by May Dawson
I run my hands up his chest to his shoulders. “God hates a coward.”
“You’re not a very nice person,” he chides me.
“What does it say about you, that you like me anyway?”
“I’ve never claimed to be a nice person.”
My fingers slip beneath his neck, and I bend his head toward mine.
His lips meet mine, a tentative brush at first, and then he kisses me intently. Julian could be a professional kisser, but then I guess he has plenty of experience. He nudges my lips open with his, teases his tongue against my upper lip. His mouth is warm and soft, his cadence thoughtful.
His hands drop from the wall. He doesn’t need to cage me anymore.
But maybe I like being caught. I rise onto my tiptoes and wrap my arms around his neck as we trade deep kisses.
The door opens behind us. Julian doesn’t break the kiss.
I can feel Lincoln’s angry presence and Ever, too, even before Julian presses his lips one last time to the corner of my mouth. I turn my head to meet Lincoln’s furious gaze. Ever stands behind him, and I can’t read the look on his face.
“Is this really your top priority right now when there’s a Lord loose on campus?” Lincoln demands.
“Well, yes,” Julian says, glancing at me. “Don’t be jealous, Linc.”
Lincoln grunts and walks out of the room again. He slams the door behind him on his way out.
“We made a plan with Gabriel,” Ever says, ignoring the way that Julian and I are still tangled up in each other.
“Everett,” I begin.
He waves his hand. “It doesn’t matter. I just want to be sure you’re safe.”
Bullshit. That boy and I need to talk, and soon. “What’s this plan you made without me?”
“We’re going to cut class tomorrow and talk to some witches,” Ever says. “We’ll try to get your memories back.”
Elliot’s face in the detention center rises into my mind. “Can they connect me with his ghost?”
Ever hesitates. “Eden…”
“I want to see him too,” Julian says softly. “We never got to say goodbye.”
My lips twist. “Maybe I did. But I don’t remember it.”
I turn to Ever. “So you and Lincoln and Gabriel decided I should remember being beaten nearly to death? Did you ever think that maybe I don’t want to remember?”
I’d woken in the hospital in agony. But the pain while I was tortured and beaten must have been so much worse, especially seeing Elliot tortured too. His screams would probably be more unbearable than my own.
And now I’d live all of that again, in my memories.
I have to face the past, but my stomach is suddenly roiling.
“Sure,” Ever says lightly, easily, and I want to slap him across the face. “But you will. Because you’re Eden Greyson, and we need you.”
“I hate you sometimes,” I tell him.
“I know,” he says. “But we’ll be right by your side the whole time.”
I scoff.
“Lincoln and Julian and me.” He stuffs his hands in his pockets. “We’ll be there when you need us.”
I stop and stare at him, wondering if he’s really saying what I think he is.
He offers me a slight smile. “They’ve always loved you too. We should’ve had a talk a long time ago, all four of us. I knew how you felt, how they felt, and I was…selfish.”
“You were young,” I say. “We all were.”
I’d been cowardly not to pursue what I wanted. I’d been afraid I’d lose all of them.
Julian claps his hands together. “We should talk to Lincoln.”
“Why don’t you let me do that?” I ask.
“So you can be alone with him while he destroys some furniture because that’s the only way he can deal with his feelings?” Ever asks skeptically. “I think not.”
“I think you’re the one who makes him destroy the furniture, Ever,” I say lightly. I lean up and kiss him gently on the mouth, and his hands close on my hips. He kisses me back, very tenderly for Ever, as if he’s keenly aware of Julian’s presence in the room too.
But then Julian comes up behind me. He presses against me, and I can feel his cock against the curve of my ass. Julian looks at Ever over my head as his hands brush up my hips and I sway back against him.
“I always thought you’d try to murder me if I touched your girl,” Julian tells Ever.
“Maybe I’ve grown.” He glances down at me. “If it takes the three of us to keep Eden safe right now, then it takes the three of us. I’m all-in.”
“And beyond right now?” I ask.
Ever catches my waist, his hands just above Julian’s, so close their fingers might overlap. He leans and kisses me, a tender kiss that reminds me of the first tentative kiss we shared when we were fourteen. It makes me smile against his lips even before he spins me around to face Julian. Now my back is pressed against Ever’s hard abs and chest.
“Beyond right now,” Ever murmurs in my ear, “I don’t intend to lose you ever again.”
Julian’s lips meet mine. The two of them twine around me, kissing me, their hands roaming my body.
Hell lies behind me, and I know it lies before me too. Literally, when it comes to Finals and the Culling.
And yet.
Right now life seems full of sweetness too.
Chapter Thirty-Three
I know where Lincoln will have run. Julian and Ever walk me to the narrow twisting stairs and I climb them to find Lincoln sitting on the roof, looking out over campus below. His wings are spread, shimmering in the moonlight.
I climb out onto the roof and sit beside him, as close as his spreading wings allow.
“Are you all right?” he asks. “Hearing that Elliot was Sent along…it must have been hard.”
“It is hard,” I say. “And it’s hard for you too, isn’t it?”
“He wasn’t my brother.”
“But he was your friend. It’s okay to feel hurt.”
“Eden Greyson, telling me it’s okay to feel my feelings. What a world.”
“Lincoln,” I say softly. “You were worried about Ever and me.”
He scoffs at that but I go on. “Ever understands.”
“I doubt that very much,” he mutters. He stands to his feet. “Well, did you come out here to fly?”
I rise too, swaying for a second on the rooftop, feeling like I’m miles above campus. I didn’t come out here to fly; I came out here for Lincoln. But there’s always that chasm between us I’m not sure how to close, even when I think we’d rather be on the same side.
“Yes,” I say. “Let’s fly.”
“Wings,” he says.
I frown. “I’m not flying, Linc.”
“Yes, you are. No more free rides.”
“I can’t,” I tell him.
He scoffs. “You can. I didn’t think I’d see the day Eden Greyson was scared.”
“My wings are…twisted. Deformed,” I say hotly. “Like every other Nephilim’s. Just because you’re Bred—”
“You can still fly on twisted wings,” he promises me. “No matter what they told you, who they tried to bend you into.”
“Maybe.” But I don’t want anyone to see how ugly my wings are. They’re not like his, I know they aren’t.
“Just let me see them,” he says softly.
“I can’t.”
He shakes his head, his lips twisting bitterly. “You think there’s anything special about a kiss when that doesn’t mean much to you? But you won’t actually let your guard down… won’t show your flaws…”
“I think my flaws are on display, Linc,” I interrupt him. “Lord knows you all have enough to say about them.”
“Bullshit,” he says. “You don’t really trust me. You wouldn’t know the first thing about intimacy if it turned into a corgi and bit you on the ass.”
That gives me pause, but I reach my hands towards him. “That’s oddly specific. Come on, Lincoln. Let’
s not fight. Take me up.”
His lips purse to one side. “You’re right. Maybe we shouldn’t fight. I just want you to know you could fly.”
I know he means it kindly.
He gathers me into his arms, pulling me against his hard chest. This time, I don’t close my eyes as the two of us run together across the roof, then throw ourselves out into the clear, cold night sky.
Then we soar.
With his arm clutched tight around me, the two of us sweep back and forth across the campus. Although the campus feels vast and spreading when we’re on the ground, now that we’re up here it feels as though just a few beats of his powerful wings are enough to send us from one wall to another.
It’s so silent up here, so peaceful, though I can feel his heart beating against my shoulder. I wish I could see his face. We soar higher and higher as we make our loops back and forth across campus.
“Wings out, Eden,” he murmurs. “Being able to fly could save your life.”
“Maybe, but that doesn’t mean I can,” I shoot back.
“Wings out,” he says again, his voice threaded with steel now. With command, and with consequence. He’s threatening me.
I grab his corded forearm in both hands. “Lincoln. Don’t you dare. You absolute asshole.”
“I’ll never let you fall,” he promises me. “I’m right here with you. Always.”
Then he opens up his arms, tearing his arm away from me. My body twists in the struggle, and his wings beat faster as he tries to keep us both up. I can see his face above me now, as cold and hard as ever, but his eyes full of worry.
It feels as if I hang in midair. I can’t even breathe to let out a scream.
Then I fall toward the earth.
Chapter Thirty-Four
I hurtle toward the ground. Above me, Lincoln dives. He catches me, grabbing me beneath my arms with a jerk, and the two of us soar up again.
“Take me back,” I manage to gasp. I’ve felt things I haven’t felt in years since coming to this school, and here’s another entry for the list: terror.
“Wings out, Eden,” he orders.
We’re above the clock tower now, as high as the wards will let us go. The clouds seem to stretch just above us, like a gauzy blanket drawn across the night sky.
“Take me back or I swear to Heaven I will never even look at you again, Lincoln,” I tell him hotly.
He hesitates. His hands under my arms hurt now, as he pulls me up as high as he can above the earth.
“Maybe that would be better for both of us,” he says. “And you’d be safer, once you can fly.”
“I can’t fly!” I yell at him.
His grip on my sides loosens.
“I’m going to hurt you,” I warn him, and I mean it just then, but I still can’t bring myself to threaten to kill him. Not when I once intended to, and I don’t, not even now. “I am going to make you suffer, Lincoln, I—”
“You already do,” he murmurs.
His hands rip away from my body. I plummet once again toward the earth far below.
As my body spins through the air, I stretch my hands out frantically toward him, but this time, he waits. I know he’ll dive to catch me eventually, but he hovers above me, watching. The air rushes around me, that once exhilarating breeze now a constant buzz in my ears.
I can’t breathe to scream. Instead, I focus everything on flexing my shoulders, on trying to call out my wings.
Nothing happens. I can’t catch my breath, can’t force my wings out no matter how frantically I try.
As I close my eyes so I won’t see the ground rushing toward me, Elliot’s face flashes in front of my mind. In my memory, he’s afraid, pushing me toward a doorway. The warehouse.
My wings tear out of my back.
He’s gone. The memory is gone.
The ground is still here, rushing up toward me, though. Frantically, I flap my wings and slow my descent, but I’m not flying gracefully like Lincoln. I’m still tumbling in circles, just lazily now, my wings catching the wind and slowing my halt in a series of fits and starts.
Lincoln is by my side, floating easily with his wings extended to either side of him. “You’ve got this. You just need practice. Let’s fly together!”
I glare at him and slow my fluttering, allowing myself to sink to the ground. As soon as my stretching toes find the earth, I snap my wings back into my shoulders.
He lands next to me. “Eden, I—”
“Don’t,” I cut him off. “I told you not to drop me. Didn’t I? I trusted you and you dropped me.”
“I was right there,” he says, a confused look written across his handsome features. “I was just trying to look after you. I wouldn’t let you fall. Not really.”
“I told you no!” I roar at him, and I swear, the trees around us go very still, as if the animals hear a predator.
He just stares at me, still frowning. “But you can fly. All you have to do is try.”
“That’s not the point, Lincoln,” I tell him. I turn on my heel and head for the Nephilim building.
“Your wings are beautiful,” he calls after me. “Strong enough to carry you, and beautiful. If you would just look.”
“I’ve got something for you to look at,” I tell him without looking up, and raise my middle finger over my shoulder.
He swears and runs after me.
I am so close to truly hurting him. My legs shake as they carry me swiftly along under the gorgeous night. It’s a long walk now, barefoot, through the grass and over the stone path.
The two of us walk in silence. I’m relieved, for the first time, to see the brick Nephilim house, although I stare at the front doors. I can’t even stand to look up at the clock tower outlined against the night sky.
“I don’t understand what I did that was so wrong,” he says, and his voice is quiet. “I knew you could do it. I was just trying to push you.”
“Then you need to think about it,” I tell him as I run up the stairs.
Lincoln walks with me as I head to Julian’s room. I bang on Julian’s door, my heart still hammering in my chest with fear and anger. With betrayal.
Julian swings the door open, and when he sees my face, his eyes go wide.
I push past him into the room. As Lincoln starts to follow, I tell Julian, “I don’t want him in here.”
Lincoln rubs the back of his neck. His voice is a growl as he protests, “Oh, come on.”
He feels he should be instantaneously forgiven, apparently, because he meant well—even though he hasn’t even apologized. That’s not happening. I make a shooing motion at him, and his face is exasperated.
“Sorry, man,” Julian tells him as he starts to close the door. “Better luck next time.”
He leaves Lincoln in the hall. Then Julian turns to me. “What the hell happened? I didn’t expect you to come back furious at each other.”
“Me either.”
Flying was supposed to be magical. Now every time I think of soaring through the air with Lincoln, my stomach feels like I’m falling all over again.
I press my face against the cold glass of the window. The glass blurs the night outside, making the air I just flew through feel distant.
“I hate him,” I murmur.
“Then why didn’t you tear his heart out?” Julian asks lightly.
I shake my head. “Don’t you start with me too.”
“You don’t hate either of us,” he says.
“Don’t push your luck. I might still hate you a little.” But I turn to face him.
“What did he do?” Julian asks again, his voice gentle. He loves Lincoln, I know.
“He dropped me,” I say in a whisper. “He wanted me to try to fly, and I said no, and he carried me up and he dropped me.”
Julian’s eyes widen. He doesn’t say anything else then. He just pulls me into his arms and wraps me up tight.
“You trusted him,” he says.
It’s such a relief to have someone understand why I’m so mad
, so hurt, I can barely breathe. I nod before burying my face in his shoulder.
When I close my eyes, I can still remember that second that I saw Elliot when I was falling, when I had a ghost of a memory.
I don’t cry, but I burrow my face in Julian’s shoulder and let him hold me in his strong arms. He rests his chin on top of my head, and the two of us cling to each other.
Chapter Thirty-Five
I sleep in Julian’s bed that night. Just after six o’clock in the morning, there’s a banging on the door.
As I jerk upright, Julian’s arm around my waist slips off. He sits up drowsily, pushing his hand through his hair, frowning as if he’s confused.
“Come on, Eden.” Lincoln sounds impatient.
Julian looks at me.
“Hell no,” I mouth back. I’m furious. I have no intentions of being alone with Lincoln anytime soon.
He nods and starts to get up. Then I realize I’m being stupid, and I grab his arm. “I’ll talk to him. I can yell at him myself.”
“You’re a lot scarier than I am,” Julian agrees, and I can believe he might actually mean that.
I pull my sweatshirt on over my tank top and open the door to Lincoln. He crosses his arms over his chest. “Come on. You had the night to pout—now let’s go train.”
“You are terrible with women,” I tell him.
“I’m bad with people in general,” he assures me. “Let’s go.”
“No,” I tell him.
“I’ve got to see you for combat training this afternoon. Otherwise, you have to join the group and I don’t think you and Esther should be in the same space,” he warns me. “The two of you are equally volatile.”
I debate that. I don’t want to spend any more time around Esther. I think Lincoln is right that it might lead to an explosion. “All right. We can train in the woods like usual—but Julian and Ever come with us.”
“No,” he says, shaking his head. When he takes in my face, he amends, “Okay, Julian, fine. But Ever…”