by Arthurs, Nia
“What’s going on? Why do you look so guilty?”
“No reason.”
Harley frowned. “What did James want to talk about?”
“Can we get going? My shift at the bookstore starts soon.”
Harley grudgingly started the car. “You know he’s a player, right? I told you how he treated all the girls that threw themselves at him.”
“Trust me. It’s not like that.”
“I’m just saying. Be careful. Guys like James are so used to getting what they want that they don’t value anything unless they work for it.”
“I said I got it, okay?”
Harley stiffened. “What’s your problem? I’m only looking out for you.”
“You’re making a big deal about nothing. I’m not stupid enough to think I have a chance with James Sawyer and I’m not interested even if there was, so drop it!”
“Alright.” Harley sank into his seat. “You didn’t have to yell.”
“Sorry.” I massaged my temples.
“Mo, tell me the truth. Is something going on?”
I hesitated and then decided to confess. “My dad gambled our rent money. And lost.”
“What?”
“I thought I could ask Lauren for an advance, but that’s not enough so…”
“So what?” Harley tilted his head. “Tell me you didn’t agree to sell drugs or—” When I still said nothing, Harley ran a hand over his sharp chin. “Did you sell your virginity or something?”
“I’m tutoring James.”
“James who?”
“James Sawyer.”
Harley blanched. “Why would you do that?”
“It kind of happened.” I pulled out the money he’d given me. “We were at breakfast and he said he’d do anything and I told him one hundred an hour and—”
“Mo, stop. Slowly.”
“I also told him to give back your spot on the band.”
“WHAT?”
I winced. “Are you mad?”
“No.”
“You’re mad.”
Harley blew out a breath. “I don’t care about James Sawyer or his stupid band. I care about you. Why didn’t you come to me? I’m your best friend, Mo.”
“I know.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “But I didn’t want you to feel obligated to help.”
“Obligated to—when have I ever complained about anything? You should have called me the minute it happened. We could have figured something out together. Something that didn’t involve you hanging around that snake.”
“He’s not a snake.”
Harley blinked. “Then what is he?”
“I don’t know.” I felt stupid for defending James when I barely knew him. Softly I added, “He didn’t seem that bad. I mean, yeah he’s arrogant and bossy, but I get the feeling there’s more behind all that bluster.”
“Great. You went and fell for him.”
“Shut up.” I punched Harley in the side.
He parked in front of Pandora’s and turned to me. Three deep wrinkles grooved his broad forehead. “My head is screaming that tutoring James is a bad idea, but if it will help your family then I won’t complain.”
“Thank you.”
“But I’m not joining his band.”
“Harley…”
He climbed out of the car and slammed the door. I sighed and trotted behind.
When we entered the café, Lauren was nowhere to be seen. Her cats were roaming freely though, so I knew she was there.
Harley stormed to our nook, leaving me alone in the main part of the store. I hoped he’d get over his anger soon. I hated fighting with him.
“Lauren?” I called, slipping behind the counter. “Lauren?”
“Monique, I’m back here!”
I headed to the storeroom where Lauren was sitting amongst a bunch of scattered bills, tapping away on her phone. Without looking up, she instructed, “You can dust and wipe the counters for now.”
“Uh, Lauren?” I wrung my hands together.
She glanced up, her glasses falling further off her nose. “Yes?”
“Is it possible… I mean, could I maybe get an advance?”
Her eyebrows shot up.
Feeling self-conscious, I rushed on. “Something happened at home—nothing serious, but it would really help a lot.”
“Monique,” she sighed and set her phone away, “I’m sorry. The café and bookstore aren’t doing well right now. We just don’t have enough customers to support the business.”
“Of course. No problem. I was just wondering.”
“Actually, I needed to talk to you too.” She hung her head. “We’re not making enough to cover my paycheck and yours. You’ve been a great worker and I really enjoyed your company but… I’m going to have to let you go.”
My heart shuddered. “Let me go?”
“I’m sorry. It’s nothing personal.”
Heart thumping, I stepped back. There were plenty of minimum wage jobs to be had, but I’d come to adore Pandora’s. Even the cats were growing on me.
Lauren’s bottom lip trembled and her eyes turned glassy. “Monique?”
I sucked up my own feelings and pasted a smile on my face. “No worries. I’ll finish out the week and then I’ll find something else.”
“Even if we’re not working together, you and Harley are always welcome here.”
“Thank you.” I backed out of the room. “Excuse me.”
While I worked, I held the tears back. Harley dropped me home after. He was still steaming, but I was glad for his cold shoulder. If he’d been paying more attention, he would have seen how upset I was. Then he would have asked me about it. Then I would have burst out crying.
And I didn’t want to cry.
“Thanks for the ride,” I said as Harley stopped in front of my apartment.
“Yeah.” He stared straight ahead and then whipped around to face me. “Hey.”
I glanced at him.
He tapped his thumb on the steering wheel. “Call me… if you need anything.”
“Thanks, Harley.”
“Yeah.” He started his engine and sped away.
I smiled at his truck until the taillights disappeared around a corner. Harley would come running if I called. I knew that like I knew myself. Honestly, I didn’t deserve a best friend like him.
With one last fortifying breath, I headed to my apartment and opened the door. “Dad?” I called out.
“Hello, baby.”
I stiffened. That oily voice belonged to one person. “Tito, what are you doing here?”
He rose from the couch, his T-shirt hiking up and revealing a sliver of blubber covered by a liberal coating of black hair. “I told you. Pretty ladies get to call me Dom.”
No chance in hell, buddy. “Where’s my dad?”
“He stepped out to buy some beer.”
The hair at the back of my neck stood to attention. I back-pedaled. “I just remembered, I needed something from the store…”
Moving with more agility than a man his size should be capable of, Tito shot behind me and closed the door.
I whirled around, shocked. “Open the door.”
“It’s dangerous for a pretty girl like you to wander around unaccompanied.”
It’s more dangerous in here. “I have something to do.”
“Something like what?” He stepped closer. “Maybe I can help.”
His eyes dropped to my lips. Then to my neck. To my chest. To my legs.
Somehow, I knew Tito was imagining me naked and it made me want to puke. My gaze darted around, searching for a way to keep him back and off me.
“I-I’ll tell my dad,” I said, holding out my phone.
He easily plucked it from my hands and tossed it. “Tell him what? We’re just having a chat.”
That was stupid. New solution.
If I ran to my room, Tito would catch me. He’d already shown that he could move light on his feet. He was also making sure to block the front door, so even
if I tried to confuse him, he’d be on to me.
When was my dad getting here?
As if summoned, the doorknob rattled. Dad pounded the door. “Tito, open up!”
Tito glanced behind him and I used that opportunity to fly to my room.
Man, I needed to take a shower. The only thing dirtier than Tito’s body was his gaze.
Creep.
I refused to leave my room in case I ran into Tito again, so I used my homework to distract me. A few hours later, I pressed my ear to the door. When I heard silence, I took a chance and opened it a smidge.
“Dad?” I whispered.
“Hey, honey!”
I screamed and jumped back. “Dad, you scared me. What were you doing outside my door?”
“I was just about to knock. Why?” His face was scrunched. He wore an apron over his shirt and jeans.
“No reason.”
“Tito just left. I didn’t even know you were home until he told me.”
“Yeah, about that. Do you have to keep Tito around?”
Dad strolled to the kitchen. I followed him. He had burger meat frying on a pan. My father usually made dinner when he’d done something particularly stupid and wanted to get back into Mom’s good graces.
“Why? What’s wrong with Tito?” Dad asked, flipping the patties over.
“He just… he makes me uncomfortable.”
“I’m sure you’re overthinking things. Tito has a unique sense of humor. He doesn’t mean any harm.”
I sensed Dad wasn’t listening to me, but the topic was too important to drop. “Can you not bring him by anymore? Or at least take him with you instead of leaving him here alone after I come home from school?”
“Alright, honey.” Dad patted my shoulders.
I felt dismissed and unheard, but what could I do? As long as I lived under my parents’ roof, I’d have to tolerate their rules and their creepy friends.
“Come help me cut the vegetables for the salad,” Dad said.
I helped him prepare dinner until Mom came home. She sank wearily into the couch and took off her shoes. Dad handed her a plate. She shook her head and pushed it away.
“Aren’t you hungry, Mom?” I asked.
She ignored my question. “Monique, go eat in your room. I need to talk to your father.”
Dad and I exchanged frantic glances.
“Okay.” I tiptoed out of the living room, but I lingered in the hallway to eavesdrop.
Mom murmured softly, “The bank rejected me when I tried to get a loan. They said we were overdue on our debts.”
“What about my account?”
“Your account is worse than mine,” Mom snapped.
He took her hand. “We’ll figure something out.”
“Like what?” I heard tears in Mom’s voice. “Where are we going to live? How do we pay for light, water, gas, our food—?”
“Relax. This is my mess and I’m going to fix it.”
“How?”
“Tito generously opened his apartment to us. He’s got an extra room so I thought maybe we could take him up on it.”
“I don’t know…”
My heart raced. I backed away from them and shot into my room. Dad’s words rang in my head. “Tito opened his apartment to us…”
How could I live with Tito? One room, one puny wall, would separate me from him and his disgusting advances. Even if I locked the door, he’d own all the keys.
Goosebumps popped along my skin.
No way. Tito’s place was not an option. I’d find the rent money myself.
7
Air Kisses and Fake Smiles
James
“Look at you, James! You’re all grown up!” Rose Harbot grabbed my shoulders and leaned in for an air kiss.
Mom entered the dining room. “Don’t say that out loud, Rose. I’d like to keep pretending that he’s still a little boy.”
“Natasha, you’ll have to see the light some day.”
Mom hugged Rose and then moved back. Pretending to wipe away a tear, she sobbed. “Well, that day is not today.”
The women laughed. I studied my mother. Her flawless skin. Her dainty lips. Her white teeth. The mask she wore was so natural that it seemed her eyes truly sparkled beneath those thick eyelashes.
How could she stand there smiling so delicately, so proudly, as if our lives were a dream rather than a nightmare?
Footsteps sounded at the door, drawing my attention.
“Something smells great,” a voice boomed.
“Honey!” Rose cried, reaching out for her husband.
A short man bounced into her arms. He had thinning brown hair, a wide, open face and an easy smile.
Asher Harbot. Dad’s long-time business partner.
I always wondered how a guy as friendly and innocent as Asher managed to work with my stiff, cold-hearted father. But what did I know? Maybe Asher was as talented an actor as Dad. Maybe he kicked Rose around and cheated on her behind closed doors too.
Rose nodded to the table laden with baked chicken, mashed potatoes, and a host of other side dishes. “Natasha, you outdid yourself.”
“Stop it. This is nothing.” Mom ducked her head and smiled shyly. Her humility was a farce. We both knew she’d had everything catered. Even the table had been styled by professionals.
Dad demanded perfection and Mom had gotten so many beatings for not meeting his impossible standards that she’d learned to pay someone else for help when planning these stupid things.
“Please, sit,” Dad said.
As we settled around the table, Dad moved to Mom’s side. He pulled out a chair for her and kissed her on the cheek. Rose squealed and sighed whenever my parents showed affection so, during these boring dinners, Dad laid it on thick.
I tried not to puke.
Murmuring loudly enough for the rest of the table to hear, Dad smiled. “You look beautiful tonight, darling. The necklace suits you.”
Mom traced the sparkling diamonds with a manicured fingernail. “Thank you.”
“Is that a Martinelli Diamond?” Rose demanded. She gripped the edge of the table and craned her neck to study it. “You’re kidding me!”
“I saw it and immediately thought of her,” Dad said, taking his seat.
Rose nudged Asher. “Why don’t you buy me expensive jewelry?”
He squirmed and peeked at Dad. “Quit it, Sawyer. You’re making me look bad.”
Everyone chuckled.
I forced myself to laugh along.
Rose sighed, her brown eyes fastened on my parents. “You two are just adorable. James, it must be such a blessing to have parents who are so-in-love.”
I snorted.
Dad stiffened and leveled me a dark look.
I cleared my throat and added. “Yeah, it’s… something alright.”
“Rose,” Mom jumped in to save us from awkwardness, “you’re glowing a little more than usual tonight.”
Rose bit on her lower lip. “Is it that obvious?”
“Only to a woman who knows.”
“Fine, I’ll admit it. I’m pregnant!”
I stiffened while the room erupted into a flurry of congratulations. Rose bawled her eyes out, insisting they were ‘happy tears’. I saw Mom and Dad laughing and celebrating but I couldn’t hear a thing.
In my mind, I relived the moment Marissa cornered me in front of Monique’s locker after school.
James, I’m pregnant.
My throat closed up. Made it hard to breathe. My heart expanded painfully, threatening to explode. Abruptly, I pushed away from the table. The chair legs scraped the tile, protesting loudly enough to demand everyone’s attention.
The room went silent.
Every eye fixed on me.
I struggled to act composed. Dad would be pissed if I messed up his dinner. “Sorry. I just… remembered I was supposed to hand in an English assignment before midnight.”
“Oh, no.” Rose reached over and squeezed my hand. “Then what are you doing h
ere? Go on and finish your paper.”
“School should always come first.” Asher agreed. “If you want to be as successful as your father, you need to study.”
My smile cracked. I wanted to be nothing like my father, so that wasn’t effective encouragement for me.
“Go on, James,” Mom said.
I turned to Rose. “Congratulations on your pregnancy.”
“Thank you, honey.”
My smile was slipping. I quickly turned and fled to my room.
The moment I locked the door behind me, I dove for my phone. My thumb trembled as I flipped through the contacts for Marissa’s number.
I found it, but hesitated. What would I say? What could I say?
I put the phone away and paced the room. It didn’t make sense. I was sure I used protection. It was the one thing running in and out of a brothel had taught me. Sexually transmitted diseases were real and far more common that people realized.
But maybe one of those times we’d gotten carried away…
I shook my head. Sometimes I hadn’t been prepared, but even when I got caught up I made sure to check that Marissa was on the pill.
Did she lie to me?
I rubbed my forehead and groaned. From the beginning, I never intended to have anything long-term with her. When I felt particularly horny, Marissa was just… there. Ready and willing. So I used her with the understanding that it wouldn’t be forever.
And she let me.
I made a huge mistake.
Panic clawed my throat. I was only sixteen! I wasn’t ready to become a father.
The walls were closing in on me. I hurried to the balcony doors and yanked them open. The wind rushed into the room, fluttering the curtains. I stepped outside and closed my eyes, allowing the air to calm me down.
I stayed that way until Mom came searching for me.
“James?” Her voice sounded feeble. I sensed her fatigue. Acting like the perfect wife with the perfect husband for four hours straight could be tiring.
“Did Rose and Asher leave?”
“Yes. Your father is in his study. I thought I’d come check on you. Earlier… you seemed upset.”
I lowered my head.
“What’s wrong?”
I turned to her. The words ached to get out, but I knew it would only stress Mom if she knew I’d gotten a girl pregnant. And Dad… Dad would go ballistic.