It's on Us

by Matthew Burkey-Gilchrist

  “Hey, guys,” she said. “Rory, nice new pic Tab put up. I actually told Hunter that he should do something like that, but he said it was stupid. I just wanted to say that I think you’re doing a great job. But, you know if you do get it you have to do actual work, right?”

  “I’m aware,” Rory answered. “And that still doesn’t change the fact that I want to run. Can I count on your vote?”

  Now it was Shawna’s turn to blush. “Um, well, you know that Hunter is running, too, and we are sorta dating. I don’t think he would like it if I voted against him.”

  “But shouldn’t you vote for the best candidate?” I asked. Rory gave me a sideways look that expressed his gratitude for my support. “And really, Rory is a pretty awesome guy.”

  “So is Hunter.”

  I refrained from pointing out just how much of a loser Hunter was after the comments he made about Noah.

  “Well, good luck, then,” Shawna said.

  She turned and walked off, I looked over at Rory. “You know, we could have told her that her boyfriend is a total asshole.”

  “We could have,” Rory said, shrugging his shoulders. “But then she might say we are only saying that because I’m trying to beat her boyfriend. Anyways, I noticed that you couldn’t keep your eyes off Danny. Are you sure that you don’t want to talk to him?”

  “Fuck no,” I snapped. “Sorry, I’m snapping at everyone lately. I guess I don’t know why.”

  “You’re sexually frustrated?” asked Rory.

  “Why do you always go right to sex?”

  “Because I’m a guy.”

  “I am not sexually frustrated,” I replied.

  Which was bullshit because I was pretty sure I was, although I was never going to admit that.

  “I am tired of everyone thinking that I should come out. I get to do it when I want and to who I want. And I’ve seen the way that Danny looks at girls. He is not interested in me or guys at all.”

  “You used to look at girls the same way,” Rory pointed out. “You were really good at hiding yourself. Maybe Danny is good at it, too,” Rory held up his hands in surrender. “But, I’ll be done talking about it now.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Do you know who you have to duel yet?”

  I nodded. “Got our opponents a few days ago. His name is Kyler. He uses a double bladed weapon, and from what I have been told, is pretty good with it, too.”

  “Petty good with what?”

  “Double-bladed lightsaber, dude,” Rory answered. “Henry has to go up against him tonight.”

  “Kyler, his name is Kyler,” I said. “Not double-bladed lightsaber dude.”

  “That’s still a thing you do?” Tab asked.

  “You’re seriously getting on my fucking nerves today,” I snapped, looking over at Tab. “Do you have to be such a dick all the time?”

  “Settle down, man,” Tab said.

  “Then stop being a dick,” Rory said. “And stop making fun of it. He enjoys it and he’s pretty awesome at it. Maybe you should go and actually watch it before putting it down.”

  “I’ll think about it,” said Tab. He sat down and pulled out his phone. “The good thing about today is the fact that I think I have pretty much locked down the swim team vote for you. at least the freshmen, still working on the sophomores though. And I totally got David, Isaac, and Dylan in your corner, too.”

  “You’ve been a busy little monkey,” Rory said, narrowing his eyes at Tab. “What did you promise them in return?”

  “What makes you think that I promised them anything,” stated Tab. “First off, you knew that Danny, Isaac, and Dylan were going to vote for you no matter what. They’re on the team with us. Second off, I think the swim team, at least the freshmen are pretty damned tired of Hunter’s shit. Like I said, still working on the guys on our class though. Football might be a lost cause but I can see what I can do.”

  “I guess that’s good,” Rory said. “Um, exactly what kind of platform did you tell them I was going to be running on, since, you know I don’t even know that yet?”

  “Standing up for the little guy, giving us healthier options in the cafeteria, and I might have promised them a parents free party at your lake house.”

  “You did what?” Rory barked. “How in the fuck am I supposed to make that happen?”

  “I figure we worry about that later,” Tab said, waving Rory’s objections away. “I mean, that’s what most good politicians do, right? Promise something and then worry about how to make it happen later.”

  “That was pretty ballsy,” I admitted. “Also, I’m a little concerned you have a good idea of how politics work already.”

  “You’re right, we’ll worry about that later.”

  “Also, I may have promised some of the girls on the debate team that you’d show up to two of their meets… debates… you know, whatever it is that you call them.”

  “Okay, now I’m going to punch you in the face and kick you in the balls,” Rory snapped. “What the hell else did you promise? My kidneys? My left nut?”

  “Oh, stop being melodramatic,” Tab replied. “I think someone would want the entire package, not just a nut. I mean, what good does one nut do you?”

  “I gotta go,” I said, getting to my feet. “Um, I mean, if you want to come tonight, Rory, we can probably pick you up.”

  “Yeah, that’d be cool.”

  “What about you?” Rory asked, looking over at Tab.

  “Um, I’ve got a thing to do.”

  I rolled my eyes while Rory shot Tab a fairly evil look.

  “Speaking of things to do,” Tab said, looking at his phone. “I’ll shoot you a text later.”

  We both watched Tab walk off again.

  “You realize he’s probably not above selling shirtless photos of you,” I said. “And um, thanks. You know, for what you said.”

  “I meant it. You’re good at it, and if you like it, then I’m totally going to support it.”

  Our phones chimed, prompting us both to look down.

  “You’re now a singing sensation?” I asked, showing my phone to Rory. Rory groaned and dropped his head into his hands. “Do I even want to know what it says?”

  “Come see your new class president kickass at the talent show. #RoaringRory?”

  “I’m going to kill him,” Rory said, his head still buried in his hands. “Slowly, painfully, in the cruelest way imaginable.”

  “Well, you did say he could be your campaign manager.”

  “Do not take his side,” said Rory, finally looking up and stabbing a finger at me.

  “Sorry. Did you figure out what you are going to sing yet?”

  “Yup, you’ll just have to wait and see.”

  “It’s going to be some sort of awful power ballad, isn’t it?”

  Rory grinned at me. “I’ll see you later tonight.”

  “That means yes, doesn’t it?”

  CHAPTER 7

  “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement.

  Nothing can be done without hope or confidence.”

  ~ Helen Keller

  I took a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling slowly. I glanced to the bleachers where I could see Rory and my mother in conversation. Despite Rory’s attempts to get Tab to come, he declined the invite again. Something told me that Tab, probably in his attempt to get Rory elected sophomore class president, had attempted to dissuade Rory from showing up as well. Luckily, Rory wasn’t easily swayed. The guy was like a fucking pitbull. Once he set his mind to something, he followed through. No matter what that was. It was both endearing and annoying at the same time.

  “Are you ready for this?” Ryan asked.

  I nodded. “I think so.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Um, yeah. Why?”

  “You seem a little off, that’s all.”

  I understood what he meant, although I still couldn’t explain it. It had been three weeks since Noah had killed himself. There was a sadness that wo
uld overcome me some days, especially when I walked past the spot where Noah had been sitting. The very same spot that I had ignored him, the same spot that pretty much everyone in the whole school had ignored him.

  “Did you want to talk about it?” Ryan asked. “Safe space.” He smiled, indicating himself. “Did something happen at school?”

  I swallowed hard. I wasn’t even sure that I could bring myself to say anything. Even thinking about Noah caused me to grimace. Ryan must have caught onto that fact because he reached out and gave my shoulder a squeeze.

  “You don’t have to tell me,” he said. “Just know that I am here for you if you need anything.”

  “Thanks.”

  “You better kick his ass,” Ryan said with a grin. “He’s been boasting about kicking yours on the message boards for the better part of a week now.”

  I usually stayed off the message boards before big duels. I hated the trash talking and psychological warfare that several people attempted to engage in. Also, I honestly didn’t have time for a lot of that bullshit. I knew I was good, I didn’t need to brag to everyone else about it. Besides, Rory usually did enough bragging for the both of us.

  I took another deep breath and shook out my limbs before grabbing my saber and thumbing it on. No matter how stupid it sounded, I always felt better when I was doing this. It was something that I was actually good at. I wasn’t sure if I was a good brother, or friend, or hell, even a good son. But this, I knew I was good at swinging a fake glowing sword around. Yeah, I realize that’s not exactly a marketable job skill, but I’m only sixteen, so give me a break.

  I stepped out onto the mat and looked up at Rory, who gave me a big grin and a thumbs up. My mother smiled reassuringly. I cracked my neck and brought my weapon up and into the guard position. My opponent, a rather portly fellow who looked to be a few years older than me, hit the on switch on his weapon. It was of the dual variety, with both blades glowing a bright green. It was the same high end model as mine, the brightness blurring the edges of the plastic casing.

  “Begin!” the ref shouted.

  I wasted no time in charging forward, dropping low when I got close enough. His strike soared through the air that my torso had occupied before. He cursed and whirled around, surprisingly agile for someone of his impressive girth. He changed his grip and stabbed toward my chest.

  I flipped sideways, avoiding the stab. He swore again and I couldn’t help the grin that appeared on my face. He was good, but I was faster and more agile. Surging forward, I batted away his defensive moves, twisted away from a counter-attack, and landed a solid hit on his arm.

  “Point blue!” the ref yelled.

  “Fuck!” the man spat.

  We returned to our starting positions, readying ourselves for the next round. Once again, the ref signaled the start of the round, and this time the man charged toward me. Well, charged might have been too kind a word. Waddled with purpose might be more fitting.

  We clashed in the middle of the mat, our weapons flashing on impact. He went on a whirlwind series of strikes, none with a lot of precision, but with as much power as he could muster. I blocked or avoided most of them. I unleashed a flowing counter strike that scored me another two points. By now, my opponent was red in the face and consistently letting out an impressive stream of profanity.

  We took our places for the last round. Again, I took the initiative this time, charging toward him. I faked going low and then threw my body sideways through the air, avoiding a sweeping series of horizontal slashes. Landing, he tried to whirl around, but wasn’t fast enough. I scored another direct hit before having to backflip away.

  “Point blue! Match to blue!”

  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” the man snapped.

  I turned off my weapon and gave him a salute. I extended my hand but he swatted it away and instead stormed off, muttering something about ‘fucking kids’. I resisted the urge to point out the fact that he wasn’t much older than myself.

  “Great job,” Ryan said as I came jogging over to him. “Although I have to wonder what made him think that he could beat you. He was twice your size.”

  “Well, as a famous Jedi master once said, size matters not.”

  “Do you think that you just ruined his day?” Rory asked, appearing at the edge of the mat. “But really, I mean, unless that guy had actual Jedi powers, I don’t think that he would have stood a chance at beating you.”

  “Sometimes people surprise you,” I said.

  “Yeah, they do,” Rory said, leveling a knowing gaze at me. I could hear the conversation about me coming out playing out all over again. “Sometimes they aren’t at all what they seem.”

  “Maybe not, but sometimes they are, if not worse.”

  Rory rolled his eyes before undoing one of my elbow pads. “Oh, whatever.”

  I was about to respond when Rory’s phone beeped. He stopped assisting me to type in his passcode and bring up the message. Rory’s face went tight, which prompted me to raise an eyebrow at my friend.

  “What’s up?”

  “Tab just sent this to me,” Rory said, turning his phone towards me.

  It was a YouTube account. Although I didn’t recognize the name on the account, I did recognize the person on the screen. It was Noah, his face was red and streaked with tears. I instantly felt like I was going to throw up and that was before I realized we were looking at a private video diary. A very private video diary.

  “Oh, my fucking god,” I said, staring at Rory’s screen. “Who the fuck posted this?”

  “No one’s saying,” Rory said as he turned the screen back to himself. “Tab says that Noah basically bears his soul on most of these entries. Apparently Noah was struggling with a lot of shit, including his sexuality.”

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck.

  “This isn’t right,” I said, shaking my head. I could feel the tears start to gather in my eyes. “This is a total violation of his privacy. Oh, my god, his mom and dad… do you think that they saw it?”

  “I hope not,” Rory said. He reached down to grab my gear bag. “Come on, let’s go. I told your mom I would give you a ride home.”

  I said nothing as we walked away from Ryan. He gave me a reassuring look and nod before we made our way out the door. We rode home in silence. We even had the radio off the entire way.

  By the time that we made it up to my room, Tab was already there waiting for me. We opened the link again, hoping that it had been taken down in the intervening minutes between the meet and arriving at home. Sadly, it hadn’t been yet, and the comments that were being left behind drove a dagger right through my heart.

  We forced ourselves to watch part of an entry on my laptop. It was incredibly eerie to see our former friend and classmate in the flesh again, even if it was only on the screen. We watched a sobbing Noah explain how he was struggling to come to grips with the fact that he thought he might like both guys and girls. He worried that if he came out as bisexual that everyone at school would think he was some sort of freak. He was echoing all the same feelings that I had.

  He talked about feeling totally alone. Like he didn’t matter and like no one would notice if he disappeared. That gutted me. I had noticed him and hadn’t made a move to help. I was part of the problem. Maybe if I’d extended a hand, if I stopped and showed him that I cared, he would still be here.

  Of course, I knew what my parents and friends would say to that kind of thinking. They would tell me that it was dangerous and that as bad as I felt for not extending that helping hand, in the end, Noah made his own choice. I still felt like total shit about it, though. And then we started to read the comments section and my already low opinion of the human race got even lower.

  “That fucker should have killed himself a long time ago,” Rory read. “Seriously? Who the hell writes shit like that?”

  “Homo should stop crying and just man up already,” Tab said, reading from the screen. He made a face and shook his head. “I swear, I didn�
��t think that our generation would be this cruel.”

  “Have you walked around our high school lately?” Rory said. “The place is full of bitches and hos.”

  I quirked an eyebrow. “Bitches and hos?”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Dude did the world a favor,” Tab said, reading off the screen again.

  “Fucking cowards,” I snarled. I slammed the screen of my laptop shut so hard that I was half surprised it didn’t completely shatter.

  I could feel the rage building in me and I pushed myself back from the desk before I caused any further damage to the computer. I balled my fists up at my sides and resisted the urge to scream at the top of my lungs. Every single person that posted on the video should have to come out from behind the comfort of their keyboards and say those things to Noah’s parents’ face.

  “Calm down, man,” Rory said, putting a hand on my shoulder. He gave it a squeeze, which prompted me to unclench my fists and take a deep, calming breath. “What happened to Noah was shitty, and this makes it worse, but it’s not like you can go around and punch these assholes out.”

  “I know that,” I said, my voice a low growl. “But these are his private thoughts, the worst things that he was dealing with, and now they are out there for everyone to see. And people are making fun of him for it! He killed himself and these assholes think that it’s funny!”

  No one said anything for a minute or two. Probably because neither Rory or Tab knew what to say. Finally, I stood up a little straighter and squared my shoulders.

  “I need to get some air.”

  “If you’re stressed you could always jerk off,” Rory suggested.

  Both myself and Tab stared at him.

  “What?” Rory asked. “It’s a valid way to relieve stress. Releases endorphins and all those feel-good brain chemicals.”

  “I’m slightly distressed you know all that,” Tab said, narrowing his eyes at our friend. “And I don’t even want to ask where you actually found that bit of information.”

  “It’s called biology,” Rory said defensively. “And I’d stop talking after the amount of porn sites that I saw bookmarked on your computer.”