by Beth Wiseman
A few minutes later, he found her in the same spot as before, sitting on the gray carpet by a window. She smiled when she saw him, but despite the warm glow that filled Lucas, his worries and confusion assaulted him from every direction, dimming the feeling.
* * *
Natalie had pondered Mary and her mother’s warnings about her and Lucas becoming too close. But today, she refused to focus on anything except the happy news she had to share with her friend. “Guess what?”
Lucas sat on the floor beside her and grinned. “What?”
“My mom started a new job yesterday. For the first time since she and my dad divorced, she sounded happy on the phone. She’s doing bookkeeping for a widowed man she calls ‘the cowboy.’ I don’t know his real name, but he trains horses, and Mom is terrified of horses. She isn’t a big fan of smaller animals either.” She paused as recollections from her childhood surfaced. “We never had any pets when I was growing up. I think she was attacked as a child by a wild cat or something. But she said she doesn’t have to be around the horses.” She pressed her palms together, smiling. “I feel like this is a big step toward her getting her life together.”
“That’s great.” Lucas plugged his phone cord into the outlet where Natalie’s was already charging.
“You know how much I love my mother, but I’ve been hoping she would regain the confidence in herself that she lost after my dad left. Having a job gives her a sense of purpose. And she certainly needs the money. It’s not full-time, but I’m so happy she found something.”
Lucas nodded, but his eyes were somewhere else, staring past her. Natalie waved a hand in front of him. “Hello?”
He came to attention. “Sorry. I was just . . .” His mouth took on an unpleasant twist.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” She found his eyes and held his attention.
Lucas rubbed his chin as he stared back at her. “Mei mamm pinned me in the kitchen this morning and wanted to talk about you.”
Natalie sighed. “No, not her too? Don’t tell me. She thinks one of us will get hurt, right?”
Lucas’s jaw tensed. “Has someone else said something?”
Natalie had hoped to avoid this conversation today. She hung her head, tucked her hair behind her ears, then looked back at him. “My mom and Mary both told me they were worried about our friendship. They think we have feelings for each other and one of us will get hurt.” Pausing, she sighed. “Mary even said it was dangerous and reckless.”
“Ya. Mei mamm is of the same opinion.”
She searched his eyes as she tried to figure out how upset he was about the conversation with his mother.
He held a blank expression, keeping his eyes fused with hers. “Are they right that one of us will get hurt?”
Natalie chewed her bottom lip. “I thought we weren’t going to buy in to any of that or worry about it, that we were going to follow God’s lead and listen to Him.” She swallowed the lump forming in her throat. “Are you changing your mind about our friendship?”
“I don’t know.”
Natalie’s jaw dropped as she placed a hand on her stomach, feeling like she’d just been sucker punched. “What are you saying?”
Lucas glanced around the area where they were sitting. No one was around. “I just don’t want to ever do anything to hurt you, not ever.”
Her stomach pain subsided a little bit. “And I don’t ever want to do anything to cause you pain either.” She paused. Because I love you. She couldn’t tell him that. He’d take it out of context and possibly end their friendship. “I feel like everyone is complicating a situation that doesn’t involve them, and I get that they love us and are worried. But my trust in God is stronger than my trust in our family and friends. And, Lucas . . .” She waited a few seconds until he was really looking at her, the way he did sometimes when she felt like he could see inside her thoughts. “I trust you.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t.” He unplugged his phone, stood, and waited as she got to her feet.
Natalie fought the tears trying to form in the corners of her eyes. “You can say that, but I do trust you.”
He stared at her for a long while. “I can’t stay. I’ve got a couple errands to run. But I’ll see you at Levi and Mary’s Friday night, ya?”
She nodded. Did that mean he wasn’t going to call tonight or tomorrow night? It seemed likely since he’d barely charged his phone. She didn’t ask before he walked off. She wondered if he actually would be at Levi and Mary’s Friday night. God, where are You?
Whatever Helen said must have really hit him hard.
Natalie picked up her purse and coat, took the books she’d pulled back to the shelves, and left the library. As she started her car, she realized the warnings were true.
We are already hurting each other.
* * *
Lucas didn’t know his brother’s work schedule, but when he pulled into Levi and Mary’s driveway, he was happy to see Levi’s buggy. He dreaded the conversation he was going to have with his brother, but he needed to talk to someone, and Levi was the most likely to understand how he was feeling.
“Wie bischt?” Levi swung the door open and stepped aside for Lucas to come in. “What brings you here today?”
“Where’s Mary?” Lucas slipped off his shoes, hung his hat on the rack, and took a couple steps toward the kitchen, but he didn’t see his sister-in-law.
“She’s in the sewing room doing some mending, mostly to mei socks.” Levi grinned. “But I can go get her if you need to talk to her.”
“Nee. I came to see you.” Lucas sat on the couch, propped his elbows on his legs, then held his head. “I’m so confused.”
Levi sat next to him and faced him. “About what?”
After Lucas rubbed his temples for a few seconds, he looked up at his brother. “Mary told Natalie she’s worried about us, where our relationship is headed. Natalie’s mother apparently has the same concerns. This morning, Mamm got hold of me and gave her opinion loud and clear.” Pausing, he searched his brother’s face for a reaction, but Levi just scratched the back of his head and looked down. “I know you and Mary had to compromise on some things to be together since her district is so different from ours, and—”
“It’s not the same.” Levi shook his head. “I’ve been worried about you and Natalie too, mei bruder. It’s not hard to see how much you two care about each other. The obvious difference is that Mary and I are both Amish, no matter how different our districts might be.”
Lucas leaned his head back against his brother’s couch and closed his eyes.
“That fact that you’re even bringing this up must mean things are moving in a more complicated direction.”
Lucas raised his head and sighed. “Nee, not really. Everyone just seems to have an opinion about it, so now I can’t stop thinking about it.”
Levi stared at him, squinting. “Thinking about what?”
Lucas grumbled under his breath, wishing he hadn’t come. “You know, if everyone is right.”
“Right about what?”
Lucas stiffened as he turned to face his brother. “Why are you doing that? Questioning everything I say.”
“Because I’m not sure what you want me to say. Are you asking me if you should stay friends with Natalie? Or are you trying to tell me that you’re thinking about leaving our faith?”
“Nee. Never. I’m not living like the Englisch.” Lucas surprised himself by how quickly and earnestly he responded.
Levi ran his hand over his short beard. Lucas was still getting used to seeing his younger brother with facial hair, even though he and Mary had been married for months now.
“I feel like Gott wants me to show Natalie the way to Him. She is a gut person, but she didn’t really know how to have a relationship with our heavenly Father. And we’ve become close friends. But since everyone has all these concerns about our friendship, I’m trying to put myself on the outside and look in.”
“And what do you see?”
<
br /> Lucas stared at his brother, who was three years younger but seemed much older right now. Levi was married, and Lucas knew the compromises he and Mary made to be together. Since they’d married, Levi had taken on a maturity Lucas felt he was lacking right now, and he hoped looking in from the outside might shed some light.
“I see two people . . .” He paused, sighing. “Who care a lot about each other and are aware there is no possibility of being together as anything more than friends.”
They were both quiet for a while.
Levi cleared his throat. “Our family never knew much about mei love of music. Mary had a fondness for it too.” He waited for Lucas to look at him. “Mamm tanned mei hide when she caught me playing a piano at an Englisch family’s haus when I was little. Somehow, I just knew how to play it.” His brother seemed to recoil as he avoided Lucas’s eyes. “I used to play the piano all the time for Adeline before she died.”
Lucas’s mouth fell open. He knew they’d sold Adeline’s piano after she passed, but this was the first time Lucas had heard this. “But you know it’s not allowed.”
“Nee. It’s not. I knew I was going against the Ordnung, and by doing so I never felt truly at peace playing the piano. But I do believe Gott called me to play for Adeline during her last weeks on this earth.”
Lucas rubbed his forehead. He wasn’t making the connection.
“What I’m trying to say is that I believe Gott wanted me to play the piano for Adeline, but only for a season, only to help her passing go smoother and to give her joy and a reminder of what she would have in heaven when she arrived and heard her husband playing the piano the way she remembered.”
The light clicked on in Lucas’s mind. “I’m being called to show Natalie the way to Gott, to teach her the many ways He loves us, how to trust Him, and how to accept His will.” Lucas swallowed. “But only for a season.”
Levi put his hand on Lucas’s shoulder.
Lucas hoped he didn’t cry. His brother was right. “How do I know when the season is supposed to end? For you, it ended when Adeline died. With Natalie, how will I know? What will be the determining factor?”
Levi removed his hand and sighed. “I don’t know.”
Lucas stood, thanked his brother, then left for home, feeling even more confused than before.
Chapter 6
Friday morning Helen found herself alone in the house. It was a rare occurrence. Everyone had somewhere to be today. Lloyd and Ben had gone to shoe horses at a farm nearby. Isaac was repairing the fence on the north side of the house. Lucas, Jacob, and Eli were in the barn working on a dining room set. Abram was in school, and the girls had gone to help at the food pantry.
Helen walked upstairs, which she hardly ever did, but she pushed through the pain in her hip. Her joints would hurt even worse going up the steps to the attic, where Lucas’s room was. It was a terrible thing to spy on one’s children. But Helen had a niggling feeling that Lucas was hiding something, and she was determined to find out what it was.
She flinched as she took each step up the steep ladder, then pushed Lucas’s door open. The bed was unmade. No surprise. Her son knew Helen would never come up here. She’d only been up twice since Lucas converted the attic into his own bedroom.
Other than a pair of black slacks on the floor and the unmade bed, the room was tidy. She walked around and tapped a finger to her chin. What was she looking for? Evidence? She could feel in her gut that Lucas was more involved with Natalie than he let on. The boy just didn’t realize his feelings for her yet.
Nervous about what she might find, Helen noticed her hand trembling as she opened the drawer of the bedside table. Her nerves settled when she picked up Lucas’s Bible. She smiled. The pages were tattered and worn, a good sign that her son spent time alone worshipping God. As she placed it back in the drawer, she noticed another book. A woman in a low-cut red dress that went all the way to the floor was on the cover. She picked it up and flipped it over to read the description on the back. Her chest tightened as she dropped the book back in the drawer, wishing she hadn’t touched it. Her son was reading about a prostitute. Then she noticed a white cord in the drawer. Helen pushed the book aside with one finger and gingerly picked up the cord before she dug around a little more and found instructions for a mobile phone.
Anger rushed through her core until her entire body trembled. She replaced the items as she’d found them, closed the drawer, and sank onto her son’s unmade bed, wringing her hands together. Should she tell Isaac? Her husband would want to know, but he’d be unhappy with her for snooping in their son’s room.
There had to be a way to end this troubling relationship between Lucas and the Englisch girl. It was a no-win situation. Helen would be devastated if Lucas left them to live in the outside world with Natalie. And she didn’t want that girl in her family. It would be impossible for her to become one of them. Children began learning the Ordnung when they were toddlers. Natalie’s values and ways were already instilled in her. Was she the reason Lucas had a mobile phone?
Her stomach in knots, she ducked her head and went out the small door, closed it behind her, and began the descent to the main floor, praying she didn’t fall. After she made it to the second floor, she limped to the stairs and carefully—painfully—walked to the first floor. At the landing, she caught her breath, then went into her bedroom and sat on the bed, her thoughts jumbled.
Helen tried not to meddle in her children’s lives, but this situation might need some intervention before things got worse. As ideas rushed in and out of her mind, she could only think of one person who might help her dissuade Lucas and Natalie’s friendship. The girl’s mother.
Cecelia lived near Montgomery. It was too far to go by buggy, and she didn’t even know the woman’s address. Helen didn’t drive a buggy anymore anyway. She had a minor accident while driving to town one day a couple years ago, and it had shaken her up. Unwilling to confess about the accident, she also hadn’t told her family her arthritis had been worse since then. She didn’t know if the added pain was related to the mishap, but these days she relied on one of her children to cart her around. They only hired drivers for doctor’s appointments that were too far away or if there was an emergency. There had to be another way. Phones, mobile or otherwise, were forbidden, but right now, Helen wished she had one.
By lunchtime, she’d given up hope of contacting Natalie’s mother anytime soon. Maybe it wasn’t the Lord’s will for Helen to get involved. She was already ashamed of herself for snooping in Lucas’s room. Lowering her head, she prayed for strength and then lifted herself from the bed to go prepare lunch.
Following the blessing for the noon meal, Isaac and the boys dove into a pot of stew Helen had simmered all morning. Abram was in school, and the girls were still gone. Her sons were talking about going up to Williams to the East Fork of the White River. It was an ideal fishing spot, and she couldn’t recall a time when her boys or Isaac had ever returned home without a stringer of channel cat, along with an occasional flathead. There was a long pier at the dam the locals called the catwalk, and it was the one place Helen didn’t mind her children mingling with outsiders. The entire family relished the flavor of the fish, which Helen lightly coated with a special seasoning before deep-frying it with potatoes cooked in the same pot.
“We can go get the horses after lunch and head that way,” Ben said.
Helen smiled. Her boys had often said buggies were for the girls. She didn’t know of any other Amish men who preferred riding horseback, but her boys loved it. They’d found a route from Orleans to Williams that kept them out of traffic they couldn’t avoid in the buggy. And they said it was faster to ride the horses. They’d purchased the animals at auctions for next to nothing because the horses had been neglected and were unwell. Helen was proud of the way her boys had nursed them back to good health.
Their family homestead didn’t have room for the horses. Their neighbor, Moses Schwartz, had been gracious enough to allow the boys t
o stable them on his property. Moses broke and sold horses and had a nice setup for the animals. He refused to accept any payment, so Helen took him a meal or freshly baked loaf of bread as often as she could.
“I walked over to Moses’s place earlier to let him know we’d be coming to get the horses.” Ben snatched the last piece of bread just as Lloyd reached for it.
“I have another loaf.” Helen winced as she rose from her chair, limped to the counter, and returned with more bread.
“Moses wasn’t there, but he’s got an Englisch lady working for him. Just started a couple days ago.” Ben’s eyes turned to Lucas and he smirked. “It’s your girlfriend’s mudder.”
Helen’s eyes widened as she returned to her seat.
“Natalie isn’t mei girlfriend.” Lucas spoke louder than necessary.
“Cecelia is working for Moses?” Helen couldn’t help her need to confirm the information.
Ben nodded. “Ya, she’s doing his bookkeeping.”
God had just presented Helen a window of opportunity. It had to be a sign from above that the Lord didn’t approve of Lucas and Natalie’s relationship.
After everyone had eaten and left, Helen readied herself for a visit next door. At the last minute, she grabbed an extra loaf of bread to take to her neighbor. He was a kind man. Moses and Marianne had moved to their community only a year before Marianne died. Helen hoped Cecelia wasn’t trying to get her claws into the widower. She’d overheard someone say on Saturday that the woman was divorced. Helen would hate to see her take advantage of a good man.
Still, Helen was fairly certain she hadn’t misread Cecelia in the hall on Saturday. She was sure the woman opposed any romantic involvement between Natalie and Lucas. That fact alone united them, but were Cecelia’s convictions as strong as Helen’s?
Thankful it wasn’t too far of a walk to Moses’s place, Helen closed the door behind her and cautiously descended the porch steps.
* * *
Cecelia had spent Friday morning carrying down the balances on Moses’s ledgers. Now, as three o’clock approached, she was sorting his bills by due dates. They’d agreed that she would work primarily from ten in the morning until three in the afternoon, with thirty minutes for lunch.