by Vawn Cassidy
As if on cue, the sky gives a shockingly loud rumble, and as we look up, a crack of electricity punctuates the heavy clouds. Beck’s eyes widen as he reaches out and grabs me, pulling me under the safety of the porch. I stumble into him, caught off balance as I stand breathing heavily, feeling his hard body pressed to me.
I pull back slightly, refusing to meet his eyes. ‘Anyway, I’m sorry. You set boundaries, friends only, and I shouldn’t have overstepped.’
‘Nat,’ he says again, but I just don’t want to hear it. I seriously don’t think my ego can take any more of a battering today. It’s already curled up in the fetal position, rocking in a corner somewhere.
‘It’s okay.’ I step off the porch into the pouring rain once more. ‘I just don’t want to ruin things between us. You’re the first person I’ve ever met that I feel like I can really be myself with, and I don’t want to lose that. I promise I won’t make things awkward again, so I’m just going to go and…’
He’s watching me intently, and as I babble, he steps closer to me, the rain making dark splotches on his t-shirt.
‘What are you doing?’ I frown. ‘It’s pissing down. You’re going to get drenched.’
‘Nat,’ he says slowly, eyes fixed on me. ‘Last night you were drunk.’
‘Yes, I know.’ I exhale loudly. ‘And I know it’s not an excuse, and I… what are you doing?’ I ask nervously as he steps further into my space until all I can smell is the heat in the air, overlaid with warm rain and a waft of coconut from Beck’s skin.
My heartbeat kicks up another notch, pounding so loudly I’m sure he can hear it over the sound of the storm as he closes the distance between us. His face hovers close, his lips a fraction of an inch above mine, and when he speaks, I can feel the small, warm puffs of breath against my mouth.
‘You’re not drunk now.’ His lip curves.
‘No,’ I whisper, swallowing hard. ‘No, I’m not.’
His hand lifts and wraps around the back of my neck, instantly sending a shiver down my spine and setting my belly dancing with nerves. He closes the distance between us, his lips pressing against mine soft and hot.
For a second, time seems to stand still, and everything sharpens into painful acuity. I feel the cool raindrops hitting my flushed skin, a shiver skittering down my spine, making my nipples pebble beneath my wet clothes, the hot, hard press of his body against me as he folds his arms around me and pulls me closer, his tongue skimming the seam of my lips.
Helpless to obey his unspoken demand, I open my mouth and tilt my head as he slants his lips over mine, the kiss firing every nerve in my body. His tongue plunges into my mouth, tangling with mine, and the heat of him blows through me like an inferno.
He grips my neck tighter, his fingers pulsing over the pressure points and sending chills rippling across my skin, a delicious contradiction to the heat warming my belly. His other hand tangles in my dark curls gripping gently as I hold onto his waist, pulling him closer on a low, deep moan.
The sound seems to ignite both of us, and from that moment on, I think we both lose our minds. It’s a frantic mating of mouths, lips, and tongues. He drags me up against him as he begins to step back, and I follow blindly not wanting to lose the connection. He roughly jerks me over the doorstep. I dimly register the slam of the front door, and then my back is pressed against it firmly as he pins me with his larger frame.
It’s like being consumed from the inside out. I feel his hands slip over my shoulders, sliding my wet hoodie down my arms and dropping it to the floor. He releases my mouth, and my head falls back against the door with a soft thud as he latches onto my neck, kissing a burning trail down to my tendon, where he nips and sucks as his hands snake underneath my t-shirt, those long smooth fingers gliding across my skin, making me shudder.
I grab his hips pulling him against me as he takes my swollen mouth again, taking the kiss deeper. I groan into his mouth as I feel his rock-hard cock grinding against mine, the friction a sweet pain as he rocks against me.
I’ve never been so turned on in my entire life. Even my hot and heavy fantasies can’t compare to glorious feeling of wild passion and freedom. There is no mistaking the fact that I’m making out hot and heavy with a man. I can feel his larger frame pinning me helplessly to the door, the rough scrape of his beard against my face and the pressure of his dick, hard and wanting, riding against me, and it feels perfect. This is what I needed, this is what has been missing from my life, and now that I’ve tasted it. I want more.
Suddenly there’s a loud banging on the door behind me, startling us both as we break apart, breathing heavily. For a second, neither of us move, Beck is staring down at my mouth, and I’ll bet it looks as red and swollen as his. His hair is a mess where I’ve run my hands through it and gripped hard, and he’s sporting a very obvious hard-on, which is tenting his sweatpants.
The loud knocking comes again, and Beck sucks in a deep breath, closing his eyes momentarily before reaching for the door and opening it tentatively.
Chapter Fourteen
Beck
Why is it mothers know exactly what you’re not supposed to be doing at the exact moment you’re not supposed to be doing it?
‘Oh, um… hi, Mum.’ I smile awkwardly, shifting my body behind the door so she can’t see the huge hard on Nat’s just gifted me with, which doesn’t look to be going down any time soon. Not with the taste of him still in my mouth and the scent of him on my skin.
‘Hello, love.’ Mum smiles warmly as she hands me two huge shopping bags.
‘What’s this?’ I try to take them without moving too far into her line of sight while Nat hides behind the door sniggering.
‘Leftovers from the roast yesterday and some groceries,’ she replies, completely oblivious to my current predicament. ‘I know how caught up you get when you’re working. I imagine there’s probably not a scrap of food in the house.’ She turns and picks up another two bags by her feet. ‘I’ll just pop these away in the kitchen.’
‘No!’ I burst out, startling her, as I grab the other two bags from her hooking them clumsily over my fingers and juggling all four bags, while trying not to let her see below my waist. Damn it, why won’t my dick give me a fucking break.
‘Um, you’re right, Mum,’ I say quickly. ‘I’m in the middle of a huge project, so I’ll just put these away myself and get back to work but thank you. I really appreciate it.’
‘Oh, well, if you’re sure then.’ Mum smiles. ‘I’ll just get going.’ She turns and heads down the path toward the now open gate. How the hell did she get that open? ‘Bye, baby.’ She blows me a kiss.
I nod and give a pained smile.
‘Bye, Nat!’ she calls over her shoulder as she throws her head back and laughs loudly.
‘Um… bye, Mel,’ he calls tentatively from behind the door.
I kick the door shut and turn to face Nat, who’s biting his lip and trying not to laugh. ‘Do you think she knew I was here?’ he asks innocently, eyes sparkling with mirth.
I can’t help it, I start laughing, releasing the knot of tension in my chest as I stumble back against the wall, still holding the shopping bags, but the more Nat and I look at each other the harder we laugh.
‘Oh my god.’ Nat finally drags in a deep breath, wiping the tears from his eyes as he shivers, and I realise he’s still soaked to the skin.
‘Come on,’ I say pushing back off the wall. ‘Let me get you a towel and some dry clothes.
‘Okay,’ he says shyly, and I want to fasten my mouth to his all over again, but he shivers again, and I still have a handful of God knows what my mum has brought me. ‘Here.’ Nat reaches out and takes two of the bags from me. ‘Let me help you with those. Where’s the kitchen?’
‘Just through there.’ I nod toward the open doorway. He steps back and lets me lead the way, but as he follows me into the room, he stops and stares.
‘This is supposed to be a kitchen?’ he says dubiously.
‘It will be one
day,’ I laugh easily. ‘I’ll get around to it at some point, but I don’t cook much, so it’s not a priority. I’ve got a microwave, so I’m sorted.’
‘A microwave?’ He blinks. ‘Beck, you’re killing me. The only thing a microwave is good for is popcorn, and even then, only in an emergency situation.’
I find myself grinning as he sets the bags down on the beige counters and tries not to cringe. ‘I think you’re a bit of a kitchen snob, Nat.’
‘I don’t even have it in me to deny it.’ He shakes his head as he starts unpacking the food, turning his head, and seeing my eyes fixed firmly on his gorgeous firm arse.
My gaze lifts to his, and his eyes heat once again. ‘As much as I want my mouth and my hands on you right now, Nat, I think we should talk.’
‘I know,’ he sighs. ‘Are you hungry?’
‘I could eat.’ I nod.
‘I’m starving,’ he replies. ‘Why don’t I see if I can make something for us in this hell hole you call a kitchen, and we’ll talk.’
I nod, knowing that cooking comforts Nat, and I’m willing to bet he feels as unsettled as I do right now. This is all new to him, but for me, it’s completely thrown me out of my comfort zone. I’ve had plenty of hook-ups, but I was never looking for anything serious. I enjoyed the physical release and then was more than happy to walk away.
But what happened with Nat just now, was beyond anything I’ve experienced. He almost brought me to my knees and that was just from a kiss. I’m playing with fire by getting involved with Nat, and there’s no way I’m walking away unscathed. I need a minute to step back and think. I want him more than anyone or anything I’ve ever known, but it won’t come without consequences, and I’m not sure either of us can afford the price tag.
‘I’ll just get you a towel and some dry clothes,’ I murmur absently as he moves around the kitchen, opening cupboards and familiarising himself with everything.
‘Okay.’ He looks up at me and smiles.
My heart gives a good hard knock against my ribs, and I practically run into the mud room adjoining the kitchen and run my fingers through my hair in frustration. What the fuck am I doing? There’s no way this thing with Nat can end well. Sucking in a deep and shaky breath, I reach into the dryer and pull out a clean towel and rummage through the clean laundry basket sitting on the counter to find a t-shirt.
Heading back out into the kitchen, I stand and stare at Nat. He’s peeled off his wet socks and tucked them neatly into the converse he seems to favour. He’s also pulled off his wet t-shirt and bundled it neatly on top of his shoes. He’s standing in front of the cooker in nothing but jeans, his wet hair curling madly. His body smooth and gleaming, and damp with the scent of warm summer rain. For a brief, insane, moment, I want to walk up and wrap my arms around him, settling my chin into the crook of his shoulder as I press against his back and kiss his neck tenderly. The thought is such a shock to the system, I almost take a step back to regain my equilibrium. That cosy little intimate scene is for lovers and about a million miles from what I want.
He turns and smiles. ‘That for me?’
‘Oh, uh,’ I clear my throat remembering the towel in my hand, which I hand to him.
‘Thanks.’ He reaches up towelling off his hair and drying his chest.
‘Here.’ I hand him the blue t-shirt that matches the colour of his eyes. ‘I haven’t got any clean jeans or anything down here, but I’ll just go and…’
‘It’s fine.’ He grins. ‘I think you and I both know if my jeans come off neither of us is getting any food.’
‘You may have a point,’ I concede as my mouth curves, and as he pulls the clean t-shirt over his head, I catch a glimpse of a silver pendant on a thin, delicate chain nestled at the base of his throat then it’s gone.
‘Take a seat, this won’t take long.’ He lifts a pan down and sets it on the cooker.
I sit down at the pine kitchen table I’ve never used as he slides a mug of coffee in front of me.
‘Thanks,’ I mutter, watching him contentedly as he bustles around the kitchen filling the barren empty space with his scent and his presence. He smells like rain and a light layer of sweat overlaid by sandalwood, and it wraps around me like a cosy cocoon in the dimly lit kitchen with the soothing patter of rain against the windowpanes. Smoothing all my rough edges.
‘God, how old is this cooker?’ Nat frowns as he attempts to light the hob with a match as the ignition switches no longer work. ‘It looks like something from the fifties. I feel like I should be wearing a frilly apron with curlers in my hair while Doris Day plays on the radio.’
I smile behind the rim of my coffee mug as I watch him crack several eggs into a bowl and start to beat them contentedly. There’s a stack of white sliced bread beside him and also a neat pile of sliced cheese and ham. He’s more relaxed now, and I can see why he enjoys cooking so much. It centers him, and as I see how tidy and ruthlessly organised his workspace is, I wonder if it fills a need inside him for some sort of control. From the little I’ve been able to piece together about his life so far and what he’s told me about his parents, I don’t think Nat has ever had much control over his life and decisions.
There’s a sudden scrambling of claws on tiles and Ursula, having finally cottoned on to the fact Nat is in the house, comes bounding into the kitchen with her tail slapping against the rickety cupboard doors.
‘Hey, pretty girl.’ Nat beams as he drops down and strokes her. ‘What have you got there?’
She drops the item she’s currently holding gently in her mouth into Nat’s outstretched palm, and he glances up at me with one eyebrow quirked. I rise up slightly in my seat to see what he’s holding and curse.
‘For fuck’s sake, Ursula, that’s the fourth time today I’ve hidden that. How do you keep finding it?’ I growl as I stare at the little stuffed black fin shark Nat bought me at the aquarium, which is now covered in dog drool.
‘It’s okay,’ Nat laughs easily. ‘Relax, Beck, it’s not like I bought you diamonds. It’s just a silly soft toy, and you did warn me she had a thing for them.
‘That’s not the point,’ I grumble as I sit back down. ‘That’s mine, and she’s got her own.’
He chuckles and stands up, leaving Ursula to wander out of the kitchen now she’s had some attention. I watch as he dips both sides of the slices of bread into the egg, coating them liberally before sliding them into the pan with a sizzle. Flipping them over after a moment, he lays slices of ham and cheese on one slice of bread before scooping up the other slice with a spatula and laying it on top of the other. He then flips the whole sandwich over and presses it into the pan for a minute before sliding it onto a plate, which he then sets in front of me along with some cutlery.
‘Eat before it gets cold,’ he instructs with a smile and heads back to the cooker to prepare a second one for himself.’
Cutting into it, the cheese oozes out, and I groan in appreciation, scooping the first bite into my mouth with a hum of pleasure. ‘So good,’ I groan as Nat sits down at the table next to me with his own plate and begins to eat.
‘This is the ultimate comfort food. Good for rainy days and hangovers, and as I have both, it’s the perfect cure. I used to make these all the time when I was at Uni.’
‘Had a lot of hangovers, did you?’ I smile as I continue to eat.
‘No.’ He shakes his head softly. ‘Not really. It’s not like I didn’t go out and socialise, but I suppose I never really trusted the people I was with enough to relax fully. God knows what they would have done to me if I’d been drunk.’
‘What do you mean?’ I frown, not liking the sound of that implication.
He shrugs. ‘The crowd I was inadvertently a part of weren’t a great bunch of people. I think I was only kind of included by default because of who my father is. Like I said, it’s very cliquey. You had to have the right kind of pedigree to be a part of their little social circle, and if you did, well, you were included whether you liked it or not, but the
truth is they were bullies. They didn’t really like me, they tolerated me, because I was one of them, but they were always doing or saying cruel things and then passing them off as a joke.’
‘Hey.’ I reach out and touch his hand. ‘You’re not one of them, you never were.’
He sighs heavily. ‘I’ve done things I’m not proud of, Beck, because I was too much of a coward to stand up to them, or my father.’
‘You’re not a coward,’ I tell him softly. ‘And we’ve all done things we’re not proud of.’ He watches me carefully, and I can almost see words hovering on his lips, but he holds back. I get the feeling he’s been on his own for too long without anyone to confide in, and I have this desperate urge inside me to take away his pain. It’s a feeling I choose to not look at too closely, but one thing I do know is that I want him to be happy, and I don’t think he can be until he forgives himself and moves on.
‘Tell me,’ I say quietly as I push my empty plate aside.
‘Tell you what?’ He frowns.
‘Anything you like.’ I pick up my coffee and sip. ‘I can guarantee I’ve probably done far worse things than you, so this is a completely judgement free zone. We’re friends, right?’
‘Yeah,’ Nat says as his eyes soften.
‘You said that I’m the only one you feel like you can completely be yourself around,’ I tell him. ‘And I’m glad you feel that way. I like you, Nat.’ I smile as if it wasn’t painfully obvious how much I like him. ‘I like you just the way you are, and nothing you can say will change that.’
He stares at me and blows out a deep breath. ‘Last night in amongst the incredible amount of word vomit I was spewing everywhere I told you I was a virgin which both is and isn’t true.’ He frowns as he looks down at his empty plate, absently toying with the handle of the fork. ‘I had a couple of girlfriends when I was at Uni.’
‘Okay,’ I reply waiting for him to continue. ‘So, you’ve slept with a woman but not a man I’m assuming? There’s nothing wrong with that, Nat,’ I tell him easily. ‘They’re not going to revoke your gay membership you know. A lot of people experiment when they’re younger, particularly around that age.’