"Your clients do. Not the classical version - the Satan torturing you type of hell - but the emotional devastation they live in. It IS hell you know, to be trapped in an endless cycle of negative becoming. In fact, this is the very definition of Hell, yet it is never mentioned in any of the textbooks. Why do you think that is?"
"You are as aware of this as I am. No researcher worth his socks is going to get published in a scientific journal with anything that smacks of religious overtones. Analogy, maybe, direct reference, not a chance."
Mort ignored her hard-nosed skepticism. "The Jews believe in Heaven and Hell more as a state of consciousness. It is something you are in right now, and it is something you can pass through. There is no coincidence in the fact that so many practicing Jews are working in our field, you know. So many Catholics as well, so many religious people who would be professionally frowned upon should they give voice to any notion of Hell. Do you not think that this dichotomy is a little strange?"
"Where are we going with this Professor? You know everyone has to suppress their private beliefs in order to express a uniform scientific model. What I believe is irrelevant to the research and the practice, other than it forms a backdrop for empathy and understanding." Sandy was genuinely curious why he would bring up this subject, of all things.
"Our profession has been all about understanding the locked consciousness, yet we lock up people and their beliefs all the time. A fervent Christian having a vision of heaven is suffering a substitution complex, an unfulfilled need for personal achievement, or similar. But what if he really IS having a view of heaven? And conversely, what if Hell really DOES exist?" Mort looked at her directly, turning his head to lock her eyes.
Damn, she hated this. It was always so confrontational. "You have evidence of Hell that we can talk about?" she asks, defensively.
"No. I pretty much live in bliss. It may surprise you, as I appear dour and unemotional for the most part, but inwardly I am almost always in a state of calm joyfulness. I don't have unresolved issues, emotional clouds, or fears that are controlling me. But there is a good reason for this - It is because I UNDERSTAND hell, and what it is. It is not what people think, by the way, and certainly, it is no place of punishment where you are tortured and burned by some evil creature. No, TRUE hell is a place of abject coldness." Mort paused, watching as some child cries after they spill a drink, and the air hostess runs up to help.
He then does a little magic act, looking over to the girl, he appears to pour water into a cup, and then he takes the cup over his head and slowly turns it upside down. But no water comes out. The girl smiles and stops crying.
"I didn't know you were a magician," Sandy notes wryly.
"Life is magical, Sandy. Have you forgotten this?"
Mort waved a smile at the child, and she settled back down into her seat. "Life always presents us with doorways, openings through which we can walk. A child spills her drink and gets upset. A mother calms her. But let us wind back and inspect this: as the drink falls, the child experiences a small portion of Hell. She suffers a loss, an abstraction where something good is taken away, and she suffers pain as a result.
"How can this little thing be hell? It has every hallmark. Number One, it is self-inflicted. Number Two: It offers trauma. Number Three: It is a public shaming. This is a minor thing, not something with enough energy that will impress itself on the medulla, so it will not hold enough power to later control the child's imagination. However, it 'could' do if the mother was particularly harsh and critical. Then this one event would become a brick in the wall that is building a hell for this child.
"The real, lasting and truly traumatic hells come about when a single incident stamps itself onto the subconscious. When a deep impression is locked into a part of the psyche where our BELIEFS lie, we then build out of this foundation either a heaven or a hell for ourselves. Did you know I was raped as a boy? Quite brutally, to the point of death. I don't really mention it to people, but for a long time my whole life became wrapped around this hell.
"It is what drove me into psychiatry, seeking to resolve the trauma I felt inside myself. I got lost in the study, it relieved me of the burden of guilt and shame that I felt. But I still had to face that demon, that wall of hell I had built, and slowly I took apart the bricks of regret and fear and shame and mistrust. But I didn't stop there, by serving others who had gone through similar, I then found a way to rebuild myself.
"In this way, I turned my personal hell into a garden of Eden, a place where understanding, compassion and a deep well of empathy could be found and drawn upon. But the paradox, I could only truly find this place inside myself when I was serving those who needed what I could call up. This is the real reason I stopped teaching, you know. In order to find heaven inside my practice, I needed to be out in the wilds of New York helping others."
Sandy did not know what to say. Mort had never spoken so openly about himself before. In fact, he NEVER spoke about himself at any time. He was always listening, observing, commenting, but never expressing his own view or feelings. He was the perfect analyst, who appeared to never color a client's issues with his own. Sandy had believed this was because he did not HAVE any issues. Yet, in a sense, he was saying she was right.
"I deal with a lot of very dangerous people, Sandy," Mort continued. "I find them far more interesting and in the case of every murderer, rapist and vicious bastard who has decided he or she wants to turn their life around, the controlling energy that has driven ALL their actions was based in the hell they had built inside themselves.
"This has been the pivot that controlled their choices - so if I want to help them move to heaven, I have to find a way to unlock them from their hell. And as I say, it is not a place of burning, it is a place of abject cold. A place where emotions are frozen, locked and imprisoned in false beliefs. And the greatest of these forms of wrong thinking is always a fear, usually the fear of intimacy.
"I have had the toughest of men openly cry, again and again, showing the tears that are speaking to their hearts. 'Open up' those tears have been calling out to them all that person's life. 'Shed us, let us flow, break down the dam!' their tears were calling. But do they have the courage to rise above the lock that holds everything down? This is the question because the lock is always the same thing. It never changes. And the lock that holds them down always has the same words written on it. They say, 'I am unworthy of love!' "
He paused in his thoughts for a moment. "Hell is built one brick at a time. We build walls around the places inside us that we BELIEVE we need to protect, and slowly this fear builds us a prison. We cut ourselves off from love, from life, from liberty.
"Hell is isolation. It really is a state of sin, as the Catholics say - But what is sin if not a state of separation from our true nature. A negative condition is one thing, turning it into hell is another. We feel the pain, we suffer the consequences, but it only becomes real when we start to believe we deserve it. This is when the cold seeps in. This is when it all ices over and gets locked into place. And the keynote that holds the ice in our hearts? We believe we are not worthy of love,
"The lock of unworthiness is, without fail, the thing that nails us into the coffins of our personal hells." Then Mort brightened up, "But no need for such depth of theory with where we are going right now. Our council workers just need to get a little instruction on how to listen better, hear what people are saying, and learn to connect with other staff members in a more meaningful way.
"To this end, I have prepared a kit for you to study this evening, which gives you a general outline of where we are going and the types of exercises we will use. Nothing you don't already know about."
The plane was coming onto the runway as Sandy looked over the material. "So I am to be your personal assistant here? It was never a holiday!" She laughs, he laughs, and the child that dropped her drink found herself laughing as well.
The Perfect Circle
Professor Mort Bogden stood in front of th
e council workers. They had gathered for his week of discourses on how to improve community relations, four hours every day, fully paid. It was not compulsory, but most of the small Peterlee council team had shown up.
"It is all a circle." Mort stopped and looked at their non-comprehending faces. This was going to take a bit of work, stuck as this lot was in conventional thinking, locked away in British stiff-upper-lipness. They were not quite as rigid in the North of England, but emotional repression was still a rampant disease in these parts. Every face told a story, and every person was a book to him, one you could pull from the shelf and read at random. None of them in front of him seemed to be a particularly interesting story to read.
"We start a ball rolling down a hill, and we think it is linear. The river flows to the sea and all that, but our life is NOT linear, it is a circle. The secret to happiness and communication is in breaking the wheel, cracking the rut that goes round and round in our heads. But first, we have to accept this simple and absolute fact: It is all a circle until WE untie the knot that is locking us into the wheel of our day-to-day dullness."
Staring out at the non-comprehension, but considering the money he is being paid that will make the next year comfortable, Professor Bogden continues. "I am going to introduce you to some new concepts - some you may accept, most you won't. But down the line, you will discover that everything I tell you in this next week is not only true, it is essential. The first thing to know is a thing called the Law of Returns.
"Life returns what you pay it. Mind that I don't say what you GIVE it, but what you PAY. Living COSTS us, it is wear and tear on the heart and joints - and every day is one step closer to the grave. We are GIVEN a start, we are born. The rest is up to ourselves. But I make this promise to you, if you PAY courtesy to people coming in, they will reward you with RESPECT. If you PAY the time to LISTEN, really listen to what your clients are saying, you will find people start to TRUST you. This makes everyone's life easier."
Bogden pulls out some graphs because he knows they expect graphs. "Here we have the trust stats for a business that does not spend time listening to the customers. Note it has many variables, but the average trust factor is below 40%. Now HERE we have a business that made a point of getting their people to actively and consciously listen to what people are talking about. And it didn't have to be related to the business, they were told just to listen. Trust factor, 90%"
A hand goes up. "But we are a council. Why is trust important?"
"Smart question with a big answer. Excellent, a very important thing to focus on. Tell me, do you get complaints every time you introduce a new charge?" There is a burst of general laughter across the room. "Of COURSE there are complaints, they go on for weeks with even the smallest adjustment. This is because you are not TRUSTED. If the people here TRUST you, and you take the time to explain clearly WHY there is a rise in rate or charges, you will get hardly any complaints.
"What this MEANS is that all that wasted time where you are dealing with gripes and people's bad temper goes away. Wouldn't you like to just be able to do your work, and not deal with a thousand complaints? Of course you would. And I am telling you, if you simply start really listening to people, all your days will be made easier."
"Just remember these simple words: It's all a circle. People come in, complaining, they are spinning in a downward spiral. You stop, you listen, which really means they have to stop, and speak. So what happens? The big news is this: The downward spiral stops. They don't know WHY, but they feel better. People who feel better don't need to complain, and now they can say what the problem is with less emotion driving their thoughts.
"It is ALL SOOOOO SIMPLE when you really listen, focus, and try to understand what someone is saying. But me telling you it works is not the same as you experiencing the miracle of listening for yourselves. So I am handing you over to my assistant, a local girl made good in the Big Apple. Sandy Curruthers. Sandy, it's all yours."
And so it was onto the listening exercise. She loved this part and as Mort had no patience for the grind of psychotherapy this whole show was a win-win. The irony, he talks about really listening, and can't be bothered to listen. Sandy moved right on with the exercise, saying "Ok, I am listening, have you any questions?"
"What if I just ACT like I am listening, will that work?" One woman asks.
Sandy smiles, and asks, "What was it that you just said?"
"What if I just pretend I am listening!" the woman says more loudly.
"I just can't quite hear you," Sandy responds. She knows this game. Everyone around the woman starts laughing, and the woman goes red-faced. Sandy walks over, holds her hands, and looks into the woman's eyes. "Do you get it? What if I pretend I can't hear you, will that work?"
"Of course not!" the woman exclaims.
"Thank you for answering your own question."
Mort was following the game, and stepped in, "Do you understand that the reason for most people's troubles in the first place is their inability not just to simply listen, but to HEAR. Most of you women here would be married, yes?" (They all nod) "Well, what is the most infuriating thing about your husband?"
The pin drops. "Oh, he never really listens to me," a woman says.
"Let's not exclude the men. Men, what is the biggest issue you have with wives and girlfriends, other than stuff relating to sex. Because, we all know the biggest issue you have is sex, right?" The men laugh and cheer.
"OK, do you get that the reason you have an issue with Sex is because you DON'T LISTEN." Mort turns back to the women, and says, "If your guy really pays attention to you, listens, hears what you are saying, then you WANT him more, yes?" The women laugh. They never knew customer service training could be such fun.
"Do you know what we are really doing when we listen? We are stopping arguments from happening. We are reducing stress, improving trust, and discovering the joy of helping another. Because when we really listen - what we are doing is truly being of service. And when your focus is on others, it is just AMAZING how much more you discover is happening right here and now in your OWN moment.
"Not only that, the day moves faster. It just doesn't feel like work. What starts happening is that you and the community slowly build up a greater rapport, and this is when the HUM starts. The energy picks up, and the HUM starts to get into your bones. You feel like whistling and singing because your days are so good. It's like when you were a kid, just skipping along, carefree and connected to everything in your world."
Mort stops, and looks directly at his audience, "And do you feel THIS is something worth aiming for? Of course we all do. Become as little children, what this means is to stop pretending we know anything, and just PLAY and LISTEN. The next stage is me trying to convince you that listening and paying attention to people is the quickest pathway to your own sense of happiness."
It was time for lunch break, and the council workers all went away laughing and happy. The Mayor came up and congratulated Mort on the great work. "This will really make a difference, Professor Bogden. I can feel the change in the air already."
As he walked away, Mort just smiled a crooked smile. "Whatever we tell them, it will only make a difference for a few hours, Sandy. Soon the water will flow under the bridge and the old patterns will rise up, then everything I said here today will be submerged in the day to day. You cannot convert their base load of false emotions in a day or a week, it takes years. More than this, it takes the will to WANT to enact change. These people do not have that sort of will. What they need is the image of possibility that gives them the WILL to want to change."
"Don't be too hard on yourself. There's always one that gets it. If one does, they can remind the others. I think you are doing a fantastic job with them." Sandy responded.
"Very true, only one has to really get it. ONE will make the difference speak for all. Did I ever tell you of the day I had the cosmic realization that set me onto the path of non-resistance to conformity?"
Sandy laughed. She was
loving this trip. More to the point, she was learning so much from her old professor. He spoke so simply, was so direct, and just got to the point. He sliced through convention like it was butter. "No," she laughed, "You talk about everything but yourself."
"Well, that is not entirely true because when I am talking about anything, I am talking about myself. What I do not talk about is all the extraneous personal crap we go through to get to the simple truth, and there is good reason for that. Dwelling in the past is a spider's web. The goal in life is simple: You fight to get through to clear air, and then you breathe it in. That's it, that's all you have to know.
"A drowning man knows one direction, up. He knows with certainty if he goes far enough up, there is air, and air means life. What I discovered when I was emotionally drowning was the greatest secret of all, I can breathe underwater. Wherever I am, I can breathe in, like I have reached the pinnacle. In every second of existence, I can enjoy this moment where I am, as I am, in whatever state I find myself in.
"You haven't asked, but you want to. Why did all the faculty members at Columbia hate me? Well, really they only hated themselves. I was successful, my book sold gangbusters and became a modern classic. I was everything they dreamed to be, and my presence reminded them daily what they weren't. So they tried to trap me in the same prison they lived in, and when I refused, they found a reason to throw me out. It doesn't make sense, but it never does. Passions, anger, lust, jealousy, when these things are driving the bus it never makes any sense to anyone, other than those living in the same bubble.
"So they all hopped into a bubble of hate and ejected me from my very comfortable teaching position. Yes, they left me with an honorary position, with no salary and no responsibility. I wasn't fired, I was shifted sideways. This is when I was set free. This is when I discovered the real joy of working in the streets. Sandy, I am an old man now, but the last twenty odd years have been the greatest time of my life. Why? Because I could finally really help people who needed help.
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