by Vawn Cassidy
‘I’ve wanked over the thought of you every night…’
My dick instantly hardens, and I groan. Friends my arse. I am so fucked, and I damn well know it.
Chapter Nine
Nat
I’m certain that no matter what Historians would have us believe, BC really stands for Before Coffee. In fact, I’m sure the hundred years war would never have happened if they’d had coffee, unless it was decaf, then it probably would’ve dragged on for another hundred years.’
By the time we reach Newquay and Beck is pulling into the car park of the Killacourt, a lush green park overlooking the beach, I’m almost painfully awake and feel like I’ve been wired into the mains. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised to glance in the side mirror and find my hair standing on end. There are two very distinct reasons for this.
Firstly, because, despite my reservations, Beck did actually persuade me down to the beach to surf for a few hours. There’s nothing like wiping out fifteen times straight in freezing cold post dawn water to wake you up. Although, to be fair, I loved every minute of it. Despite trying to accidentally drown myself my first day in the bay, I’m discovering I’m actually a bit of a water baby. I love surfing, or in my case, attempting to surf.
And secondly, because I’m not sure what was in the very large coffee Beck bought me on the way here, but it was like main lining rocket fuel, and I’m currently tripping like I’m Ziggy fucking Stardust. I’m pretty certain my pupils are blown to hell right now, and my right leg appears to be river dancing completely independently of my left leg.
‘Are you alright there, Nat?’ Beck grins as he pulls the handbrake and switches the engine off.
‘Umm hmmm.’ I nod, my head jiggling on my neck like a bobblehead. ‘So, is this Newquay then? It’s very pretty, isn’t it? Have you noticed it’s pronounced new key, but it’s spelled new quay? Why isn’t it pronounced new quay, although it’s not really a quay is it? A quay is a long stone or metal platform projecting or lying alongside a body of water for loading or unloading ships, and this is a beach, unless it has docks, does it have docks? Why spell key with a q? Quaaay…quaaay… have you ever noticed if you keep saying it, that it sounds really weird?’ My words tumble over themselves rapidly, and I’m vaguely aware that I’m churning out an incredible amount of word vomit. I also appear to have lost the ability to pause and suck in a breath.
‘Alright, Rain Man,’ Beck chuckles. ‘I think we need to walk off some of that caffeine.’
We climb out of the car, and I get my first proper look at the Killacourt and of Newquay. It’s a bright and warm mid-morning and laid out in front of us is a wide grassy park filled with colourful stalls and stands. Beyond it, I can see the beach framed by the sparkling blue waves, and I inhale deeply, feeling the sense of peace and contentment steal into another deep dark corner of my soul and flood it with warmth and light.
‘Shall we?’ Beck nods his head toward the bustling farmers market as my over caffeinated eyeballs dart around taking everything in.
I nod vigorously as I turn and walk in the wrong direction, and he quickly darts after me and steers me the other way.
‘I may have to put a bell on you,’ he chuckles. ‘I probably should’ve warned you about Florrie’s coffee. There’s a reason her dark blend is called Lucifer.’
For a moment, he keeps his hand in mine, and I wonder if it’s because he enjoys the warmth of his skin against mine as much as I do, or if it’s simply to keep me from wandering off like an easily distracted two-year-old.
‘What’s in it?’ I frown.
‘I don’t like to ask,’ he laughs easily as he lets go of my hand and points to one of the stalls. ‘Mum wants us to see if we can source a new fish supplier and fresh produce, but I think there are some other stands you might be interested in.’
I glance around in interest. When I think of a farmer’s market, my mind immediately defaults to fruit and veg, maybe some eggs or flowers, but the market is like a kaleidoscope of rich scents and colours. We wander between the stalls, checking out the local produce and fish as Melanie requested, but then we move on. There are delicate pastries, freshly baked bread, and a chilled meat van. Jams, handmade soaps, and local honey. There’s even one filled with dream catchers.
Beck was right when he said there were other vendors I’d be interested in. I end up at one for a local company who make cold pressed oils, and I end up with a whole crate of various cooking oils to take back to the restaurant, from super-hot Carolina Reape chilli oil to liquid Chorizo. After dropping our samples and purchases back to the car, we find ourselves wandering around the outer edge of the market close to the beach when I spy a large building not too far away with a bright blue roof.
‘What’s that?’ I point it out to Beck.
‘Oh, that.’ He replies with a shrug. ‘That’s just the blue reef aquarium.’
‘An aquarium?’ I murmur absently as I stare at the bright blue pitched roof. ‘I’ve never been to an aquarium.’ I turn to continue walking, but after a few moments, I realise Beck has stopped, and as I glance behind me, I see him watching me with a strange look on his face. ‘What?’ I ask curiously.
‘How can you never have been to an aquarium? That’s like a standard school trip for any junior school and even if not, why did your parents never take you? Next thing you’ll be telling me you’ve never been to a zoo.’
I stare at him contemplatively.
‘You’ve never been to a zoo?’ He frowns as if this is somehow incomprehensible to him.
I shrug. ‘Too low brow for my parents I guess,’ I admit a little ruefully. ‘It’s not like they never took us anywhere, but somewhere like a zoo or an aquarium would have been roughly equated with the thirteen circles of hell for my father.’
‘Where did they take you then?’ he asks in curiosity.
‘They took me and Sophia to Prague to see the Babylonian clock tower for my eighth birthday.’ I try to cast my mind back.
‘A Babylonian clocktower?’ Beck repeats slowly.
‘Yeah.’ I nod still thinking and missing the expression on his face. ‘Uh, where else?’ I blow out a breath. ‘We did Paris, I don’t know how many times. We saw the Vasa at Stockholm. It’s a perfectly preserved Swedish warship from the 17th century. We also visited Reykjavik and saw the Northern lights. St Petersburg in Russia. Vienna… fantastic Weiner schnitzel. Oh, we also went to Budapest, they had a really pretty Japanese garden there. Also, Rome and Venice. I loved Italy, probably because that’s where my mother was from. Carmella used to talk about it all the time when Sophia and I were younger.’
‘Carmella?’ Beck replied.
‘She was our cook, actually she was the one who started my love affair with cooking. One of the first things I learned to cook was her Manicotti. It was an old family recipe she learned from her grandparents.’ I nod oblivious to the look in his eyes as he studies me. ‘I remember visiting my grandparents once, who lived in Sorento, which is along the Amalfi coast. I vaguely remember their home being painted a bright blue with a yellow front door, and it smelled of… red sauce, wine, and herbs. My grandmother was always cooking something. She was a tiny woman, but I remember she had a really big smile,’ I say a little wistfully. ‘I don’t know.’ I shake my head. ‘I was very young. We never saw them again after that.’
‘What at all?’ Beck tilts his head as he watches me. ‘Did they pass away?’
‘Oh, no,’ I reply. ‘My dad just didn’t…’ I let out a breath. ‘I don’t really know what the reason is, but my dad wasn’t overly fond of them. I think he considered his in-laws a bit beneath him, too provincial.’
Beck blinks slowly as he watches me, almost as if he’s absorbing everything I’ve just blurted out. I can feel the hotness flushing my cheeks, and suddenly, I’m embarrassed as if the way I’ve been brought up is so foreign to him, and he needs a moment to absorb it. I turn away sharply and start walking.
‘Nat.’ He jogs to catch up with me. ‘Nat…’ He
grasps my arm gently to stop me, drawing me around to face him. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing.’ I look down, feeling my face burning.
‘Nat,’ he rumbles quietly, the deep timbre of his voice wrapping around me comfortingly.
‘I didn’t have a bad childhood,’ I say defensively.
‘I know that,’ Beck replies. ‘There’s nothing wrong with the way you were brought up. You’ve had the opportunity to see some incredible things.’
I sigh quietly. ‘‘Is it bad that I wish, just once, we could have done something normal? I’m not ungrateful, but sometimes, I wish we could’ve done something normal kids do.’
‘Hey.’ He tugs on my arm playfully. ‘That’s easily fixed.’
‘What?’ I stare at him in confusion.
‘Come on.’ He grins, pulling me toward the aquarium.
‘Beck.’ I frown. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’
‘Why?’ he asks easily.
‘Uh… because I’m not a child anymore.’ I shake my head as if it should be obvious.
‘So?’
‘Okay, now you sound like a nine-year-old,’ I reply, and he just lets out another delighted laugh and tows me bodily toward the main entrance.
‘Two, please.’ He strolls up to the main desk and smiles at the girl, who stares up at him and blinks.
I do have some sympathy for the girl, knowing how lethal those dimples of his are. He pays and spins around peeling a sticker from its backing and sticking it to my shirt with a grin.
‘There,’ he laughs.
I stare down at the large round sticker with Blue Reef Aquarium Newquay written on it, alongside what looks like a severed fish head.
‘Seriously?’ I reply drily.
‘Come on.’ He wanders off through the foyer, leaving me no choice but to follow as he heads further into the aquarium.
‘Beck,’ I try again. ‘This is ridiculous. I mean it’s kind of sweet of you, but I’m pretty sure this ship has sailed. I feel like an idiot. I’m an adult for god’s sake not a…. Oh, baby turtles!’
I’m completely transfixed at the huge tank of turtles as I watch them cut and glide through the water. I lift my head and take in my surroundings; the air is cool, and the walls all painted muted shades of blue throughout the winding corridors of brightly lit tanks. I wander along feeling the heat of Beck’s body beside me, but he doesn’t say anything, just allows me to take it all in. I see brightly coloured clown fish and miniscule fish with tiny little neon stripes running the length of their bodies. There’s an octopus with its suckers pressed up against the glass as I trace my fingers over it.
Sophia would’ve loved this when we were kids, and the errant thought occurs to me before I can stop it. For a second, the thought of her makes me sad. She’s the only thing from my old life I regret losing, but if I’m completely honest, she was gone long before I boarded that train.
‘Hey.’ Beck nudges me from my silent contemplation as if he can sense my mood. ‘Come with me, there’s something I want to show you.’
I follow along behind him as we enter a long blue tunnel, and the first thing that catches my eye is the flickering lights reflecting on the floor, and for a moment, I don’t see anything else, then I look up. The whole top half of the tunnel is glass, and we are surrounded by brightly coloured shoals of tropical coral reef fish, stingrays and…
‘Oh my god, are they sharks?’ I gasp as I step closer to the glass.
‘Yep,’ Beck laughs. ‘This was my favorite part whenever we’d visit, but my brother, Quinn, was terrified. He cried his eyes out and refused to go through the tunnel.’
‘Poor baby.’ I smile slowly as I watch the sharks glide effortlessly over the domed roof. ‘What kind of sharks are they?’
‘Zebra sharks. They’ve also got blacktip reef sharks; they were always my favourite. I used to tell Quinn that if he got too close, they’d ram the glass and smash it,’ he chuckles.
‘You’re evil.’ My mouth quirks as I stare at him out of the corner of my eye.
‘That’s what brothers are for,’ he says earnestly as he leans in beside me to watch the fish. ‘He was the youngest, but when the girls came along the pecking order shifted, and he got to torture them,’ he says sagely. ‘It’s the circle of life.’
‘I’ll take your word for it.’ I huff out a laugh.
‘What about you? Beck asks. ‘You torture your sister?’
‘No,’ I reply quietly. ‘She should’ve hated me, and I wouldn’t have blamed her.’
Ordinarily, I’d deflect any questions to do with my sister, but something in his tone, or maybe the intimacy of the quiet tunnel has the words spilling from my tongue before I can censor them.
‘Why should she hate you?’
‘My father had no interest in a daughter, and he made sure she knew it. It was painfully obvious to us as children that he treated me differently. She could’ve hated me for it, but she didn’t, maybe because I was the only one who truly loved her.’
I shake my head; I don’t want to talk about Sophia, and I hate that I let that much slip. So, I turn my head toward Beck, sending him a lazy smile and promptly change the subject.
‘So, do you bring all your dates to the aquarium?’
‘No.’ An easy grin slides across his face, allowing me the space I need. ‘I don’t date.’
‘Ever?’ I ask in surprise.
He shakes his head. ‘I don’t do complicated, and I don’t do attachments.’
‘Why?’ I ask curiously.
‘I just don’t.’ He shrugs, and I can tell there’s a story behind that nonchalance. ‘When I feel the need for company, I head into Newquay or Truro, otherwise I like my own company.’
‘Sounds lonely,’ I mutter as I lean in closer, not realising how close his face is.
‘What about you?’ Beck replies. ‘You ever get lonely in London?’
‘Sometimes.’ I tilt my head as I watch him, not wanting to admit that it wasn’t just sometimes, it was all the time. In London, I was always surrounded by people, but I’d never felt so completely alone.
‘Nat,’ he mutters as his gaze drops to my lips. The reflections of the water surrounding us play across his face, highlighting the bright blond strands of hair, which have fallen from his top knot, and the slight scruff of a stubble across his jaw, and I find myself wondering what that friction would feel like against my skin. ‘This just friends is a lot harder than I thought,’ he murmurs.
‘You don’t do complications though.’ I smile as he inches closer.
‘No, I don’t.’ He stares at my lips.
‘And you don’t do attachments,’ I whisper unconsciously leaning in.
‘No, I don’t,’ he murmurs absently.
I can feel his breath in small puffs against my mouth, and I know that all I have to do is lean in a fraction of an inch, and my lips would brush against his. I’m tempted. God knows I’m tempted, but all of a sudden, I feel a strange trickling sensation down the back of my neck, and I frown.
‘Do you get the feeling we’re being watched?’ I mutter.
We turn our heads slowly to find a small black-tip shark facing the glass right beside our faces, his tail swishing slowly back and forth as he watches us intently. We stare for a long moment, the three of us caught in this kind of weird aquatic Mexican standoff.
‘I think we might need a bigger boat,’ Beck whispers out of the corner of his mouth, and I snort loudly and unattractively.
‘Oh my god,’ I mutter staring at the shark on the other size of the glass as he tracks the movements of my head. ‘Do you think sharks can smell pheromones or something?’
‘Through triple re-enforced glass?’ Beck chuckles.
‘He looks like he wants to take a bite out of me.’ I frown.
‘He’s not the only one,’ Beck mumbles under his breath.
I turn to grin at Beck, and we both jump as the shark suddenly butts the glass with its nose. We lock eyes for a second,
and then we both bolt down the length of the tunnel, laughing like idiots, bursting out of the other end of the tunnel, and startling a troupe of scouts who look at us like we’re crazy.
‘Oh my god, your face,’ I wheeze as I suck in a loud breath with tears in my eyes, but as I look at Beck, we just laugh harder.
‘You can’t talk.’ He leans forward resting his hands on his knees as he pulls a deep breath in.
‘You do know that’s karma?’ I smile widely as he looks up at me. ‘For what you told your brother.’
‘Fine, I’ll apologise to him as soon as I get back, and we’ll consider the karmic debt satisfied.’ Beck shakes his head.
I can feel my smile, so wide and genuine it almost makes my face ache. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much, or so freely. The more I’m with Beck, the more I feel I Nathan slipping further and further away as Nat becomes more real. I feel alive and challenged and happy, and I realise he’s right about one thing. This just being friends is much harder than either of us thought.
Chapter Ten
Nat
I’m not flirting. Okay, I totally am, if you mean by flirting, seducing him with my awkwardness and inappropriate word vomit.
An hour later, we burst through the doors, out into the bright sunshine, startling several seagulls nearby and holding onto each other laughing like lunatics. We both have giftbags from our last stop at the aquarium giftshop, but Beck’s hair is sticking up, half hanging out of his top knot, and his t-shirt is soaked down the middle. He pulls it away from his stomach with a shake of his head, which only sends me into helpless peals of laughter once again.
‘I can’t believe you got us banned from the giftshop.’ He shakes his head in amusement, and I grin.
‘It goes without saying that it was completely your fault.’ I straighten up as I catch my breath. ‘You’re lucky we didn’t get arrested.’