“Finally...” He said when our lips parted. I smiled shyly, knowing that he most probably kneweverythingaboutme.AndIknewnothingofhim...butIwantedtocontinuedigginginto our relationship, even though so many years had passed. And above all, I wanted to get to knowtherealMarkLudwig.“Iwanttostaywithyou,Nora.Forever.”
I nodded, not knowing what to say. At that moment, the life I never chose began to make sense.AllIknewisthatIwantedtobewithhim,butIdidn’twanttostopbeingwithmymom.
ShehadtoldmetonotletMarkescape,thathewastheloveofmylife...Andwhatifhealways had been? In this life that I never chose and in the one that I did? What if Stuart was only a
steppingStonetobringsuchaspecialpersonintotheworld,mysonMatt?Mymindwasstill confused.Wetookawalkintheforest,Ihadforgottenthatsmellofpurepine.Faroffinthe distance, we could see the smoke that came from the chimneys of some of the houses in the village.Somethingfamiliarthatmadethatsmallmomentevenmorespecial.MarkandIlooked ateachotherliketwoshyteenagers.Forme,allofthiswasjustbeginning...forhim,lifehad given him a second chance that he had been waiting for, waiting for so long. I saw him differently when I looked at him... different to what he looked like on television or with his mysteriousandinterestingposeheusedtopromotehisnovels.NovelsthatIpromisedmyselfI wouldread,tomaybediscoverwhoIwas.Ihadtofindmyself,butIwantedtodoitwithMatt.
I couldn’t imagine any of my possible lives without him, without my son... the son that I no longerhadinthisnewworld.
“I’m at peace here.” Mark said, sitting down on a large rock that they found close to the path.
“HowisyourlifeinNewYork?”Iasked,sittingdownbesidehim.
“Chaos...Ihatethetraffic.”Hesaid.Ilaughed.“Ishouldneverhaveleft.”
“Right... You know what I think? That you had to leave. Live your life, make your own decisions...eveniftheywereincitedbyothers.Onlythen,thankstothechoiceswemake,we arewhoweare.Tellme...Ifyoucoulddoitover,whatwouldyoudo?”
“Stayhere.”
“Andifyouhadstayed,whatdoyouthinkwouldhavehappened?”
“Wewouldhavehadchildren.”
“Maybe... or maybe not. Our day to day lives are full of those little things that are what makeourlivesgoinonedirectionoranother.Forexample,me...imaginethatIhaddecidedto movetoNewYorktostudyjournalism,workinamagazine,meetamodel,studyeconomics, marry the model and end up being executive vice president in the pharmaceutical company belongingtohisfatherandhavingachildcalled,Idon’tknow...Matt.Youwouldstillbethat boywhothrewthatbasketballatmyfaceandwhoIhated...wewouldneverhavebeenina relationshipbecauseIwouldhavedecidedtoleavethisplace.”
“Wow...you’vereallythoughtthatthrough.Matt?That’sthenamewesaidwewouldgive ourfirstson...”Hesaidthoughtfully.Hiswordsaffectedmedeeply,myheartshatteredintoa millionpieces.InthelivethatIhadchosen,MarkwouldhavebeenagreatfatherforMattbut...
hewouldn’tbetheMattthatIknew.Howmanypathscouldopenupbeforeus?
“Matt...”Isighed.
IlookedatMarkandfelttheneedtokisshislips.Withoutthinkingtwice,withnoworries orremorse,Idid.Hekissedmebackwarmly,sweetly,likehehadthefirsttime...asifitwere themostnormalthingintheworld,asifithadalwaysbeen.Hidden,deepdowninsomeplace ofmysoul...inthatlifeIhadneveractuallylived,butthatIwouldhavelikedtohavelived.To have experimented each and every one of those steps with Mark and to hold them in my memories until the end of my days. I had an opportunity... a good opportunity. Maybe a differentonefromthelifeIknew,notbetterorworse,simplyanotheropportunity,anotherpath, anotherwayoflife...andIwantedtoenjoythemomentdespitethepainfulabsenceofmyson inthisparallelworldtotheoneIhadchosen.Idecidedtojustletmyselfgoatthatmoment,to forgetthetormentsofthepastandtovaluewhatIhad.Hereandnow.Ionceagainknewthat
everything would work itself out and that I would awake from the dream that I was now enjoying...thatIwouldseeMattagain,Iwouldhughimandwewouldplaywithhisscalextric together.Thatoneday,Iwouldsitbackinmycomfortablechairinmyoffice,hatingmywork andwatchingthroughmywindowalloftheworkersthatworkedonthechain...includingthe goddamnwitchwhowasresponsibleforeverythingthathadhappenedtomeoverthesenew andstrangedays.
Itwas,withoutadoubt,oneofthebestSunday’sofmylife.EvenbetterthanthedaysIhad spentinPariswithStuartwhenwewereyounger...IimaginedmyselfinParisagain,butthis timewithMarkandIthoughtabouthowfabulousitwouldhavebeentovisitthespectacular Eiffel Tower with him. Paris was only a dream. In reality, I was in the outlandish town of KutztownthatIhadhatedsomuchasachild,butthatwaslovedbystrangersduetoitsstrange charm.Inaway,thetowncaptivatedanybodywhovisitedit...itwascaptivatingmeagain,but IwassurethatifMarkdidn’texistorhadnotreappearedinmylife,therewouldbenoreason to stay there. Among my paintings, my future exhibitions and the damned illness that was slowlyandpainfullytakingmymotherawayfromme.
Ateightintheevening,Markwalkedmehome.Icouldseeinhiseyesthathewantedto comeinside,butIwantedtobealone.Ihadalwaysenjoyedmysolitudeandhadnothadmuch ofitsinceMattwasborn...So,afterspendinghourswithMarkduringthatidyllicNovember afternoon,Iwantedtobealone...theromanticsideofme,aswellasmy“tough”sideledmeto tell him that I would see him another day. I didn’t want to make things too easy, not at first.
With a sly smile and a romantic and intense kiss, he disappeared among the darkness of the streets while being watched by some nosey neighbors, spying out of their windows. I called mom.Hertoneofvoicetoldmethatshedidn’tfeelthatwell,butherwantingnottoworryme evenmorethanIalreadywasledhertolietomeandtellmethatshefeltbetterandthatshe wasgoingtogotobedintenminutestime,afterreadingoneofherDanielleSteelbooks,her favoriteauthor.
I walked up to my office and did what I should have done at the beginning. Search for informationonGoogle,thealmightysearchenginethatknowseverything.Iclickedontheweb page of the company that had belonged to my father-in-law and saw the new executive vice president.Newwasawayofputtingit...bywhatIread,shehadbeenwiththecompanyfor twoyears.Twoyearsthatwereverydifferentinthisnewworld,totheonethatIremembered.
Her large eyes gave her away, her crooked and yellowed teeth below a tense smile of somebodythatwasnotusedtobeinginfrontofacamera,broughtouttheworstinme.Ifeltthe urge to throw the computer on the floor with the rush of rage that surged through me. Anger overcameeverycellinmybodywhenIreadthenameofthewomanwhohadtakenmyplace andwhoIrememberedasasimpleworkerwhoIhadcruellyfiredinwhathadbeenmyoffice.
BonnieLarson.Thethinwomanwhohadpulledouttwoofmyhairs,toputthatdreadfulcurse onme.
THELITTLEBLUEBOX
Bonnie’sfacedarkenedwhenshesawthat,insidethelittlebluebox,therewasaspectacular and very expensive white gold necklace surrounded by precious jewels, instead of the engagementringshehadbeenexpecting.ThecharmwasworkingandStuartwascrazyabout her,butstillnotenoughtoaskhertomarryhimandturnherintothenewandwonderfulMrs.
Clayton.
“Do you like it?” Stuart asked her happily, turning Bonnie’s skinny body around to place thenecklaceuponherprom
inentcleavage.
“Iloveit...”Sherepliedthroughgrittedteeth,tryingtohideherdisappointment.
“Itsuitsyou...Youlookwonderful.”
Underthemoonlight,theykissedeachotheronceagain.Bonnienevergottiredofbrushing her thin lips over Stuart’s full ones. Kissing him was like being in paradise and she was horrifiedtothinkaboutthemomentinwhichshewouldmostprobablyendupintheflamesof hellalongwithhermotherandtherestofthewitchesofherfamily.Severalcoupleswalked pastthem,lookingatBonniewithcuriosity.Sheknewthatallofthosemenandwomenwere wonderingwhatsomebodylikeStuartwasdoingwithsomeonelikeher.Butshedidn’tcare.
Nordidshecareabouthell,ifthatmeantthatshewouldliveinheavenwhileshewasalive.
Aneternityinhelldidn’tscareher,livingwithoutStuart,did.
Their last hours in Paris were full of romanticism and passion. When their private jet landed in New York on Monday morning, Bonnie was hit smack in the face with reality.
Virginiahadeverythingpreparedforhermeetingatnineo’clock,ameetinginwhichBonnie didn’tfeelpreparedtoparticipatein;butshedidhaveabrilliantideathatonlysheknewdid not really belong to her. After a quick breakfast, a shower and a change of clothes, Bonnie revvedupherPorsche’sengine,withStuartbyherside,andheadedtowardthecompany.They arrivedatquartertonineinthemorningandStuartdecidedtosupporthisnewgirlfriendinher meeting,althoughhehadstillnotbeenabletoseehisson,John.
“Hidad.HowwasyourholidayinRome?”Stuartasked,pattingMr.Clayton’sback.
“HowmanytimeshaveItoldyounottocallmedadinsidethecompany?”
Mr.MichaelClaytonwasatallandverywellbuiltmanofsixtysevenyearsofage,whono longerfelttheneedtowearasuitandtie.Hisclothesweremodernforhisage;muchmorein tunewithayoungbossofavideogamecompany,insteadofthatofanimportantexecutiveof one of the most important and powerful pharmaceutical companies of the United States.
Despitethat,andtheotherevidentdifferenceswiththerestoftheboardofdirectors,hewas themostfearedofall.Hisworkersbothrespectedandfearedhim.Stern,intimidating,proud, andalwaysinabadmood.HewasnotattractedtowomenofhisagesinceStuart’smotherhad diedovertwentyyearsago.Fromthatmoment,hehadmadethedecisionofenjoyinghislife andhismoney,dedicatinglesstimetohispowerfulpositioninthecompanyandenjoyingthe companyofyoungwomanwhowereanxioustolivealifefullofcommoditiesandluxuries.
“Whatareyougoingtodointhemeeting?”Michaelaskedhissonwithscorn.
“He’scomingwithme.”Bonnierepliedinanauthoritativetone,asshecouldnothelpbut feelbadforStuart.ShethoughtabouthermotherandcomparedhertoMr.Clayton.Arrogant andalwayslookingtoembarrasshisson.
“Bonnie, I’m so lucky to have you here with me.” Michael smiled under his thick and abundantwhitemustache.
Afewminuteslater,theboardofdirectorsallsataroundanovaltablefullofcakes,coffee and sodas, all served by Virginia, to withstand the hours to come. Bonnie felt intimidated, nervouswhen faced withthe cold gazeof her superiors, whowere waiting forher to give a solution and an answer that would benefit them all. The company was doing well, it didn’t reallyneedanychanges,butitwouldbeagreatideatocutcostsand,forthat,Bonniehada solutionthattheboardwaswaitingtolistentoattentively.
“I am going to give you a proposal that you are not going to be able to refuse...” The inexperiencedexecutivevicepresidentofthecompanybegan.
Bonnie thought about Nora once again. She didn’t have her impeccable presence; she wasn’t intimidating like Nora was. Nor did she have her loquacity or her cold gaze that managed to captivate and convince everybody with her intelligent words. Bonnie was not intelligent,sheneverhadbeen.
“Ihavestudiedawaytocutcostsandthus,allowingeachandeveryoneofyoutohavean increaseinyourbankaccounts.”Shecontinued,lookingateachoneofhersuperiorsandseeing intheireyestheexpectationsandwillingnesstolistentohowshewasgoingtomakethemeven richerthantheyalreadywere.MichaelClaytonrubbedhishandstogether,listeningtoBonnie attentively.“Wewillsubstitutenomoreandnolessthantenthousandworkersforsophisticated machinesthatcandotheworkinsteadofthem.Althoughtheinitialinvestmentwillbecostly, we will save millions of dollars a year. It is something that is already occurring in the most important companies in Germany, so we shall follow in their footsteps. In the folders that Virginia has handed to each of you, you can see the real amounts and information for yourselves.”
Bonniewasshaking.Herforeheadwassweatingandshehadanervoustwitchinherleft eye. She didn’t even notice Stuart looking at her proudly. All of those present looked at the statisticsintheirrespectivefolderswithsurpriseandhappinessandthentheyallapplaudedin unison.Bonniewasaheroineforthembut,inafewdays’time,whenshewouldhavetoinform ten thousand workers that they were going to be fired, she would become the horrible witch thatNoraClaytonhadbeenintheotherparallelworld.
Whenshereturnedtoheroffice,exhaustedafterthreehoursofmeetingsthatfeltlikethey wouldneverend,Bonnieopenedthelittleblueboxwiththewhitegoldnecklacesurrounded by precious jewels that Stuart had given to her in Paris. She could not continue in the company...shewasn’tqualifiedenoughforherjob.Andso,oncemore,sheusedhermagicto turnthenecklaceintoanengagementring.AringthatStuarthadnevergivenherbutthat,thanks toherpowerfulspell,hewouldbelievethathehad.ShewouldbecomethenewMrs.Clayton and she could retire to live the lavish and comfortable life that she had always dreamed of living. She didn’t want any more meetings, more sweats on her forehead or uncomfortable moments...allshewantedwastobeanelegantwomanwithanenviablelife,likealmostallof
thewomenontheUpperEastSide,wholivedoffoftheirhusband’sfortunesandneverworked adayintheirlives.
THOSEWHOBELIEVEINMAGIC,
AREDESTINEDTOFINDIT
Iwentwithmomtoherchemotherapysession.Bythewaythenursesgreetedme,itwasnotthe firsttimeIhadgonewithher,butitwastobethelast,giventhatthedoctorwhowaswithus had very little hope of her getting better and the last thing he wanted to do was to make her suffering worse with more chemotherapy sessions, clinical examinations and trials. It was to be the end of a battle that we all considered to be lost... even mom. She no longer had the strengthtocontinueandtheonlythingshewantedwastobeleftalone.Towaitfortheendof herdaysinthetranquilityofherownhome.Thedoctorprescribedsomemedicationforherto useduringthelastdaysorweeks,thepainandothernastysymptomscouldbecontrolled,even ifitwasathomewiththehelpofaveryclumsynurselikeIwas.
I wanted to continue to deny it; the vitality that I remembered her with caused me such anguishthattheideaofherdyinginafewmonths’timeandreunitingwithmyfatherwouldnot entermymind.Inaway,IfeltlikeIwasgoingtobeleftaloneintheworld,whichwasironic, takingintoaccountthatIhadspentthepasteighteenyearswithouther.Withoutaphonecall,or asinglevisit...Ididn’twanttothinkabouthowthelasteighteenChristmaseshadbeenformom in the world that I knew. Alone, without the presence or even the interest of her daughter, without having met her only grandchild... That’s how I would end up. Alone. Without the existenceofmyhusbandandson,thetwopillarsthathadbeenessentialinwhatnowfeltlikea lifethatdidn’tbelongtome.TherageIfeltthenightbeforeupondiscovering
thenameofthe witchthathadchangedmylifesocompletely,causedmetobreakthecomputerandthrowmy phone on the floor, which miraculously survived the blow. I sent Mark a WhatsApp, through thebrokenscreenofmycellphone,tellinghimthatIneededtoseehim...thatIneededtotalk tohim.Ahug,akiss...somecomfortingwordsfromsomebodywhoknewmewell,eventhough Icouldn’trememberwhathadhappenedbetweenthetwoofus.Heseemedtobeexpectingmy messageand,afewsecondslater,herepliedsayingthathewasalwaysthereforme,whenever Ineededhim...andthathewouldpickmeupfrommyworkshopatfiveintheafternoon.
Momleftthehospitalfivehourslaterfeelingexhausted.Herstomachcancerwasspreading to other vital organs in her body and there was no possible cure, operation or treatment that couldsaveherlife.Herpainswouldgetworse,herdaytodayfeelingswouldbehorrendous andwewerefacingtheworstdaysofourlives.Butmomwasstrong.Shewasstillpositive evenwitheverythingbadthatwashappeningtoherand,aboveall,shewascalmbecauseshe hadherdaughterwithher.
Beforewe climbed intothe car, westopped for a momentso that momcould vomit by a treeoutsidethehospital.
“I don’t want to go back to that damned hospital... I want to go home... I want to go home...”Shesaidtome,crying.Ihuggedherwithabrokenheart.Wewouldnotgobacktothat goddamnedhospital.
“It’s okay, it’s okay...” I whispered, crying and accompanying her in her pain. “Do you wanttogetsomethingtoeat?That’snotagoodidea,isit?”
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