He pressed a kiss to the side of my head and then disappeared from the room.
I looked back out the window and sighed. Try harder? Was that even possible?
I opened my mouth, praying the simple word, “hi,” would fall from my lips, but nothing came out. The room was silent, and I was going crazy in the prison my body had become.
********
Slider
“I’m coming to see her,” I barked into the phone.
“No. you can’t.”
“She’s fucking thirty-one years old. I’m pretty damn sure I don’t need your fucking permission to see her.”
“You’re right, but she’s going through enough right now without you pulling into town and fucking up her life even more than you already have.”
I wanted to reach through the phone and punch the fucking shit out of Leo. I knew I was the reason Fayth had gotten shot and now couldn't speak. I was supposed to be the one to protect her, and I had let her wander off without taking notice of what she was doing. Every damn day I woke up blaming myself. “Once. I just need to see her one time to let her know that I fucked up.”
“We all know you fucked up, Slider. I’m reminded of your fuck up every time I talk to her, expecting a response, and all I get is silence.”
I gritted my teeth and growled. “Let me see her.”
“No. I’ve told you every day that I will be the one to let you know when you can see her, but still you insist on calling every day.”
“You can’t keep me from her. Not forever, Leo.”
“You’d be surprised at the things I’m capable of, Slider. Lose my number.” The line went dead in my ear, and I gripped the phone in my hand, trying to crush it.
This wasn’t fucking fair. I hadn’t known back then that Big A was going to go after Fayth. The guy was a complete psychopath and had stopped making sense months ago when he had gone off the deep end.
“And that is why you should have kept Fayth close,” I said to my empty bedroom. Leo was right, this was all of my fault.
I had pushed Fayth away, trying to convince myself she was some stuck-up woman who was a pain in my ass who I didn’t care about. Deep down, I knew she was unlike any woman I had ever met, and that terrified the hell out of me.
I tossed my phone on the bed and ran my fingers through my hair. The only noise in the room was the quiet tick of the alarm clock I had next to the bed, and I saw it was only six o’clock. Every day dragged by, an hour feeling like four, and a day feeling like ten. I was going crazy waiting for the chance to see Fayth again.
Calling Leo was the only glimmer of hope I had each day, praying today would be the day he would let me know Fayth had spoken or that I could come visit. But today was like all the other days. No change and there was no way in hell I could come down there.
“Yo, Slider,” King called and banged on my door.
“What?” I growled.
“We’re heading out to eat. You wanna come with?”
Hang out with King and Meg, along with probably all of the other brothers and their ol’ ladies? No fucking thanks. “I’m good. I'm just grab something from the kitchen.”
“There ain’t a lot to fucking eat. That’s why we’re headed out.”
“I’m good.” Not only did I not want to go out, I knew I wasn’t good company. Hell, I hadn’t been good company for the past two months.
I heard King tread back down the hallway, and I grabbed my phone off the bed. I had one more phone call to make. It was the same phone call I always made right after I talked to Leo, and I knew I would get the same result I always did.
My thumb swiped over Fayth’s name, and I put the phone to my ear.
Hi, you’ve reached Fayth. I can’t get to the phone right now because I probably screened your phone call and don’t want to talk to you. Leave a message that I’ll never check, or just hang up. Have a good day!
I tossed my phone back on the bed and ran my fingers through my hair. Same as every day. Her phone was off, but I still listened to her message to the end because that might be the last time I hear her voice.
Listening to her message was better than replaying her screaming my name and that awful, blood-curdling scream that came right after it. I didn’t think I could ever forget that day. The way her body jarred back and then crumpled to the ground in the next second was burned into my brain.
I fell back onto the bed and closed my eyes. I replayed it over in my head, knowing this would be my punishment for the rest of my life. I was supposed to keep Fayth safe, and I had failed her.
Now, I get to relive that hellish day forever.
Three months ago…
I didn’t get to her fast enough.
In the time King had called, telling us to make sure everyone was accounted for, Big A had already grabbed her.
She was lying on the ground, blood oozing from her head and her body limp.
“Slider!” I heard Demon call.
I knew he had heard the gunshot, and I prayed like hell for him to hurry up and get here so I could go to Fayth.
Big A struggled underneath me, gasping for air as my knee dug into his throat, pinning him in place.
The barrel of my gun pressed to the side of his head and my finger was poised on the trigger as I watched the realization of what was going on wash over his eyes. “You’re fucking dead, asshole,” I growled.
Footsteps sounded behind me, and I cocked the hammer back.
“Is she dead?”
I looked over my shoulder and saw Demon and Remy standing there. “No,” I growled low.
“Remy, call nine-one-one and head back to the house. Stay with your mom and Paige,” Demon ordered.
“Are you going to kill him?” Remy asked, his eyes glued to the man beneath me who was still trying to wrestle his way out from under me.
“Go back to the house now, Remy,” Demon barked.
Demon knew what I was about to do. A man like me didn’t let a piece of shit like this live after he had terrorized the people I called my family. “He doesn’t deserve to live.”
“Demon?”
“Son of a bitch.” Demon spun around, and I saw Meg and Paige traipsing through the woods.
“Mother fucker,” I cussed. There was no way in hell I could do what I needed to do now with Meg and Paige here. “Demon, hold this piece of shit.” I hauled Big A off of the ground, twisted his arms behind his back, and marched him over to Demon.
“We called the police when we heard the gunshots,” Meg said, her voice quaking.
Demon grabbed Big A and I flew over to Fayth, falling on my knees beside her. I brushed aside her hair and pressed my hand to the wound on the side of her head. As far as I could tell, it looked like the bullet had just grazed her, but it was still bleeding like a son of a bitch.
I had tried to get a shot off at Big A when he had fired at Fayth, but I wasn’t as lucky as he had been. “I need something to tie around her head,” I barked.
“Here,” Remy called. He thrust a sweatshirt into my hand and kneeled next to me. “Just tell me what you need me to do.”
“Hold her head still while I try to tie this to help stop the bleeding.” Remy cradled her head and I gently slid the shirt under her head and tied it tightly around it. “How long did they say it would take the ambulance to get here, Meg?”
“Ten minutes, but that was more than five minutes ago. They should be here anytime,” she chattered.
“Should we move her?” Remy asked.
“I don’t fucking know.” I had no idea what the hell to do. I wanted to scoop her up, take her to my truck, and drive to the hospital myself, but I had no idea if that would hurt her even more.
“I hear sirens,” Paige called.
“I’ll run to the road and flag them down,” Meg said.
“Paige, go with her. I’ll be right behind with this asshole,” Demon ordered. “You okay with her? Is she still breathing?” Demon asked me.
Fayth’s chest was gently ris
ing up and down, and she moved slightly on my arms. “Yeah, for now. I have no idea how bad he got her.”
“We need to move her. I don’t think they’ll be able to get back here to grab her.”
I had already fucked up royally, I didn’t need to hurt her even more. “Demon, I don’t—”
“Slider, pick her up and bring her to the cabin now.” Demon marched toward the cabin, leaving me no choice on what my next move would be.
Remy stood up. “I’ll help you.”
I gathered Fayth into my arms; a small groan fell from her lips. Her eyes were still shut as I gently lifted her up and rested her head on my shoulder. “Run ahead, Remy. Make sure they are ready for her.”
Remy sprinted off, jumping brush and fallen branches. I followed behind slowly, careful not to jar her head. Each step I took, I felt the weight of what had just happened settle on me.
We had finally stopped Big A, but now Fayth was hurt, and it was all my fault.
********
Chapter 4
Fayth
“Mom.”
I looked away from the window and saw Marco standing in the doorway. I attempted a small smile at the sight of him. He was becoming a man with each passing day, and it felt like I was missing it. He looked so much like his Uncle Leo that he had been mistaken many times for being Leo’s son rather than mine.
“Did you want to watch a movie with me downstairs?” he asked. “We can even watch one of those girly movies you like.” He shoved his hands in his pocket and shifted his weight from foot to foot.
I opened my mouth to say yes, but nothing came out. Disappointment washed over me, and I again wished like hell I could say one simple word. Every day, Marco came to my room, asking me to do something with him, and each day, I said no because I had been wallowing in my own self-pity. He ate breakfast with me each morning, filling the silence between us with mindless chatter about his day.
“I can pop some popcorn for us,” he said, hope filling his voice.
I nodded once, knowing I couldn’t keep going the way that I was. I was still a mother even though I couldn’t talk.
“I’ll get the movie ready and pop the popcorn.” Marco sprinted down the hallway, and I couldn’t help but notice how happy I had made him just by agreeing to watch a movie with him. Baby steps.
I rose from my chair and glanced in the mirror over my dresser. I looked the same, but I didn’t feel like it. Everything had changed, but yet, it hadn’t. It was like I had stepped into a time machine and come out six months earlier—before Marco had started acting up, and we had moved to Rockton. One move had changed our lives, and, at the time, I thought that change would be for the better, but now, I couldn’t help but regret picking up and moving.
“Marco said you were going to watch a movie with him?” Leo asked. I saw his reflection in the mirror as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the doorjamb.
I nodded and grabbed my brush. I gingerly pulled it through my hair, careful of the six-inch scar on the right side of my head. They had shaved around the wound in the hospital so they were able to stitch it up, and the hair had finally started to grow back. Thankfully, if I wore my hair down, you were barely able to tell I had a massive bald spot.
“You think I could watch with you guys, too?”
I shrugged. It was up to Leo if he wanted to hang out with us. It wasn’t like I could tell him no.
“It’s going to get better, Fayth,” he said quietly.
Was it? It didn’t feel like it was. I sat in my chair, day in and day out, and only got up for Marco. If I had it my way, I wouldn’t get out of bed most days.
“I’ll meet you downstairs.” Leo disappeared down the hall, and I focused on my image in the mirror.
Everything looks the same—my slightly curly black hair, my striking and a bit exotic face, my body, although it was a bit thinner given my lack of appetite these days. How could everything be unchanged on the outside, but be so completely different on the inside? It was driving me crazy.
Getting my nails done and hitting the latest Coach sale at the mall no longer mattered to me. Hell, if I was honest, nothing mattered to me anymore.
Today had been the first day I had actually taken Marco’s feelings into account.
“Mom, the popcorn is ready!” he called up the stairs.
I took one last glance in the mirror and sighed.
Time to fake being the person I was, until I could come back to my room and fall apart all over again.
********
Chapter 5
Slider
“Have you seen Demon?”
I looked up from the TV I was blankly staring at and found Paige looking down at me. I hadn’t even noticed her walk in front of the TV. “Ah, I think he’s out in the shop.” King and Demon were working on getting their bikes ready for the first warm day of spring that would be here any day now.
Paige cocked her head to the side. “You’re not getting your bike ready?”
Honestly, I didn’t give a fuck about my bike. Hell, I didn’t give a flying fuck about anything. “I’ll work on it next week.”
She flopped down on the couch next to me. “I thought all of you were motorcycle die-hards who wait for the first thaw and you were out on your bikes even if it was only forty degrees.”
She was right. At least, she was right about how I used to be. “I’ve got time,” I mumbled.
Paige sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. “Have you heard anything new about Fayth?”
“No.”
“Is she still not talking?”
“Yes.”
“Did Leo say when we can go and visit her?”
“No.”
“Am I going to get an answer that is more than one word out of you?” She didn’t bother to try to hide her annoyance at my shortness.
“Not today.”
“You haven’t said more than ten words to anyone all week, Slider.”
I shrugged and picked up the remote. I didn’t want to have this conversation. It had been a week since I had last spoken to Leo. I couldn’t keep torturing myself, calling him each day and getting the same answer. I was in a shit mood, and I had no plans of shaking it. “I ain’t got nothing to say, Paige.” I turned the volume up on the TV and started flipping through the channels.
“Good. You can sit here and listen to what I have to say then.”
I turned the volume up even louder but Paige snatched the remote out of my hand, turned down the volume, and shoved the remote under her ass. “What the hell?”
“Be glad I didn’t put it down my shirt.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s the same as shoving it under your ass.”
Paige rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. “Are you ready to listen?”
“I don’t really have much of a choice. I’m shit at reading lips, so the TV is useless until you give me back the damn remote.” I crossed my arms over my chest and waited to hear what Paige had to preach at me.
Paige smirked, pleased with herself. “Why won’t you just go see Fayth?”
“Because I’m pretty sure Leo would kill me if I showed up. He’s threatened bodily harm if I drive down there without letting him know.”
Paige rolled her eyes. “And why is that stopping you?”
“Paige, I’m going to assume that you have no idea who Leo Banachi is.”
“Demon told me who he is, and I still don’t understand why you’re here, when you clearly want to be there.”
“Even if Leo wasn’t threatening to kill me, I’m not entirely sure that Fayth would even want me there.”
Paige grabbed the remote from under her ass and stood up. “Why wouldn’t she want you there? You saved her life, Slider.”
“No, I didn’t. I fucked up and let her traipse around the woods and couldn’t manage to find her before Big A put a bullet in her.” If I would have been five seconds longer, Fayth wouldn’t be here at all.
“Oh Jesus. Now
I see what’s going on. You feel guilty that she got hurt.”
I looked up at Paige. “I liked you a lot more when I thought you were some quiet and shy chick with her nose in a book.”
Paige shrugged. “I am shy and quiet.”
“You sure aren’t acting like it right now.”
“I’m only saying something because all those books I’ve had my nose in help me see what is going on with you and Fayth.”
“Oh geez, this is going to be good. Why don’t you tell me what is going on with Fayth and me? I’d love to hear what you think you know.”
Paige grinned and laid into me, “I think you’re terrified of Fayth, because she represents everything you want but don’t think you can have.”
“I take whatever I want, Paige.”
“Normally, but not when it comes to Fayth. I know you say that you don’t want to go there because of Leo, but I think that’s just an excuse. I think if you go there, you have to face all the emotions and feelings that you don’t want to have to deal with.”
I scoffed. “I don’t have feelings or emotions when it comes to Fayth.”
“Then, why are you walking around like a grumpy bear who can’t find his picnic basket?”
“Picnic basket?” I asked, confused as hell.
“Sorry, Meg was watching Yogi Bear in her room when I walked by. I digress,” Paige said, waving her hand. “If you don’t have feelings for Fayth, then why are you so pissed off?”
“Because I didn’t do the job that King asked me to do.”
“Has he yelled at you? Asked you what the hell you were thinking letting Fayth go out alone?”
“No.” King has surprisingly said nothing about it.
She pointed the remote in my face. “Then, why are you beating yourself up about it.”
I didn’t have an answer to that. I just knew that I had fucked up and it was driving me crazy. “Are you done, Paige?”
“No. Not yet. I think the reason you are beating yourself up about it is because you have feelings for Fayth that you can’t and won’t admit to.”
Devil’s Knights MC Box Set 2 Page 52