And when it became harder and harder for her to breathe, each breath sounding like she was being dragged through hell, I leaned into her ear and whispered, “I’ve held you back your entire life, Violet. It’s time for you to find your own way now. I’ll be okay on my own.”
A soft smile spread across her face as she took one last shallow breath and a ray of sun broke through the clouds, filling the sunroom with a golden light.
When I realized she was really gone, I fell on top of her, sobbing. After I felt like I’d poured out my grief for an eternity, Joe gently gathered me in his arms and pulled me away so the hospice nurse could do what she needed to do.
“Maybe you need to lie down, Rose,” he said, his face pinched with worry. “I’ll sit with you if you like.”
I looked up into the face of the man who’d stood by my side in all of this, never asking for anything in return. That was love too.
“No. I need to go outside.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“Yes.”
Bruce Wayne had known what I would need without asking. He’d left a flat of purple chrysanthemums and a spade on the front porch, along with a card that simply said, I’m so sorry.
Joe carried the flat to the flower bed at the corner of the house, and I turned to the one thing—other than Violet—that had always given me comfort…communing with the dirt.
VIOLET’S FUNERAL was the next Monday afternoon, and it was as though she’d special-ordered the weather—warm and sunny.
After my initial grief, I’d handled Violet’s death fairly well, but preparing for the funeral had helped keep me occupied. Carly wasn’t handling it well at all, and I realized for the past month Carly’s days had been consumed by my sister. She was rudderless now. So we put her in charge of the after-funeral party, and while that had helped, I worried about how she would handle Tuesday. She was part of our little family now. We’d have to band together to make sure she got through this.
Jed had handled the situation with Wendy. She’d given him scanty details about working for James over the past few months, in exchange for which he’d given her a few hundred dollars and a bus ticket to Memphis. We’d all agreed it was safest for her to leave Fenton County. Neely Kate told me with a smug grin that Wendy had left the house spotless.
Dr. Newton called to offer her condolences, then reminded me I needed to come in for an ultrasound as soon as possible so we could see how far along I was in my pregnancy. Without thinking, I made the appointment for Monday morning. I nearly cancelled it but decided Violet would have insisted I go.
MONDAY MORNING, I awoke sad and lonely. I was about to see my baby for the first time, and I didn’t want to do it alone. Neely Kate would have come in a heartbeat, and had offered to do so, but I was worried it would hurt her too much.
Mostly, though, I was upset by the thought that my baby would never have a father. Neither of my parents had protected or cherished me, and I wanted more for my baby. I wanted him or her to be loved by two parents. I couldn’t shake the thought that Joe would make an amazing father. And the sooner he was part of my baby’s memories, the better.
Joe usually went into the sheriff’s office early on Mondays, so I hurried downstairs in my pajamas and with morning breath, catching him as he poured coffee into a to-go mug.
“Joe, do you have a moment?”
He must have heard the urgency in my voice because he stopped putting the lid on his mug and turned to face me. “Of course. Is everything okay?”
“Do you have time to sit?”
He checked his watch.
“This will only take a moment.”
“Rose,” he said, clasping my hand and tugging me to the table. “I was only tryin’ to figure out if I needed to call to let them know I’ll be late. I’ll always have time for you. Talk to me.”
I sat at the head of the table while he turned the chair on the side of table toward me.
I took a deep breath, unsure how to broach this.
Worry filled his eyes. “Do you need me to stay home with you this mornin’? I shouldn’t have set my meeting before the funeral,” he said. “I can just move it to tomorrow.”
“No. That’s not it.” I shook my head. “Or maybe it is.” I looked into his warm brown eyes. “I’m havin’ an ultrasound this mornin’.”
His eyes widened. “Oh.”
“About your offer…” I paused. “Are you sure, Joe?”
“About bein’ your baby’s father?” He leaned forward, determination in his eyes. “I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.”
“Even if we’re not together?” I asked, glancing down at my lap. We’d discussed this before, but it felt right to bring it up again. He needed to be sure. We both did. “I’m in no place to even consider a relationship with anyone, Joe.” I forced myself to look up at him. “So if this is an attempt to start something with me…”
“I know we’re over, Rose. That’s not my goal here.” A smile cracked his lips. “I want to be a dad. More than I want to be in a relationship, as weird as that sounds. I’ve already told you I don’t trust my judgment in women, but I want someone to love.” His brow furrowed. “Does that sound stupid?”
I placed my hand on my belly. “That doesn’t sound stupid at all.”
“If you want to do this, I promise I won’t up and change my mind. I’m in this for keeps. I won’t abandon you. Or the baby.”
“You don’t feel like I’m usin’ you?”
He laughed. “I’m more worried you’ll think I’m usin’ you. Now what time’s the appointment?”
“Ten, but I can move it.”
“No way,” he said, beaming. “I’ll be done with my meeting by then. Is it okay if I meet you there?”
“Of course. Thank you, Joe.”
He stood, then leaned over and kissed my forehead. “Oh, Rose. Thank you.”
I SHOWED up a few minutes before my ten o’clock appointment, and Loretta told me I could go right back.
“Joe’s not here,” I told the nurse at the open doorway, glancing toward the office entrance. “I don’t want to do this without him.”
“Not to worry,” she said with a warm smile. “When he shows up, we’ll bring him right back.”
I sent him a text telling him I’d already gone back to the room, but he still hadn’t responded by the time I hopped up on the table. Nor by the time the tech lifted my shirt and squirted the cold gel on my abdomen.
“Dr. Newton thinks you’re near the end of the first trimester,” the tech said, “so we opted to try it this way first. If it looks like it’s much earlier, we’ll try it vaginally.”
“Okay,” I said, glancing at the door.
“Don’t worry,” the tech said good-naturedly as she turned on the machine. “If he doesn’t make this one, we’ll be doin’ another one between eighteen to twenty weeks.” She turned to me and winked. “Most daddies prefer that one, truth be told. We’ll be able to see more then.”
Maybe so, but Joe wasn’t most daddies. I knew he’d want to be involved in every part.
She placed the wand on my belly and started to push it around. “This might be a bit uncomfortable.”
Gray and white splotches filled the screen, but it didn’t take long for her to stop and say, “Well, Dr. Newton was right. There’s your baby, Rose.”
I’d expected to see an abstract blob, but there on the screen, in the middle of a large black space was a head and body, with wisps that faded in and out, suggesting arms and legs.
“See its heart?” she said, pointing to the screen. I saw a fluttering in its chest. Then she turned a knob and a rapid heartbeat filled the room.
“I wish Joe were here,” I said, fighting back tears.
“I’m here!” he said breathlessly as he rushed through the door. “Sorry, I got detained.” He shook out his hand, and I saw bruises and scrapes on his knuckles.
“What happened?” I asked in alarm. “You need ice on that, Joe.�
�
“It can wait. Nothin’ and no one is keepin’ me from this.”
Then I realized what had kept him—my vision of his fight with Mason had come to fruition. Part of me wanted to chastise him for getting into an altercation, but he needed to claim ownership of this baby, and if that was one of the ways he saw fit to do it, I’d give it to him. This time.
He moved to the top of the table and stared at the screen, sucking in a breath. “There’s your baby, Rose.”
Tears filled my eyes as I looked up at him. “Our baby.”
I lifted my hand to hold his and held on tight as we watched our baby moving on the screen.
“Your baby’s an active little thing,” the tech said with a smile. “It’s makin’ it hard for me to get measurements.” Then she glanced back at me with a huge grin. “But you get more time watching it, so it’s a win for you.”
The screen kept freezing as she took measurements, and she finally said, “This is only an estimate since you’ve been havin’ spotty periods, but it looks like you’re eleven weeks and three days, which puts your due date at May third.”
“May,” I whispered. It seemed so far away, yet I knew it would arrive before I knew it.
She printed off a photo and handed it to me. “Your baby’s first photo.”
I took it, relieved that it was an image that captured the shape if its body perfectly, showing a little arm lifted up by its head.
“Can we get one for the baby’s daddy too?” I asked.
She grinned. “Of course.”
She printed off another picture and Joe took it, beaming.
The tech wiped off my belly, then stood. “I’ll give you two a few minutes alone.”
She walked out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Joe helped me sit up, then stood in front of me with an anxious look on his face.
“Is everything okay?” I asked. “Is this all too much? You don’t have to do this, Joe. I shouldn’t have accepted.”
“No, Rose,” he said in a rush. “No. You have no idea how much I want this.” He looked torn, as if he weren’t sure how much to say, but his eyes filled with purpose and he continued. “So much so that it’s given me pause. Why do I want to be part of this? You and I aren’t together, and if we don’t get back together, it could be very complicated. Sharing custody. Sharing holidays. It could get really messy. Because if we do this, Rose, you can’t take it back. You can’t tell me I’m part of this baby’s life then change your mind.” His eyes turned glassy. “I’m gonna be honest with you, Rose. I don’t think I could survive that.”
Was I doing the right thing? He was right. This was something I couldn’t take back. Joe would be part of my life—and my baby’s life—forever. But as much as I loved James, he’d told me time and time again he didn’t want a family. He didn’t want this baby, and my baby deserved to be showered with love. This baby would never doubt that it was loved and wanted. Ever.
Joe could give it that and more.
I slowly shook my head. “I’m not gonna change my mind. And as for our romantic lives and the future…I have no idea what’s going to happen. All I know is that you’ll be the most amazin’ father. We’ll figure out the rest as we go along.” A lump filled my throat. “For the first time ever, I feel I’ve got something really good in my life. Something that’s mine and that no one can take from me, you know?”
He nodded, his eyes filling with tears. “I do.”
“But it’s something so big and so wonderful, I’m bursting with its goodness, and I don’t want to keep it to myself. I want to share it with someone.” I gave him a soft smile. “I want to share it with you, Joe.”
Joe smiled back. “We’ve got plenty of time to work out the logistics.” He picked up my hand and held it gently in his. “We’ll figure out the rest. Together.”
I was counting on it.
Dirty Money
(Neely Kate Mystery #3)
June 11, 2019
What now?
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ALSO BY DENISE GROVER SWANK
Rose And Neely Kate reading order:
Family Jewels
Trailer Trash
For the Birds
Hell in a Handbasket
In High Cotton
Up Shute Creek
Come Rain or Shine
Dirty Money
Rose Gardner Investigations
Family Jewels
For the Birds
Hell in a Handbasket
Up Shute Creek
Come Rain or Shine
Neely Kate Mystery
Trailer Trash
In High Cotton
Dirty Money
Magnolia Steele Mystery
Center Stage
Act Two
Call Back
Curtain Call
Darling Investigations
(Humorous mystery romance)
Deadly Summer
Blazing Summer
Rose Gardner Mysteries
Novellas are bonus material
TWENTY-EIGHT AND A HALF WISHES
TWENTY-NINE AND A HALF REASONS
THIRTY AND A HALF EXCUSES
FALLING TO PIECES (novella)
THIRTY-ONE AND A HALF REGRETS
THIRTY-TWO AND A HALF COMPLICATIONS
PICKING UP THE PIECES (novella)
THIRTY-THREE AND A HALF SHENANIGANS
ROSE AND HELENA SAVE CHRISTMAS (novella)
RIPPLE OF SECRETS (novella)
THIRTY-FOUR AND A HALF PREDICAMENTS
THIRTY-FIVE AND A HALF CONSPIRACIES
THIRTY-SIX AND A HALF MOTIVES
SINS OF THE FATHER (novella)
The Wedding Pact
(Humorous contemporary romance)
THE SUBSTITUTE
THE PLAYER
THE GAMBLER
THE VALENTINE (short story)
Bachelor Brotherhood
Spinoff of The Wedding Pact series
ONLY YOU
UNTIL YOU
ALWAYS YOU
Young adult contemporary romance
ONE PARIS SUMMER
Off the Subject Series
(New adult contemporary romance)
AFTER MATH
REDESIGNED
BUSINESS AS USUAL
ALSO BY D.G. SWANK
CURSE KEEPERS WORLD
(Urban fantasy)
Curse Keepers Trilogy
The Curse Keepers
The Curse Breakers
The Curse Defiers
Curse Keepers Collection (box set)
Piper Lancaster Series
Of Ash and Spirit
Of Fire and Storm
Of Blood and Monsters
Of Death and Ruin
The Chosen Series
(Adult urban fantasy)
Chosen
Hunted
Sacrifice
Redemption
Book of Sindal
(Paranormal romance)
Coming May 2019
Descended from Shadows
Reign of Mist
Crown of Blood
On the Otherside Series
(Young adult sci fi romance)
Here
There
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Denise Grover Swank was born in Kansas City, Missouri and lived in the area until she was nineteen. Then she became a nomadic gypsy, living in five cities, four states and ten houses over the c
ourse of ten years before she moved back to her roots. She speaks English and smattering of Spanish and Chinese which she learned through an intensive Nick Jr. immersion period. Her hobbies include witty Facebook comments (in own her mind) and dancing in her kitchen with her children. (Quite badly if you believe her offspring.) Hidden talents include the gift of justification and the ability to drink massive amounts of caffeine and still fall asleep within two minutes. Her lack of the sense of smell allows her to perform many unspeakable tasks. She has six children and hasn’t lost her sanity. Or so she leads you to believe.
For urban fantasy: dgswank.com
For mystery and romance: denisegroverswank.com
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Also by Denise Grover Swank
Also by D.G. Swank
About the Author
Come Rain or Shine: Rose Gardner Investigations #5 (Rose Gardner Investigatons) Page 32