by Kieran Lynn
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AN INCIDENT AT THE BORDER
Kieran Lynn
AN INCIDENT AT THE BORDER
OBERON BOOKS
LONDON
WWW.OBERONBOOKS.COM
First published in 2012 by Oberon Books Ltd
521 Caledonian Road, London N7 9RH
Tel: +44 (0) 20 7607 3637 / Fax: +44 (0) 20 7607 3629
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Copyright © Kieran Lynn, 2012
Kieran Lynn is hereby identified as author of this play in
accordance with section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. The author has asserted his moral rights.
All rights whatsoever in this play are strictly reserved and application for performance etc. should be made before commencement of rehearsal to Judy Daish Associates, 2 St Charles Place, London, W10 6EG. No performance may be given unless a licence has been obtained, and no alterations may be made in the title or the text of the play without the author’s prior written consent.
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PB ISBN: 978-1-84943-435-5
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Contents
Characters
Chapters
Characters
ARTHUR
A boy
OLIVIA
A girl
REIVER
A newly recruited border guard
A bench. A beautiful day. Arthur and OLIVIA. She reads a newspaper.
OLIVIA: ‘The country is now a republic. It has officially become independent from the neighbouring land. The details of the independence have all been finalised, though not yet released, so it is not clear whether both sides were completely satisfied with the final terms, nor is it clear what plans either country has for its new-found independence.’ Amazing.
ARTHUR: I wish I was a duck.
OLIVIA: Today is one of those days.
ARTHUR: I’d make a good duck.
OLIVIA: This will be one of those days that everyone remembers where they were when they heard the news.
ARTHUR: Why are you reading a newspaper?
OLIVIA: I am trying to become more involved.
ARTHUR: In what?
OLIVIA: The world. When people talk about me, I want them to say, ‘Olivia is really involved.’
ARTHUR: I don’t want to be involved.
OLIVIA: I want to feel like part of the world.
ARTHUR: I don’t want anything to do with the world.
OLIVIA: I want to have opinions.
ARTHUR: I don’t want any opinions.
OLIVIA: I want to have educated opinions.
ARTHUR: I just want to live in the park.
OLIVIA: It seems like the world is divided into two groups of people: people who do things, and people who don’t do things.
ARTHUR: I want to live in a tree house.
OLIVIA: I’m one of the ones who doesn’t do things.
ARTHUR: You can come and live with me.
OLIVIA: Arthur, I already live with you.
ARTHUR: I mean in the tree house.
OLIVIA: What tree house?
ARTHUR: It would have a little wooden door. Little wooden chairs.
OLIVIA: A little wooden table.
ARTHUR: A wooden bookcase.
OLIVIA: A log fireplace.
ARTHUR: A log fireplace, in a tree house? That is very unsafe.
OLIVIA: Won’t it get cold in the winter?
ARTHUR: I suppose so. If I was a duck I wouldn’t have to worry about the cold.
OLIVIA: I think you would make a good duck.
ARTHUR: Well, so do I, as it happens.
OLIVIA: Except you don’t like flying.
ARTHUR: No.
OLIVIA: And that is half the battle.
ARTHUR: No, but I’m a good swimmer, and that is the other half.
OLIVIA: I just don’t want the other ducks to make fun of you for not liking flying.
ARTHUR: They won’t. I am a tough duck.
OLIVIA: Are you?
ARTHUR: No one tells this duck what to do.
OLIVIA: I like that.
Silence.
OLIVIA: ... We should come here more often.
ARTHUR: We should.
OLIVIA: Sit by the lake.
ARTHUR: Amongst the trees.
OLIVIA: Look at the water.
ARTHUR: The air tastes different.
OLIVIA: The stillness of the water.
ARTHUR: It feels like we have left the real world behind.
OLIVIA: It is so peaceful.
REIVER enters from behind the bench. He is rolling a thick white line of tape along the ground. He rolls it over the back of the bench, forming a line in between OliviA and Arthur. They watch silently. He takes out a radio.
REIVER: George? I’m going to take a few minutes break. Is that all right with you George? It’s just that I’ve got some fudge in my pocket George, and I want to get at it before it melts. Thanks George. What’s that George? What? Oh, vanilla.
He puts the radio away, takes out the fudge and begins eating it.
OLIVIA: ... Excuse me?
REIVER: Me?
OLIVIA: Yes.
REIVER: What?
OLIVIA: What are you doing?
REIVER: Eating.
OLIVIA: What is that?
REIVER: The border.
OLIVIA: The border?
REIVER: Yes.
OLIVIA: ... Of what?
REIVER: Of the country.
OLIVIA: What?
REIVER: That is the border of the country.
OLIVIA: Which country?
REIVER: Depends which side you are standing on.
ARTHUR: That isn’t the border. The border is miles away.
REIVER: Was miles away. Now it has moved to here.
ARTHUR: You can’t move a border a couple of miles.
REIVER: Why not?
ARTHUR: I don’t know. You just can’t.
OLIVIA: It did say in the newspaper that not all of the terms of the independence had been released. I suppose the border move was one of those details. It also mentioned something about a reduction in powers in certain global forums and possible tax increases, but we do get our own national anthem.
REIVER: Wow. You’re really involved.
OLIVIA: Thank you. I try to be.
ARTHUR: So the border is moving here?
REIVER: Yes.
ARTHUR: Right through the park?
OLIVIA: Right through the bench?
REIVER: Yes, right through, both, the park and the bench. And the duck pond, though I haven’t quite figured how I am going to run a line of tape through the middle of that yet.
ARTHUR: Use rope.
REIVER: Would it not sink, I thought it might sink?
ARTHUR: Not if you pull it tight enough.
OLIVIA: If you change the border then that is changing the country. You’re making the country smaller.
ARTHUR: Or bigger.
OLIVIA: Or bigger, depending on which side of the border you’re on.
REIVER: That isn’t up to me. I have been told where to draw the line and I am going to draw it there.
OLIVIA: Who told you where to draw it?
REIVER: George.
OLIVIA: Who is George?
REIVER: George is my friend on the radio. My superior.
OLIVIA: And who told George where to draw it.
REIVER: I don’t know. You would have to ask George that.
OLIVIA: I can’t believe you are moving the border.
REIVER: That’s because I’m not. I’m eating fudge, or at least trying to.
ARTHUR: How is the fudge?
REIVER: Lovely, thank you.
OLIVIA: It’s a piece of tape. That’s not a very good border, is it?
REIVER: Obviously it is temporary.
ARTHUR: What will it be eventually?
REIVER: Some kind of fence. Or wall. Maybe a bit a barbed wire around the top.
OLIVIA: Why is that necessary?
REIVER: To keep people in, or out, again, it all depends on which side of the barbed wire wall you’re on.
ARTHUR: So we woke up this morning thinking we belonged to a country, and now we still belong to that country, but the country itself has changed?
REIVER: I suppose so.
ARTHUR: If I stood here yesterday, I would have been in my country, if I stand here today I am standing in a different country.
REIVER: Should I be answering these questions? They sound quite rhetorical.
ARTHUR: Yes, you should – I don’t sound rhetorical.
REIVER: You do. Doesn’t he?
OLIVIA: Well, we were sitting here, enjoying the peace and quiet of a nice morning in the park.
REIVER: I haven’t stopped you.
OLIVIA: You are about to divide the duck pond in two.
REIVER: Yes I am, and if those ducks know what is good for them, they will stay on their own side of the line.
ARTHUR: You leave the ducks alone.
OLIVIA: We will go and sit somewhere else.
ARTHUR: We are going to sit somewhere else.
ARTHUR begins to move towards OLIVIA.
REIVER: Wait.
ARTHUR: What?
REIVER: You can’t cross that.
ARTHUR/OLIVIA: What?
REIVER: The border.
ARTHUR/OLIVIA: What?
REIVER: You can’t cross the border. Not without permission.
ARTHUR: Permission?
REIVER: Under the terms of the independence, it is prohibited to cross the border without permission, so you will have to stay on that side I’m afraid.
OLIVIA: Ignore him. He is joking. Come on Arthur.
REIVER: Stay where you are sir.
ARTHUR: But I am from this country.
REIVER: Which country?
ARTHUR: This country.
OLIVIA: This country.
ARTHUR: That country.
OLIVIA: The country I am in.
REIVER: You are from this country?
ARTHUR: Yes.
REIVER: Did you get permission before you crossed into that country?
ARTHUR: No.
REIVER: So, you are telling me that you are originally from this country, you crossed into that country without
permission, and now you want to cross back into this country without permission from either country?
ARTHUR: ... Yes.
REIVER: George, I’ve got a problem down here.
OLIVIA: He didn’t get permission because you drew the border in between us before he had a chance. If you had asked him to get into his country before you drew the border then we wouldn’t be in this mess.
REIVER: I didn’t want to disturb you. You looked so peaceful.
OLIVIA: Just let him cross. He is from this country. And he isn’t dangerous.
REIVER: I never said he was dangerous.
OLIVIA: He is the opposite of dangerous.
ARTHUR: I don’t know about that... I can be pretty mean.
REIVER: Good for you. You still can’t cross.
OLIVIA: We could make it worth your while?
REIVER: ... How?
OLIVIA: We could pay you?
ARTHUR: Olivia!
REIVER: George, we have an attempted bribery in progress.
ARTHUR: No, she didn’t mean it, she was joking. We understand you have a very important job to do.
REIVER: Exactly.
ARTHUR: Although, to be fair, I was sitting on the bench in my country, and you really should have asked me which side I wanted to be on before you stuck the line down.
REIVER: Maybe I should.
ARTHUR: So I can come back over?
REIVER: No.
OLIVIA: You can’t stop him. This isn’t a border. It’s a piece of tape. Come on Arthur.
REIVER: I’d stay on that side if I was you.
OLIVIA: Don’t you tell him what to do. He can think for himself, you know? Arthur, over here now.
ARTHUR steps to the line. REIVER takes out a stun gun.
REIVER: Stay where you are.
OLIVIA: What is that?
REIVER: What does it look like?
OLIVIA: A stapler.
REIVER: It’s a stun gun. It stuns people. An
d if your boyfriend puts one foot into this country, then he will get the shock of his life. George?
OLIVIA: Just let him across. No one will know.
REIVER: I will know. George?
ARTHUR: He is calling George.
OLIVIA: I don’t see why we should listen to you.
REIVER: I need back up George.
ARTHUR: He is calling for back up.
OLIVIA: Come on Arthur, cross over and we’ll go home.
REIVER: George? Evasive action required George.
ARTHUR: Evasive action?
OLIVIA: Arthur, come on.
ARTHUR: He’s got a stun gun.
OLIVIA: So?
ARTHUR: And he threatened to be evasive with it.
REIVER: Is this thing on?
OLIVIA: Arthur, you are all talk and no action. Step across.
ARTHUR doesn’t move.
OLIVIA: Now!
ARTHUR steps forward. REIVER emphatically stuns him – Nothing happens.
ARTHUR: Nothing is happening.
REIVER: Is it not switched on? Oh, I see.
He switches it and then stuns ARTHUR again. Who screams and falls unconscious to the floor. OLIVIA tries to get to ARTHUR, but is held by reiver.
OLIVIA: What have you done?
REIVER: I stunned him.
OLIVIA: Is he alive?
REIVER: ... Yes.
OLIVIA: Arthur?
REIVER: He’s just unconscious.
OLIVIA: You could have killed him.
REIVER: I warned him. He cannot cross without permission.
Now, I am going to let you go. If you attempt to cross the border, then I will have no choice but to stun you as well.
He lets her go.
OLIVIA: Is he all right?
REIVER: He is definitely still alive.
OLIVIA: You’ve never used that before have you?
REIVER: I have now. George. Potential national security threat. In the park. An unknown suspect attempting to enter the country without permission. I stunned him. It was a lot of fun. They shouldn’t be anymore trouble, but I will need to keep a close eye on the girl. She is very involved. Thanks George. He said he has sent back up, though I don’t think I really need it.
OLIVIA: Poor ARTHUR.
REIVER: I think I dealt with the situation admirably.
OLIVIA: Are you sure he is okay?
REIVER: He’s fine.
OLIVIA: No thanks to you.