by BJ Harvey
Figuring she must be downstairs already, I bound down the sweeping stairs and along the short corridor leading into the kitchen, expecting to find the menagerie of former Roberts sisters but again, I’m surprised to only find Zoe, her eight-year-old son, Nate, and her five-year-old daughter, Misha.
“Hey,” I say, brows furrowed. “I was expecting a Roberts sister-palooza. Are they hiding?”
Her eyes turn guarded, her teeth digging into her lip. “Um… about that…”
I stare at her, dumbfounded. “So, Matt called Meems in the middle of the night because two out of three girls were throwing up. Sadie is now complaining of a sore stomach too, so it’s a case of wait and see, but Mia promised she’d be here as soon as Mom arrives, which should be in a few hours.”
“Okay,” I say, sighing with relief. “We’ve got time. It’s what… nine a.m.? Kate isn’t due to arrive till eleven, so we’ve got time. Mia’s hair can be done last. No big deal.” I smile. Even a potential disaster involving vomiting Taylor children won’t stop my best friend standing by my side today.
That explains one missing woman, but Dani is also nowhere to be found. “Dani?”
“Pregnancy hormones running amok. She raced home for a quickie. She’ll be back soon,” Zoe says with a smirk.
“Who am I to stop the horny mommy-to-be from getting some on my wedding day?” I know Dani won’t wanna miss today. She’s wedding mad, that one, and she’s like a baby sister to me.
“Exactly. But now I’m gonna play the mom card and make sure you eat breakfast. It is going to be a long day, and you need to eat. Small is okay, but you’ve gotta keep yourself fed and hydrated for the ceremony, the reception, and the after party for two.”
I nod in agreement, walk to the kitchen island and sit on a stool as Zoe slides a plate of pancakes in front of me. “Is it weird to be nervous and excited and crawling out of my skin all at the same time?”
“Oh yeah,” she says, leaning into the counter.
“Is the babysitter meeting us at the hotel for the reception?”
“Ah…”
“Zo…”
“So there may have been a slight problem there. But I called Noah, and he’s promised me he’ll find another one as soon as possible.”
I frown, my delicious plate of food now far from my mind. It’s not ideal, but worst-case scenario, the kids just come to the reception. Nothing is going to stress me out today. Rain, hail or shine, sick kids, unsupervised kids, and horny pregnant women be damned. I take a deep breath and exhale, any residual tension leaving my body as I go.
I look across at Zoe and smile. “I’m marrying my best friend today. He’s the absolute perfect man for me and nothing—nothing—will stop me from getting to Soldier Field and walking down the aisle in my pretty dress.”
“Oh, about that…”
Lord, fate, fucking Cupid, whoever the hell is calling the shots out there, be kind. I may be coping, but even a girl on the upside of crazy and chaos has her limits. You’ve been warned.
After telling me about the mishap with my dress where Misha—bless her clumsy little heart—went into the room where the dress was hanging and tripped over my shoes, spilling blackcurrant juice on the back, Zoe was extremely apologetic and assured me that she’d called in the big guns—Abi’s brother-in-law’s wife, Sarah—to work her cleaning magic on it. Sarah had arrived thirty minutes before I woke up and whisked the garment away, promising to have it back by noon.
In an effort to keep my mind off everything, my other best friend, Amy, turns up earlier than expected, ushering me back into my upstairs room and ordering me to strip. An hour-long full-body massage and shower later, I’m feeling boneless and so relaxed, I could almost pass as tipsy. I lounge in a bright pink satin robe on the couch, and the half-drunk glass of champagne in my hand definitely contributes to my current footloose and fancy-free state of mind.
Mia is still M.I.A., as is Dani, but Amy and our other friend Abi have been keeping me entertained while helping me primp and polish before hair and makeup—Kate is doing both—arrives in an hour.
I stare at my phone as I take another sip of the drink, Abi sitting at my feet painting my toes the customary navy to fit in with the theme. As if I willed it to spring to life, my Mom’s name pops up with a text message, making me frown. My mother may be ahead of her time in many ways, but technology is not one of them. She would rather rip her own arm off than send an email or text message. Her mode of communication is a good old-fashioned phone call.
Mom: Hey petal. The valet can’t find our car for some reason. Justice is down talking with management. We’ll catch one of those ride-share things somehow. Be there as soon as we can.
Breathe, Natalie.
“What’s happened?” Abi asks, giving one of my feet a gentle squeeze. “You just went as tense as a nun in a porn shop.”
I try my deep breathing exercises, willing myself to relax. Eyes on the prize.
“That was Mom,” I say, shaking my phone. “They’re at a hotel in the city. Dad wanted to live it up large since their only daughter was getting married.”
She bites her lip, looking over at Amy then Zoe, the children having been picked up by Noah and Abi’s husband Cade during my massage.
“Abi?”
“So I know it’s weird to ask, but like…”
I giggle, knowing where this conversation is going and deciding to let my friends assuage their curiosity.
Amy sighs. “I think Abi’s wondering how that whole situation would work in a hotel situation. We get the home arrangements with different homes and zones for each couple. But a hotel is a bit different.”
I smile, having wondered the same thing when I was twenty-three and my four parents came to town for my college graduation. “They get interconnecting rooms, and generally it’s Mom and Justice in one room, and Dad and Malcolm in the other. Justice and Malcolm have never been anything but friends, so when they travel, that’s their default setting—so to speak.”
“How are you not weirded out?” Zoe asks, screwing up her face. “I mean, I don’t even want to think about my mom having sex. Just the thought alone is enough to have me reconsidering Noah’s marital privileges.”
“You’re so full of shit,” Amy says with a laugh. “You and Noah can’t keep your hands off each other. Just last week Mia and I walked in on you going at it in the pantry while the kids were watching a movie in here.”
She shrugs, a playful smile on her lips. “WD force, strong it is,” she says in her best Yoda impression, making all four of us burst out laughing.
“So your mom…?”
“Oh, yeah. They can’t find their car, so—in her words—they might need to get a ‘ride-share thing,’” I add with air quotes. I down the rest of my champagne as Abi lets go of my toes and moves to the chair beside me, reaching out a hand and resting it on my forearm.
Her eyes roam my face before she gives me a gentle squeeze. “We can get them here. Nothing is impossible today. Everything will work out just as you imagined it, and I promise you, it will be one of the most memorable days of your entire life.”
“It would be better if Mia, Dani and Sarah would turn up. Two are bridesmaids, and one is working miracles on my wedding dress. Maybe then I might be able to relax,” I admit, meeting her eyes again.
“Everything will be fine,” she repeats, and there’s a determination in her expression that I dare not dispute.
With one last look at the clock to see it’s almost time for Kate to arrive for hair and makeup, I close my eyes, take another deep breath—something I seem to be doing a lot of this morning—and hold out my glass to Abi. “In that case, will one more champagne be okay?”
“Is the pope a Catholic?” she says with a laugh, taking the flute out of my hand and moving toward the kitchen.
I repeat her words in my head, a new mantra to keep me somewhat sane until everything goes back to plan.
Everything will be fine.
Everything wi
ll be fine.
Well, fuck. Nope. The whole mantra thing does not work. Everything is not fine. At this stage, I’m not even sure it can ever be fine again. Sarah has called to say she is still working on the dress but will have it back to me by one p.m. Kate called to say she has a dead battery and is waiting for Zander to pick her up. Mia turned up half an hour ago looking pale and tired, with bags under her eyes you could probably see from space, and Dani has just waltzed in walking like she’s just rode a bull for an hour and liked it.
All of those things I could handle on their own. Combined with my parents going radio silent and my three texts to Jase updating him on the events of the morning still unanswered, I’m losing my fight against my inner bridezilla.
It’s like the universe has decided she’s been too nice to me and it is time to scale back my good fortune.
Then it happens. There’s a knock at Zoe’s door and her calling me into the entryway of her house brings me face-to-face with a giant, familiar, tuxedo-clad man with a smile on his face and his arms resting behind his back.
“Hey, Jamie,” I ask, turning to find Zoe grinning at the two of us. “What’s going on?”
“He’s our chauffeur for the afternoon.”
“What? No, we’ve got hours.” My pulse is racing a million miles an hour, my neck damp with sweat as everything we haven’t done yet flashes through my mind. “I haven’t had hair and makeup; I don’t have a dress. My bridesmaids look like death warmed up and a rodeo clown who’s been ridden too hard. I need time, dammit.” My outburst doesn’t seem to assuage Jamie. In fact, his eyes soften and crinkle with amusement.
“Everything you need will be provided. All you need to do is trust me. Your fiancé has given me strict instructions and a timetable that we must stick to.”
I kind of lose myself in the sound of his voice. It’s like smooth, aged whiskey. Deep and rich, full of layers and distinction that any single woman in their right mind would wanna dive right in and discover. Oh right, my wedding disaster freak-out.
He brings his arm from behind his back, holding out a white envelope with my name written on it in Jase’s distinctive handwriting. “He said to read this once everyone was in the limo.”
“But Mom and Sarah, and my dress…” I screech in a weird ‘tell me this isn’t real’ whisper.
Zoe steps forward, turning my shoulders so I’m facing her. “Nat, let’s just do what Jamie says—what Jase has asked—and go from there. You’ve been texting him updates. Maybe he’s fixed everything. There isn’t anything that man wouldn’t do for you. You know that, right?”
God, I love my friends.
“I just want to marry him. I don’t even care about the anal,” I say, totally forgetting that Jamie is still standing right there until I hear his rumbling chuckle.
I look up at him and nod, putting my future wedded happiness in his hands. “Okay. But if you’re a serial killer and you’re kidnapping me, you better have a lot of money and a big dick ’cause otherwise, this runaway bride deal is not for me,” I tease.
That earns me wide eyes and parted lips. “I’ve got both, but I’d say you’re pretty committed to the event of the day… with the planned after-ceremony activities and all…”
Now my mouth drops open as he winks at me and looks over my shoulder. I knew the guys talked just as much as us girls.
“You’ll have to excuse her. She’s stressy and two champagnes deep; she loses her filter in situations like this and lets her crazy fly,” Mia says, coming up behind me and wrapping her arms around my middle.
“Brave man, that Jase,” Jamie replies.
“You have no idea how right you are,” I say with a grin.
As soon as we’re all in the limo—including Kate who turned up just in the nick of time—
and the door shuts behind us, I realize the windows are not just tinted, they’re blacked out. One hundred percent black. We’ve got no fucking way of seeing where the hell Jamie is taking us.
I will not panic. Jase will not fuck with me—not today.
I stare at the envelope in my hand. I have absolutely no idea what is even happening right now, and Jamie said to trust him. But this all seems so strange. So many things going wrong on the same day—my wedding day—and now this? Call it a weird, tingly spider-sense, but my gut tells me I’ve missed something. Then there’s this note from Jase.
After being radio silent all god damn day, he replies with another note? I pull out the card inside and turn it over, hoping my fiancé has a damn good explanation for this sudden change of plan.
Princess,
I wouldn’t be a worthy king if I didn’t give you your heart’s desire. This day has been eight months in the making, so sit back and relax—everything has been taken care of. Let Jamie take the wheel—literally—and enjoy the ride because that’s what I’ve been doing every single day since the moment I met you eight years ago.
Love always, Jase.
P.S. Water-based or silicone?
I burst out laughing, slumping against the plush leather seat and resting my head against the back of it, contentment and peace coursing through me for the first time since I woke up today.
I know where I’m going, and I know who’s going to be there waiting for me when I arrive.
And that’s all that matters.
The Single Most Best Day of My Entire Life
Two. Freaking. Hours.
That is how long we’ve been riding in this limo. An hour in, I used the intercom to ask Jamie whether he had somehow gotten lost.
His answer was no.
Now, an hour later, I’m going stir-crazy, sending off rapid-fire text messages to Jase, Matt, Noah, and all of our friends who I didn’t see in person this morning.
Nobody replies, ramping up my anxiety even more. Has Abi’s brother kidnapped us?
I look around at the other girls. Abi, Mia, and Dani are all busy on their phones, and Amy and Kate are talking to each other. Am I now invisible? Is this some weird black limo time machine?
Is this an episode of Punkd!, the wedding edition?
“I’m freaking out here,” I whisper. My chest tightens with every breath I take, my tank top and shorts now feeling like torture devices. I check my phone. I was fine after reading Jase’s letter, but that was an hour ago. It’s after one p.m. The wedding is at three, and if we’ve been driving around for two hours, then that means we could be in Bumfuck, Ohio right now. Or Michigan. Or Wisconsin. I shudder. A Bears wedding in Packer territory would not go down well. We’d be burned at the stake in the middle of Lambeau Field.
I look down at my shoes, a pair of cute silver flip-flops I bought for ease and comfort while getting ready today. For a brief moment, I wonder if Dorothy’s “there’s no place like home” party trick might work to snap me out of this situation.
A hand on my bouncing thigh snaps me out of my pending freak-out.
“Nat, you’ve gone pale. Are you okay?” I look up from my feet to meet Kate’s concerned eyes.
“Where are we?” I rasp.
“Oh shit. Mia!” she calls out across the limo. “Text Jase and tell him we need to tell her.”
Mia’s wise eyes come to mine and, studying them quickly, she nods and furiously types out a message on her phone. Then, leaning forward, she presses the intercom button for Jamie. “How far away are we?”
“About ten minutes,” he replies gruffly.
Kate moves on the seat next to me, Dani flanking the other side, both of them softly rubbing their hands down my arms to my hands, which are turning white in my lap. Then my phone vibrates. Just seeing Jase’s name flash on the screen sends all my previous panic out the window.
“Princess, breathe, baby.”
“How did you know?”
“Mia texted me, remember?”
Oh shit, right. “I don’t know where I am!” I cry, tears pricking my eyes.
“Take a long, slow, deep breath for me, okay? Everything is absolutely under control.”
“Then why have I been driving for more than two hours in a blacked-out limo that would make Cadillac One jealous of its tan?”
“I’ll explain everything in a minute. Is there someone sitting beside you? I wanna make sure they’ll stop any attempts to jump out of the limo.” I scrunch my forehead, looking both ways as if Jase could even know Kate and Dani were boxing me in. Across the cab, Mia, Abi, Zoe, and Amy are all leaning forward with various expressions of concern on their faces. What is going on, dammit?
“I’m losing my mind here, Jase,” I whisper, my voice breaking. “Are you jilting me at the altar, and this is your way of letting me down gently?”
“Fuck no,” he spits out harshly. “This was supposed to be the best surprise of your life, not freak you out.”
That gets my attention.
“What have you done, Jason?” There’s a collective gasp in the limo. “Rule number one: don’t fuck with the bride on her wedding day.”
“Well, you’re not in Chicago anymore,” he begins, cryptically.
“I knew it. You’re taking your life in your hands, and we’re getting married in Packer land, aren’t we?”
“What?” He chuckles. Chuckles!
“The only packing that’s gonna be done is later tonight,” Mia says to Abi. I narrow my eyes at her, and for the first time in my life, I actually see a hint of fear in my best friend’s eyes.
“Sweetheart, I need to know you’re listening to what I’m about to say, and that you’re going to let me explain.”
“You’re so lucky I already know you’re worth it, Jason Cleary, or else—”
“We’re not having a Chicago Bears wedding.”
I gasp, but that’s all he lets me get out.
“I love you even fucking more for thinking I’d want that—and that you’d give up everything to give me that—but that’s not what I’ve been planning for the past eight months.”
I sit there, dumbfounded, staring straight at Mia, who, along with everyone else in the back of the limo, is grinning like a fool at me.