by Kelsie Rae
If they touched her too….
I’m still pent up with anxiety when I enter, squeezing the doorknob with so much force that I’m positive it’ll leave tiny indentations where my fingers were. I know she can feel the tension rolling off me in waves by the way she stands and rushes toward me.
She never rushes toward me.
“Are you okay?” The concern clearly written across her face makes my chest ache.
Me? Okay? Did she really just ask that?
I’m her fucking guard, and she cares how I’m doing?
“Yeah.” The lie sounds wrong, and I know she can hear it.
“Talk to me. What’s going on?” She fidgets with one of the buttons on the fresh shirt I’d dropped off. My shirt. The sight only makes me feel sicker.
I couldn’t even give the other girl that much?
Sei’s right. I’m a selfish bastard. I picked a favorite. Now, I have to see if I was able to keep her safe when I know I didn’t do the same for the other girl.
“Has anyone come in here since I last saw you?” I ask, trying to keep my tone even when I’m seconds away from hunting down Sei and pressing my Glock to his forehead.
With pinched brows, she replies, “No. No one has come in here except you.”
“Good.” I breathe a sigh of relief and run my hands through my hair as the image from only moments ago haunts me.
“What’s wrong?” she presses.
The anguish nearly guts me before I turn to her and admit, “I can’t let them touch you, Little Bird.”
Sensing my frustration, she raises her hand and gently touches my forearm. Even with the layers of clothes between us, I still find the act soothing. A balm to my soul. And so damn foreign that I find myself frozen in place.
“What happened?” she whispers.
“There’s another girl I’m supposed to watch….”
“And?”
“Sei. He got to her.” My voice cracks as my Little Bird’s eyes gather with tears.
The silence that follows is suffocating. Licking her chapped lips, she blinks a few times, then clears her throat and asks, “I-is she okay?”
“What do you think?” I laugh. “It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have left the basement. I should’ve stayed here. When I’m down here, they know to stay away.”
“It’s not your fault, Dex.” Her eyes are pleading with me to agree, but I can’t.
“It is my fault, Little Bird.”
“No. It’s not,” she argues. “You can’t control everyone around you. And you can’t be everywhere at once, either. Burlone asked you for an impossible task. You’re only one man. And they’re nothing but a bunch of wolves fighting over—”
“I can’t let them touch you,” I reiterate, my hands shaking as the real reason for my terror slips out of me a second time.
As a single tear slides down her cheek, she shakes her head sadly. “If something happens to me, then something happens to me. There’s only so much you can do.”
“How can you say that?” I spit, my frustration bubbling over. “How can you accept your fate like that?”
“I’m not accepting my fate. I’m accepting the possibility that I might be beaten and raped. And probably sold too.” With her lower lip quivering, she stands a little taller. “But not that I won’t overcome it. There’s a difference.”
“Not to me. I can’t let them hurt you.” The desperation is clear in my tone, and instead of arguing, she surprises me. Gently, my Little Bird draws her hand down my arm, then laces our fingers together and brings them to her mouth. I watch the scene unfold in slow motion as she brushes her soft, pouty lips against the back of my hand. Her gaze is glued to mine to show her sincerity as the heat from her mouth brands me with its innocent touch.
But still, she doesn’t speak.
And I snap.
“How can you touch me like that? I’m a fucking monster.” I go to pull my hand away, but she keeps her hold and surprises me with her strength.
“Dex, I need you to listen to me.”
I stop my half-assed attempt to break free and wait for her to spew whatever bullshit helps her sleep at night. Besides, her touch is the only thing keeping me from losing my shit any more than I already have.
“I trust these hands,” she whispers. “I trust them, and I trust what you do with them.”
Standing on her tiptoes, she softly kisses my temple before dropping back down to the flats of her feet. “I trust this mind and that you’re searching for a solution to save me and the rest of these girls, even if you won’t admit it to yourself. You know this is wrong, and you want to fix it. I can see it in your eyes every time you look at me.”
Lastly, she brings her second hand and places it over my heart as it pounds in my chest. “And this heart? I trust this heart so damn much that it scares me. It’s a good one, Dex. Despite the shitstorm you were raised in and taught to believe. It’s a good one, and I need you to believe that too.”
With less than a few inches between us, I let the intimacy from her words soak into my soul, praying she might be right.
And that’s when it hits me. I need to get her out of here. I need to get all of them out of here.
Chapter Twelve
Dex
Sei: Hey.
My brows furrow as I scan the text. Sei isn’t exactly known for being chatty, and he definitely doesn’t reach out for no reason, which means he needs something from me.
Annoyed, I send my response.
Me: Hey.
Sei: So me and the boys were talking.
I roll my eyes before grudgingly taking the bait.
Me: And?
Sei: And we have a little wager going.
I grit my teeth then send the same message from seconds ago.
Me: And?
Sei: And we wanna know if you spoiled the fruit or not.
This is borderline dangerous. Anything in writing can be traced, and with how closely the Feds are sniffing around, it isn’t safe to talk candidly in text. I guess I should be impressed that he’s at least still using the code words even though he’s always thought they were bullshit.
Me: Why do you ask?
An image pops up seconds later, and the sight makes me squirm. Shit. With sweaty palms, I type out another question.
Me: Where did you get that?
As I wait for his response, I pull the image back onto the screen. I hadn’t seen it before now. It’s one of the pictures Frank took of me and my Little Bird to send to potential buyers. The picture is focused solely on her blazing green eyes as she watches my hand caress the creamy skin on her shoulder, toying with the black strap of her bra. The lust in her gaze is so potent I can still feel its heat nearly branding the back of my hand. The only part of me that’s visible in the picture is my forearm, but my tattoo and weathered hands are a stark contrast to her unblemished skin. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that I’m the one touching her.
And Sei isn’t exactly a genius.
Sei: They went out a few days ago. I’m surprised Burlone let you keep your hand with how adamant he is about her keeping her virginity.
Careful, Sei, I think to myself. That text was way too incriminating for me to justify continuing this conversation. I might deserve to end up in prison for the shit I’ve done, but that doesn’t mean I want to hand myself over to the Feds with a big red bow.
Me: If you want to talk, come find me later.
Hitting send, I lean my head against the wall in Sin’s basement. My ass is getting sore from sitting for too long on this shitty folding chair, but I’m too exhausted to stand. I’m too emotionally drained to care. Too tense with anxiety to sleep. Too overwhelmed by my feelings for a little bird who has way too much trust in me.
When I hear the sound of footsteps echoing down the hallway, I turn toward the noise to inspect who the culprit is.
“When I said, ‘later,’ I didn’t exactly think now,” I note, addressing Sei. His jaw is still sporting a light bru
ise from when I punched him. My mouth twitches at the sight.
He saunters over with his hands in his pockets before pulling out a cigarette and placing it between his lips.
“Maybe I wasn’t finished talking.” Lighting the cancer stick, he puffs out a cloud of smoke in my face. I almost laugh at his immaturity but restrain myself because I don’t want to pick another fight with him. Burlone doesn’t allow fighting between his men, and whether I like it or not, I still consider myself one of them. Besides, our last fight was enough to curb my frustration for the time being. However, if he keeps being an asshole, I have no idea how long my renewed patience will last.
“Then talk,” I push.
“You fuck her yet?”
My eyes widen in surprise before I school my features to one of indifference.
“Why would you think I would even consider that, Sei? Especially after our little”––I motion to his bruised face––“disagreement. I might do a lot of shit wrong, but I always follow orders, which happens to be one of the reasons why Burlone trusted me with the fruit in the first place. Because unlike you, I understand the meaning of restraint.”
“The picture says otherwise,” he spits.
“Why do you even care?”
“Because I’m sick of Burlone putting you on a damn pedestal and treating you like you’re a god. That’s why. Just tell me the truth. Did you go against Burlone’s precious orders? Did you touch her?” Sei is seething. Hell, I’m pretty sure a vein near his right temple is about to burst from frustration. Yet here I am, still sitting in that damn folding chair when Sei takes advantage and tries to intimidate me by crowding me in it. Just like last time.
Casually, I stand to my full height and almost tower over him, but it doesn’t stop him from trying to get up in my face. I don’t back down.
“Of course, I touched her,” I acknowledge with a grin. “You have the evidence in your hand, dumbass. But do you think I wanted to touch her, Sei? Maybe you should get your facts straight and ask Frank before you come over here and spout shit you know nothing about. I was told to touch her. I was told to spark some kind of emotion from her. So I did. Job done. Check. Just another day at the office.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“Is it? Tell me, Sei, have I ever shown interest in the girls before? Ever? What the hell makes you think I’d be interested now? You think she’s special?” Lifting my arms, I motion to the basement floor where we keep all the girls who’ve ever been taken by Sei and sold by Burlone.
“Take a look around, Sei. She’s a dime a dozen and will be moved to the next place in a week, and we’ll all move on with our lives as if she never existed. Now, back off and get out of my face before I make you.” My nostrils are flared, and my fists are tight, but I don’t move a muscle as I wait for him to decide if it’s really worth it to pick a fight with me.
In all honesty, I don’t know that I’d win if he chose to escalate this. He’s already pissed that I got the better of him the last time we were in each other’s faces, and I have no doubt he’s chomping at the bit to get his chance at revenge. Sei’s known for fighting dirty, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he pulled a knife on me to prove a point. But I don’t really give a shit anymore. A real fight between us is long overdue. And I’m sick of his shit.
With a misplaced smirk, an arrogant Sei steps back and raises his hands in surrender. “Now, now, no need to get so feisty, Dex. Just wanted to check, that’s all. Have a good night.”
He saunters back toward the elevator without a care in the world, while I find myself fuming at the lies I had to utter in order to get him to back off.
Chapter Thirteen
Little Bird
I’m used to girls screaming now, and I’m used to men’s laughter as they discuss their latest conquests. But the baritone shouting? That’s not normal. Curiosity piqued, I shuffle a few feet closer to the thick, locked door and try to make out the muffled voices.
My eyes fill with tears as soon as they become clear.
“You think I wanted to touch her, Sei? Maybe you should get your facts straight and ask Frank before you come over here and spout shit you know nothing about. I was told to touch her. I was told to spark some kind of emotion from her. So I did. Job done. Check. Just another day at the office.”
Scrambling back like a little sand crab, I push my back into the biting wall and tuck my knees to my chest, holding back the tears that threaten to fall. All the while, that same muffled voice burrows itself into my memory.
I cover my ears and gently rock myself back and forth, feeling more alone than I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I just want to go home. To go back to the place I hated for so long when I had no idea what real hatred was until this very moment.
I need to get out of here.
My logic battles my fraying emotions as I replay the conversation over and over again. My stomach rolls.
But what hurts the most? He doesn’t come to see me.
And I think that’s the final straw because it only proves the validity of his comment. It shreds me in two.
The next morning, I wake up with puffy, swollen eyes from crying only to see Dex hovering near the doorway with a tray of food. I must’ve been so exhausted I didn’t even hear him come in. Apparently, my self-preservation is at an all-time low.
“Morning, Little Bird,” he greets me in a gruff voice.
I don’t bother to respond.
Sensing that something is off, his brows tug in at the center, and he takes a step closer. When he finds me looking like a mess, his face turns a pale, ashy color. “What’s wrong? Did something happen? I had only left for ten minutes. Which asshole was it? What did he look like? I swear to—”
“It wasn’t anyone,” I whisper, feeling like I swallowed a glass of acid with how sore my throat is.
He kneels down beside me and cups the side of my face with his warm palm. Holding my breath, I have to fight myself from leaning into it.
“Then what’s wrong, Little Bird?”
Unable to stop myself, I whisper, “Did you mean what you said?”
“About what?” He searches my face for a hint that might tell him what I’m referring to.
Because I’m a coward, I close my eyes and murmur, “Not wanting to touch me. Being here because you’re told to be. Not giving a shit about my future or any of the other girls on this floor. All of it.”
Dex literally falls back onto his butt from shock, shaking his head as if he’s seen a ghost. The silence is deafening as I wait for him to deny it even though I heard the whole thing with my own ears.
“You really believe that?” he accuses in disbelief.
“It’s what you said.”
“Yeah, to Sei.” Dex spits his associate’s name as if it were a curse. “I told you I have to be a different man out there.” Raising his arm, he points to the door to emphasize his point. “I told you I have to be cold. Indifferent. Brutal. If we have any hope of figuring this shit out, then I need to stay in their good graces, or they cut me out, and I’m replaced by some asshat who doesn’t give a shit that you’re an actual human being and not some object to get off on. All those things? I said them for you. Because of you. Because, ever since you showed up, you messed with my head. You made me feel things I have no right feeling. You’ve made me question my entire way of life, making me feel like a damn fish out of water, gasping for oxygen.” With a dry laugh, he leans forward and tilts my chin up to make sure he has my full attention. The simple touch brands me as he continues, “Want to know the ironic part? The more I’m around you, the easier it is to breathe. You’re turning into my oxygen, Little Bird, and I don’t even know your name.”
The truth in his words is enough to break the dam holding back my fraying emotions since the moment I woke up in Burlone’s office. With tears in my eyes, Dex tugs me into his arms, wrapping them around me and gently rubbing my back. I’m not strong enough to fight him. I’m not strong enough to fight anyone anymore. I’m broken.
Yet, I’m seeking comfort from the one who threw the final stone that shattered me.
My body wracks with silent sobs as my fingers tangle into the back of his white shirt, trying to get ahold of myself when I finally realize there’s no need. Because he’s holding me. He’s keeping me safe. He’s being the strong one. He’s showing me he’s willing to carry me when I’m weak. And right now? Right now, I feel so damn weak.
“Shh,” he coos, planting a soft kiss against the crown of my head. I tuck myself farther into his chest, seeking comfort. “It’s going to be okay.”
My voice breaks. “How?”
“I’ll figure something out. I promise.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I tell him a truth I hadn’t been willing to admit to myself until this very moment. “Want to know the pathetic thing, Dex? When I heard you…it broke me. I’m relying on you in here, Dex. But I think I’m relying on you in general too, regardless of this room. I think about getting out of here, and it doesn’t feel any better because….” I release a shaky breath.
“Because, why?”
“Because I won’t have you with me.”
With a gentle touch, Dex combs his fingers through my tangled hair, massaging my scalp until I finally gain the courage to look up at him. When I do, he bends down. Slowly. The pace gives me plenty of time to turn away from the opportunity he’s pursuing. But I don’t. I can’t. I’ve wanted this since the moment I knew he’d never take it from me without my permission. His breath fans across my heated skin before he presses his lips to mine. The kiss is so soft, so innocent. Yet, I can feel the heat simmering below the surface, and I want more of it. I want it all. I’ve been so cold and lonely in my prison that I’d give anything to feel his warmth.