by Tijan
I shook my head.
“You’re such an asshole,” she hissed before fleeing.
She left her plate behind.
Zeke headed back over, sat in her spot, and eyed the plate. “You think she’s coming back for that?”
“Have at it.”
He popped it in his mouth in two bites, then grinned around his chewing. “Nice and plain, but grilled to perfection. I’m going to watch her, see if she leaves any more food around. Can’t have the bears getting it.” He winked at me.
I grinned, but just slightly. “I’m always the bad guy.”
“Nah.” He hit me with the back of his hand, a distracted pat. “You’re just usually the bad guy. Everyone knows you’re doing what’s right with Mara. She’s got issues. You came, and she saw a guy who was strong enough to help shoulder some of her problems. You told her you weren’t that guy, but she chose to ignore that for a semester. That’s on her, and everyone else here knows that.” He paused, raising his cup to the fire, and then indicated my brother’s group. “Except them. They don’t know any of us.” He grinned at me. “They think we’re rich pricks.” He belched and added, “Which we kinda are.”
I grinned. “My brother’s family isn’t that bad.”
“Nah. They just ain’t in our league.” He leaned forward. “So whatever. We’ll be the bad guys. Not like we’re not going to get that all our lives.”
He had a point.
We sat in silence for a while.
“Are you going to get wasted tonight?”
I shook my head. “I can’t. I’ll start a fight if I do.” I wanted to be sober for Aspen.
“That’s too bad. I was hoping for some entertainment.”
I grinned, but my hand shot out, punching his arm. “Asswipe.”
“Dickhead.”
“Dickwipe.”
“Dude. Something other than wipe. Please.”
I thought about it. “Fucker.”
“Nice.” He gave me an approving nod. “Sticking with the classics. Right on.”
ASPEN
I was drunk.
And giggly.
And stumbling.
I swear, that table had not been there two seconds earlier.
Bumping into it, I almost fell down and dissolved in laughter.
Hands caught me, righting me.
Yes. I’d forgotten they were here too.
I looked up. Bren and Taz. They were wonderful. I didn’t know why Blaise didn’t like them.
Bren’s hand tightened around my arm, and she tried not to smile. “You, uh, don’t have to share all your thoughts.”
Um…
Had I?
Taz laughed on my other side. “I don’t know. I appreciated her giving us drunk GPS directions as we walked across the campsite.”
Right. I had done that. Drunk GPS…
We neared my camper, and I felt a smile on my face. “This is my place! This is where I’m sleeping.”
“We’re very aware. The whole campsite is now aware.”
I had no clue who said that, but I didn’t care.
Blaise stood from his chair.
“No!” I launched myself at him.
He caught me, like I knew he would, and I curled up in his lap.
“I love you.” An alarm sounded in my head, but I wanted to get this out. “I love you, and I’ve known for a while, but I didn’t share.” I frowned. “I don’t know why I kept that to myself.”
He was frozen, his eyes latched to mine as a strangled laugh came from him. His hand curled around my leg, and he grasped me tighter as he sat with me on his lap.
“Uh, thanks,” he said over my head. “I got it from here.”
Bren took off right away.
“Bye, Bren!” I yelled, waving.
She was only four feet away.
Taz was still laughing. She’d been laughing at me most of the night.
And she wasn’t leaving.
Yay, Taz!
She sat in a chair next to our camper door. She nodded toward me. “You sure you’re okay with her?”
“I’ll be fine.”
I peered up at Blaise. He sounded sad. Why’d he sound like that?
I didn’t like that.
Blaise was sad a lot of the time. He was sadder than most of us, to be honest.
“Okay.” He patted my arm. “You don’t have to say that with everyone.”
Taz covered her mouth, trying not to laugh. Why now? She’d been laughing openly most the night.
“This is live television,” she said. “I would sign up for this subscription.”
“Shut up.” But Blaise grinned.
Oh good. I could relax.
I laid my head against his shoulder.
He wasn’t so sad now.
“Oh my God,” he muttered under his breath.
“Yep. She’s certainly all yours.”
He shook his head. “So, uh, how are things with the boyfriend?”
I heard a shocked laugh. “What is this? A Blaise who’s actually asking me a conversational question? How scandalous of you and your anger problem.”
His hand curled around my waist, shifting me against him.
“You’re here. I’m here. She’s about to fall asleep. And I actually don’t want to rip your brother’s face off his skull, for the first time all day.”
She laughed. “Progress. I’m impressed.”
Blaise groaned, and it relaxed me further.
“Just a conversation with my little sister.”
“Ha. Younger than you by a month, dickhead.”
“Yeah. Our dad was a busy guy that year.”
Silence, then a sputtering laugh. “I can’t believe you said that.”
“It’s true.”
“Yeah.”
Blaise sighed, and I fell asleep.
44
Aspen
A pounding headache woke me in the dark, and I jerked around, then immediately regretted it.
Hitting a body, I cried out.
And I couldn’t see.
I had no clue where I was.
Wait.
That body turned over, and arms swept me in.
I relaxed, recognizing those arms.
I burrowed into Blaise and whimpered. “How drunk did I get?”
“Really drunk.” He held me a second. “I need to turn the light on. Cover your eyes.”
Why? Why to the light?
But then it was on, and I turned my face toward the pillow.
Oh, God. No.
What had I been thinking? I hadn’t. That’s what I’d been thinking. Nothing.
I’d been sitting there, enjoying Bren and Taz, and enjoying the camaraderie of the guys. They were funny. They’d told stories the entire time, but I mostly enjoyed the ease they had with each other. I only felt that when Blaise was around Zeke, but no one else. He didn’t trust anyone.
Then I’d started drinking, because I wished I could have him come over with us, but I knew he wouldn’t, and the more I drank, the sadder I got, but the drunker I got too.
“Here.”
I opened my eyes to find him holding a glass of water in one hand and two pain pills in the other. Thank God. I really loved this man.
Swiping both, I swallowed the pills with the water, and then I had another problem. I had to pee. And my breath was horrible.
Holy—he’d let me go to bed like this? Embarrassing.
“Bathroom?” I croaked, one eye closed and the other opened just the tiniest bit to see his answer.
He chuckled, climbing out of bed.
I tried not to notice how good his shirt and boxer briefs looked on him, because it was cold out, and we were camping, and I had a splitting headache, but I did. Because he was hot. That’s all.
He padded barefoot past the kitchen area and opened a door. He reached inside and a soft light turned on. “Here.”
I loved him. I loved him so much.
I slipped inside, and a second later, he kno
cked on the door and shoved my bag inside. I loved him even more.
I didn’t change clothes, but I pulled out some better for sleeping and tossed them on the table in the main area. Then I shut the door and went back to rifling through my bag. Toothbrush. Toothpaste. I needed all the cleaning things I could find, because who knew drinking could make you smell?
After cleaning up a bit, I stepped back.
Leaving the light on, I didn’t want to look at Blaise. I knew he was back in bed, and he was probably watching me, and for some reason, acknowledging that would’ve made me feel self-conscious. So I ignored him as I quickly changed clothes. Then I tossed my bag aside and went back to turn the light off.
“Leave it.”
“Really?”
He nodded, looking at me from his pillow. He seemed exhausted. There were soft lines around his eyes and mouth. He had a sleepy look to him. “I’ll turn it off later.”
“Okay.”
I padded back over, and he held up the covers.
I slipped in, but then he lifted me and rolled me to his other side, so he was between me and the door.
I squeaked in surprise, but then relaxed and really relaxed. He’d been warming my spot for me.
Man. I really loved him.
I settled in. Camping was awesome.
“How was your night?” he asked.
I searched his eyes, wondering if there was more to that question, but he seemed genuinely interested.
“It was nice, actually.”
He propped himself up on an elbow and reached for my hand, twining our fingers. He looked at our hands, his finger sliding against mine. “You seemed like you had a good time with them.”
“I did.”
His eyes lifted, held mine. He smiled, though it was slightly sad. “You can talk about my brother. I won’t get mad at you.”
“Okay.” So I did. “Zellman apologized for being slightly mean to me before. He said he didn’t mean it the way it came out. Jordan’s nice, and they’re all funny. I really like Bren and Taz. Thank you for inviting them.”
He nodded, his eyes falling back to our hands.
“And I liked your brother,” I added after a moment. “He’s nice.”
His eyes lifted back to mine. “Good.” He laid down on his pillow and turned toward me. He pulled me to him, our legs tangling. Then he said softly, “I know my brother is a good person. It’s half the reason I hate him. If he were a bad guy, I wouldn’t feel like a shit person.”
I held my breath.
His eyes fell to my mouth. “I’m jealous of him. That’s why I hurt him so bad.”
My breath caught in my chest. “Because of your dad, right?”
He shrugged against the blanket. “Not totally. I think just the whole situation. I’ve seen their mom, and she’s nice too. I mean, I get why she and Stephen didn’t work. They don’t seem to fit, but they tried. They tried for their kids. That’s respectable.”
I cocked my head up. “Your mom’s nice.”
He looked away. “My mom’s damaged. So am I. He did that to us.”
Oh.
Oh God.
I closed my eyes and a wave of fierce protection, fierce love, fierce everything for him rolled over me, almost drowning me. I sputtered with the need to clasp him, anchor him, take away his hurt. But I couldn’t. That stuff was deep inside.
He had put it there.
“Blaise…” I reached up to touch the side of his face.
He caught my hand, pulled it to his mouth, and pressed a kiss there. “You told me you loved me tonight.”
I sucked in my breath. Oh God. I had.
The night came back to me in parts, but I remembered sitting on his lap. I remembered babbling, a lot.
“Blaise.”
“Did you mean it?” His eyes caught mine. There was a yearning there.
I nodded. “Yes.” It left me in a whisper. “I love you.”
He didn’t respond—not right away.
Then he nodded. “I love you too.”
“You do?”
Poof. The headache was gone.
Or, kinda. I smiled.
“I do. I love you.” His eyes moved back to my mouth, and he pulled me even tighter against him. His leg hitched higher, rubbing.
My breath quickened.
I was feeling the love. Or, I was feeling something down there.
“I want to have slow sex with you.”
Oh, dear Lord. “Okay,” I whispered.
Grinning, he moved over me, his mouth found mine, and he did what he’d said.
I was pretty sure slow sex was code for making love.
45
Blaise
I headed out before everyone else, needing wind and speed.
There were four things in my life I now loved: my mom, Aspen, soccer, and ATV racing. The place called it dune buggying, but it was more riding an ATV up and down a large beach. This early in the morning, I had the entire place to myself.
The guy drove my ATV up and double-checked my gear, and then I got the go-ahead to light this place up. I did.
I was an adrenaline junkie—had been for almost forever. Cliff diving. Jumping out of a plane. Bungee jumping. I was up for it. But this morning, I wasn’t doing it to escape my non-bio dad, which was usually the case. I wasn’t trying to hide from a household I was trapped in and not giving a fuck if I died or not. This morning felt different.
It was like a goodbye, in an odd way.
That way of life was done, and I knew it was because of Aspen. It was time to let go of some of my haunts. Griffith couldn’t hurt me anymore. He couldn’t hurt my mom either, but the other shit was my brother and sister. They were here. They didn’t have to come, and they’d stayed to their side of the campsite last night.
I had to let that shit go too.
I didn’t have to let them in, but Taz would weasel her way. She already was. Our conversation had been stilted on my end, but she’d been laughing the whole time. She knew I was trying, so I’d gotten an earful about her and her boyfriend—more than I wanted. She enjoyed torturing me with it. When she’d started to get into their sex life, I said goodnight.
She laughed the entire way back.
But it had felt good.
Sitting with her, talking to her, that felt good.
I kicked on some more speed, the wind and ocean whipping past me. I braked, and the ATV flipped around. There was a small dune above with a path going up and over it, so I gunned, heading for it and past it.
This shit.
Going fast.
Doing tricks.
Defying the odds.
It was exhilarating.
I used to love defying serious injury, but even the injuries never really bothered me. Griffith never messed with me when I was laid up with a broken arm or leg. The more serious the injury, the longer he stayed away. That was my time, my choosing.
In those moments I’d controlled what pain I felt—rather than enduring it from him. Because fuck him.
I’d wanted to murder him, so many damn times.
I didn’t think that want would ever leave me. It was another haunt I’d carry probably all my life. But on this run this morning, something was changing. It was bittersweet.
I raced up and down. I drove up the cliff, jumping over it, wet sand spraying everywhere behind me.
I wouldn’t stay out here when the others came. It wouldn’t be as fun, and most of those guys didn’t know what the hell they were doing. They’d just drive up and down the beach. They didn’t understand the fun of pushing, fearing what you were about to conquer, not knowing if you actually would or not, and then if you did—the elation that you’d defied gravity. There were always bigger challenges, more odds to overcome, and one day you would lose. If you were scared of that, you didn’t have any place on the trek. But if you accepted the inevitable, you could never lose.
But anyway, I was done with this stuff.
I had people I wanted to stay alive for now
. That had hit me hard this morning—waking up and smelling the air differently, feeling the heaviness of the morning sun, knowing people would hurt if I died. It made me scared. Today was my last time. Not that doing adrenaline-junkie shit had been my life goal or a career or anything. But if an opportunity came up, I took it.
No more.
This was my last trip, my last weekend. My last time.
Eyeing a higher rise, I headed for it. That was my last trick for the morning. After that, I’d go back and hand over the keys.
I could hear other ATVs farther down the beach now.
Driving up to the peak took a little while. I had to gun the engine a few times, but I got up there. I was higher than everyone else, high enough to see where we were camped, and I saw a lot starting to move around.
Another ATV drove down the beach, coming right for me.
I waited, watching it.
It was bypassing all the ridges and trick spots, heading straight for me.
Just below me, it paused, and the driver leaned out, looking up.
Even with his protective gear on, I recognized my brother.
He leaned back in and the ATV shot beyond me. He was coming around, starting up the path to where I was waiting. After a moment he pulled up right next to me. He raised his head in greeting.
I didn’t respond, just watched him.
He cut his engine and leaned back against his seat, waiting for me.
We were totally alone. The others had remained below.
Fine. I was Mara déjà vu here.
I turned my engine off.
“I figured we should talk,” he said.
I grunted. No shit. “What do you want to talk about?”
“You done hating me?”
Yep. Right for the jugular. I didn’t answer.
“I saw you talking to Taz last night. She was glowing when she came back.”
“Maybe you should try talking to her too.” I eyed him, resting an arm over the wheel.
He glared. “What’s that mean?”
“She’s lonely, dickhead. Fucking talk to her. Give her the time of day.”
“Like you do?” he shot back.