“Bernie and Chester are missing,” Luckfeld repeated in astonishment.
“This is quite an exciting house party,” Patrick said dryly. He huffed, amused and a bit anguished.
“What happens now?” Luckfeld asked.
Patrick shrugged. “I don't know, but Roderick and Anne's marriage changes things significantly.” Especially between him and Josie. He was no longer holding the key to her family’s safety. Roderick was their rescuer now, and that weakened his reasoning for marrying Josie, unless he counted serving up his heart on a silver platter. A good reason they should marry to him, but not to her. His stomach turned into a cold lump.
Luckfeld’s mouth dropped open. “Roderick and Anne?”
His dumbfounded expression lifted Patrick's mood just a fraction. “I change my mind, this is the most entertaining house party I've ever been to.” And the most life-changing. But he left that unsaid.
Luckfeld started laughing and Patrick eyed him warily.
“Have you lost your mind?”
Luckfeld wiped tears from his eyes and then just as abruptly he seemed to turn away. He handed his coffee mug to Patrick.
“Where are you going?” Patrick called after him.
“I need to go for a ride.”
Patrick looked at both mugs in his hand. “Maybe I should go back to bed.” But of course he wouldn't because what he really wanted to do was see Josie and talk to Josie, but he knew that was probably the wrong thing to do right now. She would be upset over her sister and over her father's display this morning. Right now, he was the last person she would turn to.
Chapter 22
All of the sisters squeezed onto the bed for an impromptu sister meeting that Georgie had requested.
“You asked for this meeting,” Anne said. “What is it you want to discuss?”
Georgie chewed on her lip. “Where is Bernie?” she asked.
Anne shrugged. “I don't know, but Violet says she is fine and safe. It is Bernie, after all. We needn’t worry overmuch. But I have a feeling she is with Chester or somehow under his protection.”
“Do you think they ran off to marry?” Josie asked. She knew that's what the majority of her sisters were thinking too.
“I don't know what to think, and frankly, I'm too tired to think this morning,” Anne replied. “All I do know is that yesterday something occurred between Bernie and a guest of Lady Kirkland's.”
“We know about that,” Nicolette interjected, sharing a quick glance with her twin Odette. They shifted on the bed, tucked together like two little ravens with their dark curls piled on top of their heads. They each tucked a curl behind one ear in perfect unison, something they'd always done. Almost as if they'd practiced it daily.
Odette cleared her throat. “We were in the maze and Bernie was separated from us. We could hear her, but we couldn't find her,” she said in distress. “We could hear a gentleman speaking with her and she called out to us. We tried to find our way back to her as swiftly as possible, but Lady Kirkland arrived before us and Bernie had hit the man. I can only assume he tried to take the liberty. Lady Kirkland would not hear Bernie's side and took her to Lord Kirkland's study. She refused to let us stay with her. So we went in search of Violet to get help.”
“And I was in the house when Roderick left the study with Bernie and Chester to return to the castle,” Anne added. “Lady Kirkland said some unkind things. And now we are here. Father wants Bernie to marry this man at Lady Kirkland's insistence.”
Josie’s skin prickled with heat. She clenched her teeth. Josie was not going to let any of her sisters be forced to marry. This was exactly why she had resisted Patrick's offer. He wanted to force her too, and if he went to her father, her father would never give her the chance to refuse. Maybe she should run away herself.
“This is ridiculous,” Georgie fumed. “He attacked her or she wouldn't have struck him. She can't marry a man like that!”
Anne nodded. “We will do everything to protect her. I know Chester and Violet will too.”
“What about you?” Jeanie asked from the foot of the bed.
Josie's hearing grew fuzzy as if her ears were stuffed with cotton, and she couldn't hear the rest of what Jeanie had said or Anne's reply. She ducked her chin, curling into herself.
Bernie was escaping an unwanted marriage. So was she, in a way, wasn't she? But it was different with Patrick. He was not some careless lord who was taking advantage.
She'd been doing a lot of thinking as Violet suggested she do, but she hadn’t come any closer to understanding what she should do for herself. There were many reasons she should accept him—money, security, protection. He could change everything for her and her family, but it was more than that. When Anne had said she loved Roderick, there in the hall in front of everyone, Josie felt like she'd been struck by a lightning bolt. To see Roderick stand there, defending Anne, his arm around her, Josie had been so envious.
She felt so alone now. None of her sisters knew what she'd done or the mistakes she’d made, though now might be the best time to tell them. She couldn't move.
She was frozen, suffering alone, ashamed of her own behavior. She had hurt Patrick deeply. She could see that now. But she’d also hurt herself because it wasn't just her she had to worry about. What Patrick had said yesterday was true. She could be carrying his child. If she was anything like her mother, the chances were great that even just one moment of reckless passion could mean a child in nine months, and she had to consider the well-being of that child, not just herself. She'd seen the struggle her mother and her sisters endured as her father had—time and again—impregnated their mother without thought to what he was doing to all of them, to the hardships he was cursing them with. More work and less food.
Was she prepared to raise the baby alone? She knew her family would not turn her out. All her sisters would be tainted by association and having a baby out of wedlock would certainly mean that no one, no young woman searching for help, would accept it from her. She could not open a school. She could not do any of the things she wished to do if it was known that she had borne an illegitimate child.
What would her sisters say to her now if she told them? Gather around her swearing to protect her?
She’d brought this upon herself. It was no one's fault but her own. There was no villain in her story. Right now, she felt like the villain may be her. She rested her forehead on her arms. Her sisters had finished their discussion and were clearing off the bed.
Luna nudged her. “Are you all right?”
“I'm just scared,” Josie said.
“Scared for Bernie?
“I'm scared for all of us.”
“Didn’t you hear? Anne assured us that we’re safe. Now Roderick will help us, whatever we choose to do. We could even have a season in London.”
Josie scooted off the bed, but she wanted to crumble to the floor. That sounded like the worst thing imaginable. A season. If she was not with child and did not marry Patrick, would she see him there with another woman? A beautiful but cruel creature draped in silks and diamonds like Lady Henrietta?
“I need to go to my room,” Josie said. Luna didn't stop her. She crossed the hall into her own bedroom and closed the door, leaning against it. That's when her knees finally gave out, tired of carrying her burdensome thoughts, and she wept. She didn't know how long she sat there, or if she had fallen asleep. Luna's voice came to her through a foggy tunnel, and Josie opened her eyes, her neck protesting as she lifted her head.
She was still slumped next to the door. She rubbed her neck and climbed to her feet. She opened her door, and there Luna stood.
“Good heavens, Josie, what is the matter?”
“I need to know if I'm in love,” Josie said. “And I can't.”
“You can't what?” Luna asked as she entered the room and closed the door.
“I can't figure it out. I don't know what book to read.”
Luna laughed. “You can't read a book to determine if you�
�re in love, Josie. Good heavens, what does this have to do this with—” She gasped. “Lord Selhorst? You think you might love him?”
“I don't know. He proposed to me.”
Luna gasped, covering her mouth. “He proposed to you?” she repeated, her words muffled behind her hand. She ran to Josie and hugged her. “This is amazing! First Anne and now you. We will truly be safe now. Cousin Irving will have to eat his hat. And to think he wanted to see us pack up our meager belongings and trudge up the road like we were lowly peasants and he a feudal lord.”
“Don't be ridiculous, Luna,” Josie said. “I can't love him if I can't even figure it out.”
“Well, if you spend five seconds kissing him, you might figure it out. Come, sit,” Luna bid. “Tell me everything.”
Josie was not about to tell her everything. “It's too much to tell,” she said and then sighed. “I don't even know where to start.”
“Have you kissed him?”
“I have,” Josie admitted.
“What did you feel?”
“I felt…wonderful. But that doesn't mean—how can that be love? It's just physical. Men do physical things all the time with women. They don't fall in love with all of those women.”
“That is true,” Luna agreed. “But as women we’re intuitive. Those physical things are tied to our emotions.”
“But not every woman falls in love with someone she’s kissed.”
“I certainly hope not,” Luna returned, “but you're not every woman. You are you. What did you feel?”
Josie had to think about it. Her head hurt. All she'd been doing was thinking. She wanted to not think anymore. She wanted to just know the answer.
“Can't you just tell me?”
“You really are in a bind, Josie. This is the first time you’ve ever asked someone else for an answer instead of finding it on your own. That right there should tell you something.”
“I’ve already taken a rather scientific approach to the whole matter, and I'm not any closer to understanding what I'm feeling than I was before.”
“Truly? Why do I have the feeling you've been doing naughty things?”
Josie let out a little huff of air. It was almost a laugh, but she couldn't bring herself to laugh right now.
“You know,” Luna said as she sat beside her on the foot of the bed, “when I'm making a tincture, mixing ingredients, boiling, crushing, to make the medicine work in a specific way, things go down to the seconds. If I don't get the recipe just right, it doesn't work at all. Now if you apply that rule to a kiss—”
Josie scoffed. “Enough with the kissing.”
“I'm serious. The idea of kissing most men is revolting, so why do some men, or more specifically, one man in particular, make us want to kiss?”
Josie remembered that little book she'd been reading. Soul Kissing. That book had quite a few theories about the meanings behind kisses and the different kinds of kisses, which inadvertently led her to thinking about Patrick's kisses.
All his kinds of kisses.
She blushed.
“I think if you're willing to kiss a man for more than five seconds, there's something deeper going on there between you,” Luna said.
Josie lifted her head and peered at her sister. “Five seconds? That's all?”
“There has to be some very strong emotions to want to kiss the man at all, let alone for five whole seconds.” Luna counted out five seconds in their entirety. “See? If you were kissing someone you detested, that would feel like a lifetime.”
When Josie was kissing Patrick, she couldn't count at all. She wasn't aware of time. Did it go faster or slower? It never seemed long enough.
She slowly drew in a breath. “You might be onto something, Luna. How are you so good at counting out five seconds? That sounded pretty exact.”
Luna shrugged. “From all my potion making.”
“Do you have a potion for heartache?” Josie asked.
“Is your heart aching?” Luna asked in return. “I don't think you need a potion. You need to face your true feelings.”
Josie's heart seemed to echo Luna's words. “I will do more thinking. You've given me something to focus on, so thank you. I was lost but now I think I have a direction.”
Luna patted her hand. “Good.”
“Don't tell anyone,” Josie said. “I'm not ready.”
Luna grinned. “Either way, I'm happy for you, Josie. It was about time all your iron-willed certainty be shaken up. You'll come out on the other side of this better, I promise. And stronger.” Josie nodded and Luna left.
The five-second rule for kissing. Perhaps she'd add that to her own book, should she choose to write one about this disastrous experiment. Maybe that would be the title of her book. All she had to do now was put it to the test.
Chapter 23
Patrick woke bleary-eyed, his head throbbing from a night of tossing and turning. This waiting would be the death of him, but wait he did, giving Josie the time she needed to decide if he was worth loving. He'd been trying to think of something he could give her, something he could show her that would mean more than any words he could say, greater than I love you in a language she and he understood.
The language of knowledge.
He got up and dressed and then made his way down to breakfast. When he stepped into the room, there was no one there, not even a footman. Steaming trays of food sat untouched.
“What the devil?”
Kroger stepped through the door from the kitchens. “Sir, there you are. Miss Bernadette was kidnapped. Everyone's going down to Kirkland.”
Patrick cursed. He changed his mind about what he’d said to Luckfeld yesterday. This party was not exciting. It was cursed. He and his valet exited through the kitchen, cutting down a short path to the main road where they joined the others.
“What do you mean kidnapped?” Patrick asked. Should he have his pistols and horse readied to go after Bernadette? Surely Weirick would be putting together a rescue party by now. But they were all walking toward Kirkland.
“One of the young scullery maids saw her taken right from the road by a hired carriage. Just when she sounded the alarm and got everyone woke and ready to go after them, Lord Kirkland was seen collecting Mr. Marsden from his home and took off in the same direction as the villain.”
Patrick cursed again. What more could go wrong for this poor family? Up ahead, he saw Josie trailing her sisters. Just the sight of the back of her head, the pale pillar of her neck was enough to wake every protective urging in him. He wanted to go to her, but he held himself in check. There'd not been a whisper of their association.
He didn't expect there to be when only the dowager duchess and the new duchess, Violet, were the only two who knew.
As they reached the Kirkland drive, the Kirkland carriage was already returning.
“How much time has passed since she was taken?” Patrick asked Kroger.
“I'm not sure, sir, but it couldn't have been very long.”
The crowd parted so the carriage could drive in. Patrick was sure he wasn't the only one to notice the very obvious shape of a human form, wrapped in a cloak and fixed to the top of the carriage.
A body.
What the devil happened out there and in so short a time? Someone had died and who was it? He sent a small prayer to heaven that it wasn't Chester, for surely it was a man. Those weren’t women's boots. The carriage came to a crunching halt on the gravel drive, but Patrick could not see who exited from the other side. His gaze moved to Josie, and she stood transfixed by the figure on top of the carriage. He instinctively moved toward her.
“Is that…” Her voice shook.
"Look away, Miss Josette,” he said, and he tucked her against him, turning her way.
She trembled like a leaf battered by a stiff wind. She tucked her face into him, and he wanted to wrap his arms around her, sweep her into his arms, and take her back to the castle, and do whatever he could to make her forget that troubling sight fr
om the top of the carriage. He pushed them out of the crowd and some distance away.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
“I… I don't know,” she replied. “I've never seen…” She shook her hands in front of her.
He grabbed them, folding them tightly within the warmth of his. They looked so small, curled into tiny fists within his own. He glanced over the crowd.
“Your sister is fine and so is Lord Chester, but his father appears injured. Your father is fine and Lady Kirkland seems well. They are going into the house now. Would you let me escort you to the castle?”
“Yes,” she said.
He exhaled with relief, keeping an arm around her, not caring who saw. Weirick and Violet directed all the guests to return to the castle. It was a short tense walk, and she leaned into him heavily. He shouldn't let that bolster him, but he couldn't help the hope.
When they reached the castle, she was informed that her mother was present in the dowager duchess’s private parlor waiting for them all.
She turned to him. Did she realize her hand had crawled into the edge of his waistcoat, and she toyed with one of the buttons? It was such a small thing, but it gave him no end of pleasure to think she was that comfortable with him. And why shouldn't she be. They've only been growing steadily closer, and she could be carrying his child.
He wanted her to see him as a shelter, not someone who would own her or cage her free will. One who would help her, an equal partner, not a master. He opened his mouth to speak, but she spoke first.
“Will you meet me in the library in a short bit?” she asked.
“Yes. Whatever you need,” he said, relief flooding him.
“I must speak with my mother first and make sure she's all right.”
“I understand,” he said. “I'll be waiting.”
The Five Second Rule For Kissing: The Northumberland Nine Series Page 17