“Don’t be crass,” Chester called out before addressing Jayson. “I would love it if you two found your way back to each other.”
“He’s a romantic,” Mason chided.
“Romance is a tall order for Gia and me,” Jayson said, meaning it. They’d tried the happily-ever-after route, went off-road and ended up in a ditch.
He considered Albert, and his mother who joined him at the grill, and Mason and Chester. Maybe romance wasn’t a tall order for his family, but it seemed an insurmountable leap for Jayson.
“I’m going to check the garden.” Jayson stood abruptly and left his family on the patio. He stepped around the side yard to where his mother kept a small herb garden. Over the fence, the neighbor’s squatty bulldog barked hello.
“Hey, Ollie.” He grinned down at the portly dog who wagged the entire back half of his body since his nub of a tail was incapable of the action. Jayson bent over the top half of the fence and gave Ollie a scratch before settling on the stone bench next to the garden.
He’d always wanted this sort of peace for his mother. This house, this neighborhood was a huge step up from where he’d grown up with a father who made their lives a living hell for far too long.
Only a boy at the time, Jayson had vowed to save his mom from the adult man who wasn’t man enough to pick on someone his own size. Thankfully his mother had friends. The first—and only—time Eric Cooper had hit Jayson in the face, she’d left with Jayson in tow and had run straight to those friends.
By the time they’d returned home two days later, Eric was gone. Julia changed the locks and began looking for a new apartment immediately—even before the house was listed on the market.
She’d picked up a second job, and then a third, and Jayson grew up fending for himself. He’d seen his role as the protector, until Albert stepped into their lives and took over. Albert, a nerdy type who at first didn’t seem capable of slaying a butterfly let alone a dragon, had been adamant about their boys being kids and not worrying about adult problems. He assigned household duties, relegating Jayson to trash duty and Mason to lawn mowing.
Jayson grew up the rest of the way like a normal kid, and would be forever grateful to Albert for giving him a good childhood. He hadn’t known at the time that Albert was saving him, though. There’d been moments where he’d argued and yelled, but Albert seemed to understand that Jayson had been raised by a man with no boundaries. Boundaries that Albert set gently, but firmly.
Once grown, Jayson was determined to provide his mother and stepfather with the sorts of things they’d done without on their quest of raising two teenagers—one of them angry thanks in part to DNA and past trauma, the other struggling with his sexuality.
Jayson had been lucky. Some kids didn’t make it out of a dark past as cleanly.
When he’d met Gia, his world had stopped. Honest to God, it’d been like a movie. He’d spotted her across the room, the soundtrack of a cheesy ballad playing in the background.
When he’d gone to her father to ask for his daughter’s hand in marriage, Jack replied, “As long as you take care of her.” Jack had gone on to explain that he knew he couldn’t always be there for his daughter, and now that was Jayson’s duty.
Jayson had taken that duty seriously. He knew how to take care of a woman, knew what she needed.
Or so he thought.
Each time he tried to do his husbandly duty, Gia had shut him down. Now that they were divorced she needed him less than ever.
In his efforts to be a good man, a good husband and nothing like his father, had he gone about being a husband the wrong way? He’d never laid a hand on Gia—he’d sooner die—but he’d strong-armed her in other ways, hadn’t he? He’d tried corralling her the way Jack had—protecting her the way Royce and Bran had. And like she’d done with each of those other men, she’d pulled away from Jayson, too.
Flubbing a marriage was a big failure for him. He’d never intended on divorcing. He’d planned on being married one time, for forever. But as their communication deteriorated, he found himself swallowing arguments instead of having them. He’d opted for silence over involvement. He should have told her what he was thinking. What he was feeling.
At the time he hadn’t wanted to be wrong.
Stupid.
“You two aren’t related, but you’re a lot alike.” Chester appeared around the corner, gave Ollie the bulldog a scratch on the head and then sat next to Jayson. “I have a thing for the strong, silent type. I can’t help it. If you need to talk, I’m a good listener.”
Jayson debated before giving in. He could use a second opinion on the thoughts ricocheting off the inside of his skull.
“Gia and I have a complicated past, but I think a future would be even more complicated.”
“Possibly. It’s hard not to go back to that familiarity, though. Been there. My ex before Mason.” Chester shook his head. “It didn’t end well, but we weren’t anything like you and Gia.”
Jayson turned his head. “Meaning?”
“You two are good for each other, but you’re each holding on to your pride with both hands. Vulnerability is the key to any good relationship.”
“Gia and I have been naked together, Ches. Recently. How much more vulnerable can you get?”
Chester patted Jayson’s shoulder. “Jayson, Jayson. Sometime you should try admitting you made a mistake. That goes a long way.”
“She’s the one pushing me away.” Jayson stood. It hurt to admit that out loud. He assumed that hurt was the vulnerability Ches had been referring to.
“I’ll stay out of it,” Chester vowed as he stood, also. “After I say one more thing.”
Jayson could have guessed his brother-in-law wouldn’t keep completely silent.
“Even if you don’t ride off into the sunset together, if spending time together helps you and Gia over a hump—no pun intended—then go for it.”
“That doesn’t exactly sound like you,” Jayson narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “I thought you were rooting for us to get back together.”
“Always.” Chester smoothed a finger over one manicured eyebrow. “I also recognize that you are happier when you’re talking about her, and I like seeing you happy. Don’t beat yourself up so much about the past. These things have a way of working themselves out.”
He patted Jayson’s leg and then walked off.
Jayson stood for a solid minute and watched a honeybee visit flower after flower at the edge of his mother’s garden.
He was happier with Gia in his life. He couldn’t argue that. He was happier sleeping with her, too. He thought about her happiness, then and wondered...
Had he prioritized his own happiness over hers in the past? Had she been telling him what she needed this whole time but he hadn’t listened?
Ollie barked, interrupting his thoughts.
“Yeah, yeah. I know,” he told the dog.
The answer was a resounding yes. To both.
Sixteen
“I’ve never been so tired in my life,” Addison said, rocking the car seat on the chair next to her. “I’m not sure how it happened but she’s completely nocturnal. Do you think Bran is secretly a vampire?”
Gia laughed. She invited Addi out of the house for lunch, knowing that Bran’s wife was climbing the walls. Work was Addison’s favorite pastime, which she’d swapped for staying home with her daughter during her maternity leave.
The day was sunny and beautiful so they’d opted to sit outside at the swanky café midway between their houses. Soft jazz music played in the background interspersed with the light tinkling of silverware on plates.
“At least Quinn sleeps when you’re out of the house.” Her niece’s eyelashes cast shadows on her chubby cheeks, causing Gia to smile again. “And you know I can come over and help whenever you need me.”
“I know. You’re kind of aw
esome like that.”
“Best aunt ever.” Gia pressed her fingertips to her collarbone. She’d loved both her nieces on sight, couldn’t get enough of them.
She and Jayson hadn’t seriously discussed children when they were married. They were always waiting for work to slow down, or for things between them to settle. But now with two of the most beautiful babies on the planet in her immediate circle, she could admit she’d been thinking a lot more about the family she might have some day.
The problem was she couldn’t picture a man in the role of father to her children—save one.
Guess who that was?
Now that they’d had slept together twice, she wasn’t sure what she should be doing. Breaking up with him to search for Mr. Forever, who she was seriously doubting she’d find on that dating app? Or continuing with Jayson knowing that they wouldn’t work permanently?
“I feel like Royce and Taylor have been on their honeymoon for a hundred years.” Addison stopped rocking her daughter and ate a bite of her strawberry spinach salad.
“Right? He becomes CEO and then turns into a big slacker.” Which wasn’t true at all. Her oldest brother deserved a break.
“How is the tablet thing going?” Addi asked. “Have you and Jayson cracked the code?”
“Not yet. We’ve been working on it, though.”
“Must be hard to work that closely with him and not want to strangle each other. Or, you know, have sex in the bathroom.” Addi smirked.
Gia shook her head. “Knew that was coming.”
“Come on! Give me something. You have sex for the first time since your divorce and you’re not going to dish even a little?” Addi tilted her head. “Wait—that was the first time, wasn’t it?”
“That was the first time,” Gia confirmed, then offered a coy smile. “Though we did do it in the car five days before the divorce.”
Addi laughed, pure glee as she stabbed her salad.
“You’re enjoying this.”
“I really am. I haven’t been out much,” Addi said. “So, what else can you tell me? Now you’re working together and having sex all over the house?”
Gia lifted one half of her club sandwich. “Only once. By the pool. And it wasn’t a good idea. Especially after my date with Elias.”
“You went on a date?” Addi gaped at her. “Who’s Elias?”
“A guy I met on the app.” Gia bit the corner of her sandwich. “He was...” Not Jay. “Nice but boring.”
“Well, one thing’s for sure. With you and Jayson, things are never boring.”
Gia ate a french fry. Things between her and Jayson were never boring because they were unresolved. It was like there were arguments floating in the air between them. Things they’d never said as well as things that had been said way too much.
“I’m not sure what we’re doing,” Gia admitted. “Jayson and I. We’ve done this already—the whole shebang. Wedding. House.”
“You don’t have to figure that out now,” Addi said practically. Quinn cooed and Addi rocked the car seat.
“No, but we’ll have to figure things out eventually.”
“This is where your big brain gets you into trouble. Sometimes you just have to go for it and see what happens next.”
“You mean like you did with Bran.” Gia folded her arms on the table and lifted one eyebrow. Addison had leaped before she looked with Bran and they’d suffered a setback because of it.
“Just like that.” Addi nodded, surprising Gia with her reaction. “It worked out in the end. There’s no right way to do what you’re doing. And you don’t have to protect yourself with Jayson. He’s the safest bet you have.”
Yes, in some ways he was safe. He wouldn’t hurt her. He respected her. He’d give her the best time of her life in bed.
But he was also unsafe—because every time he was around her, she couldn’t seem to separate the man who’d broken her heart while they were married from the man who’d won it early on.
She didn’t want to dive in headfirst again only to discover they were still in the shallows. Any attempt at a long-term relationship could land them back in the same situation they were in before.
And she couldn’t stomach ending things with him again. It hurt too much the first time.
The conversation with Addison looped in Gia’s head when she returned to work, crashed into her when she climbed into her car to drive home, and arrived on a silver platter when Jayson showed up at her house twenty minutes later.
The front door opened and her heart zoomed to her toes. He walked in, a leather shoulder bag in his hand. “It’s just me” might as well have been a “Honey, I’m home.”
She was in the kitchen, the makings for a sandwich spread out on the countertop.
“No takeout tonight?” He examined the countertop: mayo jar, bakery-fresh whole wheat bread, leaf lettuce, a freshly sliced tomato, smoked turkey breast and a jar of pickles.
“You’re welcome to have one.”
“Thought you’d never ask.” He hesitated, his eyes lingering on her mouth. She licked her lips self-consciously, knowing she shouldn’t want the casual peck hello but wanting it anyway.
In the end, his mouth flinched into a tight smile and he leaned past her to pluck a pickle slice from the jar.
As homey as this scene felt, they were still separated. She’d do well to remember that.
He set his bag down on a bar chair and rubbed his hands together. “I need chips.”
“On top of the fridge,” she answered automatically. But he knew where the chips were in this house. He’d been the one to store them there to begin with. Why she’d kept them there when she had to grab a footstool to reach them was beyond her.
He was right. Some things never changed.
“Before you met me you crammed them into a cabinet and broke half the chips in the bag.” He sliced open the bag with a pair of scissors from a drawer he was also familiar with. The entire scene was eerily familiar. As if they’d time-traveled back to when they were married and this was a typical day after work.
And yet it was utterly and totally different.
What was it that Jayson had said the last time they’d slept together? I don’t want to fail with you again.
He hadn’t said, “I don’t want to fail you” nor had he said, “I don’t want to fail.” He’d said, “I don’t want to fail with you,” as if they’d both had blame in what happened between them.
She couldn’t remember a time when he wasn’t justifying his position and his actions. When he wasn’t and expecting her to go along with what he’d decided should happen. He never listened, and she never felt heard.
Had he changed in the year and a half they were apart? Or was that dangerous and hopeful thinking?
They made their sandwiches side by side in silence.
“Why did we buy such a big house?” she asked as she traversed the wide layout of the kitchen to the trashcan.
“You love this house.”
“I do but it’s too much—” Especially now that it was just her.
He navigated a huge bite of his stacked turkey sandwich before speaking. “You loved it and I wanted you to have it.”
Both true. She’d stepped into this very kitchen and had done a twirl reminiscent of The Sound of Music on the marble tile. “I did love it.”
“You talked about huge Christmas dinners prepared in this oven,” he reminded her. “And kids running through the halls. You wanted a dog at one point. Remember?”
A dog. That’s right. She remembered.
Remembering hurt.
And now she couldn’t begin to picture another man—like Denver or Elias—in the kitchen eating over the counter. One who didn’t smash potato chips between his sandwich before taking a bite.
“We’ve had some pretty late nights.” She needed to tell him
what she’d been thinking. Establish some boundaries for both their sakes. “If you don’t want to drive home, you don’t have to.”
His eyebrows lifted in interest. “Oh, yeah?”
“The pool house is all yours,” she said, before he had the very wrong idea of what she was offering.
No matter what fun with Jayson she could have, Gia knew what was at stake. Being with him in this familiar environment was chipping away at her resolve. She didn’t need the constant reminder of what they could have had—of what they’d once naively dreamed they could have.
“The pool house,” he repeated, his tone flat.
“Sure. There’s a lot of unused space out there. I still have that bed out there.”
He watched her, his eyes darkening to navy blue. “I know that bed, G.”
She couldn’t look away even though she should. She knew that bed, too. While the house was filled with decorators for nearly a month, she and Jay had stayed in the pool house. They’d made love on that small double bed, woke to a view of the pool and their backyard. He would rise before her and make coffee in the cheap four-cup coffee maker and deliver her the first cup.
Simpler, better times.
It seemed no matter where she looked she couldn’t escape memories of them together. How was she supposed to make a life on her own for herself when she couldn’t leave them behind?
Seventeen
He’d nearly cracked the code by nightfall.
Gia had gone to bed before him, leaving him in the family room to work. He apparently now had two options. Drive home or sleep in the pool house.
It irritated him that she wanted to kick him out. They’d been close lately. Why the sudden line in the sand?
He shut down Big Ben and pulled his keys from his pocket, frowning down at them. He didn’t want to go home. He wanted to stay here—and not in the damn pool house. He couldn’t escape the idea that Gia needed him here, in the actual house.
Not to protect her—the gated community was safe. And the security system he’d insisted she install after he moved out was top-of-the-line. But to just...be here. She’d seemed sad after telling him he could stay in the pool house, and he didn’t want her to be sad and alone.
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