She felt a swell of love toward her eldest boy. He was her protector. He was her best friend. Ty came over to her and gave her a hug. ‘I’m glad that Billy’s gonna be our dad now.’ The young boy smiled.
‘Me too, sweetheart,’ she said, giving him a hug, then tousling his hair.
The official divorce papers came through six weeks after she’d filed them. Much sooner than she had expected. She looked at the notarized certificate with a sense of pride; she felt like framing it as she kissed it with glee. She was finally, truly free of Mark. He would never want to see the kids, so she wouldn’t have to even see him again. She quickly thought of Maggie, safely tucked away at her dad’s place. Mark still hadn’t found her. She had been there for over two months now and, knowing Mark, he would still think that she would come crawling back to him, unable to make it in the real world.
Vanessa thought of how much her mother would have loved to have seen this day. She missed her so much. Her getting divorced from Mark was reason to celebrate. She couldn’t wait to tell Billy and the kids.
She called in to see her dad first. While she sat on the couch, she noticed that he looked… happy and not just to see her, but in general. Vanessa was glad. Sure, they’d had their issues in the past, but she didn’t want him to be sad and alone for the rest of his life. ‘How are you, Dad? Really?’
‘I’m OK, I have my good and bad days. I miss your mom a lot, but it’s getting a little easier each day.’
Vanessa had a momentary pang of longing for her mom.
‘What brings you over here?’ her dad asked, bringing her mind back into the room. ‘Not that I’m not happy to see you.’
‘Well, I have news, big news. I’m divorced from Mark! You’re the person that I wanted to tell first.’
‘Oh, honey! That’s wonderful news. I’m so happy for you. ’Bout bloody time. Is that man of yours going to make an honest woman of you now?’ He got up from the couch and gave her a hug, just the way he did when she was a child, a bear hug.
‘As soon as I set a date!’ she said, her voice rising higher than usual. She couldn’t believe how her life was turning out. She had everything she always wanted.
‘So, how are Maggie and Charlotte settling in?’
‘About that.’
‘Please don’t tell me that she went back to Mark.’ Fear making her tense up, her shoulders rising, her lips stretching taunt.
‘No, no, of course not. But I have moved them into the house. I was doing renovations and we discovered asbestos in the walls of the guesthouse. Can’t have them living in that. So they sleep in the two spare rooms.’ He looked a little sheepish as he said it.
Vanessa was taken aback and was silent for a long time. ‘Dad, are you and Maggie a thing?’
‘I can understand why you might think that, but no. I am like a father figure to them both, a good friend. Besides, I like the company. The house was too big and lonely without your mom. I have no interest in romance, Ness, and neither does Maggie.’
‘Has Mark found her yet?’
‘No. I’ve been keeping them hidden for a while. They stay inside and I do all the shopping. She’s not ready yet.’
‘I started all of this, I pushed her to go.’
‘No, you didn’t. She told me that you encouraged her to leave. Having Billy help her was the best thing you could have ever done. She’s finally starting to heal.’
She smiled at her dad. ‘Where is Maggie?’
‘She’s taking a nap with Charlotte. She was up most of the night. Charlotte isn’t feeling the best.’
‘Sorry to hear that, Dad. Say hi for me when Maggie wakes up.’
She kissed her dad goodbye and drove to the school in a happy daze. She had some very good news for Billy and the boys when she got home.
Billy asked Vanessa a few times, subtly, when she’d liked to set a date for the wedding, but she always found herself saying, ‘Later, down the track.’ Somehow, two and a half years went by with Vanessa making no actual plans to tie the knot. Billy was very patient, but it was obvious he couldn’t understand why she was stalling and honestly, she didn’t have a good excuse to give him. Maybe she was making sure of her feelings, or maybe she was scared. She didn’t know herself. Billy had discussed it with Wren in the kitchen one day when they hadn’t known that Vanessa could hear them, even over Ty running around the clothesline pretending to be an airplane. He was five now and full of enthusiasm. Wren had suggested to Billy that she was scared and that he should not push her. In her experience, marriage had a way of changing people and not for the better. Wren was fifteen now, a wonderful kid, but Vanessa worried that she had put too much on his shoulders at a young age, that she relied too heavily on him. But he was her everything, her best friend, her protector, as Billy called him. Despite his chaotic early start to life, he was turning out to be a beautiful soul.
She didn’t want to lose Billy by not marrying him, but Vanessa thought she was worth waiting for. Once, she would never have thought that. Mark used to tell her that she was nothing, that no one would ever love her. And she had believed him. Until now. But she just couldn’t pin down what was holding her back.
She went round to see her dad and Maggie one morning before work. It was clear that having Maggie and Charlotte in the house was making him happy. They had been living in the house with her dad for just over two and a half years now. At first, Vanessa had been worried about the dynamics of their situation, but after so long, she could see how well it worked for all three of them. Her dad had company, Maggie had a close friend and father figure and Charlotte had a grandfather. Vanessa was happy for them all.
‘Well, maybe you are scared. You didn’t have a great experience with Mark.’ Maggie gave her a crooked smile.
‘Billy shouldn’t be pressuring you, honey,’ her dad interjected.
‘Oh no, he’s not, he just asks the question every now and then. I can’t seem to settle on a date, but I love him. It’s weird.’ Talking about it to people outside their love bubble was proving helpful. They made good points. She was hesitant about marriage.
She hugged Maggie goodbye then hugged and kissed her dad goodbye.
‘See you, honey,’ he said.
She drove to work thinking about marriage, about what Maggie and her dad had said. The rest of the day went by quickly, it was busy so that helped, but she still pondered the question all day. Finally, she made a decision. She pretty much floated with happiness the whole drive home. It was late, as she had to finish off some extra jobs at the café, but Billy was waiting up for her, keeping her dinner warm.
‘The kids are in bed already,’ Billy said, taking her plate out of the oven.
‘Billy?’ He turned, oven mitts on both his hands.
‘Mmm?’
‘I’m ready to set a date.’
There was stunned silence until Billy yelled as loud as he dared, then cupped her face with his warm mitted hands, kissing her all over her face. ‘I can’t believe this, what changed your mind?’
‘I just wondered why I was waiting. I mean I will admit that I’m scared – my last marriage was hardly dreamy – but you are a good man and I love you, and that should be enough.’
They were married six months later. Wren, sixteen now, served as Billy’s best man alongside Ty, who was six years old, much to his absolute joy. He was responsible for the rings and he took his job very seriously, constantly checking his pocket to make sure that they were still there. It was adorable. Both her boys had stepped up, even helping her plan the wedding, right down to the color of her dress: a beautiful lilac.
Her dad had offered to hold their wedding in his backyard, surrounded by her mom’s fragrant roses, her memory with Vanessa on her big day. There was a small garden path with a trellis arch at the end and rows of chairs either side. Her dad had walked her down the makeshift aisle to meet her future husband. She winked at her boys, gorgeous in their white button-down shirts and gray pants. Billy, only planning on marrying once, had
worn a proper suit. He said he wanted to look his best on their big day. So did she, going with a form-fitting dress with a short train at the back. Her hair was up in a low bun, tendrils floating around her face. Ten minutes after her dad had kissed her on the cheek, she and Billy were man and wife. Their family and friends threw rose petals over them as they made their way down the path to pose for photos in front of the multicolored roses. Vanessa wished with all of her heart that her mom could have been there to share in her joy, but she knew that she would be looking down on her.
Billy held her tenderly in his arms after the ceremony was over and the festivities begun. ‘I have never seen you look more beautiful. I love you so much, Ness.’
‘Thanks, I love you, husband.’
‘I love you too, wife.’
‘Mind if I steal her away?’ Wren appeared and asked her to dance. He slipped one hand around her waist, the other one holding her hand.
‘What a wonderful day, Mom,’ he said.
Vanessa smiled at her son, ‘It really has been. I never thought that I could be this happy, that I could provide a better life for you. Wren…’ she paused, as if contemplating her next words, ‘I love you.’
13
The first day of community college was never going to be easy on Wren, but nor was it going to be a walk in the park for Vanessa either. She would miss Wren so much as he’d spend more time travelling on the bus now. The college could offer much more in the way of classes than Wren’s current high school. It would help him get into a good college and Vanessa would do everything in her power to ensure Wren had a good education. Wren was a studious and serious boy, ready to embrace learning and meeting new people. Sometimes she was worried that he was too serious. Had she done that to him? She had so much guilt about what had happened in his early life – she’d do anything for a do-over.
By the time the bus came back from that first day at the college, Vanessa was a ball of nerves. What if it hadn’t gone well? But she needn’t have worried. When Wren got off the bus, he was mucking around with two boys Vanessa already knew. One was Justin Arden, who had played soccer with Wren for the last couple of years of high school. His mother, Joan, didn’t attend the games because she worked all the time – she owned the bar where Mark worked, and her husband worked away, so Vanessa had sometimes taken Justin home to where he lived behind the bar. The other boy was a recent addition to Wren’s circle of friends. Wren had introduced him as Wade Fox, a friend that he and Justin had made early on in the year. He had recently moved to town and was a polite kid who also played soccer, something the three of them had bonded over.
Wren and his friends came over to where she was waiting.
‘Wade, who’s picking you up?’
‘Mom. She’s not here, probably at home with the baby.’ He shrugged. ‘I guess I’ll walk to my house.’
‘Don’t be silly. I’ll drive you all home.’ They piled into the car; Vanessa dropped off Justin, followed later by Wade. Justin lived behind the bar in a nice home, whereas Wade’s house was older and was swamped by a large, unkempt garden out the front, weeds showing through the pathway, the front gate rusted open.
The three boys soon became inseparable, and a few weeks into their first semester at college, Vanessa decided a meet and greet with the parents was in order. So, she invited Joan Arden and Philippa, Wade’s mom, to coffee at her house. There was a knock at the door and Wren went to answer it. ‘Mom, Phillipa’s here.’ He showed her into the kitchen and introduced her to his mom.
‘Sorry about this, I had to bring the baby – I had no sitter.’
‘It’s OK,’ Vanessa said, touching the gurgling child. Joan didn’t arrive on time, then didn’t arrive at all, so Vanessa spent an awkward twenty minutes trying to make conversation with the woman who spoke in one-word answers. After a while, Vanessa gave up.
‘Do you have any questions for me, Phillipa?’ The woman looked shocked.
‘Um… no.’
Vanessa was a little taken aback that Phillipa had no questions for the woman whose house her son spent so much time at.
‘OK then,’ Vanessa said. ‘Thanks for coming round, it was nice to meet you.’
Phillipa picked up her keys, called for Wade, then left.
Vanessa pushed open the door to the bar, the cool air wafting round her ankles first, then making its way up and around her body like an insistent lover. She let her vision adjust to the dim interior. If she’d worked here, she’d always be squinting in the dark. She saw Mark wiping down tables, cleaning up spilled beer and restocking the peanuts. She ignored him, but she did notice him glare at her from the corner of her eye. She saw Joan sitting at one of the tables; Vanessa was nervous, but she felt a responsibility to Justin.
‘Joan, hi,’ she said. She looked up at Vanessa with a totally blank expression. ‘I’m Wren’s mom.’ Vanessa’s voice rose slightly at the end of her sentence.
‘Wren who?’
How many Wrens do you know?
‘Wren Sawyer. Your son Justin is his best friend, hangs out with him at our house all the time.’
‘Oh well, thanks for having him.’ She turned her eyes back to her paperwork, dismissing her.
‘I invited you and Wade’s mom Phillipa to have coffee at my house and you didn’t show. I wanted us all to get to know each other since our kids are spending so much time together.’
Joan gave Vanessa a withering stare, like she couldn’t care less that she missed the coffee date and wanted this conversation to be over so she could go back to her work.
‘He’s a great kid, you should be proud of him Joan, but you might also want to get a little more involved maybe.’ Vanessa tried again.
‘Don’t tell me how to parent my kid. Ever.’ She replied calmly without even looking up.
Vanessa turned, checked to see where Mark was – he was nowhere in sight – and stormed out of the bar.
‘I was just so annoyed, no, angry,’ she said to Maggie over coffee. She was so happy her and Maggie were close again. It was just like being back in high school, where they would talk for hours, unloading all their worries when they were together. ‘The kid is at our house every day, not that I mind, but he spends all of his time with us and she doesn’t care what he’s up to.’
‘Not everyone is cut out to be a parent,’ Maggie said, ever the voice of reason. ‘Not everyone picks it up easily – some have to work harder at it.’
‘Well, she’s not working at it at all.’
Rant over, Vanessa made a comment about the cookies she was eating. ‘They taste familiar,’ she said.
‘Actually, they’re from one of your mom’s recipes that I found.’
The cookie stuck to the inside of Vanessa’s mouth for a moment before she swallowed it.
‘Your dad said it would be fine if I went through her recipe book. I can only make a few things well – I think he was getting sick of them after all these years, he was just too polite to say so.’ She was babbling now, trying to cover up her embarrassment.
‘It’s fine, Maggie.’
Maggie breathed a sigh of relief. ‘I know it’s weird sometimes, us living here, but it’s working for us all and your dad seems much happier than he was.’ Vanessa couldn’t argue with her there.
‘It’s fine, really. You’re part of the furniture now,’ Vanessa laughed, attempting to make Maggie feel more comfortable. Vanessa stayed a little longer, deciding to enjoy the cookie and memories of sharing them with her mom. She was creating new memories, but they would never erase the old.
14
Wren’s seventeenth birthday was rapidly approaching, and Vanessa really wanted to give him a birthday to remember. He had told her that he was happy to have a family party with Justin and Wade over, but she wanted to make it special, so one afternoon when Wren was in the bathroom, she asked Justin what she should do.
‘Well, I reckon we throw a real party. He loves parties. No drinking or anything, I swear,’ he said, covering his heart for a b
rief moment. ‘But a bunch of his friends, and Olivia for sure. Damn, he loves that girl. He needs to get some,’ then Justin remembered who he was talking to and his face went brick red. Vanessa suppressed a laugh.
‘How ’bout I organize food and drinks and you handle the music and the guest list?’ Vanessa suggested.
‘Deal.’
Wren’s birthday fell on a Saturday. She had made sure that Ty stayed the night with Maggie and her dad. Billy agreed to be a bouncer in case anyone got rowdy. Wren was oblivious to their plans, and it was all she could do to stop herself from blurting it out. She had also sworn Ty to secrecy, and he was over the moon at being included in the surprise.
Wren was with her when she dropped off Ty, giving everyone a chance to arrive and Billy to do any last-minute adjustments. Wren’s thirty friends were waiting. She checked her phone. ‘Wren, we gotta go.’
They said goodbye to her dad and Maggie, giving Ty a huge hug on the way out. ‘Have fun tonight,’ whispered Maggie in Vanessa’s ear.
They pulled into the driveway. Wren waited for her as always, but she said, ‘You go in ahead, honey. I’ll be there in a second.’ He headed towards the house and she followed him closely. He walked into the darkened room, and Vanessa reached around him and flipped the lights on.
‘Surprise!’ shouted everyone.
For a moment there was dead silence and she thought, Oh shit, I’ve made a huge mistake, but then Wren laughed, everyone clapped and the music started, and Justin came over to slap him on the back.
‘You did this?’ he asked his mom.
‘Actually, Justin and I did this. We wanted it to be special.’ He was grinning, and she knew she’d done good.
She went into the kitchen where Billy was munching on a mini hot dog. ‘You did good, baby.’ He kissed her. ‘And I’m super proud of our little man for keeping the secret – he was almost bursting.’ They both laughed. Ty usually blurted out surprises in excitement.
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