Once they reached the truck, Kendra threw open Michelle’s door and waited for her to climb inside before slamming it. Michelle’s stomach shook with the impact. Kendra climbed in the other side and locked her hands on the steering wheel. “Maybe it’s time I stopped playing nice.”
“Ya think?”
Kendra glared at her.
Michelle grinned in return. “Bravo. So, what are you planning?”
“I’m going to pay a visit to an old friend. If I’m going to fight fire with fire, it’s time I called in a few favors of my own.”
Michelle felt a tug on the corner of her mouth and tilted her head. Kendra Williams had favors to call in?
“What are you looking at me like that for? I have friends.”
“I have no doubt. Lead on, fierce warrior.”
Kendra pointed her truck toward the highway. Shoulders squared, gaze focused, she looked far less worried than she did determined.
Michelle wished for the hundredth time that she could slide over on the seat. Her fingers itched to trace the inseam of Kendra’s jeans; to feel the hard muscles of her thigh beneath her fingertips.
What had possessed her to put a limit on their relationship? Was it really so bad that they only shared what the other was willing to give? At least then, she’d been able to hold her; to be held in return. If she’d thought keeping herself physically detached would keep her heart from breaking, she had been wrong. Every time Kendra looked at her, she missed her. And if she ached this much now, how much worse would it be next week when she left for good?
Kendra swerved onto the off ramp that led to downtown. The truck swayed, drawing Michelle’s thoughts back to the problem at hand. “Where are we going?”
“There.” Kendra pointed toward the gigantic, white building sitting on a rise in the landscape. A dome roof identified it as the Utah State Capitol Building.
“Why are we going there?”
“I told you. I’m going to visit an old friend.”
“Your old friend who works in the capitol building?”
Kendra nodded, but didn’t say anything more. A few minutes later, Kendra pulled into a parking space beside a tour bus. “You ready?”
“Sure. Who are we going to see?”
“The Lieutenant Governor.”
Michelle swallowed. “The Lieutenant Governor is your old friend.”
“Yep. We... rodeoed together in the old days. It was a long time ago, but it can’t hurt to ask, right?”
“Nope. It can’t hurt to ask.”
Once inside the rotunda, Michelle glanced upwards. What seemed like miles above her, she found a rounded ceiling painted like a sky. Tiny seagulls winged their way across an expanse of blue and white. Several school children dashed past her to catch up with their guide and several women who looked like a mixture of teachers and parental chaperones. One child bumped into Michelle’s legs. Knocked off balance, she righted herself to find a little boy, perhaps six or seven years old. He was a beautiful boy, with a mess of dark hair and green eyes. Suddenly, Michelle imagined that Kendra’s child might look very much like this little boy. Was it stupid to wish that she might be able to carry Kendra’s child someday?
Kendra’s warm hand took her gently by the upper arm. “Are you okay?”
Small shocks tingled where Kendra touched her, moving straight to her belly where they pooled and pulsed. She could only nod, and when Kendra tipped her head in return, releasing her arm, she wished she hadn’t responded at all.
“The office we need is up those steps.” Kendra indicated a wide, marble staircase.
“What makes you think we can get in?”
“I don’t know if we can, but we’re here now. Might as well give it a try.”
Kendra took the steps two at a time. Her boot heels echoed on the hard stone. Confidence oozed from every part of her. Her posture spoke of determined pride and even her footsteps commanded attention. If anyone could get in to see the second most powerful man in the state, Kendra could.
Michelle shook her head. Part of her was so proud that Kendra had finally decided to fight back. For real, this time. Not with some half-baked idea over which she had no real control. Another part of her wished time had stood still a month ago. That part of her wanted nothing more than to be with Kendra Williams until the day she died.
“You coming?”
Michelle hurried up the final few steps and met Kendra outside a glass enclosed office that was surprisingly sleek and modern. It had obviously been retrofitted into the original, classic design of the structure in some prior decade. It looked out of place surrounded by Greek-inspired architecture, life-sized oil paintings of the men who had served their state in years past and bronze statues of the state’s founding fathers, Brigham Young among them. Behind the glass walls, a modern, comfortable office, complete with over-sized leather armchairs and state-of-the-art electronics teemed with activity.
Kendra held open the door and Michelle passed through first. A young woman greeted them from behind a large, mahogany desk. “As I live and breathe! Kendra Williams!”
“Hey, Susan.” Kendra answered with a timid smile. She was so uncomfortable with the recognition that Michelle could almost feel her pain.
“What brings you up to the Hill? Why, I never thought I’d see you here, that’s for sure.”
“Is the L.T. in?”
The serious tone of Kendra’s voice must have registered with the receptionist. Her expression fell into one of all-business and she scanned the open tablet on her desk. “As it turns out, yes. I’ll see if the Lieutenant Governor is available. Just a moment,” she finally answered. “Is everything okay? Gosh, it’s good to see you.”
“Everything’s fine. Just a friendly visit, that’s all.”
Kendra took off her hat and rocked back on her heels. Michelle glanced at her face. Her brow creased again and for a second, she chewed the inside of her cheek. She wasn’t determined, anymore. No, she was scared to death.
“The Lieutenant Governor will see you, Kennie.”
Michelle thought she might choke on her tongue. Just like that? “Boy, I guess he remembers you.”
She thought she heard Kendra groan and the receptionist, Susan, grinned. “She’s not from around here, is she?”
Kendra’s hand settled on the small of Michelle’s back and Michelle couldn’t be certain if the groan had come from Kendra or from her. She led Michelle down a short hall until she stopped and knocked on a carved, wooden door.
“Come in,” a female voice called from the interior.
Kendra opened the door and stepped through. Michelle followed, nervous knots flying around her belly. Michelle wasn’t normally impressed by people based upon their titles or positions, but the Lieutenant Governor of the State of Utah? They’d made it past the outer ring, apparently, to the L.T.’s private secretary. That much did impress her and she didn’t want to do anything which might make the man think any less of Kendra and her cause. What were the Lieutenant Governor’s views? Was he pro-equality and equal rights, or on the side of homophobia and bigotry? Was he somewhere in the middle? Did he even know Kendra was gay? It was probably a good idea to err on the side of the closet, as much as she hated it. Squaring her posture, she glanced around the room and took a quiet step away from Kendra.
“Kendra Williams.” The woman who had called to Kendra took several steps forward with her arms opened wide. She wore a blue pant-suit with silver buttons. Long black hair, swept up and away from her face and neck, was tied in a knot at the back of her head. A pair of thin, wire-framed reading glasses hung from a delicate chain around her neck.
Michelle judged her to be just a few years older than Kendra... maybe forty?
“Hello, Helena. It’s been a long time.” Kendra took the woman in an embrace, and then held her shoulders and smiled. “You look amazing.”
“Well, it’s not the rodeo, but my job does keep me fit, I’ll tell you that much.” She smiled and tilted her head over Kendra
’s shoulder. “And who is your friend?”
Kendra started as if she suddenly remembered Michelle was there. A tight fist seemed to ground into Michelle’s gut. Her throat burned. “Oh, sorry, Hel. This is Michelle Loving. We’re working together on something and we thought you might be able to help out. Michelle, this is Helena Sanderson, champion barrel-racer, card cheat, former State Senator, and current Lieutenant Governor of Utah.”
“I’m pleased to meet you, Ms. Loving. Why don’t the two of you sit down and make yourselves comfortable?”
“Michelle?” Kendra placed her hand on Michelle’s shoulder when she didn’t respond, under the guise of regaining her attention, of course.
Who was she kidding? She touched Michelle because she couldn’t stop herself from touching her. She’d been unable to stop herself all morning. Every chance she’d had to brush up against her, she’d taken. She just wanted to feel her.
“What?”
“Let’s sit down.”
“So, what can I do for you, Kendra?”
Kendra found it difficult to relate her problem to Helena. Twenty years ago, they’d rodeoed together. Fifteen years ago, Kendra had broken off a two-year affair to raise her siblings. She’d asked Helena to stay with her. But her lover had had bigger dreams than working a cattle ranch and raising children who weren’t even hers. Based on the fact they now sat in the second most important office in the state, Helena was married to a man, and she had two children of her own, her former lover had achieved everything she’d ever wanted.
Kendra, on the other hand, was still a cowhand with dirt under her fingernails. She’d never change.
Michelle shifted in her chair. She was so quiet, Kendra glanced toward her. What was wrong with her? She looked...
Angry.
She doubted Helena, or anyone else for that matter, would recognize it. But the slim line of her lips and the thick pulse in her neck told Kendra she didn’t like being here. Not one little bit.
When she finished explaining her situation to Helena, Helena made a steeple from her fingers and pressed the tips beneath her chin. She stared at Kendra in silence for a long moment.
Finally, she asked, “And you’re sure it was this Mason fellow who rustled your cattle?”
“Rustled and outright slaughtered, yes.”
“What proof do you have?”
“Not much, Helena. Mac’s been looking into everything, and he hasn’t come up with a solid link. At least, not yet. But my gut tells me I’m right.”
The lieutenant governor placed her hands, palms flat, on the surface of her desk and stood. “Well, that’s good enough for me, Kennie. Let me make some calls and see what I can do.”
“I really appreciate it, Helena.”
Helena skirted the desk and leaned against it, right in front of her. Vague memories of the older woman sliding against her swirled in her mind. Hot steamy nights spent entwined in the back of her truck, or in Helena’s father’s motor coach when he wasn’t looking. Young hearts beating together in dangerous – so very dangerous – mindless passion.
It did nothing to her now. Her body seemed to live on a whole different planet. Still attractive, Helena simply no longer appealed to her.
What appealed to her was Michelle’s soft, round curves and fiery spirit.
“We had some good times, didn’t we, Kendra?”
“Yeah, we did.”
“Why did you wait so long to ask me for help?” The state official was gone and in her place sat the women Kendra had loved so many years before. The difference was chilling and obvious.
“I didn’t want to impose on our friendship. I mean, if it got out that you pulled strings for... well, for a lesbian? The rumors could kill your career. It’s Utah, remember?”
“Let me worry about that.” She paused. “I really am sorry about how things turned out, Kennie.”
“It was a long time ago, babe. I’m over it.”
“Are you?” The tone was accusatory and compassionate at the same time.
Kendra’s blood heated and her cheeks flamed. She glanced at the chair next to her and, for the first time, noticed that Michelle was gone. “Where’s Michelle?”
“She left a couple of minutes ago. Didn’t you hear her?”
“Crap,” she whispered. Kendra hadn’t even noticed! Maybe she wasn’t as over Helena as she thought she was.
No, that was wrong. She was over it. Completely and fully. No hard feelings. No lingering doubts.
“You haven’t answered my question. Are you really over it?”
“I’m not pining for you, Hel. It’s been almost twenty years.”
“It’s been thirteen years. It’s been thirteen years, five months and three weeks, actually.”
Kendra grinned. “And how do you know that?”
“Because I’ve been counting. It’s easy to do if you never lose track in the first place.”
“And you think I’m not over it?”
“Yeah, that’s exactly what I think. Because if I’m not stupid, and I don’t believe I am, you’re in love with that woman who was just here and for some reason, the tension between the two of you is thicker than horse shit.”
“You’re crossing a line, Helena.” Kendra stood and rubbed the sweat off her palms and onto the thighs of her jeans. “You have no right to judge me or what I’m about. You’re the one living a goddamn lie. For crying out loud, you’re a Republican!”
Helena gained her feet, standing a full three inches taller than Kendra and obviously not having any problem using that height to her advantage. She closed the distance between them with two long strides. “You think that’s easy? You think I am proud of standing behind a closet door so thick that it would take ten Paul Bunyan’s to cut through it? I place my constituents and the greater good over myself and, plenty of times, over my own family. I’ve worked on legislation to feed the hungry, educate our children, fund our schools and our homeless shelters... to provide counseling to those who can’t afford it and I’ve been working to sway the Governor on Obamacare for the past three goddamn years.” She took a deep breath and her chest heaved with emotion and passion.
That’s the Helena Kendra remembered. Passionate. Determined. Single-minded.
“But you’re living a lie,” Kendra censured. “Does your husband know you’re gay?”
“Actually, my husband is gay. We both wear our beards very well. We had children because we had to in order to keep up the illusion, but I’ll tell you this much... I wouldn’t trade them for the world.”
Kendra hadn’t expected that Helena could say anything to shock her after all of the years. But that shocked her.
“I’m sorry, Helena. I was out of line.”
“No, you’re not out of line, Kendra. You’re just hurting and you have to let your guard down every now and again. Coming to me for help was the first step. Now, you’ve got to stop letting the fact that I broke your heart get in the way of falling in love, and letting someone else fall in love with you.”
Shifting her weight from one boot to the other, Kendra grinned. “You’re awfully full of yourself, you know that?”
“Yeah. I know that. It’s a job requirement in politics. I’ll call you in a few days and let you know what I was able to find out.”
Chapter Sixteen
Michelle had never wanted to disappear as much as she did at this moment. The history between Helena and Kendra was so obvious, a priest could see it. Old friends? She stifled a snort. Old lovers was more like it. Only a woman who had slept with someone looked at her with that kind of intense longing in her eyes. Even Michelle knew that.
How long ago was it? Was she just some kind of rebound for Kendra? The possibility that she had played her with her sullen glances full of longing and intense quiet made Michelle’s stomach turn over.
What if she had only imagined every part of her relationship with Kendra? What if it wasn’t just over, but had never actually existed?
; Michelle made a conscious effort to control her steps as she raced down the marble staircase. She had no idea where she was going, only that she had to get away from Kendra and her former lover. What had Kendra been thinking when she brought her here? Did she honestly think that she wouldn’t know they’d been together?
The parking lot stretched in front of her, filled to capacity. She dodged a parked car and ran toward Kendra’s truck. Out of nowhere, a luxury sedan bore down on her. A scream cut through the air, filled with crying seagulls and the sound of traffic whirring by. Somewhere in the distance, a train blew its whistle.
Kendra’s arms encircled her waist and pulled her against the back of the tour bus. “Are you out of your mind?” She held her there, Kendra’s body blocking hers from the passing car. “You could have been killed!”
It was as though the world stopped turning. Even the gulls ceased their calls until silence enveloped her. Well, not total silence. She could hear a heartbeat. She just wasn’t sure if it was hers or Kendra’s. “I--”
She never finished her sentence. With fury and a certain gentleness, Kendra caught her words in a kiss. Her mouth crushed hers and her chest pushed her against the hot metal at her back. Kendra held her so tightly, she couldn’t breathe, and she didn’t want to. She only wanted to feel. All she wanted was to love Kendra and hope that Kendra might love her back. Someday.
All her convictions to protect her heart flew out of sight as Kendra’s lips claimed hers. She didn’t care if she lost herself forever...
“No!” She wrenched herself from Kendra’s embrace.
“What’s wrong?”
“This! This is wrong. Don’t you get it?”
Kendra backed up a step and replaced her hat, apparently knocked askew when she’d kissed her. “Get what, Michelle?”
How dense could she be? Or maybe, she wasn’t dense. Maybe she was just cruel. She was going to insist that Michelle say it out loud.
The expression on Kendra’s face claimed otherwise. Whatever she thought of Kendra Williams, there seemed to be fewer cruel bones in her body than Mother Theresa. Her heart sagged.
Loving the Heartland Page 25