by Ciara Smyth
“What do you mean a bird?”
“Stop changing the subject. Are you in or not?”
She looked like she was thinking about it. She tossed her hair from one side to the other and then, with a determined look on her face, she nodded.
“I’m in,” she said.
When she saw the pedalos she laughed. They were shaped like swans, about ten feet high, and they were absolutely decrepit. I was certain they hadn’t been replaced since I was a kid and there was Sharpie graffiti all over them.
“OK, OK, it’s not a rowboat—”
“It definitely is nowhere near as dignified as a rowboat.”
“—but she’s seaworthy, I swear.”
We gazed at the herd of plastic swans.
“Which one do you want to set free?” she asked, pretending to consider them carefully.
“I can’t decide between the one with the elaborate goatee or the one that has four stars and would ride this bird again written on the arse.”
“Four stars, though, we can’t argue with that kind of review,” Ruby mused.
The mighty bird was trapped in a shallow part of the sea enclosed by a fence of buoys. It was supposed to prevent children from pedaling off into the horizon and perishing at sea, but it was extremely inconvenient.
“We’re going to have to wade in and pull it out on the sand,” I decided.
Ruby nodded. “OK, well, you do that, and I’ll be here waiting.”
“Oh, come on, wuss. It’s three inches of water. Get your butt in with me, Quinn.”
Ruby sighed and kicked off her shoes.
Getting the swan to the shore was easy enough, in spite of the freezing water lapping at our ankles. Getting it across the sand, past the enclosure, and back into the sea was the hard part. There was grunting, sweating, and much profanity.
“Isn’t this nice,” I panted, once we had finally set sail. We’d squeezed into the swan side by side and we were pedaling off into the distance. Neither of us felt the cold anymore.
“Maybe I’ve overlooked master thief as a career option. What do you think?”
I laughed. Then Ruby laughed. Then we couldn’t stop laughing.
“We stole a ten-foot swan,” she said between peals of laughter.
“We stole a four-star, ten-foot swan,” I corrected her. Then I laughed again. It wasn’t that it was that funny. It was just ridiculous and the giddiness of it was making us silly.
“I don’t think this happened in any movie,” Ruby said finally when we both calmed down. She let her hand drift along the surface of the water. Like the night at the drive-in when I thought we might have been stranded at the mercy of a back-seat serial killer, I considered pointing out that if this were a horror movie she could lose a hand right to a water demon or be dragged out of the boat by a serial killer and I’d have to leave her and paddle to shore. But I thought it might spoil the moment.
“I’ll include it in my memoir,” I said instead. “When they make the biopic, it’ll be one of the early scenes.”
“Oh, you think you’re interesting enough to have your own biopic?” she teased.
“Maybe not right now, but once I’ve cured cancer or brokered world peace, they’ll have to give the public what they want.”
“What do you want to do, you know, ‘when you grow up’?” Ruby asked.
What was I supposed to say to that? I didn’t have some big plan or grand passion that I wanted to follow. I wouldn’t let myself have something like that. And I couldn’t tell Ruby why having a plan seemed kind of pointless under the circumstances.
“Not as many things as you do,” I joked.
Ruby smiled, but she didn’t say anything. She waited for me to say more. That was normal. This was a totally normal conversation. It’s all anyone had talked about for a year at school. What have you applied for, what do you want to do, etc.? They never tired of it because even though everyone had asked everyone, the point was never to find out what someone else was doing, but to talk about what you wanted to do.
I didn’t get the feeling that was why Ruby asked. I was going to have to give her something else. I could do that, though. It wasn’t breaking the rules. Maybe just nudging them a bit to see if they had any give.
“Honestly, I don’t know.”
“I feel like that too.”
“You feel like that because everything sounds like a good idea to you.” Ruby considered every career that came up, even in casual conversation, as a possibility; she saw potential everywhere. I wasn’t like that. “Nothing sounds like a good idea to me.” I realized as the words were tumbling out of my mouth that it sounded terribly close to a maudlin admission of my true feelings, and that was dangerously close to having a deep and meaningful conversation that I was not supposed to have. Not if I wanted to stick to my rules. And I did, of course. Because they were working.
Ruby took my hand and rubbed her thumb along my palm.
“No, I feel like that because—” Then she paused and turned my hand over to look at it. “You have a scar here,” she said, surprised. “How have I not noticed that before?”
It was pretty well hidden, as it followed the crease of my hand. I’d even tried holding my own hand to see if you could feel it that way and you couldn’t.
“Well. There’s a story,” I said, clutching at the opportunity to change the subject. “See, I ran into a burning building.”
“Uh-huh.” Ruby rolled her eyes.
“No, I did. To save some kittens.”
“Kittens, you say.”
“Yep. Your favorite. And orphans. You like orphans? I’m a goddamn hero.”
“And you just got one long scar on your hand in this brave rescue?”
“Yeah, I’m a hero and also super flame retardant. What can I tell you?”
“How about you tell me something real for a change?”
Ruby locked eyes with me. Her blue freckle looked like a drop of nighttime had fallen out of the sky onto her cheek. Her face was soft curves and luminous skin. She might have been the prettiest girl I’d ever seen.
“How about this?” I pinched her chin between my thumb and forefinger, drawing her face close so I could whisper onto her lips. I wanted to tell her how much I liked her, how I felt this tugging feeling in my stomach that drew me close to her, but I couldn’t let the words out of my mouth because it felt like unleashing something I couldn’t control.
Instead I said, “I want to take you somewhere special.”
It was my favorite part of the beach, farther up out of the tourist areas, off a small cove with rough shingle instead of sand. If you climb over the stone inlet there’s a natural pool, entirely enclosed and about six feet deep and five feet wide. Somehow the water there is warmer than the rest of the sea. Warmer, not warm. That’s important. We lodged the swan into a crevice in the rock and it bobbed absurdly, a giant white getaway bird, as we climbed over the rock.
Ruby breathed out a low sigh. “This really is special.”
It was our own private pool lit by stars.
I sat on the edge of the water and dangled my feet in. Ruby stretched her legs and shook them out. Maybe I hadn’t really been doing all that much pedaling, if I’m quite honest, but she had those muscly gymnastics legs so I would have only been slowing her down. She reached her arms overhead and I tried not to stare at the places where the hem rode up. Instead, I patted the ground beside me and she sat and dipped her toes into the water.
“That’s nice,” she said, and she leaned her head on my shoulder, bits of her messy hair tickling my chin.
“Good,” I said slowly. “Because I was thinking we should go skinny-dipping.”
Ruby’s head sprang up.
“You’re joking.”
I shook my head.
“It’s really montage-y, don’t you think?”
“It’s not on the list.”
“Have you done it before?” I asked, trying not to sound jealous of the person who might have swum naked with m
y . . . with Ruby.
“No.”
Suck it, imaginary person.
“It’s absolutely freezing.” She looked mournfully into the water. Though the pool was too small for waves, it was dark and ominous and it made gulping, gurgling sounds as it flowed from the sea through the rocks.
“A minute ago you said it was nice,” I scoffed.
Her eyes searched mine, trying to figure out if I was serious, and I held her gaze.
“Let’s do it.” She leapt up and growled like she was psyching up for a battle against the elements.
“Are you sure now? It won’t be too cold for you?” I teased, standing and tossing my jumper onto a high, jutting part of the rock.
“If I lose a nipple to frostbite, I’m holding you personally responsible,” she said, kicking her trainers off.
“I promise, I take full responsibility for your nipples.”
I wriggled out of my shorts and felt a pinch of doubt as a wave of cold water splashed over the rocks and the spray hit my legs. Ruby grasped the corners of her T-shirt with both hands and pulled it over her head. I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to look or not. A constellation of freckles across her torso looked like someone had blown them onto her skin like sprinkles from their hand. Her waist dipped in and her hips were full and wide. A bulge of soft stomach sat above the waistband of spotty pink underwear that was a size too small. It dug in and squishy hips and belly strained against the fabric. If you don’t think that sounds beautiful then you haven’t seen her.
She was covered by a striped blue bra, and I didn’t want to seem like the boy who’s been let into the locker room, eyes pinging straight to the chest, but the swell of her breasts disappearing into the fabric made me want something so bad it was like an untamable creature inside me, clawing its way from my stomach, searching with greedy hands. I thought of closing the space between us, but there’s an unspoken quid pro quo of getting to look at someone in their underwear. I peeled my top over my head and held it in my hand, covering most of my body for a moment before I let it drop. I was afraid she wouldn’t like what she saw. My cheeks got hot as her eyes scanned my body. I thought I saw the same expression reflected in her eyes that must have radiated from mine and it made me feel beautiful. I unscrunched myself, letting my shoulders drop and my arms relax to my sides.
“Don’t look,” she said as she reached around her back to unhook her bra, and I squeezed my eyes shut. A few moments later I heard a splash, combined with a scream and followed by quick shallow breaths. I opened my eyes. Ruby was treading water furiously, her face taut with the pain of being plunged into cold water.
“Er, maybe I shouldn’t get in after all.” I pretended to put my top back on.
“Oh. My. God. Get in. Immediately. Or. I swear. I’ll. Kill you,” Ruby said, her words struggling to get out between labored breaths.
She swam in the other direction to warm up, discreetly giving me the privacy to slip out of the little clothing I still had on. It was strange having nothing on outside. I tried to think of any other time in my life where I might have been completely naked outdoors, but unless I’d been a baby it had never happened. The cool air was nice, ticklish in places that aren’t often exposed. I imagined the water would feel less pleasant. I hesitated for a second at the edge of the pool, contemplating the jump. Then I decided to lay my clothes on the edge and try to slip myself in, inch by inch.
“Ahhhhh!” I screamed.
“Are you in?” Ruby asked. She was facing away from me, using the edge of the pool as a rest for her arms.
“Not yet.”
“Just jump.”
I couldn’t do it. I inched myself in further.
“Oh God.”
The water hit me in parts that don’t usually see the great outdoors and I responded with a high-pitched squeal.
“Get you in the vag, did it?” Ruby said knowingly.
“Don’t make me laugh. This is a delicate operation,” I said, but I couldn’t help giggling and I lost my grip and slid into the water, grazing my leg on craggy bits of rock sticking out. Strike three for my poor knee.
“Owww. Oh, it’s cold and it hurts.”
Ruby turned, bobbing in the water. I could only see her from the shoulders up. She paddled toward me, trying not to laugh.
“It’s OK after a minute. It doesn’t feel so cold now.”
I pumped my legs and swam in small circles around the rock pool until my heart rate slowed a bit and I stopped feeling like the cold was burrowing into my body.
“This was your idea,” Ruby said, laughing, when she saw the expression on my face.
“I have bad ideas.”
I didn’t mean it, because I was in a rock pool, in the nip, with a girl who was also naked, and that was pretty much the best thing that ever happened to me. I swam closer to her and we trod water, lazily. Her leg slipped against mine, and with imminent death by freezing no longer an issue, the wanting creature returned. It was the strongest urge I’d ever had. I got close enough to Ruby to put my hands on her waist and I pulled her closer to me. Her skin was silky underwater. Though we were prevented from getting too close by our legs kicking to keep us afloat, every bit of skin-to-skin contact burned, like it should glow from beneath the dark water. My hands on her waist, her hands on my hips, our legs brushing up against one another.
She pulled me closer to kiss me and my breath caught. It wasn’t just her lips on mine, but her whole body slipped and slid against mine in a way that was gentle but set me on fire. The gulping of the water trapped under the rock and the hushing waves faded. She hooked her legs around my waist. I kissed her back until I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to run my hands all over her, I wanted to find the secret places on her body and I wanted her to do the same to me, but instead, we broke apart.
Wanting more felt good too. Like a good ache.
We climbed out without looking at each other. Somehow even though I’d felt her body wrapped around mine, the idea of being seen was different. I wrung my hair out, twisting it into a rope and squeezing, water splashing onto my feet. Ruby’s teeth chattered as she got dressed.
Dressed in damp clothes, Ruby kissed me on the nose.
“You have good ideas,” she said.
It was a different kind of kiss to the ones in the water, but it felt really nice too.
18.
AN INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY
Whatcha doin’
SAOIRSE
When did you get my phone??
AN INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY
I can’t tell you that. I’m stealthy. Like James Bond. Definitely not when you were in the toilet, that’s for sure.
SAOIRSE
OK, I am kind of into this one. The soundtrack is awesome.
00GOBSHITE
I’m going to need more than that.
SAOIRSE
Watching 10 things I hate about you.
00GOBSHITE
I don’t know if I’ve seen that one.
SAOIRSE
Turn it on. I only just started it. I’ll pause. Let me know when you get to the bit where she’s reading the bell jar.
00GOBSHITE
OK I’m there.
SAOIRSE
I’m into intense goth friend.
00GOBSHITE
Hard same.
SAOIRSE
Why are there so many bets in teen rom-coms?
00GOBSHITE
More importantly, between all the betting and romantic antics, when do these people do their homework? They’re about to finish school? I still have nightmares about the leaving cert and it ended weeks ago.
SAOIRSE
The thing is, either you fancy someone or you don’t. If you have to create an elaborate serenade to Can’t Take My Eyes Off You to get someone to go out with you, the person probably doesn’t like you very much.
00GOBSHITE
Not all of us were blessed with your raw animal magnetism. Like a walking Axe advert.
SAOIRSE
Gross. It’s only cute because Heath Ledger is cute. If he was a bog standard lad, you’d be calling the guards like.
00GOBSHITE
Did she seriously just flash the teacher to get him out of detention?
SAOIRSE
Yep. Can you imagine flashing Mr. Connolly?
00GOBSHITE
I mean I can. But I’m very proud of my nipples so . . .
SAOIRSE
I’m going to ignore the fact that you brought up your nipples.
Wait why is she doing the apology poem when he’s the one who made the bet?
00GOBSHITE
Because she’s not a feminist anymore because love. I’m pretty sure that’s the moral of the story.
SAOIRSE
That doesn’t make any sense.
00GOBSHITE
But they’re all so good looking it hardly matters.
SAOIRSE
Aw he bought her the guitar because he supports her angry girl music dreams. I mean, I personally wouldn’t forgive him, but it’s kind of sweet I suppose.
00GOBSHITE
You’re turning into such a sap. I’m going to tell Ruby.
SAOIRSE
Oh no. Please don’t tell the girl I like that I secretly enjoy the films she loves. That would be a disaster.
00GOBSHITE
You tricked me. I’m just a pawn in your mind games aren’t I?
SAOIRSE
You’d have to have a brain for me to play mind games with you.
00GOBSHITE
Critical Hit. Ego -2000 pts
19.
9. Having one of those “No, you hang up” conversations on the phone (as seen in The Truth About Cats & Dogs, Pillow Talk).
On Thursday we scheduled a phone call where neither one of us would hang up. It was the thing on the list I most wanted to avoid because no one likes actually being on the phone. It’s torture. And all the rom-coms where people don’t want to hang up on each other are from before technology granted us the gift of texting.
But it was on the list so it had to be done. For authenticity, I agreed to call on my dad’s home office landline to the landline at Oliver’s house. I prayed Ruby would be the one to answer. I even texted her a warning. If this was something old people had to struggle through when they were young, it’s a wonder the species survived.