by Bella Jacobs
I toss a “we’ll be back ASAP; meet at the bus stop where we came out of the woods if we get separated,” reminder in Sierra’s direction, kiss Kite goodbye, and hurry out the door behind the other men, crossing my fingers that there’s a secret weapon waiting for us somewhere in cyberspace.
Chapter 37
Luke
Promises are important.
Even the ones no one else knows you’ve made.
My parents taught me early on how shitty life can get when you refuse to hold yourself accountable. They were the inspiration for the first vow I ever made—that I wasn’t going to grow up to be anything like them. It’s a promise I’ve never broken, not even when I was in prison, where lying to myself and letting accountability get flushed away along with my privacy and autonomy, would have been so much fucking easier.
So as soon as Creedence, Dust, Wren, and I are inside the basement of a creepy old office building, where the resistance evidently has a secure computer stashed away behind a derelict mailroom, I decide it’s time to keep my promise.
“Can I have a second?” I ask once Dust is seated at a grimy-looking desk, waiting for a computer older than Wren to hum to life. “There’s something I need to get off my chest.”
Dust nods, Creedence arches a brow, and Wren turns to me, surprise in her eyes. “Um, yeah. Sure.” She leans back against the edge of the desk. “What’s on your mind?”
“There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just spit it out.” I take a breath and uncross my arms, wanting it to be clear that I have nothing to hide from them. Not anymore. “I’m not Lucas Rivera. I’m Luke Barajas. I don’t know if the L.A. pack kidnapped the wrong wolf by accident, or what, but I’m not the guy who’s supposed to be here. I clocked onto that pretty fast, but I kept up the act so I could get papers, a fresh start. I figured you owed it to me after ruining my parole, but…” I shake my head, my jaw working back and forth as I search for the right words. “But I don’t feel that way anymore. And I don’t want to put any of you in danger by being the wrong guy when you need the right one. So I’m just… I’m sorry.”
Wren makes a relieved sound that’s confusing as hell until I take a closer look at her eyes.
What I see there makes my breath rush out and shame rush in.
“You already knew.” My gaze darts to Dust and then Creedence, seeing confirmation in their not-the-least-fucking-bit-surprised expressions. “All of you knew. So, Kite too? Sierra?”
“Kite, too,” Wren confirms. “Sierra wasn’t kept in the loop, but she has some… Some other suspicions.”
“Like what?” I ask, throat tightening as I answer my own question, “That I’m lab-made, not Kin Born?”
Wren nods. “Yes. She shared that with me earlier tonight and got angry when she realized we’d kept you around for so long after we knew the truth.”
“Part of the truth,” Dust adds. “I can’t get the L.A. pack to return my calls, and Lucas Rivera has conveniently disappeared, making it difficult to determine why you were offered in his place.”
“Any ideas on that, Slick?” Creedence asks. “Now that you’ve decided to let Jesus take the wheel?”
My jaw clenches as I shake my head. “None. I’m not tight with the L.A. pack, but I’ve been careful not to make enemies there. All of us were. We knew we were one wrong move away from getting our throats slit just for existing.”
“All of who?” Creedence cocks his head.
“Lab-made shifters,” I say. “There were a bunch of us, all close to my age, all from fucked up, low-income families south of L.A. Whoever did this to us was careful to pick kids no one was going to care too much about.”
“You don’t know who made you?” Dust’s gaze is fixed on the computer screen as he taps at the keyboard, but I know better than to think it’s an idle question.
“No, I don’t.” I stuff my hands into the pockets of my jeans. “I don’t remember who took me when I was a kid, what they did to me the year I was missing, or most of the year after I was dumped back at my mom’s in the middle of the night. I wasn’t…” I shrug. “I wasn’t okay. Even after I started talking again and eventually went back to school, there are gaps in time… Missing pieces. It wasn’t until high school, when I figured out how to control the shifts, that it stopped.”
“I’m so sorry that happened to you.” The empathy in Wren’s voice pricks at the shields I’m fighting so hard to keep in place. “I have so many questions, but I know this must be hard.”
“It’s not hard. It’s the past. It has no power.” I nod her way. “Ask.”
Her forehead wrinkles. “That’s not how I experience the past, but all right. How old were you when you were taken?”
“Seven. I turned eight while I was gone.”
“So about…” Creedence taps his fingers to his thumb one by one. “Twenty-two years ago?”
I nod, forehead furrowing as I realize… “Almost twenty-three. I think it’s my birthday in a few days. Is it July third yet?”
Wren smiles. “Tomorrow is the first. I had to check the newspaper at the front desk. We lost a lot of time out there in the woods.”
“It wasn’t lost. It was well spent,” I say, continuing in a tone that feels uncomfortably earnest, but true. Real. “For what it’s worth, I did everything I could to get you ready to fight this monster. None of that was a lie. And if I…” I scrub a hand over my face, fighting an unexpected rush of emotion. When I’m sure my voice won’t crack, I continue, “If I could be what you needed, I’d try.”
“So you’ve decided you’d like to save the world?” Creedence asks.
“Something like that,” I say, but I don’t look at him. I hold Wren’s gaze, staring deep into those heartbreaker blue eyes, hoping she can see what I really mean. That it’s her I want to save, to protect, to pull into my arms and hold so close she’ll know that I’m never going to let her go. Not without one hell of a fight.
“What if we can be what you need?” she finally asks, the words pure temptation.
But as much as I want an excuse to get her in my bed, to solidify a connection to this woman who’s locked down my heart in a way I wasn’t sure was possible, I can’t lie to her. Not anymore.
Throat tight, I shake my head. “I’m not your wolf, Princess. You need the real deal.”
“You have the mark,” she says. “That’s real.”
“I haven’t shifted in almost a decade,” I find myself confessing. “I lose my fucking mind when I do. I’m pure rage, all animal, nothing human in there at all.”
Dust makes a concerned sound, and Creedence says, “That’s a problem, man. You’ve got to shift. The longer you deny that part of yourself, the angrier your kin form is going to get at being forced underground.”
I give another tight shake of my head. “Not happening. I’ve hurt people. People who didn’t deserve to be hurt. Next time it could be something worse.”
Wren’s eyes tighten. “Or it could be better than you ever imagined. If you let us help you. You’ve seen how strong we are together. It’s at least worth a shot, right? Wouldn’t it be nice to dump a few of those demons that’ve been following you around?”
Jaw working, I shift my gaze to Creedence and then to Dust, who’s rising unsteadily from the desk chair, looking about as ready to banish demons as he does to run a marathon.
“Give me a day to recover. Maybe two,” he says, making me wonder when I got so damned easy to read. “And then I think she’s right. I think we can help you shift safely. And in the meantime, you can help us.”
Wren nods, hope flickering in her eyes. “When my mother came to me in my dream, she told me one of my four had the secret to finding my sister locked inside of him. That he would need my help to set it free.” She motions to the men now standing on either side of her. “I know it isn’t Dust, Cree, or Kite. That leaves you.”
“Leaves Lucas Rivera, you mean,” I remind her.
“No,” Wren says, lifting that stubborn chin of he
rs. “I don’t know why the L.A. pack did what they did, but you’re the one who’s meant to be here. I’ve seen it. And this…” She motions between us. “Me and you. It’s felt right to me. From the very start, even when I was so pissed at you I didn’t want to admit it, I wanted you to stick around.”
I huff softly, the laugh loosening some of the tension fisting in my chest.
“And I think…” She tilts her head, blinking in that unconsciously sexy way that drives me crazy. “I think you’ve felt it, too.”
I clear my throat, but I don’t speak. I don’t confirm or deny. I stand there, torn between the ugly lessons of the past and an oh-so-tempting hope in the future, so close I can almost taste it.
But I’ve fallen for hope before. I’ve reached for that shiny red apple only to have it turn to ash in my mouth. There are places in my soul scarred so thick that I’ll never feel anything there again.
No seed will take root; nothing will grow. Nothing sweet or innocent could ever survive there. I’m half a man, at best, and Wren deserves so much more.
“You’re missing a year of your childhood,” Dust adds, filling the uncomfortable silence. “As well as those other gaps you mentioned. That creates a lot of space for secrets to hide.”
“And if we went into your past, it wouldn’t just be to help me find my sister,” Wren says. “It would be for you, too. Wouldn’t you like to have that time back? To be able to fill in some of the blanks?”
I cross my arms. “I don’t know.” Honesty still makes me skittish, but it’s also the only way through this minefield. “Some things are better forgotten. Like finding my kid brother and his girlfriend torn apart. If I could wipe that from my head, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”
“Understandable,” Wren says, wincing.
“But…” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m willing to try.” My heart beats faster at the thought of wading into the shadowy recesses of my childhood. I held on to enough from those early years, before I was old enough to get out of the house, into the streets where I could breathe, to know I won’t be uncovering any golden memories.
There’s no hidden treasure there for me, but there might be for Wren.
“We appreciate it. But it’s only going to be possible if we establish a secure link.” Dust arches a meaningful brow. “With you being vision blind, the only way for the rest of us to gain access to your memories will be by accessing them via your connection with someone else.”
I frown, but before I can ask what he means, Creedence makes it plain, “You and Wren. Mate bond. Tonight. Now, would also be good. Dust and I can step outside, give you two some space if you’d like.” He glances at the barren, dusty, beige and despair-colored office. “I mean, it’s pretty fucking romantic in here, right?”
Something happens to my face. My cheeks go hot, and my neck starts to itch, and Wren laughs.
She laughs high and sweet and easy, her eyes dancing as she beams up at me. “You’re blushing. You! I never thought I would see the day.”
“I’m not blushing,” I grumble, fighting a smile. Because…fuck. I am blushing. I’m standing here, thinking about getting shifter-married to a girl, and blushing about it like a twelve-year-old passing love notes in math class.
“I like blushing Luke,” Wren says, her grin softening. “I like honest Luke even more. Thank you for trusting us and for believing in me.” She sighs. “And I would like to say that there’s no rush to move forward, that we could take that next step when or if it felt right. You know, after we’ve had time to go on a date or two, see if the occasional urge to strangle each other ever fully goes away…”
I smile, falling deeper in love with her on the spot. “I hope not. I kind of enjoy fighting with you, Princess. You’re sexy when you’re mad.”
Now it’s her turn to blush, and she’s cute as hell while she does it. Her pale skin goes pink, and her eyes roll self-consciously as she mutters, “Yeah, you’re okay, too, I guess.”
My grin widens. “Yeah? Okay? You wouldn’t kick me out of bed for eating crackers?”
“Okay, lovebirds,” Creedence says, clapping his hands. “You two are nauseating, and we should get going. This place is giving me the creeps. I keep hearing rats in the vents.” He heads for the door, grabbing the handles of the wheelchair and rolling it back to the desk.
“And I have reading to do.” Dust settles into the wheelchair without putting up a fight, making me think this outing has been more draining than he’s let on. “My source sent the file, and I forwarded it securely to my private email. If we pick up a burner phone on the way back to the hotel, I can read it tonight and debrief everyone in the morning.”
“You need to sleep,” Wren chides, brushing his hair tenderly from his forehead.
Dust looks up at her, love so clear in his eyes it makes my chest tight.
What would it be like? To be that sure? That unafraid to let your heart out of its cage?
“I will sleep,” he promises, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze. “But I’ll sleep easier with a little privacy. We don’t have enough beds for everyone without sharing. I think when we get back, you and Luke should get your own room.”
“On a different floor,” Creedence adds, pushing Dust toward the door with Wren trailing close behind. “So we don’t have to listen to the frenemy sex.”
Wren makes a startled-embarrassed sound. “Stop it, Creedence.”
“I won’t,” he says, his amber eyes sparkling at her over his shoulder. “Until there’s a chance of getting in on the action, I don’t want to listen to other guys make you come. Sometimes a man just has to take a stand. Right, Dust?”
“I want Wren safe. That’s all I care about,” Dust says.
“Liar,” Creedence mutters. “But you’re right. I’ll sleep easier once Wolf Boy is on board for keeps.” He bobs his brows. “Aren’t you excited, Luke? We’re going to be family. You’ll get to enjoy the pleasure of my company for the rest of our lives. Maybe even raise a few kittens together someday. Because they will be kittens. Right, Wren? Because you want our babies to be beautiful, intelligent, and loyal, with dazzling personalities and—”
“Hush, Creedence,” Wren says as we head down the litter-strewn hallway toward the back of the building.
“It’s a fact, Slim. Kittens are superior to all other shifter babies. And they tend to have a lower human weight at birth. Better for your figure.”
“Not the time,” she insists.
“Not that I won’t love you if you get all fat with a giant bear baby,” he prattles on, clearly enjoying himself, “or whatever weirdness a griffin would work on your fine ass, but—”
“Creedence.” Dust glares at the other man, but the cat is on a roll.
“Because I will always love you, Slim.” He jabs a thumb at me. “Even after you’re mate-bonded to this cranky bastard who smells like wet dog every time he gets out of the shower.”
Bubbles swell and pop in my chest, and before I know it, laughter bursts from my lips. From the look on their faces, Dust and Creedence are as surprised by it as I am.
But Wren just smiles and slows her pace, falling back to walk beside me.
And then she holds out her hand, palm up, fingers soft.
It’s a simple gesture.
A little thing.
And it lights up my insides like the Fourth of July.
I take her hand and hold tight. I’m not sure what I’m getting myself into, but as long as I’m with her, I’m down. She’s my ride-or-die, this girl, and by the end of the night, she’ll be…my wife.
Mine.
For keeps.
Chapter 38
Wren
We get a room on the tenth floor, high enough to see over the faded building next door to the rest of the city, rolling across the hills with the Rockies standing guard in the darkness beyond.
Luke opens the door and stands back, letting me lead the way inside.
It’s not much different than the rooms do
wnstairs. Still dingy and worn, with depressing paintings of circus performers that make me wonder if the decorator was deliberately trying to underline the hopeless vibe of the Seventh Avenue Grand.
But it is also strangely…perfect.
It’s a room where Luke and I can be alone with no secrets or lies or potential betrayal lingering between us. It’s just him and me, and a choice we’re making not just to save the world, but to save ourselves.
I need him, I realize, as I turn and open my arms, heart twisting as he comes to me without a beat of hesitation, drawing me close and cupping my face in his big hand, sending an electric ache pulsing across my skin.
Dust gives me solid ground to stand on, Creedence brings mischief, laughs, and perspective into my life, Kite is my unconditional, meant-to-be love with bear hugs on top, but with Luke…
With Luke, I can face the demons.
Not just his, but mine.
We grew up thousands of miles apart in families that couldn’t have been more different, but the places where he hurts are the places where I hurt. The bruised regions of my soul ache with recognition every time we touch. We were both stolen away from our homes, robbed of our innocence and our free will, battered and betrayed and denied our humanity by people who had none of their own.
But we are also survivors, and stronger than all the people who hurt us rolled into one. And together, we’re going to be even stronger.
“You’ve got that look in your eyes again,” he murmurs, his mouth so close I can feel his breath warm on my lips.
“What look?” I ask, my pulse dancing with anticipation. I can’t wait to kiss him, to taste him, to explore all the undiscovered country waiting on the other side of this choice.
“Like you’re going to save the world,” he says. “Or maybe just a man.”
“Only if you save me, too, Wolf Boy,” I whisper, nipples pulling tight beneath my tee as his eyes go dark.