by Katie Lane
Jasper turned to him, looking thoroughly confused. “For Ryker? But where are you going to live?”
“Right here with him. That’s why I built the house so big. There’s plenty of room for everyone.”
Jasper gaped at him for only a second before he burst out laughing. He laughed so hard that he had to lean against the stalls to keep from falling over.
Cord watched him with growing annoyance. “What’s so funny, you ornery old cowboy?”
After a little more side-grabbing laughter, Jasper sobered and wiped at his eyes. “That has to be the stupidest plan I’ve ever heard in my life. And believe me when I tell you that I’ve heard some pretty damned stupid plans. But this one takes the cake.”
Now more pissed than annoyed, he glared at his friend. “What’s so stupid about wanting my son to live with me?”
“Nothing if he was ten years old. But Ryker is a grown man, Cord. He has his own life with a wife and a new baby on the way. He has a nice house in town and a place in this community that doesn’t include ranching. From what I hear, he doesn’t even enjoy riding horses that much.”
“He will once I give him Ruckus.”
“You’re training that horse for Ryker?” Jasper looked at Cord like he was the dumbest man alive. “You do realize that even when Ruckus gets saddle broke, he’s still not going to be a mild-mannered mount. He’s going to need an experienced rider to handle him.”
“I’ll teach Ryker to be an expert horseman. Once he moves here, I’ll teach him everything I know. I’ll teach him how to ride and rope. This spring, I’ll stock the pond and I’ll teach him how to fish and skip rocks and—”
Jasper cut him off. “And maybe he’ll sit on your lap and let you read him a bedtime story every night before you tuck him into bed.”
“Don’t be a wiseass,” Cord snapped.
“Then pull your head out of your ass!” Jasper snapped back. His eyes turned sad. “I get that you’re having a hard time forgiving yourself for not being a good daddy. I get that you want to go back and do it over. But there are no re-dos in life, Cord. Just like you can’t re-do a bull ride and get a few more seconds on the clock, you can’t go back and be the father you weren’t to Ryker. You just can’t do it. He’s a grown man. You can’t expect him to give up being an adult and move back in with his dad. He has a wife and soon he will have his own son or daughter. And yes, if you’re lucky, he’ll want to share a portion of that life with you, but he won’t want to share all of it.” His eyes grew even sadder. “This is his chance to be a father. And you don’t want him to miss out like you did. You want him to spend every second he can with his family.”
All Cord could do was stare at him as the truth of his words sank in. And still he couldn’t accept it. If he accepted it, that meant there was no fixing the mistake he’d made. There was no way to recover what he’d lost. There was no redemption.
“I’m not asking him to give up being a father,” he said much louder than he intended. But he was hanging by a thin thread and if he let go of this dream—a dream that had gotten him through the hellacious years of recovery from alcoholism—he feared he’d go plummeting back into oblivion. “But he can be a father here.” He waved a hand around. “Who wouldn’t want to raise their child on a place like this with horses and plenty of space to run around?”
Jasper studied him. “And what if Ryker says yes? What if he wants to come live here and play out your foolish dream? What about Christie and Carrie Anne? Where do they fit into this plan?”
The question broadsided him. “What do you mean? They’ll fit in just like they’re fitting in now. Christie will continue to work for me and Carrie Anne will continue to hang out here after school.”
“Work for you? That’s what Christie is to you? An employee? And Carrie Anne is just a kid who shows up occasionally and hangs out?”
Cord didn’t know why his heart started racing and his palms started to sweat like he was getting ready to climb on the scariest bull he’d ever ridden. “Well, no. Christie and Carrie Anne are more than that, but what we have doesn’t have to interfere with what I’m going to have with Ryker. They’re two different things. Ryker is my family—my son. He comes first. He has to come first. And Christie and Carrie Anne are only my . . .” He struggled to find the right words to describe what they were to him. When he couldn’t, he chose a word that didn’t even come close. “Friends.”
“But I don’t want to just be your friend.”
He turned to see Carrie Anne standing in the open doorway. Her big, tear-filled hazel eyes cut right through his heart.
“I thought you were gonna marry me,” she said in a quivery voice. “I thought you loved me. But you don’t love me. All you love is your stupid son.” She whirled and ran out of the barn.
Cord felt like he’d been in the worst bar fight ever. He stood there stunned, not knowing what to do. He turned on Jasper. “This is all your damned fault! If you hadn’t butted your nose into my business, Carrie Anne wouldn’t have gotten her feelings hurt and everything would’ve worked out just fine.”
“Everything wouldn’t have worked out just fine, boy. And you’re off your rocker if you think it would’ve. Eventually, that sweet little girl’s feelings were going to be hurt. Eventually, she was going to figure out that you’re still too screwed up to accept a gift when it’s offered to you. And that’s what she is, Cord Evans. A gift. You can’t turn back time and make Ryker six years old again. But God gave you a precious six-year-old who you can teach to ride and fish and skip rocks. You’re just too stubborn to see it. Just like you’re too stubborn to see that you’re in love with her mama. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go check on Carrie Anne, and after that, I’m gonna pack. I refuse to spend Christmas with an idiot.”
“Good!” Cord called after him. “I don’t need a friend like you, anyway. You’re just a crazy old cowboy who doesn’t know the first thing about being a daddy. And you certainly don’t know anything about sons. Ryker will want to come live with me. He damn well will!”
His yelled words echoed in the rafters of the barn and came right back at him. He wanted to believe them. He wanted to believe that there were re-dos in life. That people could go back and fix their mistakes. But deep down he knew that Jasper was right. Deep down, he knew that there was no going back.
The craving for a drink fisted his gut, and his hands started to shake uncontrollably. He needed a shot of tequila. He needed it in a bad way. And why couldn’t he have one? No one would have to know. He could go to a bar outside of Bliss. Or better yet, to a liquor store and get a bottle. He wouldn’t drink the entire thing. He just needed a shot.
Just one shot.
He headed out of the barn, but before he could reach his truck, Jasper came out of the house with Danny Ray right behind him. “We can’t find Carrie Anne,” Jasper said. “She’s not in the house.”
His urge for a drink was quick replaced by concern. “What do you mean she’s not in the house? Did you look—?” A horse’s nervous squeal cut him off. He turned and ran toward the back paddock where the horses were grazing. He spotted Carrie Anne immediately. She had somehow gotten a lead rope on Maple and was standing on the fence trying to mount the horse. Unfortunately, when Maple saw Cord, she headed toward him. Carrie Anne fell off the fence and landed hard on the ground.
“Carrie Anne!” Cord stepped up to the bottom rail of the fence and vaulted over. The horse moved out of his way as he ran to Carrie Anne. By the time he got there, she was sitting up, holding her arm, and screaming loudly. He knelt next to her and tried to calm her. But it was hard when he wasn’t calm.
“It’s okay. I’m here. Let me see your arm.”
“Don’t touch me,” she wailed. “It hurts!”
“I know it does, sweetheart. Does anything else hurt? Did you bump your head when you fell?”
She sucked in quivery gulps of air, and he worried that she would have another asthma attack if he couldn’t calm her down. “No. I
-I-It’s just my arm.”
He studied the place on her arm she was clutching. It was already swelling, and with the tumble she’d taken, he was pretty sure she’d broken it.
“Is she okay?” Danny Ray came running up with Jasper close on his heels.
Not wanting to upset Carrie Anne, he didn’t voice his concerns. “She’s going to be just fine, but we’ll need to take her to the doctor’s to get her checked out.” He pulled his truck keys from his pocket and tossed them to Danny Ray. “Start up my truck.” He looked at Jasper. “Run in and get a bag of ice and her inhaler. It’s in her backpack.”
When they both left to do his bidding, he turned back to Carrie Anne. Her crying had softened. Now she just whimpered pathetically. It broke his heart in two. “Hold your arm tightly to your chest, Half Pint,” he said. “I’m going to pick you up.” She did what he asked, and he carefully lifted her. Her swift intake of breath told him how badly she hurt, and damned if her pain didn’t make him hurt too. “I got you, baby,” he said once he was standing. “And it’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay.”
But everything wasn’t okay. He’d screwed up again. This time, he didn’t know if he could forgive himself.
Chapter Twenty-One
“You had sex with Cord, didn’t you?”
Christie dropped the cake pan she’d just taken out of the oven and stared at Summer with surprise.
“Good grief, Summer? Do you always have to be so blunt?” Autumn grabbed an oven mitt and hurried over to pick up the pan. The red velvet cake in the shape of a candy cane remained on the floor. Summer walked over with a broom and dustpan to clean it up.
“Why beat around the bush? It’s pretty obvious by the sappy smile on her face that something has happened, and since Cord has the same sappy smile, I think it’s a fair question.”
Spring, who was sitting at the counter having her morning cup of coffee, chimed in. “Summer does have a point. I ran into Cord yesterday at the diner and he was acting pretty darned giddy. He was laughing and talking with everyone. And somehow I don’t think it was Christmas cheer as much as Christie cheer.”
Christie couldn’t help feeling hopeful that Cord’s happiness was connected to her. Hers was certainly connected to him. She had been walking around for the last few days in a bubble of sheer Cord Evans contentment.
“Would you two stop?” Autumn took the filled dustpan from Summer and tossed the cake in the trash. “If she doesn’t want to talk about her personal life, she doesn’t have to.”
“Of course she has to,” Spring said. “We tell her everything about our boring married lives. It’s only fair that she shares a little information about the steamy, torrid affair she’s having with the hottest rodeo cowboy ever.”
Cord was the hottest rodeo cowboy ever, but Christie wasn’t exactly having a steamy, torrid affair with him. After the night at her trailer, they hadn’t been able to share more than heated glances with Carrie Anne on holiday break and always underfoot. But what she had with Cord wasn’t about the physical. What she had with him was a deeper connection. Something she felt every time she saw him. Or heard his voice over the phone. Or looked into his soft brown eyes.
After Danny Ray, Christie had convinced herself that she didn’t need another man in her life. But her mistake was thinking that Danny Ray had been a man. Cord had taught her the difference.
A real man prefers to listen intently rather than talk continuously. He respects others’ opinions, but isn’t afraid to argue his points. He’s kind to animals, loving to children, and respectful to women. He’s comfortable in his own skin, but never boastful. He’s a true friend who is willing to offer whatever is needed, whether it’s refuge from the storm or just a shoulder to cry on. He makes mistakes, but he learns from his mistakes and works hard to fix them.
Cord Evans was a real man.
At the moment, he was her man. And damned if Christie could keep the secret a second longer.
“I slept with Cord Evans.” The words rushed out of her mouth so quickly they sounded like one long word.
Her sisters exchanged knowing smiles before Spring patted the seat of the stool next to her. “I only have a few minutes before my morning break is over, but that should be plenty of time for you to give us the highlights.”
Once Autumn and Summer joined them at the counter, Christie started talking and couldn’t seem to stop. She told them about her and Cord’s first kiss by the fire and about their second one in the barn. She told them about Cord taking her to dinner and how they couldn’t stop looking at each other on the drive back to the trailer. She condensed what happened once they got to the trailer, but shared every detail of him decorating her tree and yard with a thousand lights. Occasionally, the front bell would ring and Autumn or Summer would make her stop while they hurried to wait on a customer. Once they got back, she’d start up again.
When she was finished, Autumn smiled. “So it’s not just lust. It’s love.”
“I don’t know,” she said. “My heart says yes, but my mind refuses to let me make the same mistake I made with Danny Ray. I thought I loved him, but it turned out that it was only lust mixed with my childhood hang-ups about my father. And what if this is the same thing? What if I’m still looking for a man to be the father I never had?”
Summer, Autumn, and Spring exchanged looks and she knew they understood exactly how she felt. The understanding and compassion she saw in their eyes gave her the strength to finally share the truth.
“There’s something you need to know about me,” she said. “Something that I should’ve told you as soon as I got to Bliss. I didn’t just go see Holt in jail to tell him about my mom passing away. I went there looking for my father.” She tried to swallow the lump of fear in her throat, but it seemed to be getting bigger. “You see, Holt Hadley is my—”
“Daddy,” Summer cut in. “Yeah, we know.”
Christie stared at her. “You know?”
Autumn smiled. “We’ve known you were our sister for a week, Christie. We were just waiting for you to trust us enough to tell us.”
“But how did you find out?” She couldn’t believe that Cord had shared her secret.
“Our Daddy,” Spring said. “I called to tell him that Autumn, Summer, and I had sent him a Christmas care package that included pumpkin pie baked by Summer’s new assistant Christie Buchanan. He started laughing hysterically. He thought it was pretty funny that all four of his daughters were now living in the same town. He calls us his four seasons: Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Christmas. After I got over my shock, I asked why he’d never mentioned the fact that we had a half-sister. In typical Holt fashion, he said that it had never come up.” She shook her head. “The man is a lost cause.”
Christie looked at her sisters. “So you’re not mad at me for not telling you sooner?”
“I was a little miffed,” Summer said. “But Autumn and Spring reminded me that the Hadleys can be pretty intimidating.”
“We didn’t say the Hadleys,” Spring said. “We said you were intimidating.”
Before an argument could start, Christie jumped in. “I was a little intimidated at first. I was worried that you would think that your father didn’t love your mother. But he did. My mama was just a fling. He proved that by never once coming back to see her . . . or me.” The triplets exchanged looks before they burst out laughing. Christie didn’t get the joke. “What’s so funny?”
“Holt didn’t love our mama,” Summer said. “He doesn’t love anyone but himself. The only reason he came back to see our mother was to beg for money. And if your mama had lived closer, I’m sure he would’ve dropped by to get money from her too.”
Her father being a selfish jerk shouldn’t have made Christie feel better, but somehow it did. Holt didn’t love his other children more than he loved her. He didn’t love anyone.
Autumn smiled at Christie as if reading her mind. “Holt doesn’t know how to love, but thankfully our mamas taught us how to.” She r
eached over the counter and took Christie’s hand and squeezed it. “Welcome to the family, Christmas Day.”
Summer placed her hand over Autumn’s and Christie’s. “Ditto.”
“Daddy was right. All four seasons are finally together.” Spring used both her hands to cover her sisters.
Before Christie’s eyes could finish welling with tears of joy, the phone rang and the sisters released hands so Summer could hurry over to answer it. “Blissful Bakery. Can I help you?” She glanced at Christie. “Yes, she is. Hold on.” She held out the phone. “It’s for you, sis.”
Christie’s heart swelled at the endearment, and she couldn’t help giving Summer a quick hug before she took the phone from her. “This is Christie Buchanan.”
“Hello, Ms. Buchanan. This is Debra Schemer. I’m the event coordinator for the Regal Hotel. I’m calling to let you know that your entry ‘A Big Boot-iful Texas Christmas’ won our gingerbread contest.”
Christie wasn’t sure she heard right. “Excuse me?”
“Your entry won the grand prize. You won five thousand dollars. And as soon as you can, we’d like you to come to Austin and receive your trophy and check. Ms. Buchanan? Are you there?”
Christie snapped out of her shock. “Yes, ma’am, I’m here. Thank you. Thank you so much. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” After she hung up, she turned to her three sisters who were all staring at her.
“Well?” Summer said. “Did you win or not?”
Still in a daze, she slowly nodded her head. Summer released a whoop and Autumn and Spring squeals before they all hurried over to hug her. That was all it took for Christie to start crying like a baby. Not because she’d won a silly gingerbread contest, but because she’d been accepted by her sisters.
When they finally drew apart, she searched for a way to thank them for welcoming her with open arms. But before she could find the words, Spring smiled smugly and pointed a finger at Summer. “You don’t get to boss us around anymore. You’re no longer the oldest.”