He just couldn’t seem to get enough of her and he knew they would make love at least once more before this perfect night was over. He could see the same need reflected in Summer’s eyes and he wondered how he had managed to navigate the last seventy-five years of his life without her in it.
He knew she had been struggling, not so much with the difference in their ages, more that she had a bee in her bonnet that she would begin to look older than he would and he wouldn’t want her anymore. For one thing, that day was a long way off that she would look older and secondly she was his mate, for life. It wouldn’t matter if she was old and gray, she would always be beautiful and he would want her just as much as he did now but Summer was struggling to see that. He couldn’t even have this conversation with her or she would know that her innocuous comments to India hadn’t gone unnoticed. India had mentioned it to Garrett and he in turn had told Connor what was on Summer’s mind.
This was one of the reasons they avoided relationships with the human population; the other of course that they had to keep their existence a secret for fear of persecution. Every now and again though a wolf would mate with a human and would turn that mate by biting them so that they could live a long life together. That was also an option for a witch like Summer, but it was asking too much to expect her to give up her gifts just to live a longer life with him.
He had the same dark thoughts of being left behind in a world where she didn’t exist and he knew he wouldn’t know how to do that either. When Summer died he didn’t think he would have the strength to be on this earth without her. Not that he was ever going to tell her that.
He forced the conversation to pack matters as they ate and they got onto the topic of her business. She was animated when she spoke and Connor leaned back in his chair, sipping his coffee as she told him how she had gotten started and how she was looking for someone to help her in the shop.
“Most of my orders are online now but I still like having the physical shop. Plus, there isn’t enough room up here for all the stock. I need to ask around and see if anyone knows of someone suitable to help me so that I can spend more time here with you.” she smiled and he wanted to kiss the cute little dimple that appeared on her right cheek.
“I have had someone else manage my security company for quite a while now and have no plans to change that arrangement either. I get daily reports but I pretty much leave it all up to Linc who is just as capable as I am. In fact, he wants to buy into the company and as he is pretty much running it on his own these days I don’t feel that I should say no.”
“I have zero complaints if it means you have more free time to spend with me,” Summer said as she finished her coffee and sat back in her chair.
“Dessert?” Connor grinned.
“Not for me, but there is some of Imogen’s apple pie in the refrigerator if you want some. It won’t take long to warm it up.” Summer began to clear the plates away and Connor stopped her.
“I’ll get that, you look bushed. Go to bed, I will be in after I clear all of this away.”
She opened her mouth to argue but bed seemed so tempting so she closed it again and nodded instead.
He kissed the top of her head, turned her around and gave her a nudge in the direction of her bedroom. He watched as she disappeared down the hallway and felt his jeans tighten in response to her. He wanted to leave the mess and follow her to bed but he knew she needed a good night’s rest too and he chastised himself and began stacking the dishwasher.
After everything was cleared away and the countertops cleaned he opened his laptop to check his email before turning in for the night. He may not be going to have the night of passion he had wanted, but he was still going to hold her warm body against his all night long. It would be a bittersweet feeling.
Linc had sent a couple of messages asking for permission to update some of their equipment and Connor knew he should do as he wanted and let him buy into the company. Linc was a little younger than him at fifty six years old but like most wolves, looked half of that. He was a distant cousin and he had been running things his own way for the last couple of years. It was time for Connor to look for a new venture right here on the mountain. He would look into the possibility of a new business tomorrow and if Summer could get some help in the shop maybe they could do a little traveling together too.
He sent a reply telling Linc he would call him in the morning and walked down the hallway, eager to get into bed and feel the warmth of Summer’s body against his.
He could see her face reflected in the moonlight streaming through the window. She was lying on her back, her hair tamed into two long braids to stop it from tangling while she slept. Her soft even breathing told him that she had likely fallen asleep the minute her head hit the pillow and his heart lurched as he thought how close he had come to losing her for good. Never one to borrow trouble he tried to push the thought from his mind.
He stripped off quietly and went into the bathroom to shower before bed. The cool water made him gasp and he stepped under the spray, hoping it would cool his libido somewhat. Soaping himself all over he rinsed and turned off the water again and quickly dried himself before he started to shiver. He normally slept naked as a jaybird but that wouldn’t be conducive to a good night's sleep with Summer lying next to him and opted for a pair of shorts instead.
She hadn’t moved a muscle and he climbed in beside her and pulled her into his arms. She mumbled something unintelligible in her sleep before snuggling in closer to him and Connor forced his mind to mundane matters while he waited for sleep to overtake him. He rarely slept more than five or six hours a night anyway, his mind was always full.
Linc wanted to buy new cameras and surveillance equipment as well as hire another couple of investigators. He had noticed a nice steady increase in company profits over the last few months and he knew that it was all down to Linc and his management. He had barely been there recently and he knew it was all because of Summer. His focus for his business was gone and he needed to either sell it to Linc completely or move the offices here to the mountain so that he could still be involved in it in some capacity. That may not be practical though if the investigators didn’t want to relocate and the city was where most of their assignments were. He would deal with it tomorrow.
As his eyes grew heavy he gave in and succumbed to sleep and dreamed of the woman in his arms. At first, it was a sweet dream of a heavily pregnant Summer sitting in their garden with another child playing at her feet. Then she was holding court at the dinner table with their adult children around them and everyone was eating and laughing. Then suddenly she was an old woman sitting on a rocking chair on the porch and despite the gray hair and the lines on her face, she was still beautiful, how could she not be.
In his dream, Connor walked over and kneeled in front of her. He reached out to stroke her cheek and felt the tears on his fingertips. She turned away from him and covered her face and the hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach turned to an ache as she told him to leave her alone. She turned to ash in front of him and blew away on the wind and he gasped and jumped up, wildly looking around for her but she was gone.
He threw back his head to let loose his wolf and as the howl reverberated around the mountain he caught sight of himself in the glass of the window and he looked exactly as he did now with just a touch of gray at his temples.
He woke with a start, his heart was thundering like a runaway train and the relief that it wasn’t real, it was just a dream, mingled with the terrifying knowledge that he might have just seen into their future. It scared him half to death and he knew with certainty that she would eventually push him away and then she would be gone forever. He also knew he wouldn’t stay around without her here, he wouldn’t be able to bear the pain of a life without her.
He lay awake for the rest of the night until Summer began to stir just before dawn and he reached for her. She pulled his head to hers and as she kissed him he lost himself in her touch, pushing away the memories of
his dream and he cherished this moment with her. Each time they made love was like the first time again and as he reached his peak her teeth nipped his neck and he felt guilty at the thoughts that dominated his mind.
He wished that Summer was a wolf just like him!
She would be stronger, less fallible and he wouldn’t ever have to see the rejection in her eyes as she outgrew him and then have to watch her die. Their children too would watch their mother expire while he would still be relatively young. He hated himself for wishing her different than she was but he couldn’t help his selfish thoughts.
He got up to shower without another word to her, throwing her a smile hoping she wouldn’t notice how fucking awful he was. She would despise him for wanting her to be different and he knew he would deserve it.
The Connor of his youth was coming back to haunt him and he thought he had buried that asshole for good a long time ago. His father’s last words to him echoed in his ears as the hot spray stung his skin.
‘You’ll never amount to anything decent, Connor Adair, there’s too much of your mother in you. You’re nothing but a wastrel and a playboy and it’s time you settled down with a mate and had a family. You will mate with the Murphy girl and bring her father’s money and allegiance to this pack or you can get the hell out right now. It’s time you started thinking of someone else instead of yourself.’
The words no longer had the power to hurt him as they had all those years ago. His father had disowned Garrett years ago too, maybe even before he discovered he wasn’t really his father at all and that Owen Donovan was. Maybe Garrett was just stronger than him and was able to let go of the feeling that he was never good enough.
Even his sister Rylee had been on their father’s shit list and she was the model child. Unnaturally smart, successful and until very recently she had done everything her father had ever asked of her. Cillian seemed to be the only one who their father had genuinely adored. Garrett had nicknamed him ‘Golden Bollocks’ and he couldn’t suppress a smile at the apt name. Despite how spoiled Cillian was, he loved his youngest brother and since last year he had been trying desperately to get back into everyone’s good books. Only time would tell how deep his father’s rotten genes ran.
Maybe he needed to have a sit down with Rylee and Garrett and try to find some closure from the power their father still held over them even in death.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Summer
Connor had been acting weird since yesterday morning and Summer didn’t have a clue why. She refused to badger him about it, he would tell her in his own good time but a little slither of something akin to fear crept up her spine as she wondered if he was getting a little tired of her. Wolves harped on about fated mates and to be fair witches were no better. Until she met Connor she had wondered how much was based on fairytale and how much on a healthy dose of lust. She was crazy about him and was drawn to him like a magnet, but maybe he was going off her.
She knew from pack gossip that in the past Connor had been the ultimate rebel and bad-boy, preferring his Harley to most of the wolves in his pack and not a fan of following the rules. There had been many women in and out of his life but India said that Summer was the first he had ever been serious about.
Rumor had it that he left his pack many years ago after a falling out with his father and no one was actually sure where he had been and what he had been doing at that time. She knew he owned a security company but India told her that for a large chunk of his life no one knew where he was, not even Garrett who he was closest to.
She was going to visit India and Imogen this morning and help with food for tonight's pack run and if the opportunity arose, she would talk to them about it and see what else she could find out. A little voice in her head was telling her to go to the source but she was a little afraid he would shut her out which only showed her level of insecurity as she already knew that a true mate would never keep secrets.
Connor said he had work to do and buried his head in his laptop when she said she was driving over to The Den. He rarely missed an opportunity to spend time with Garrett and he had been with him all day yesterday and came home after she was asleep. It had stung that he hadn’t asked her to go with him so she had gone to the shop and spent the entire day working to get her orders sent out and inventory up to date.
She shared a pizza dinner with Eleanor and interviewed a young she-wolf called Kathleen who wanted to work for her in the shop. She had a keen interest in anything holistic which was a start and Summer was happy to teach her everything else if they worked well together. She was a friend of young Bethany who ran the daycare and nursery and she and her mother had recently moved into one of the small townhouses on the main street. Her mother was one of the women who had taken over the diner with Faye Scott.
Summer liked Kathleen immediately and she wanted to be more enthusiastic but this thing with Connor was taking over every thought in her head. She had to get to the bottom of it before it drove her crazy.
The courtyard outside was a hive of activity with folding tables stacked against the wall waiting for this evening’s festivities. She had to park down at the side of Bree and Nate’s new home and walk the short distance to The Den but Imogen and India were the only two people in the kitchen and already there were trays of food everywhere. She poured herself a coffee and India handed her a list of things still to be done.
“We are just working our way down the list of desserts and cookies for now,” Imogen said as she removed another tray of macadamia nut cookies from the oven and replaced it with another to be baked. “The catering company has a big job today so the diner is providing the burgers, hotdogs and all the buns. Faye and Kandis will bring them later this afternoon. We need to finish these and then work on salads, beans and corn. As usual with a full pack dinner, we are trying to keep it simple.”
Cian began to cry in his highchair and Bree waddled into the kitchen and scooped him up into her arms before anyone else.
“I can amuse him for a little while until he gets bored and wails for his Mom. The practice should be good.” she grinned and carried the baby into the living room.
Hope was already there and had Everly and Ethan on either side of her reading them a story. Kali was laying on the floor with a coloring book and a tub of pens and Addison was fast asleep in her stroller.
Summer felt a jolt of envy for these women who were mated and had babies. She would love to have a family with Connor too but how did they know it was going to work out, there were no guarantees and she and Connor had the added complications of her not being a shifter.
“What’s on your mind, Summer,” Imogen asked softly as the door closed behind Bree and she almost denied it and then quickly reminded herself she had planned on asking questions of these two women today and if she wanted answers she would need to ask the right questions.
“I don’t quite know where to start,” she said honestly and India lifted her head and looked at her closely.
“How about the beginning, love, that’s usually the best place,” she said softly and pulled out a chair for her to sit in. India sat beside her while Imogen made a fresh pot of coffee and she told them everything.
Her anxiety about getting too old and dying way before Connor, his rejection of her as she became an old woman and he would be still relatively young, her desire for children and the pain that she would cause them when she died way before the rest of her family.
“If I’m being honest, the part that worries me the most is knowing I will look like his grandmother in fifty years’ time and he won’t look much older than he does today. I don’t think I could bear his rejection but it’s inevitable, don’t you think.”
“Why would he, he is your mate and he will always want you as he does now. That’s the huge difference between mated couples and others. It’s much more than love or lust, he’s the other half of your soul,” Imogen said, coming to sit on her other side. “Connor won’t see gray hair or lines on your face, he will al
ways see you as you are now and besides you will still be beautiful when you are eighty years old Summer.”
“I will die long before him and while any children I have are still in their prime. Is that fair of me to inflict that on them?”
“Connor knows this too and must think it’s worth the sacrifice,” India added, “But there is something else on your mind, this isn’t the whole story.”
“How do I know with certainty that he is my mate and I am his?” Summer said the words aloud that were her biggest fear.
“How would you feel if he were to live the rest of your life without him in it, what if he were to be with someone else and have a life with her. Do you love him enough to let him go and want him to be happy without you?” Imogen said and her mind was suddenly assaulted with thoughts and pictures of Connor in the future with another woman and children all around them.
Summer jumped up and knocked her empty coffee cup off the table and watched it smash on the tile floor as a feeling of utter dread filled her.
“No! I couldn’t bear the thought of a life without him,” she cried out as Imogen continued to fill her mind with images of Connor and a young pretty dark-haired woman.
Connor had his arms around her and was smiling when she stretched up on her toes to kiss him. Summer wanted to grab her and wrench her away from him. Connor was hers and she knew she could never let him go, not even if she thought he would have a better life without her. How selfish did that make her?
“I think you have the answer.” Imogen took her hand. “You are as mated to Connor as Seann and I or India and Garrett, there are no halfway measures. Selfish or not, I would rip another woman’s head off if she kissed my man too.”
Children of the Moon: Book Six Page 12