by Tijan
“She’s smart, you know.”
I turned back.
He looked down his nose at me, holding his coffee and leaning against the counter as if he hadn’t a worry in the world.
He took a sip, speaking like I was dirt. “She’s smarter than you’ll ever be. She’s the genius in the family.”
“I’m aware.” I flashed him a hard grin. “Smarter than both of us.”
He grunted, but his mouth twitched. “Look, she’ll be tortured if she goes to that ceremony tomorrow. And I get why she didn’t want our parents to know. She and Owen were close, like, really close. It’s the only reason I was able to leave them, ’cause I knew they’d have each other.”
Anger sparked in me. “But that’s not a thing now, so where the fuck have you been all year?”
He went still, eerily still. “You might want to watch your tone with me.”
“You might want to clue in about your sister. She’s been alone all year.”
His nostrils flared again, and his head lowered.
He thought he could pin me down? Make me scared?
He’d never dealt with me.
“She’s got no friends—had no friends,” I continued. “And where is her family? Miss Sandy. Benny. They’re her family. They’re the ones who’ve met me. I’ve had meals with them. They know how I like my coffee.” I lifted my chin. “And you’re a special class of brother if you think she should skip her own graduation because of the brother who’s go—”
“What?” he suddenly demanded.
I paused.
I’d gone too far.
His voice came back low. “Her graduation?”
I paused.
I frowned. “Yeah. Her graduation. She graduates tomorrow.” Then it fell into place. He didn’t know. “She was moved up a year. She told me last night.”
His hand jerked, spilling coffee over his shirt.
He didn’t move. He didn’t seem to notice the coffee.
“She’s graduating tomorrow?” He looked down. “When?”
Dude. “Tomorrow.”
He looked back up. “Not the graduation, dipshit. When did she move up a grade?”
I opened my mouth…
And Aspen answered from the doorway. “The year after you left us.”
Damn. Regret seared through me, and I turned to her.
Her eyes weren’t on me, though. They were on her brother, and they were full of pain.
“Aspen.” I moved toward her.
She held a hand up. “You told him I don’t have friends. You told him everything. That wasn’t your information to share.”
I held still.
I had.
If I held still long enough, could I turn time backwards? Could I take that back?
“I’m sorry.”
She shook her head.
I’d fucked up. Big time.
“I already knew,” Nate said.
“I’ve always been like this.” She turned to him. “It’s why they moved me up a year. You left, and I was having… I don’t actually think it was about how smart I was.” She looked away, hugging herself. She looked like she wanted to disappear. “They moved me up a year so I’d have Owen.”
Nate coughed, his voice sounding strained. “Aspen. I didn’t know.”
She lifted a shoulder. “To be blunt, it wasn’t your problem. It was Mom and Dad’s.” She bit out an ugly laugh. “It was my problem. No one else’s. I should’ve… I should’ve dealt with it a long time ago.” She rocked back and forth, biting her lip.
I recognized that look.
“Tell him about after,” I said.
Her shoulders went rigid, and she shook her head. “Don’t, Blaise. Don’t push that.” She swung back to me, and I could see a ghost in her eyes. “I lost my parents. I lost my older brother. I lost my best friend. I’ve lost everyone in my life. What can you say about that? You’ve got people in your life. You lost an abuser, but you gained two siblings. You gained a new father. Do you know how many times I’d die for that chance again? To have Owen back?” She wiped away a tear. “You have no idea, and you keep pushing them away. Stop. I’ve cyberstalked your brother and sister. They’re both really cool people. I met him, and he was kind to me. There aren’t a lot of kind people out there.”
Yeah.
I knew.
Because I wasn’t one of them.
Pain radiated through me, and I couldn’t do a damn thing to take away hers. Nothing. I was fucking helpless as I watched the girl I loved cry in front of me. And some of that pain was my fault.
Love.
Shit.
Yes. Love. Loved. I loved this girl.
Mine.
“Aspen.”
“Stop.” She turned away. “I’m good for the day. I know you probably have parties you want to go to—”
“Don’t do that.” I moved toward her.
“Watch it,” Nate said.
I ignored him, standing right behind her.
“Aspen.”
She wouldn’t look at me.
“I’m sorry I spoke about you to your brother. I know it doesn’t mean much, but it’s because I care. It’s because…” My chest was so tight. She still wasn’t looking at me.
I dropped it.
I didn’t want to tell her when she was like this, when she was hurting. Those words weren’t meant to put a Band-Aid over a wound. They were more. They meant more to me.
She meant more to me.
This girl, who was curled in on herself and looking like she wanted the world to swallow her whole, had the power to gut me. One look from her. One touch from her. One word from her, and I could be on top of the world or ready to dive into hell—all for her and all because of her.
“Hey.” Her brother straightened from the counter. “Let’s, um, let’s table this for now. Your name is Blaise?”
I jerked my head up. “Yeah.”
He looked suddenly tired, and he ran a hand over his face. “If you don’t mind, could I have some time with my sister?” He watched her a moment. “It seems like we have a lot to discuss, things I need to make amends for.”
Aspen’s head fell.
I wanted to take her in my arms.
I wanted to take her away from here, back upstairs, somewhere private. I wanted to kiss her, make her feel good, but fuck—I’d felt helpless before. There’d been a lot of dark times, and this was one of them. And I should’ve had the words to make it better. I didn’t.
When Aspen didn’t say anything, I went to her.
“I got things I want to say to you too.”
She drew in a breath, her teeth clenched.
I pulled her close and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
My chest was full, tight. There was something I wanted to say, but I didn’t. I didn’t know if I could.
I left.
37
Aspen
“Nice guy.” Nate grinned at me. “He’s got a bright future ahead of him.”
I swore at him. “Like you were any better?”
He let out a sputtering laugh. “I think I just met myself.”
I shrugged. “He’s got reason to have that attitude.” I moved around the kitchen island, pulling out a mug. Nate stepped aside so I could pour some coffee. “You had attitude too. Remember that?”
He eyed me, taking a sip of his coffee. “How old were you then? How do you remember?”
I grinned, pulling out some creamer. “I idolized you and Owen. I remember everything you guys did.”
He groaned. “I’m actually embarrassed.”
I laughed lightly.
It felt good.
It felt…right. And that was weird.
I sipped my coffee. “Why’d you come early this weekend?”
He shrugged, hiding a yawn behind his mug. “I decided to come early.” He was quiet a moment. “I didn’t know you’d moved up a grade.” His eyes lingered on me. “Why didn’t you tell me you’d be missing your own graduation?”
> I scoffed. “You’re right, Nate. I must be the genius in this family if you can’t figure that one out. You would’ve said something to Mom and Dad, and you all would’ve made me go.”
“Well, yeah. I mean, I agree with your boyfriend. He told me before he realized I didn’t know you were graduating this year. I agree with the punk.” Nate scowled. “Owen would want you to do it, and you know that. It’s why you didn’t say anything.”
He didn’t get it.
No one did. Even Blaise.
Especially Blaise.
Owen would’ve understood.
“I’m a loser.”
“Aspen.” Nate put down his mug.
I moved away, turning away. “No. I am. I mean, I just am. Girls either didn’t like me—even in elementary school—or they only liked me for Owen. You and he were popular. I wasn’t. I’ve always been ‘off’ from the mainstream, you know? School was where Owen succeeded socially. Not me. That wasn’t for me, and I don’t want to go tomorrow because Owen should’ve been there. And there would’ve been cheers for him, party plans. And it wouldn’t have mattered to me that none of them were my friends, because they were Owen’s. None of those people will be there tomorrow. I’m the loser, and I’ll get polite claps. And that’ll hurt, because I’ll feel like I didn’t live up to his memory. Like I was supposed to fill his shoes or something, like I should get all the cheers for him, you know? Does that make any sense?”
Nate was quiet a beat. “I’ll cheer for you.”
I snorted. “A pity cheer.”
“No,” he barked. “No, Aspen. Not a fucking pity cheer. You’re my sister, and I’ve been an asshole absent brother. Jesus. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but your boyfriend is right. You should go tomorrow, and I don’t care who cheers for you and who doesn’t. I will. I know your boyfriend will, and based on the two wonderful meetings I’ve had with him, I’ve got a feeling he’s going to make everyone cheer for you.”
I grinned because he would. That was a Blaise thing to do.
“But it’s not—”
“Owen would want you to. That’s really the only answer you need. You have to, for him.” His voice dropped, growing hoarse. “I know we’re not that close, and that’s something I want to change, but you have to know that I only left you and Owen in Hillcrest because it was you and Owen. You two always had each other. I knew you guys were good as long as the other was around. And when he died last year—I don’t know.” He rubbed his hand over his face. “I’ve been so involved in other people’s families that I’ve forgotten my own. I forgot you. I’m sorry for that.”
Well…
That was nice to hear.
I almost felt like yodeling, that’s how nice it was. I never yodeled.
“Wanna go camping with me?” I asked on a whim.
He laughed. “Wait. You’re serious?”
I nodded. “I really like camping.”
Nate’s lips pressed together. “I’m not a big camping person.”
Oh. I looked down.
He sighed. “Fuck’s sake. Really? Camping?” He gestured out the window. “What about your boyfriend? He thinks you’re pissed at him.”
I grinned. “He kinda threw me under the bus. He can sweat a little.”
Nate’s eyes narrowed. His top lip began to curl. “He doesn’t seem like the type who wants to sweat about hurting his girlfriend.”
“He’ll get over it.” I shrugged. “Nate. Too much talking. More camping. Let’s get a move on. You owe me for all these years of forgetting about me.”
He groaned. “Why do I have a feeling you’re going to throw that in my face a whole bunch more?”
“Because I will.” I was smiling so hard now. “Until you no longer owe me.”
He bit out a laugh, but he didn’t gripe the entire time we were packing Maisie.
I wasn’t really going to make my brother camp with me, but he didn’t need to know that. We would drive out to a campsite, and he could set everything up. I’d make him hang out with me for a bit, and then I’d text Blaise where to come.
Nate could go back to town, and I could spend another night with my boyfriend.
And then, tomorrow afternoon, I’d do what they all wanted.
I’d graduate for Owen.
But I didn’t want to dwell on that just yet. I had a day of camping first.
38
Blaise
I figured since Aspen was dealing with family, I should too.
When I swung into my driveway, my mom’s Prius was parked outside, and so was Stephen’s car. There was another car too, but I didn’t know who it belonged to.
I heard voices as soon as I went inside, but when the door shut behind me, they quieted.
A chair pushed back over the floor.
“Blaise?” my mom called.
“Yeah.” I didn’t want to deal with this.
My mom came down the hallway. “Hey.” She seemed tentative. “Hi. How are you?” She started to reach out, but paused. “What?! Your face.”
I winced. “No. I’m fine.”
“But—”
“I’m good, Mom. I’m fine.”
“Blaise.”
“Mom. Seriously. Not now.” I gentled my tone. “Okay?”
She stared at me, her hands wringing together. Then, she stepped close and gently pulled me in for a hug. “Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.”
It seemed like an eternity had passed since that night. She acted like she hadn’t seen me in months.
I hugged her back. She was my mom.
As soon as she felt my arms, she started crying.
“Oh, God. Mom.”
She gave me another big squeeze before she stepped back. She tried to wipe her tears all dainty like, as if she could absorb them without messing up her makeup.
I shook my head, grabbing a Kleenex. I dabbed it against her face. “Hold still.”
I cleaned her up, and she laughed a little when I was done. “You’ve always done that for me—kept your mother looking good and sane.”
I grunted. “Ship’s long gone for that, Mom.” I gave her a look. “For both of us.” I started to move past her.
“Hey.” She blocked me. “Where’ve you been?”
“We talked about this. He was here.”
“I know, but he’s not anymore, and you’ve still been gone.” She frowned and moved closer, dropping her voice. “Is there—are you in trouble?”
“What? No. I’m not in trouble.” For once. “I’m fine. Just been partying a lot. That’s all.”
“He has a girlfriend,” said a voice from behind her.
Seriously?
Taz had come to stand by the fridge in the kitchen. She gave me a smug look and tossed her hair back. “And he’s been fighting with Cross.”
“Honey.”
I ignored my mom and glared at my sister. “Snitch.”
Taz just grinned, moving back into the kitchen. “Come and eat, brother. You’re late for brunch.”
I gave my mom a look. “Brunch?”
She ran a hand down my back before giving me a firm pat on the shoulder. “Your sister brought her boyfriend over.”
“Yeah.” Taz took a bowl of biscuits to the table as I entered the kitchen. She set it down and filled her glass with orange juice. “We’re talking about graduation parties. I’m having one for me and Cross, whether he wants it or not—and whether he knows it’s happening or not.”
Stephen sat next to my mom’s chair. Sure enough, Taz’s boyfriend was sitting at the table too.
“Come on, Blaise. Sit.” My mom made it sound like I didn’t have a choice. “You owe me two weeks. The least you could do is have brunch with us.”
I needed coffee. With whiskey.
I held up a finger and disappeared into the kitchen for a moment. I couldn’t find the whiskey, but I grabbed the brandy.
Taking my drink, I went back over and sat.
“It’s nice that you didn’t ask Zeke to brunch,” Taz said.
Me: Brunch. My house. Asap.
My phone buzzed two seconds later.
Zeke: On it.
Taz gave me a look. “You just texted him, didn’t you?”
“Uh-huh.” I gave her a closed-mouth smile, sipping my coffee. I needed more brandy.
“Uh, so…” My mom folded her hands together, resting her elbows on the table and smiling brightly at everyone. “We’re only missing Cross and Bren. Then we’d have a full table.”
My phone buzzed again.
Aspen: I’m making Nate go camping with me. I’m not mad at you. I’ll call later, okay?
A whole buttload of tension left my body. I almost felt light-headed.
Me: Okay. I meant what I said.
Aspen: Come camping tonight.
Me: Tell me when and where, I’ll be there.
Aspen: I will.
Taz cleared her throat. “Hello? Excuse us, Blaise. Are we boring you or something?”
The world felt right again, so I grinned and sassed back. “You don’t know me well enough to think of me like that, so that makes me think your real brother’s given you that complex, not me.” I gave her a dark look. “Stop putting your brother issues on me. I’m not your twin’s replacement.”
Her boyfriend started coughing and shot me a look.
I smiled at him too.
His name was Race, and he seemed like a decent guy. He came from money, and he was part of Roussou’s underground fighting ring, but that was all I knew about him.
“You’re a dick,” he told me.
I shrugged. I was. It’d been a dick thing to say. “Honesty. It can be a weapon.”
My mom looked down, her eyes closed. I could almost hear her counting for patience.
And Stephen just looked at me. His eyes were clear, no judgment, nothing clouding them.
So why not? “I have to ask, Stephen. Did you divorce your wife in the hopes of starting a new family with my mom and me?” I gave him a questioning look. “Because you missed the boat with us. I’ve met your other son. You’re better off with him.”
“Blaise!” My mom’s chair scraped against the floor, and she grabbed my arm, yanking me out of my seat.