‘You missed Ty’s bedtime too.’
‘I know. I’m sorry. I got caught up and lost track of time.’
‘I rang Mark to see if he’d seen you. Turns out he had. Did you go to the hospital?’
‘Yes,’ she said firmly.
‘I thought we’d decided you weren’t going to do that.’
‘No, we didn’t decide that, you decided that. I never agreed. I need answers. Billy, there was something wrong with what happened to Wren and they know something, I know they do. I have to find out what it was.’
‘So you’re going to stalk them till they talk?’
‘What a great idea, Billy. Thanks,’ she said sarcastically.
‘Can we not fight for just one damn day?’ demanded Billy.
‘Sure, then stop provoking me.’
‘I’ll say it again – moving on is best for you.’
‘That’s provoking me.’
‘When my mom died, I moved through the stages pretty fast. That’s all I’m saying.’
Vanessa looked at him with complete shock on her face. ‘Your mom was an old woman who’d lived a long and happy life, Billy. My mom was younger, but I dealt with that. My son was a seventeen-year-old boy who was stolen from me and those boys know something. We’re having the same argument again and again. I love you, Billy, but this is getting to be too much.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ He clenched his fists at his sides.
‘I don’t know. Maybe we need some space from each other. Just until the dust settles, until I’m better at grieving. We clearly have differing opinions on what that looks like.’
‘You’re kicking me out? Jesus fucking Christ, Ness.’
‘No, you can sleep on the couch.’
‘Fine, I’ll sleep on the couch as long as you deem fit.’ He went and grabbed his pillow and a blanket from the linen press. He pushed past her shoulder as he came down the hallway, and she felt like utter shit, but it was the only way she could do what she needed to do and not lose her marriage in the process.
She moved down the hallway to Ty’s room, pushing open the door and heading inside. He lay, one leg out of the covers, an arm flung across his forehead. She smiled gently, then kissed his cheek good night.
When she came out, Billy was watching her.
She spent the rest of the night lying awake in her bed, alone. So many times she wanted to go to Billy, but she didn’t. She had to stand her ground.
By the time the sun came up, she was exhausted, weary and feeling sorry for herself. She shuffled into the shower and put her face under the spray, waking herself up. Billy was already gone – probably deliberately so he didn’t have to see his wife.
Another week passed without her getting any closer to an answer. She hadn’t tried again to see the boys; she needed to formulate a plan first. Vanessa figured she’d have more of a chance of talking to Justin when he was recovering at home. Joan wouldn’t be with him; she wasn’t that kind of mother. Justin would be on his own soon enough. Just to be sure, she rang the hospital and was told that Justin had been discharged. He was at home, alone – ripe for the picking.
She dressed quickly and slipped out the front door while Maggie was showering. She couldn’t just stroll up to the house to see Justin, and she couldn’t just wander into the bar to see if Joan was there. They lived in a house out the back of the bar at the end of the block. She called Mark. ‘Hey Vanessa, what’s up?’ She could hear him shelling then eating peanuts.
‘Is Joan there?’
‘Yeah, she is in the corner doing payroll, why?’
‘This is going to sound crazy, but I’m going to break into Justin’s house and confront him, but I need your help.’ She held her breath. Would he help her? ‘Mark? Will you help me?’
‘Will this help give you closure?’
‘Yes.’
‘Fine, I’ll help.’
And it was that easy. ‘OK, just text me if Joan gets up and leaves. Then I’ll quickly leave their house, she’ll never catch me there.’
‘Yeah, sure.’
She drove to the bar, parking down the block just in case Joan recognized her car. She walked up the driveway at speed but not quick enough to attract attention. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she tried the front door. It was unlocked. Luck was on her side. She could hear the TV and followed the sound to the lounge. Justin looked up in surprise, then fright when he realized she was there. ‘Mrs Wright,’ he said. ‘What are you doing here? I’m not supposed to talk to you.’
‘Why not?’ she demanded.
‘Dunno, Mom said.’
‘That looks painful,’ she said pointing to a metal contraption along Justin’s leg.
‘It is. Can barely move. I was crushed by the steering column. Concussion, lost some memories.’
Vanessa’s heart sank. ‘Justin, what happened?’ She made it clear that she wasn’t leaving until she had her answers.
‘I don’t really remember, it’s a bit fuzzy.’ Convenient. ‘We were driving round, like we normally do. We drove past the river. Wren was talking about what was going to happen when we graduated school. We were having fun. Then a deer flew out in front of us. I swerved. I hit the tree, Wren didn’t have his seatbelt on.’
‘Justin, why not? And why didn’t the airbag go off?’ That was one question she definitely needed an answer to. He may have lived had it deployed as it was supposed to. She could feel herself getting angry, getting worked up. ‘Justin, why didn’t you brake? Why didn’t you brake? You crossed the other side of the road into a tree and you didn’t brake.’
‘I think you should go now, Mrs Wright. I don’t feel well.’
‘What was Wren depressed about? Even before Olivia killed herself. He was different. Why?’
He looked away. ‘I don’t know. He was different, sure, but he wouldn’t talk about it to us.’ His eyes shifted away. ‘It’s what happened, ask Wade. Please leave, Mrs Wright.’
Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she knew it was time to go. She left, running down the driveway to her car. She still didn’t have all she needed, but she was close.
She headed to Wade’s house, determined not to take no for an answer this time. She knew Justin was lying about something, she just didn’t know what or why.
Mark called her on her way to Wade’s place.
‘Did you get what you needed?’ he asked.
‘No. He’s lying to me. I need to find out why.’
‘Anything I can do to help?’ It was nice that someone was being helpful for a change.
‘Not yet, but I’ll let you know.’ It was surreal to think that one day she may rely on Mark, need him.
She drove to the Fox household and knocked loudly on the door. Phillipa opened it, her face falling as she saw who was on her doorstep. ‘Vanessa, what are you doing here?’
‘I need to talk to Wade.’ She pushed past Phillipa and barged inside.
‘You can’t just come in here!’ she replied, outraged.
‘What are you protecting him from?’ Vanessa demanded, striding down the hallway.
She threw open the door and startled Wade. ‘Mrs Wright,’ he said, looking around guiltily. ‘What do you want?’
‘I want to know why Wren was depressed in the weeks before he died. He was unwell before Oliva killed herself and it only got worse afterwards.’
‘Maybe ask Justin.’
‘I did, he said to talk to you.’
‘He did?’ Wade asked, surprised. He threw back the cover awkwardly with one hand, his other wrist in a cast. He looked like he was going to piss his pants. ‘I don’t know anything,’ he mumbled.
‘Wade, why didn’t Justin try to stop the car from hitting the tree after allegedly swerving to miss a deer?’
‘He swerved to miss it; he didn’t have time to brake. It all happened so fast.’
He had been coached. It was identical to what Justin had said. ‘Vanessa!’ screamed Phillipa. ‘Get out of my house now or I will call
the cops.’
Vanessa backed away. ‘I know you’re lying, Wade, I just don’t know why,’ she said quietly. ‘But I’ll find out.’ She walked down the hallway and out to her car.
Disappointed, she drove to Ryan’s house. She needed a glass of wine and didn’t want to be judged at home by Maggie for her drinking. She should be worrying about it too, but it was just a coping mechanism – God knows she needed one. She was barely hanging on as it was. She had slightly more information than before, but it wasn’t enough. Ryan let her in and poured her a glass immediately. She took a grateful sip.
‘They both said the same thing, almost word for word. I still don’t know why he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, why his airbag didn’t go off and why he was depressed.’
‘I’m sorry you didn’t get what you wanted, Ness.’
‘Oh, I’ll find the answers somehow, I know I will.’
‘You are so brave.’
‘Ryan, you’re strong – you lost a child too.’
‘You know, I kinda blame Wren for Olivia’s death.’ Vanessa’s heart just about stopped.
‘What did you just say?’ She wheeled around, thunder in her face, eyes snapping like a live current ran through them. ‘What the fuck did you just say?’
‘I didn’t mean it like that, Ness,’ he backpedaled.
‘Then what did you mean? Explain yourself.’ She slammed the wine glass onto the bench, the stem breaking, wine dripping down the counter and onto the floor, looking a lot like blood.
His face was flushed, whether from the wine or embarrassment, she didn’t know. ‘Just if she’d never met Wren, all this might not have happened. Something clearly went on between them, something bad, we just haven’t talked about it yet.’
‘I can’t believe you’re blaming Wren. How could you?’ She was so angry that she could barely spit her words out.
‘Well, she might still be here otherwise. Maybe they broke up and that’s why she did what she did.’
‘Well, thank you very much for sharing how you really feel, you fuck wit.’ She grabbed her bag and went to storm out, but he grabbed her arm. ‘Get your hand off me,’ she screamed, ‘or I’ll call the police!’
He let go and she shot forward, out of the house and into her car where she sat, stunned. Then she burst into tears. This whole time they had been trying to figure out what was wrong with their kids and he had been thinking that about her Wren. Comforting her but thinking that he was to blame. His place had been her only sanctuary, now that was fucked. She would never speak to him again for what he said. Never. He was dead to her. Finally, she felt strong enough to drive home.
After having no luck with Justin and Wade and then the bullshit with Ryan, she was spent. Now she had to go home and pretend that her world wasn’t shattered all over again.
Billy jumped on her as soon as she came through the door. ‘I got a call from Joan today. Apparently, you broke into her house and verbally interrogated her son.’
‘For starters, I didn’t break in – the front door was unlocked, I let myself in. Secondly, he lied to me. And Wade was lying to me too. But why? What are they hiding?’
‘Ness, it’s time to stop now. I’m getting calls from angry parents and you’re turning yourself inside and out with knots and worry.’
Fuck, she was having a bad day. She couldn’t win, no matter what she did.
She knew that she shouldn’t be taking her anger out on Billy, but he was just the last in a long line of people who were pissing her off today. ‘Don’t tell me what to do,’ Vanessa hissed, then stormed off to their bedroom, slamming the door.
She sat on the edge of the bed, her hands fisted into the sheet, twisting them this way and that. Tears threatened to come, but she would not give any of them the satisfaction. There was a soft knock at the door.
‘Go away!’
Billy could take his apologies and shove them.
‘Mommy?’ questioned the voice.
‘Oh, Ty.’ She pushed her tired body off the bed, feeling like she was heavy with weights. It seemed to take her an age to cross the floor, but eventually she managed to open the door, her small son waiting patiently for her.
‘Hey, buddy, how was school?’
‘Not so good.’ Eyes downcast, she knew she had to be careful here. Ty was still grieving too, and he was a little boy. He was not the enemy.
‘Why’s that?’ she asked.
‘We had to draw a family tree and I didn’t know if I should have put Wren in it.’ Tears spilled down his face and Vanessa tried and failed to hold back a sob.
She grabbed him and pulled him close to her. ‘Oh baby. I’m so sorry. Wren always goes in the family tree, love. Wren may be gone but we’ll never forget him, OK?’
Ty nodded against her breast.
‘All right, go find Maggie and she’ll give you dinner.’
‘Aren’t you coming?’
‘I’m not hungry.’ Ty’s shoulders drooped as he walked down the hallway and Vanessa wanted to yell at him to come back, that she loved and needed him, but she couldn’t say either of those things. She just let him walk down the hallway, dejected, feeling unloved and probably unwanted by his mother.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket.
Ryan.
I am so sorry for what I said to you. I didn’t mean it. I don’t blame Wren. He made Olivia’s life better. Please forgive me.
She read the message a second time before she deleted the text. Angrily, she deleted the entire thread. She didn’t want to see his name anywhere, she was still so damn furious. How dare he say what he did! Wren, with his beautiful nature, his caring heart, his ability to make people feel at ease. So many things that she loved about her boy. A wonderful and loving son, a best friend, a big brother who was never too busy for his baby brother. How dare he!
Vanessa opened the door as if something was going to jump out at her. Memories. Memories sprang at her, assaulting her from every direction. Wren’s room was full of them; they made her want to both laugh and cry, curl up in a ball and rail at the world. She sat gingerly on the bed, looking at the posters tacked to the wall, the shoes piled untidily in the corner, the dirty washing on the floor. Vanessa had allowed no one entry into his room. It was hers. It wasn’t just an unwritten rule; she had told them all that Wren’s room was off limits.
Maggie had wanted to come in before she left to go back to her house, but Vanessa just couldn’t let her. She was appreciative of everything that she’d done for her family, but she just couldn’t. She did manage to thank her and when Maggie had thrown her arms around her, she returned the hug.
She touched Wren’s laptop. She didn’t even know the password to get into it. His phone was lying beside the laptop. She knew the pin to that one: Ty’s birthday. She smiled. A nice touch.
His phone had been returned along with his wallet. Could she do it? Could she actually go through Wren’s private messages and emails? She’d had no problem going through Olivia’s most private thoughts. But that was different.
The phone opened and a lovely photo of Wren and Olivia popped up. She felt a wave of sadness pass through her. The app for messages was on the front page. With a shaking finger, she touched Olivia’s name. There was nothing past that Saturday, just under two weeks before her death. He hadn’t spoken to her at all. Maybe they did break up after all. It was a mystery to her. She clicked on Justin’s name. The last message from Justin read:
I’m coming to get you.
It was dated the day that Wren died. There was nothing before that until around the same time as Olivia’s last message. Either they weren’t talking for a bit or they were doing it in person – after all, Wren was with them the day he died – and if they weren’t talking, what was Wren doing with them in that car? Justin said they were just driving around, but why were they out in the middle of nowhere? Out past Wren’s favorite spot at the river? Still so many unanswered questions, questions that she’d probably never find answers to.
Vanessa
didn’t realize that she was crying until she felt the wetness on her cheeks. Gently she wiped them away, then wiped her wet hand on her jeans. She left Wren’s bedroom, clutching the phone and closing the door with her other hand.
These days it felt like home wasn’t home anymore, and the less time spent here the better. She gave her dad a quick call just to say hi. It was a short and awkward conversation. She didn’t talk much and he didn’t ask any questions. Again, she wished her mom was there and she’d bet a hundred bucks he was thinking the same thing.
Maggie was still picking Ty up every afternoon but now she was taking him home to her place and keeping him there until Billy picked him up after work. They were both still picking up her slack. She felt more than useless. Was Billy right? Did she need to drop all of this? Leave the past in the past?
She drove down the road and pulled over a short distance from the corner store and headed towards it. She was going to get a newspaper and some candy when she looked up and saw a familiar figure.
Ryan. He saw her too. He reached up a hand and waved, but she turned and walked away.
‘Vanessa!’ she heard him call after her. She started running.
‘Vanessa, wait!’ She could hear him getting closer; he was running too. She made it inside her car, slamming down the locks and starting the engine. Next, he was banging on the window. ‘Please, Ness, please let me in, let me explain.’
‘Fuck off, Ryan!’ she yelled, then gunned the engine and took off, not caring if she ran over his foot. There was a bit of a crowd, people who had seen him running after her. She didn’t care. She had to get away or she would have slapped him stupid.
Her phone beeped as she drove, and she glanced at it. Ryan again. She ignored it without reading the message, she’d do that when she stopped driving. She was sure he’d be pleading for her to listen to him, to give him another chance. She wasn’t going to do that; she was never going to do that. Not after what he said.
Her phone beeped again and she was about to throw it across the car when she saw that it wasn’t Ryan. It was from Wren’s school. They had an app that sent messages directly to parents’ phones about upcoming tests and assignments and class trips. This one was reminding the parents that the English oral presentation was due today. She tried hard not to cry. No one had told the school to take her off the mailing list. It was a horrible, gut-wrenching stab to the heart.
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