morning feeling more refreshed than he had in days. Considering it was the most he’d slept in a while; it was a welcome feeling. He had a moment of relaxation, and then remembered the events from the night before. Even more importantly, he remembered that Judas may very well still have been in his house. He hastened to wipe the sleep out of his eyes and get out of bed. His phone was on the nightstand. He gripped it and walked to the door.
It silently opened, and he stepped out. Fully expecting Judas to be long gone, he took a step into the living room. Much to his surprise, Judas was seated in the middle of his couch, looking much more alive than he did the night before. He turned and locked eyes with Matthew. “Surprised?” Judas asked, a smile on his face.
“Yeah, actually. Why’d you change your mind?”
“I’m not sure, yet. I thought a lot about what you said, and I decided that maybe I should stay, for a little while at least.”
He smiled. “I’m glad.” Matthew proceeded to get ready just as he would have without Judas. Even though he knew Judas’ past, he wasn’t afraid of him. He was starting to see the human.
Matthew walked back into the living room a little while later. Judas was still seated, looking down at his phone. “Everything okay?” Matthew asked.
“Yeah, everything’s fine. I’ve dropped off the face of the earth, which is not boding well with a lot of people.”
“You think it will blow over?” Matthew asked, fastening his belt.
“Definitely not. Someone like me just disappearing won’t blow over, especially with news of Abaddon’s return spreading. I’m either dead, joined back with him, or planning something. At this point, I don’t know which one is worse.”
“What are you thinking you’re going to do?”
“Lay low. Watch and see what happens. This is unknown territory for a lot of people. I want to sit back and see what happens for as long as I can manage.”
“Okay, should I mention anything about Abaddon to my partner, or anyone at the station?”
“No. You’ve got your hands full enough with everything I gave you. You should focus on hitting some of that. Most of the people that are detailed in there are working under Abaddon in some way, so picking them off is diminishing his forces, even in a small way. I’ll keep updated on everything, and I’ll let you know if anything happens.”
“Okay. I have to go to work, but I wanted to give this to you.” Matthew handed Judas his spare. “It’s a key to the apartment. I know you’re lying low, but if you want to get out at all, I wanted you to be able to get back in without having to break in.”
“Thanks.” Judas said, holding onto the key.
“Help yourself to anything in the house. I’ll be home later.”
“Okay. See you later.” Judas responded.
“Okay.” He hesitantly turned toward
s the door and walked out. It was obvious that it was odd for him, but Judas understood. It was odd for him too, just in different ways. Matthew closed the door behind him and headed off to work.
Judas settled into the lifestyle he never thought he’d have to adopt. It was bizarre for him to have to be quiet, and purposefully try to keep himself from working. While it was not comfortable for him, it was a good time for him to be able to rest. The injuries he suffered were not debilitating, but they were serious enough to warrant some downtime.
Over the next week, Judas and Matthew managed to conjoin their lives completely secretly. Matthew would go to work, and Judas would do the opposite. Judas managed to remain completely undetected, and Matthew kept his presence hidden from everyone. They quickly found themselves growing a deeper friendship than either of them could have expected. Each day, when Matthew would walk through the door, they would catch each other up on what happened. Judas asked questions about Matthew’s faith. The two even prayed together before a meal, which was something Judas had only ever seen. It was a time of healing for both men that neither of them expected.
▪
My eyes slit open just as they had for the past week. Speaking of the past week, it felt like a dream. It was like living someone else’s life. I hadn’t been able to call someone a friend like Matthew since Dominic invited me to stay with him in just the same way. All good things must change, though.
I sat up and grabbed my phone. It was Matthew’s day off, so he was still asleep. The room was completely silent, except for the birds chirping outside the window. I can’t tell you the last time I’d heard birds chirping, but it was a peaceful thing to wake up to. My phone was blinking with the day’s information. Most of it was useless information, but one message caught my eye. It was from an old contact who worked with some of the nastiest of people but had a heart for saving innocent lives. I hadn’t heard from him in months, but clearly, he was keeping up with me.
Judas, I don’t know what’s happened with you, no one has heard from you in weeks. I don’t even know if you’ll see this, but I felt like it was important to get to you. Abaddon is making moves. Big ones. I don’t know exactly what yet, but something is happening, and I can’t help but feel like it might be coming for you. I’ll let you know if I hear anything else. I hope you get this, you’re the only one who can help get us out of this mess…